camille (la dame aux camilias)(卡米勒)-第43节
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and who told me not to take it until the coach was out of the courtyard。〃
I rushed to the Rue d'Antin。
〃Madame left for England at six o'clock；〃 said the porter。
There was nothing to hold me in Paris any longer； neither hate nor love。
I was exhausted by this series of shocks。 One of my friends was setting out
on a tour in the East。 I told my father I should like to accompany him； my
father gave me drafts and letters of introduction； and eight or ten days
afterward I embarked at Marseilles。
It was at Alexandria that I learned from an attache at the embassy；
whom I had sometimes seen at Marguerite's； that the poor girl was
seriously ill。
I then wrote her the letter which she answered in the way you know； I
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received it at Toulon。
I started at once； and you know the rest。
Now you have only to read a few sheets which Julie Duprat gave me；
they are the best commentary on what I have just told you。
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CHAPTER 25
Armand； tired by this long narrative； often interrupted by his tears； put
his two hands over his forehead and closed his eyes to think； or to try to
sleep； after giving me the pages written by the hand of Marguerite。 A few
minutes after； a more rapid breathing told me that Armand slept； but that
light sleep which the least sound banishes。
This is what I read； I copy it without adding or omitting a syllable：
To…day is the 15th December。 I have been ill three or four days。 This
morning I stayed in bed。 The weather is dark； I am sad； there is no one by
me。 I think of you； Armand。 And you； where are you； while I write these
lines？ Far from Paris； far； far； they tell me； and perhaps you have already
forgotten Marguerite。 Well； be happy； I owe you the only happy moments
in my life。
I can not help wanting to explain all my conduct to you； and I have
written you a letter； but； written by a girl like me； such a letter might seem
to be a lie； unless death had sanctified it by its authority； and； instead of a
letter； it were a confession。
To…day I am ill； I may die of this illness； for I have always had the
presentiment that I shall die young。 My mother died of consumption； and
the way I have always lived could but increase the only heritage she ever
left me。 But I do not want to die without clearing up for you everything
about me； that is； if； when you come back； you will still trouble yourself
about the poor girl whom you loved before you went away。
This is what the letter contained； I shall like writing it over again； so as
to give myself another proof of my own justification。
You remember； Armand； how the arrival of your father surprised us at
Bougival； you remember the involuntary fright that his arrival caused me；
and the scene which took place between you and him； which you told me
of in the evening。
Next day； when you were at Paris； waiting for your father； and he did
not return； a man came to the door and handed in a letter from M。 Duval。
His letter； which I inclose with this； begged me； in the most serious
terms； to keep you away on the following day； on some excuse or other；
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and to see your father； who wished to speak to me； and asked me
particularly not to say anything to you about it。
You know how I insisted on your returning to Paris next day。
You had only been gone an hour when your father presented himself。 I
won't say what impression his severe face made upon me。 Your father had
the old theory that a courtesan is a being without heart or reason； a sort of
machine for coining gold； always ready； like the machine； to bruise the
hand that gives her everything； and to tear in pieces； without pity or
discernment； those who set her in motion。
Your father had written me a very polite letter； in order that I might
consent to see him； he did not present himself quite as he had written。 His
manner at first was so stiff； insolent； and even threatening； that I had to
make him understand that I was in my own house； and that I had no need
to render him an account of my life； except because of the sincere
affection which I had for his son。
M。 Duval calmed down a little； but still went on to say that he could
not any longer allow his son to ruin himself over me； that I was beautiful；
it was true； but； however beautiful I might be； I ought not to make use of
my beauty to spoil the future of a young man by such expenditure as I was
causing。
At that there was only one thing to do； to show him the proof that
since I was your mistress I had spared no sacrifice to be faithful to you
without asking for more money than you had to give me。 I showed him the
pawn tickets； the receipts of the people to whom I had sold what I could
not pawn； I told him of my resolve to part with my furniture in order to
pay my debts； and live with you without being a too heavy expense。 I told
him of our happiness； of how you had shown me the possibility of a
quieter and happier life； and he ended by giving in to the evidence；
offering me his hand； and asking pardon for the way in which he had at
first approached me。
Then he said to me：
〃So； madame； it is not by remonstrances or by threats； but by
entreaties； that I must endeavour to obtain from you a greater sacrifice
than you have yet made for my son。〃
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I trembled at this beginning。
Your father came over to me； took both my hands； and continued in an
affectionate voice：
〃My child； do not take what I have to say to you amiss； only remember
that there are sometimes in life cruel necessities for the heart； but that they
must be submitted to。 You are good； your soul has generosity unknown to
many women who perhaps despise you； and are less worthy than you。 But
remember that there is not only the mistress； but the family； that besides
love there are duties； that to the age of passion succeeds the age when man；
if he is to be respected； must plant himself solidly in a serious position。
My son has no fortune； and yet he is ready to abandon to you the legacy of
his mother。 If he accepted from you the sacrifice which you are on the
point of making； his honour and dignity would require him to give you； in
exchange for it； this income； which would always put you out of danger of
adversity。 But he can not accept this sacrifice； because the world； which
does not know you； would give a wrong interpretation to this acceptance；
and such an interpretation must not tarnish the name which we bear。 No
one would consider whether Armand loves you； whether you love him；
whether this mutual love means happiness to him and redemption to you；
they would see only one thing； that Armand Duval allowed a kept woman
（forgive me； my child； for what I am forced to say to you） to sell all she
had for him。 Then the day of reproaches and regrets would arrive； be sure；
for you or for others； and you would both bear a chain that you could not
sever。 What would you do then？ Your youth would be lost； my son's future
destroyed； and I； his father； should receive from only one of my children
the recompense that I look for from both。
〃You are young； beautiful； life will console you； you are noble； and the
memory of a good deed will redeem you from many past deeds。 During
the six months that he has known you Armand has forgotten me。 I wrote to
him four times； and he has never once replied。 I might have died and he
not known it！
〃Whatever may be your resolution of living otherwise than as you
have lived； Armand； who loves you； will never consent to the seclusion to
which his modest fortune would condemn you； and to which your beauty
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does not entitle you。 Who knows what he would do then！ He has gambled；
I know； without telling you of it；
