a room with a view-第35节

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give　Mr。　Emerson　all　he　wants。　Where's　mother？〃



〃She's　started　on　her　Sunday　writing。　She's　in　the　drawing…room。〃



〃That's　all　right。　You　go　away。〃



He　went　off　singing。



Lucy　sat　down　at　the　table。　Miss　Bartlett；　who　was　thoroughly

frightened；　took　up　a　book　and　pretended　to　read。



She　would　not　be　drawn　into　an　elaborate　speech。　She　just　said：

〃I　can't　have　it；　Mr。　Emerson。　I　cannot　even　talk　to　you。　Go　out

of　this　house；　and　never　come　into　it　again　as　long　as　I　live

here〃　flushing　as　she　spoke　and　pointing　to　the　door。　〃I　hate　a

row。　Go　please。〃



〃What〃



〃No　discussion。〃



〃But　I　can't〃



She　shook　her　head。　〃Go；　please。　I　do　not　want　to　call　in　Mr。

Vyse。〃



〃You　don't　mean；〃　he　said；　absolutely　ignoring　Miss　Bartlett

〃you　don't　mean　that　you　are　going　to　marry　that　man？〃



The　line　was　unexpected。



She　shrugged　her　shoulders；　as　if　his　vulgarity　wearied　her。　〃You

are　merely　ridiculous；〃　she　said　quietly。



Then　his　words　rose　gravely　over　hers：　〃You　cannot　live　with

Vyse。　He's　only　for　an　acquaintance。　He　is　for　society　and

cultivated　talk。　He　should　know　no　one　intimately；　least　of　all　a

woman。〃



It　was　a　new　light　on　Cecil's　character。



〃Have　you　ever　talked　to　Vyse　without　feeling　tired？〃



〃I　can　scarcely　discuss〃



〃No；　but　have　you　ever？　He　is　the　sort　who　are　all　right　so　long

as　they　keep　to　thingsbooks；　picturesbut　kill　when　they　come

to　people。　That's　why　I'll　speak　out　through　all　this　muddle　even

now。　It's　shocking　enough　to　lose　you　in　any　case；　but　generally

a　man　must　deny　himself　joy；　and　I　would　have　held　back　if　your

Cecil　had　been　a　different　person。　I　would　never　have　let　myself

go。　But　I　saw　him　first　in　the　National　Gallery；　when　he　winced

because　my　father　mispronounced　the　names　of　great　painters。　Then

he　brings　us　here；　and　we　find　it　is　to　play　some　silly　trick　on

a　kind　neighbour。　That　is　the　man　all　overplaying　tricks　on

people；　on　the　most　sacred　form　of　life　that　he　can　find。　Next；　I

meet　you　together；　and　find　him　protecting　and　teaching　you　and

your　mother　to　be　shocked；　when　it　was　for　YOU　to　settle　whether

you　were　shocked　or　no。　Cecil　all　over　again。　He　daren't　let　a

woman　decide。　He's　the　type　who's　kept　Europe　back　for　a　thousand

years。　Every　moment　of　his　life　he's　forming　you；　telling　you

what's　charming　or　amusing　or　ladylike；　telling　you　what　a　man

thinks　womanly；　and　you；　you　of　all　women；　listen　to　his　voice

instead　of　to　your　own。　So　it　was　at　the　Rectory；　when　I　met　you

both　again；　so　it　has　been　the　whole　of　this　afternoon。　Therefore

not　'therefore　I　kissed　you；'　because　the　book　made　me　do　that；

and　I　wish　to　goodness　I　had　more　self…control。　I'm　not　ashamed。

I　don't　apologize。　But　it　has　frightened　you；　and　you　may　not

have　noticed　that　I　love　you。　Or　would　you　have　told　me　to　go；

and　dealt　with　a　tremendous　thing　so　lightly？　But　therefore

therefore　I　settled　to　fight　him。〃



Lucy　thought　of　a　very　good　remark。



〃You　say　Mr。　Vyse　wants　me　to　listen　to　him；　Mr。　Emerson。　Pardon

me　for　suggesting　that　you　have　caught　the　habit。〃



And　he　took　the　shoddy　reproof　and　touched　it　into　immortality。

He　said：



〃Yes；　I　have；〃　and　sank　down　as　if　suddenly　weary。　〃I'm　the　same

kind　of　brute　at　bottom。　This　desire　to　govern　a　womanit　lies

very　deep；　and　men　and　women　must　fight　it　together　before　they

shall　enter　the　garden。　But　I　do　love　you　surely　in　a　better　way

than　he　does。〃　He　thought。　〃Yesreally　in　a　better　way。　I　want

you　to　have　your　own　thoughts　even　when　I　hold　you　in　my　arms；〃

He　stretched　them　towards　her。　〃Lucy；　be　quickthere's　no　time

for　us　to　talk　nowcome　to　me　as　you　came　in　the　spring；　and

afterwards　I　will　be　gentle　and　explain。　I　have　cared　for　you

since　that　man　died。　I　cannot　live　without　you；　'No　good；'　I

thought；　'she　is　marrying　some　one　else'；　but　I　meet　you　again

when　all　the　world　is　glorious　water　and　sun。　As　you　came　through

the　wood　I　saw　that　nothing　else　mattered。　I　called。　I　wanted　to

live　and　have　my　chance　of　joy。〃



〃And　Mr。　Vyse？〃　said　Lucy；　who　kept　commendably　calm。　〃Does　he

not　matter？　That　I　love　Cecil　and　shall　be　his　wife　shortly？　A

detail　of　no　importance；　I　suppose？〃



But　he　stretched　his　arms　over　the　table　towards　her。



〃May　I　ask　what　you　intend　to　gain　by　this　exhibition？〃



He　said：　〃It　is　our　last　chance。　I　shall　do　all　that　I　can。〃　And

as　if　he　had　done　all　else；　he　turned　to　Miss　Bartlett；　who　sat

like　some　portent　against　the　skies　of　the　evening。　〃You　wouldn't

stop　us　this　second　time　if　you　understood；〃　he　said。　〃I　have

been　into　the　dark；　and　I　am　going　back　into　it；　unless　you　will

try　to　understand。〃



Her　long；　narrow　head　drove　backwards　and　forwards；　as　though

demolishing　some　invisible　obstacle。　She　did　not　answer。



〃It　is　being　young；〃　he　said　quietly；　picking　up　his　racquet　from

the　floor　and　preparing　to　go。　〃It　is　being　certain　that　Lucy

cares　for　me　really。　It　is　that　love　and　youth　matter

intellectually。〃



In　silence　the　two　women　watched　him。　His　last　remark；　they　knew；

was　nonsense；　but　was　he　going　after　it　or　not？　Would　not　he；　the

cad；　the　charlatan；　attempt　a　more　dramatic　finish？　No。　He　was

apparently　content。　He　left　them；　carefully　closing　the　front

door；　and　when　they　looked　through　the　hall　window；　they　saw　him

go　up　the　drive　and　begin　to　climb　the　slopes　of　withered　fern

behind　the　house。　Their　tongues　were　loosed；　and　they　burst　into

stealthy　rejoicings。



〃Oh；　Luciacome　back　hereoh；　what　an　awful　man！〃



Lucy　had　no　reactionat　least；　not　yet。　〃Well；　he　amuses　me；〃

she　said。　〃Either　I'm　mad；　or　else　he　is；　and　I'm　inclined　to

think　it's　the　latter。　One　more　fuss　through　with　you；　Charlotte。

Many　thanks。　I　think；　though；　that　this　is　the　last。　My　admirer

will　hardly　trouble　me　again。〃



And　Miss　Bartlett；　too；　essayed　the　roguish：



〃Well；　it　isn't　every　one　who　could　boast　such　a　conquest；

dearest；　is　it？　Oh；　one　oughtn't　to　laugh；　really。　It　might　have

been　very　serious。　But　you　were　so　sensible　and　braveso　unlike

the　girls　of　my　day。〃



〃Let's　go　down　to　them。〃



But；　once　in　the　open　air；　she　paused。　Some　emotionpity；

terror；　love；　but　the　emotion　was　strongseized　her；　and　she　was

aware　of　autumn。　Summer　was　ending；　and　the　evening　brought　her

odours　of　decay；　the　more　pathetic　because　they　were　reminiscent

of　spring。　That　something　or　other　mattered　intellectually？　A

leaf；　violently　agitated；　danced　past　her；　while　other　leaves　lay

motionless。　That　the　earth　was　hastening　to　re…enter　darkness；

and　the　shadows　of　those　trees　over　Windy　Corner？



〃Hullo；　Lucy！　There's　still　light　enough　for　another　set；　if　you

two'll　hurry。〃



〃Mr。　Emerson　has　had　to　go。〃



〃What　a　nuisance！　That　spoils　the　four。　I　say；　Cecil；　do　play；

do；　there's　a　good　chap。　It's　Floyd's　last　day。　Do　play　tennis

with　us；　just　this　once。〃



Cecil's　voice　came：　〃My　dear　Freddy；　I　am　no　athlete。　As　you　well

remarked　this　very　morning；　'There　are　some　chaps　who　are　no　good

for　anything　but　books'；　I　plead　guilty　to　being　such　a　chap；　and

will　not　inflict　myself　on　you。〃



The　scales　fell　from　Lucy's　eyes。　How　had　she　stood　Cecil　for　a

moment？　He　was　absolutely　intolerable；　and　the　same　evening　she

broke　off　her　engagement。







Chapter　XVII：　　Lying　to　Cecil



He　was　bewildered。　He　had　nothing　to　say。　He　was　not　even　angry；

but　stood；　with　a　glass　of　whiskey　between　his　hands；　trying　to

think　what　had　led　her　to　such　a　conclusion。



She　had　chosen　the　moment　before　bed；　when；　in　accordance　with

their　bourgeois　habit；　she　always　dispensed　drinks　to　the　men。

Freddy　and　Mr。　Floyd　were　sure　to　retire　with　their　glasses；

while　Cecil　invariably　lingered；　sipping　at　his　while　she　locked

up　the　sideboard。



〃I　am　very　sorry　about　it；〃　she　said；　〃I　have　carefully　thought

things　over。　We　are　too　different。　I　must　ask　you　to　release　me；

and　try　to　forget　that　there　ever　was　such　a　foolish　girl。〃



It　was　a　suitable　speech；　but　she　was　more　angry　than　sorry；　and

her　voice　showed　it。



〃Differenthowhow〃



〃I　haven't　had　a　really　good　education；　for　one　thing；〃　she

continued；　still　on　her　knees　by　the　sideboard。　〃My　Italian　trip

came　too　late；　and　I　am　forgetting　all　that　I　learnt　there。　I

shall　never　be　able　to　talk　to　your　friends；　or　behave　as　a　wife

of　yours　should。〃



〃I　don't　understand　you。　You　aren't　like　yourself。　You're　tired；

Lucy。〃



〃Tired！〃　she　retorted；　kindling　at　once。　〃That　is　exactly　like

you。　You　always　think　women　don't　mean　what　they　say。〃



〃Well；　you　sound　tired；　as　if　something　has　worried　you。〃



〃What　if　I　do？　It　doesn't　prevent　me　from　realizing　the　truth。　I

can't　marry　you；　and　you　will　thank　me　for　saying　so　some　day。〃



〃You　had　that　bad　headache　yesterdayAll　right〃for　she　had

exclaimed　indignantly：　〃I　see　it's　much　more　than　headaches。　But