camille (la dame aux camilias)(卡米勒)-第42节
按键盘上方向键 ← 或 → 可快速上下翻页，按键盘上的 Enter 键可回到本书目录页，按键盘上方向键 ↑ 可回到本页顶部！
————未阅读完？加入书签已便下次继续阅读！
to you。〃
〃Nothing？〃 I answered； with a bitter smile。
〃Nothing but what circumstances forced me to do。〃
I do not know if you have ever in your life experienced； or if you will
ever experience； what I felt at the sight of Marguerite。
The last time she had come to see me she had sat in the same place
163
… Page 164…
CAMILLE （LA DAME AUX CAMILIAS）
where she was now sitting； only； since then； she had been the mistress of
another man； other kisses than mine had touched her lips； toward which； in
spite of myself； my own reached out； and yet I felt that I loved this woman
as much； more perhaps； than I had ever loved her。
It was difficult for me to begin the conversation on the subject which
brought her。 Marguerite no doubt realized it； for she went on：
〃I have come to trouble you； Armand； for I have two things to ask：
pardon for what I said yesterday to Mlle。 Olympe； and pity for what you
are perhaps still ready to do to me。 Intentionally or not； since your return
you have given me so much pain that I should be incapable now of
enduring a fourth part of what I have endured till now。 You will have pity
on me； won't you？ And you will understand that a man who is not
heartless has other nobler things to do than to take his revenge upon a sick
and sad woman like me。 See； take my hand。 I am in a fever。 I left my bed
to come to you； and ask； not for your friendship； but for your
indifference。〃
I took Marguerite's hand。 It was burning； and the poor woman shivered
under her fur cloak。
I rolled the arm…chair in which she was sitting up to the fire。
〃Do you think； then； that I did not suffer；〃 said I； 〃on that night when；
after waiting for you in the country； I came to look for you in Paris； and
found nothing but the letter which nearly drove me mad？ How could you
have deceived me； Marguerite； when I loved you so much？
〃Do not speak of that； Armand； I did not come to speak of that。 I
wanted to see you only not an enemy； and I wanted to take your hand once
more。 You have a mistress； she is young； pretty； you love her they say。 Be
happy with her and forget me。〃
〃And you。 You are happy； no doubt？〃
〃Have I the face of a happy woman； Armand？ Do not mock my sorrow；
you； who know better than any one what its cause and its depth are。〃
〃It only depended on you not to have been unhappy at all； if you are as
you say。〃
〃No； my friend； circumstances were stronger than my will。 I obeyed；
not the instincts of a light woman； as you seem to say； but a serious
164
… Page 165…
CAMILLE （LA DAME AUX CAMILIAS）
necessity； and reasons which you will know one day； and which will make
you forgive me。〃
〃Why do you not tell me those reasons to…day？〃
〃Because they would not bring about an impossible reunion between
us； and they would separate you perhaps from those from whom you must
not be separated。〃
〃Who do you mean？〃
〃I can not tell you。〃
〃Then you are lying to me。〃
Marguerite rose and went toward the door。 I could not behold this
silent and expressive sorrow without being touched； when I compared in
my mind this pale and weeping woman with the madcap who had made
fun of me at the Opera Comique。
〃You shall not go；〃 I said； putting myself in front of the door。
〃Why？〃
〃Because； in spite of what you have done to me； I love you always；
and I want you to stay here。〃
〃To turn me out to…morrow？ No； it is impossible。 Our destinies are
separate； do not try to reunite them。 You will despise me perhaps； while
now you can only hate me。〃
〃No； Marguerite；〃 I cried； feeling all my love and all my desire
reawaken at the contact of this woman。 〃No； I will forget everything； and
we will be happy as we promised one another that we would be。〃
Marguerite shook her head doubtfully； and said：
〃Am I not your slave； your dog？ Do with me what you will。 Take me； I
am yours。〃
And throwing off her cloak and hat； she flung them on the sofa； and
began hurriedly to undo the front of her dress； for； by one of those
reactions so frequent in her malady； the blood rushed to her head and
stifled her。 A hard； dry cough followed。
〃Tell my coachman；〃 she said； 〃to go back with the carriage。〃
I went down myself and sent him away。 When I returned Marguerite
was lying in front of the fire； and her teeth chattered with the cold。
I took her in my arms。 I undressed her； without her making a
165
… Page 166…
CAMILLE （LA DAME AUX CAMILIAS）
movement； and carried her； icy cold； to the bed。 Then I sat beside her and
tried to warm her with my caresses。 She did not speak a word； but smiled
at me。
It was a strange night。 All Marguerite's life seemed to have passed into
the kisses with which she covered me； and I loved her so much that in my
transports of feverish love I asked myself whether I should not kill her； so
that she might never belong to another。
A month of love like that； and there would have remained only the
corpse of heart or body。
The dawn found us both awake。 Marguerite was livid white。 She did
not speak a word。 From time to time； big tears rolled from her eyes； and
stayed upon her cheeks； shining like diamonds。 Her thin arms opened；
from time to time； to hold me fast； and fell back helplessly upon the bed。
For a moment it seemed to me as if I could forget all that had passed
since I had left Bougival； and I said to Marguerite：
〃Shall we go away and leave Paris？〃
〃No； no！〃 she said； almost with affright； 〃we should be too unhappy。 I
can do no more to make you happy； but while there is a breath of life in
me； I will be the slave of your fancies。 At whatever hour of the day or
night you will； come； and I will be yours； but do not link your future any
more with mine； you would be too unhappy and you would make me too
unhappy。 I shall still be pretty for a while； make the most of it； but ask
nothing more。〃
When she had gone； I was frightened at the solitude in which she left
me。 Two hours afterward I was still sitting on the side of the bed； looking
at the pillow which kept the imprint of her form； and asking myself what
was to become of me； between my love and my jealousy。
At five o'clock； without knowing what I was going to do； I went to the
Rue d'Antin。
Nanine opened to me。
〃Madame can not receive you；〃 she said in an embarrassed way。
〃Why？〃
〃Because M。 le Comte de N。 is there； and he has given orders to let no
one in。〃
166
… Page 167…
CAMILLE （LA DAME AUX CAMILIAS）
〃Quite so；〃 I stammered； 〃I forgot。〃
I went home like a drunken man； and do you know what I did during
the moment of jealous delirium which was long enough for the shameful
thing I was going to do？ I said to myself that the woman was laughing at
me； I saw her alone with the count； saying over to him the same words that
she had said to me in the night； and taking a five…hundred…franc note I sent
it to her with these words：
〃You went away so suddenly that I forgot to pay you。 Here is the price
of your night。〃
Then when the letter was sent I went out as if to free myself from the
instantaneous remorse of this infamous action。
I went to see Olympe； whom I found trying on dresses； and when we
were alone she sang obscene songs to amuse me。 She was the very type of
the shameless； heartless； senseless courtesan； for me at least； for perhaps
some men might have dreamed of her as I dreamed of Marguerite。 She
asked me for money。 I gave it to her； and； free then to go； I returned home。
Marguerite had not answered。
I need not tell you in what state of agitation I spent the next day。 At
half past nine a messenger brought me an envelope containing my letter
and the five…hundred…franc note； not a word more。
〃Who gave you this？〃 I asked the man。
〃A lady who was starting with her maid in the next mail for Boulogne；
and who told me not to take it until the coach was out of the courtyard。〃
I rushed to the Rue d'Ant
