a room with a view-第41节

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have　been。　You　see；　I　come　into　my　money　next　year。〃



Tears　came　into　her　mother's　eyes。



Driven　by　nameless　bewilderment；　by　what　is　in　older　people

termed　〃eccentricity；〃　Lucy　determined　to　make　this　point　clear。

〃I've　seen　the　world　so　littleI　felt　so　out　of　things　in　Italy。

I　have　seen　so　little　of　life；　one　ought　to　come　up　to　London

morenot　a　cheap　ticket　like　to…day；　but　to　stop。　I　might　even

share　a　flat　for　a　little　with　some　other　girl。〃



〃And　mess　with　typewriters　and　latch…keys；〃　exploded　Mrs。

Honeychurch。　〃And　agitate　and　scream；　and　be　carried　off　kicking

by　the　police。　And　call　it　a　Missionwhen　no　one　wants　you！　And

call　it　Dutywhen　it　means　that　you　can't　stand　your　own　home！

And　call　it　Workwhen　thousands　of　men　are　starving　with　the

competition　as　it　is！　And　then　to　prepare　yourself；　find　two

doddering　old　ladies；　and　go　abroad　with　them。〃



〃I　want　more　independence；〃　said　Lucy　lamely；　she　knew　that　she

wanted　something；　and　independence　is　a　useful　cry；　we　can　always

say　that　we　have　not　got　it。　She　tried　to　remember　her　emotions

in　Florence：　those　had　been　sincere　and　passionate；　and　had

suggested　beauty　rather　than　short　skirts　and　latch…keys。　But

independence　was　certainly　her　cue。



〃Very　well。　Take　your　independence　and　be　gone。　Rush　up　and　down

and　round　the　world；　and　come　back　as　thin　as　a　lath　with　the　bad

food。　Despise　the　house　that　your　father　built　and　the　garden

that　he　planted；　and　our　dear　viewand　then　share　a　flat　with

another　girl。〃



Lucy　screwed　up　her　mouth　and　said：　〃Perhaps　I　spoke　hastily。〃



〃Oh；　goodness！〃　her　mother　flashed。　〃How　you　do　remind　me　of

Charlotte　Bartlett！〃



〃Charlotte！〃　flashed　Lucy　in　her　turn；　pierced　at　last　by　a　vivid

pain。



〃More　every　moment。〃



〃I　don't　know　what　you　mean；　mother；　Charlotte　and　I　are　not　the

very　least　alike。〃



〃Well；　I　see　the　likeness。　The　same　eternal　worrying；　the　same

taking　back　of　words。　You　and　Charlotte　trying　to　divide　two

apples　among　three　people　last　night　might　be　sisters。〃



〃What　rubbish！　And　if　you　dislike　Charlotte　so；　it's　rather　a

pity　you　asked　her　to　stop。　I　warned　you　about　her；　I　begged　you；

implored　you　not　to；　but　of　course　it　was　not　listened　to。〃



〃There　you　go。〃



〃I　beg　your　pardon？〃



〃Charlotte　again；　my　dear；　that's　all；　her　very　words。〃



Lucy　clenched　her　teeth。　〃My　point　is　that　you　oughtn't　to　have

asked　Charlotte　to　stop。　I　wish　you　would　keep　to　the　point。〃　And

the　conversation　died　off　into　a　wrangle。



She　and　her　mother　shopped　in　silence；　spoke　little　in　the　train；

little　again　in　the　carriage；　which　met　them　at　Dorking　Station。

It　had　poured　all　day　and　as　they　ascended　through　the　deep

Surrey　lanes　showers　of　water　fell　from　the　over…hanging

beech…trees　and　rattled　on　the　hood。　Lucy　complained　that　the

hood　was　stuffy。　Leaning　forward；　she　looked　out　into　the

steaming　dusk；　and　watched　the　carriage…lamp　pass　like　a

search…light　over　mud　and　leaves；　and　reveal　nothing　beautiful。

〃The　crush　when　Charlotte　gets　in　will　be　abominable；〃　she

remarked。　For　they　were　to　pick　up　Miss　Bartlett　at　Summer

Street；　where　she　had　been　dropped　as　the　carriage　went　down；　to

pay　a　call　on　Mr。　Beebe's　old　mother。　〃We　shall　have　to　sit　three

a　side；　because　the　trees　drop；　and　yet　it　isn't　raining。　Oh；　for

a　little　air！〃　Then　she　listened　to　the　horse's　hoofs〃He　has

not　toldhe　has　not　told。〃　That　melody　was　blurred　by　the　soft

road。　〃CAN'T　we　have　the　hood　down？〃　she　demanded；　and　her　mother；

with　sudden　tenderness；　said：　〃Very　well；　old　lady；　stop　the

horse。〃　And　the　horse　was　stopped；　and　Lucy　and　Powell　wrestled

with　the　hood；　and　squirted　water　down　Mrs。　Honeychurch's　neck。

But　now　that　the　hood　was　down；　she　did　see　something　that　she

would　have　missedthere　were　no　lights　in　the　windows　of　Cissie

Villa；　and　round　the　garden　gate　she　fancied　she　saw　a　padlock。



〃Is　that　house　to　let　again；　Powell？〃　she　called。



〃Yes；　miss；〃　he　replied。



〃Have　they　gone？〃



〃It　is　too　far　out　of　town　for　the　young　gentleman；　and　his

father's　rheumatism　has　come　on；　so　he　can't　stop　on　alone；　so

they　are　trying　to　let　furnished；〃　was　the　answer。



〃They　have　gone；　then？〃



〃Yes；　miss；　they　have　gone。〃



Lucy　sank　back。　The　carriage　stopped　at　the　Rectory。　She　got　out

to　call　for　Miss　Bartlett。　So　the　Emersons　had　gone；　and　all　this

bother　about　Greece　had　been　unnecessary。　Waste！　That　word　seemed

to　sum　up　the　whole　of　life。　Wasted　plans；　wasted　money；　wasted

love；　and　she　had　wounded　her　mother。　Was　it　possible　that　she

had　muddled　things　away？　Quite　possible。　Other　people　had。　When

the　maid　opened　the　door；　she　was　unable　to　speak；　and　stared

stupidly　into　the　hall。



Miss　Bartlett　at　once　came　forward；　and　after　a　long　preamble

asked　a　great　favour：　might　she　go　to　church？　Mr。　Beebe　and　his

mother　had　already　gone；　but　she　had　refused　to　start　until　she

obtained　her　hostess's　full　sanction；　for　it　would　mean　keeping

the　horse　waiting　a　good　ten　minutes　more。



〃Certainly；〃　said　the　hostess　wearily。　〃I　forgot　it　was　Friday。

Let's　all　go。　Powell　can　go　round　to　the　stables。〃



〃Lucy　dearest〃



〃No　church　for　me；　thank　you。〃



A　sigh；　and　they　departed。　The　church　was　invisible；　but　up　in

the　darkness　to　the　left　there　was　a　hint　of　colour。　This　was　a

stained　window；　through　which　some　feeble　light　was　shining；　and

when　the　door　opened　Lucy　heard　Mr。　Beebe's　voice　running　through

the　litany　to　a　minute　congregation。　Even　their　church；　built

upon　the　slope　of　the　hill　so　artfully；　with　its　beautiful　raised

transept　and　its　spire　of　silvery　shingleeven　their　church　had

lost　its　charm；　and　the　thing　one　never　talked　aboutreligion

was　fading　like　all　the　other　things。



She　followed　the　maid　into　the　Rectory。



Would　she　object　to　sitting　in　Mr。　Beebe's　study？　There　was　only

that　one　fire。



She　would　not　object。



Some　one　was　there　already；　for　Lucy　heard　the　words：　〃A　lady　to

wait；　sir。〃



Old　Mr。　Emerson　was　sitting　by　the　fire；　with　his　foot　upon　a

gout…stool。



〃Oh；　Miss　Honeychurch；　that　you　should　come！〃　he　quavered；　and

Lucy　saw　an　alteration　in　him　since　last　Sunday。



Not　a　word　would　come　to　her　lips。　George　she　had　faced；　and

could　have　faced　again；　but　she　had　forgotten　how　to　treat　his

father。



〃Miss　Honeychurch；　dear；　we　are　so　sorry！　George　is　so　sorry！　He

thought　he　had　a　right　to　try。　I　cannot　blame　my　boy；　and　yet　I

wish　he　had　told　me　first。　He　ought　not　to　have　tried。　I　knew

nothing　about　it　at　all。〃



If　only　she　could　remember　how　to　behave！



He　held　up　his　hand。　〃But　you　must　not　scold　him。〃



Lucy　turned　her　back；　and　began　to　look　at　Mr。　Beebe's　books。



〃I　taught　him；〃　he　quavered；　〃to　trust　in　love。　I　said：　'When

love　comes；　that　is　reality。'　I　said：　'Passion　does　not　blind。

No。　Passion　is　sanity；　and　the　woman　you　love；　she　is　the　only

person　you　will　ever　really　understand。'〃　He　sighed：　〃True；

everlastingly　true；　though　my　day　is　over；　and　though　there　is

the　result。　Poor　boy！　He　is　so　sorry！　He　said　he　knew　it　was

madness　when　you　brought　your　cousin　in；　that　whatever　you　felt

you　did　not　mean。　Yet〃his　voice　gathered　strength：　he　spoke

out　to　make　certain〃Miss　Honeychurch；　do　you　remember　Italy？〃



Lucy　selected　a　booka　volume　of　Old　Testament　commentaries。

Holding　it　up　to　her　eyes；　she　said：　〃I　have　no　wish　to　discuss

Italy　or　any　subject　connected　with　your　son。〃



〃But　you　do　remember　it？〃



〃He　has　misbehaved　himself　from　the　first。〃



〃I　only　was　told　that　he　loved　you　last　Sunday。　I　never　could

judge　behaviour。　IIsuppose　he　has。〃



Feeling　a　little　steadier；　she　put　the　book　back　and　turned　round

to　him。　His　face　was　drooping　and　swollen；　but　his　eyes；　though

they　were　sunken　deep；　gleamed　with　a　child's　courage。



〃Why；　he　has　behaved　abominably；〃　she　said。　〃I　am　glad　he　is

sorry。　Do　you　know　what　he　did？〃



〃Not　'abominably；'〃　was　the　gentle　correction。　〃He　only　tried

when　he　should　not　have　tried。　You　have　all　you　want；　Miss

Honeychurch：　you　are　going　to　marry　the　man　you　love。　Do　not　go

out　of　George's　life　saying　he　is　abominable。〃



〃No；　of　course；〃　said　Lucy；　ashamed　at　the　reference　to　Cecil。

〃'Abominable'　is　much　too　strong。　I　am　sorry　I　used　it　about　your

son。　I　think　I　will　go　to　church；　after　all。　My　mother　and　my

cousin　have　gone。　I　shall　not　be　so　very　late〃



〃Especially　as　he　has　gone　under；〃　he　said　quietly。



〃What　was　that？〃



〃Gone　under　naturally。〃　He　beat　his　palms　together　in　silence；

his　head　fell　on　his　chest。



〃I　don't　understand。〃



〃As　his　mother　did。〃



〃But；　Mr。　EmersonMR。　EMERSONwhat　are　you　talking　about？〃



〃When　I　wouldn't　have　George　baptized；〃　said　he。



Lucy　was　frightened。



〃And　she　agreed　that　baptism　was　nothing；　but　he　caught　that

fever　when　he　was　twelve　and　she　turn