camille (la dame aux camilias)(卡米勒)-第41节
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to accept the part that you offer me。〃
〃So you refuse？〃
〃Yes。
〃Would you rather take me for nothing？ It is I who wouldn't accept
then。 Think it over； my dear Olympe； if I had sent some one to offer you
these three hundred louis on my behalf； on the conditions I attach to them；
you would have accepted。 I preferred to speak to you myself。 Accept
without inquiring into my reasons； say to yourself that you are beautiful；
and that there is nothing surprising in my being in love with you。〃
Marguerite was a woman in the same position as Olympe； and yet I
should never have dared say to her the first time I met her what I had said
to the other woman。 I loved Marguerite。 I saw in her instincts which were
lacking in the other； and at the very moment in which I made my bargain； I
felt a disgust toward the woman with whom I was making it。
She accepted； of course； in the end； and at midday I left her house as
her lover； but I quitted her without a recollection of the caresses and of the
words of love which she had felt bound to shower upon me in return for
the six thousand francs which I left with her。 And yet there were men who
had ruined themselves for that woman。
From that day I inflicted on Marguerite a continual persecution。
Olympe and she gave up seeing one another； as you might imagine。 I gave
my new mistress a carriage and jewels。 I gambled； I committed every
extravagance which could be expected of a man in love with such a
woman as Olympe。 The report of my new infatuation was immediately
spread abroad。
Prudence herself was taken in； and finally thought that I had
completely forgotten Marguerite。 Marguerite herself； whether she guessed
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my motive or was deceived like everybody else； preserved a perfect
dignity in response to the insults which I heaped upon her daily。 Only； she
seemed to suffer； for whenever I met her she was more and more pale；
more and more sad。 My love for her； carried to the point at which it was
transformed into hatred； rejoiced at the sight of her daily sorrow。 Often；
when my cruelty toward her became infamous； Marguerite lifted upon me
such appealing eyes that I blushed for the part I was playing； and was
ready to implore her forgiveness。
But my repentance was only of a moment's duration； and Olympe； who
had finally put aside all self…respect； and discovered that by annoying
Marguerite she could get from me whatever she wanted； constantly stirred
up my resentment against her； and insulted her whenever she found an
opportunity； with the cowardly persistence of a woman licensed by the
authority of a man。
At last Marguerite gave up going to balls or theatres； for fear of
meeting Olympe and me。 Then direct impertinences gave way to
anonymous letters； and there was not a shameful thing which I did not
encourage my mistress to relate and which I did not myself relate in
reference to Marguerite。
To reach such a point I must have been literally mad。 I was like a man
drunk upon bad wine； who falls into one of those nervous exaltations in
which the hand is capable of committing a crime without the head
knowing anything about it。 In the midst of it all I endured a martyrdom。
The not disdainful calm； the not contemptuous dignity with which
Marguerite responded to all my attacks； and which raised her above me in
my own eyes； enraged me still more against her。
One evening Olympe had gone somewhere or other； and had met
Marguerite； who for once had not spared the foolish creature； so that she
had had to retire in confusion。 Olympe returned in a fury； and Marguerite
fainted and had to be carried out。 Olympe related to me what had
happened； declared that Marguerite； seeing her alone； had revenged herself
upon her because she was my mistress； and that I must write and tell her to
respect the woman whom I loved； whether I was present or absent。
I need not tell you that I consented； and that I put into the letter which
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I sent to her address the same day； everything bitter； shameful； and cruel
that I could think of。
This time the blow was more than the unhappy creature could endure
without replying。 I felt sure that an answer would come； and I resolved not
to go out all day。 About two there was a ring； and Prudence entered。
I tried to assume an indifferent air as I asked her what had brought her；
but that day Mme。 Duvernoy was not in a laughing humour； and in a really
moved voice she said to me that since my return； that is to say for about
three weeks； I had left no occasion untried which could give pain to
Marguerite； that she was completely upset by it； and that the scene of last
night and my angry letter of the morning had forced her to take to her bed。
In short； without making any reproach； Marguerite sent to ask me for a
little pity； since she had no longer the moral or physical strength to endure
what I was making her suffer。
〃That Mlle。 Gautier；〃 I said to Prudence； 〃should turn me out of her
own house is quite reasonable； but that she should insult the woman whom
I love； under the pretence that this woman is my mistress； is a thing I will
never permit。〃
〃My friend；〃 said Prudence； 〃you are under the influence of a woman
who has neither heart nor sense； you are in love with her； it is true； but that
is not a reason for torturing a woman who can not defend herself。〃
〃Let Mlle。 Gautier send me her Comte de N。 and the sides will be
equal。〃
〃You know very well that she will not do that。 So； my dear Armand； let
her alone。 If you saw her you would be ashamed of the way in which you
are treating her。 She is white； she coughsshe won't last long now。〃
And Prudence held out her hand to me； adding：
〃Come and see her； it will make her very happy。〃
〃I have no desire to meet M。 de N。〃
〃M。 de N。 is never there。 She can not endure him。〃
〃If Marguerite wishes to see me； she knows where I live； let her come
to see me； but； for my part； I will never put foot in the Rue d'Antin。〃
〃Will you receive her well？〃
〃Certainly。〃
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〃Well； I am sure that she will come。〃
〃Let her come。〃
〃Shall you be out to…day？〃
〃I shall be at home all the evening。〃
〃I will tell her。〃
And Prudence left me。
I did not even write to tell Olympe not to expect me。 I never troubled
much about her； scarcely going to see her one night a week。 She consoled
herself； I believe； with an actor from some theatre or other。
I went out for dinner and came back almost immediately。 I had a fire
lit in my room and I told Joseph he could go out。
I can give you no idea of the different impressions which agitated me
during the hour in which I waited； but when； toward nine o'clock； I heard a
ring； they thronged together into one such emotion； that； as I opened the
door； I was obliged to lean against the wall to keep myself from falling。
Fortunately the anteroom was in half darkness； and the change in my
countenance was less visible。 Marguerite entered。
She was dressed in black and veiled。 I could scarcely recognise her
face through the veil。 She went into the drawing…room and raised her veil。
She was pale as marble。
〃I am here； Armand；〃 she said； 〃you wished to see me and I have
come。〃
And letting her head fall on her hands； she burst into tears。
I went up to her。
〃What is the matter？〃 I said to her in a low voice。
She pressed my hand without a word； for tears still veiled her voice。
But after a few minutes； recovering herself a little； she said to me：
〃You have been very unkind to me； Armand； and I have done nothing
to you。〃
〃Nothing？〃 I answered； with a bitter smile。
〃Nothing but what circumstances forced me to do。〃
