hemingway, ernest - men without women-第25节
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was born and my mother and fatherˇs wedding…cake in a tin box hanging from one of the rafters； and； in the attic； jars of snakes and other specimens that my father had collected as a boy and preserved in alcohol sunken in the jars so the backs of some of the snakes and specimens were exposed and had turned whiteif you thought back that far； you remembered a great many people。 If you prayed for all of them； saying a Hail Mary and Our Father for each one； it took a long time and finally it would be light； and then you could go to sleep； if you were in a place where you could sleep in the daylight。
On those nights I tried to remember everything that had ever happened to me； starting with just before I went to the war and remembering back from one thing to another。 I found I could only remember back to that attic in my grandfatherˇs house。 Then I would start there and remember this way again； until I reached the war。
I remembered； after my grandfather died we moved away from the house and to a new house designed and built by my mother。 Many things that were not to be moved were burned in the backyard and I remember those jars from the attic being thrown in the fire； and how they popped in the heat and the fire flamed up from the alcohol。 I remember the snakes burning in the fire in the backyard。 But there were no people in that； only things。 I could not remember who burned the things even； and I would go on until I came to people and then stop and pray for them。
About the new house I remember how my mother was always cleaning things out and making a good clearance。 One time when my father was away on a hunting trip she made a good thorough cleaning out in the basement and burned everything that should not have been there。 When my father came home and got down from his buggy and hitched the horse； the fire was still burning in the road beside the house。 I went out to meet him。 He handed me his shotgun and looked at the fire。 ¨Whatˇs this？〃 he asked。
¨Iˇve been cleaning out the basement； dear；〃 my mother said from the porch。 She was standing there smiling； to meet him。 My father looked at the fire and kicked at something。 Then he leaned over and picked something out of the ashes。 ¨Get a rake； Nick；〃 he said to me。 I went to the basement and brought a rake and my father raked very carefully in the ashes。 He raked out stone axes and stone skinning knives and tools for making arrow…heads and pieces of pottery and many arrow…heads。 They had all been blackened and chipped by the fire。 My father raked them all out very carefully and spread them on the grass by the road。 His shotgun in its leather case and his game…bags were on the grass where he had left them when he stepped down from the buggy。
¨Take the gun and the bags in the house； Nick； and bring me a paper；〃 he said。 My mother had gone inside the house。 I took the shotgun； which was heavy to carry and banged against my legs； and the two game…bags and started towards the house。 ¨Take them one at a time；〃 my father said。 ¨Donˇt try and carry too much at once。〃 I put down the game…bags and took in the shotgun and brought out a newspaper from the pile in my fatherˇs office。 My father spread all the blackened； chipped stone implements on the paper and then wrapped them up。 ¨The best arrow…heads went all to pieces；〃 he said。 He walked into the house with the paper package and I stayed outside on the grass with the two game…bags。 After a while； I took them in。 In remembering that； there were only two people； so I would pray for them both。
Some nights； though； I could not remember my prayers even。 I could only get as far as ¨On earth as it is in heaven〃 and then have to start all over and be absolutely unable to get past that。 Then I would have to recognize that I could not remember and give up saying my prayers that night and try something else。 So on some nights I would try to remember all the animals in the world by name and then the birds and then fishes and then countries and cities and then kinds of food and the names of all the streets I could remember in Chicago； and when I could not remember anything at all any more I would just listen。 And I do not remember a night on which you could not hear things。 If I could have a light I was not afraid to sleep； because I knew my soul would only go out of me if it were dark。 So； of course； many nights I was where I could have a light and then I slept because I was nearly always tired and often very sleepy。 And I am sure many times too that I slept without knowing itbut I never slept knowing it； and on this night I listened to the silk…worms。 You can hear silk…worms eating very clearly in the night and I lay with my eyes open and listened to them。
There was only one other person in the room and he was awake too。 I listened to him being awake； for a long time。 He could not lie as quietly as I could because； perhaps； he had not had so much practice being awake。 We were lying on blankets spread over straw and when he moved the straw was noisy； but the silk…worms were not frightened by any noise we made and ate on steadily。 There were the noises of night seven kilometers behind the lines outside but they were different from the small noises inside the room in the dark。 The other man in the room tried lying quietly。 Then he moved again。 I moved too； so he would know I was awake。 He had lived ten years in Chicago。 They had taken him for a soldier in nineteen fourteen when he had come back to visit his family； and they had given him to me for an orderly because he spoke English。 I heard him listening； so I moved again in the blankets。
¨Canˇt you sleep； Signor Tenente？〃 he asked。
¨No。〃
¨I canˇt sleep； either。〃
¨Whatˇs the matter？〃
¨I donˇt know。 I canˇt sleep。〃
¨You feel all right？〃
¨Sure。 I feel good。 I just canˇt sleep。〃
¨You want to talk a while？〃 I asked。
¨Sure。 What can you talk about in this damn place。〃
¨This place is pretty good；〃 I said。
¨Sure；〃 he said。 ¨Itˇs all right。〃
¨Tell me about out in Chicago；〃 I said。
¨Oh；〃 he said； ¨I told you all that once。〃
¨Tell me about how you got married。〃
¨I told you that。〃
¨Was the letter you got Mondayfrom her？〃
¨Sure。 She writes me all the time。 Sheˇs making good money with the place。〃
¨Youˇll have a nice place when you go back。〃
¨Sure。 She runs it fine。 Sheˇs making a lot of money。〃
¨Donˇt you think weˇll wake them up； talking？〃 I asked。
¨No。 They canˇt hear。 Anyway； they sleep like pigs。 Iˇm different；〃 he said。 ¨Iˇm nervous。〃
¨Talk quiet；〃 I said。 ¨Want a smoke？〃
We smoked skillfully in the dark。
¨You donˇt smoke much； Signor Tenente。〃
¨No。 Iˇve just about cut it out。〃
¨Well；〃 he said； ¨it donˇt do you any good and I suppose you get so you donˇt miss it。 Did you ever hear a blind man wonˇt smoke because he canˇt see the smoke come out？〃
¨I donˇt believe it。〃
¨I think itˇs all bull； myself；〃 he said。 ¨I just heard it somewhere。 You know how you hear things。〃
We were both quiet and I listened to the silk…worms。
¨You hear those damn silk…worms？〃 he asked。 ¨You can hear them chew。〃
¨Itˇs funny；〃 I said。
¨Say； Signor Tenente； is there something really the matter that you canˇt sleep？ I never see you sleep。 You havenˇt slept nights ever since I been with you。〃
¨I donˇt know； John；〃 I said。 ¨I got in pretty bad shape along early last spring and at night it bothers me。〃
¨Just like I am；〃 he said。 ¨I shouldnˇt have ever got in this war。 Iˇm too nervous。〃
¨Maybe it will get better。〃
¨Say； Signor Tenente； what did you get in this war for anyway？〃
¨I donˇt know； John。 I wanted to； then。〃
¨Wanted to；〃 he said。 ¨Thatˇs a hell of a reason。〃
¨We oughtnˇt to talk so loud；〃 I said。
¨They sleep like pigs；〃 he said。 ¨They canˇt understand the English language； anyway。 They donˇt know a damn thing。 What are you going to do when itˇs over and we go back to the States？〃
¨Iˇll get a job on a paper。〃
¨In Chicago？〃
¨Maybe。〃
¨Do you ever read what this fellow Brisbane writes？ My wife cuts it out for me and sends it to me。〃
¨Sure。〃
¨Did you ever meet him？〃
¨No； but Iˇve seen him。〃
¨Iˇd like to meet that fellow。 Heˇs a fine writer。 My wife donˇt read English but she takes the paper just like when I was home and she cuts out the editorials and the sport page and sends them to me。〃
¨How are your kids？〃
¨Theyˇre fine。 One of the girls is in the fourth grade now。 You know； Signor Tenente； if I didnˇt have the kids I wouldnˇt be your orderly now。 Theyˇd have made me stay in the line all the time。〃
¨Iˇm glad youˇve got them。〃
¨So am I。 Theyˇre fine kids but I want a boy。 Three girls and no boy。 Thatˇs a hell of a note。〃
¨Why donˇt you try and go to sleep。〃
¨No； I canˇt sleep now； Iˇm wide awake now； Signor Tenente。 Say； Iˇm worried about you not sleeping； though。〃
¨Itˇll be all right； John。〃
¨Imagine a young fellow like you not to sleep。〃
¨Iˇll get all right。 It just takes a while。〃
