camille (la dame aux camilias)(卡米勒)-第28节
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either to go into debt or to leave Marguerite。 I would have consented to
anything except the latter。
Forgive me if I give you all these details； but you will see that they
were the cause of what was to follow。 What I tell you is a true and simple
story； and I leave to it all the naivete of its details and all the simplicity of
its developments。
I realized then that as nothing in the world would make me forget my
mistress； it was needful for me to find some way of meeting the expenses
into which she drew me。 Then； too； my love for her had so disturbing an
influence upon me that every moment I spent away from Marguerite was
like a year； and that I felt the need of consuming these moments in the fire
of some sort of passion； and of living them so swiftly as not to know that I
was living them。
I began by borrowing five or six thousand francs on my little capital；
and with this I took to gambling。 Since gambling houses were destroyed
gambling goes on everywhere。 Formerly； when one went to Frascati； one
had the chance of making a fortune； one played against money； and if one
lost； there was always the consolation of saying that one might have
gained； whereas now； except in the clubs； where there is still a certain
rigour in regard to payments； one is almost certain； the moment one gains
a considerable sum； not to receive it。 You will readily understand why。
Gambling is only likely to be carried on by young people very much in
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need of money and not possessing the fortune necessary for supporting the
life they lead； they gamble； then； and with this result； or else they gain；
and then those who lose serve to pay for their horses and mistresses； which
is very disagreeable。 Debts are contracted； acquaintances begun about a
green table end by quarrels in which life or honour comes to grief； and
though one may be an honest man； one finds oneself ruined by very honest
men； whose only defect is that they have not two hundred thousand francs
a year。
I need not tell you of those who cheat at play； and of how one hears
one fine day of their hasty disappearance and tardy condemnation。
I flung myself into this rapid； noisy； and volcanic life； which had
formerly terrified me when I thought of it； and which。 had become for me
the necessary complement of my love for Marguerite。 What else could I
have done？
The nights that I did not spend in the Rue d'Antin； if I had spent them
alone in my own room； I could not have slept。 Jealousy would have kept
me awake； and inflamed my blood and my thoughts； while gambling gave
a new turn to the fever which would otherwise have preyed upon my heart；
and fixed it upon a passion which laid hold on me in spite of myself； until
the hour struck when I might go to my mistress。 Then； and by this I knew
the violence of my love； I left the table without a moment's hesitation；
whether I was winning or losing； pitying those whom I left behind because
they would not； like me； find their real happiness in leaving it。 For the
most of them； gambling was a necessity； for me； it was a remedy。 Free of
Marguerite； I should have been free of gambling。
Thus； in the midst of all that； I preserved a considerable amount of
self…possession； I lost only what I was able to pay； and gained only what I
should have been able to lose。
For the rest； chance was on my side。 I made no debts； and I spent three
times as much money as when I did not gamble。 It was impossible to resist
an existence which gave me an easy means of satisfying the thousand
caprices of Marguerite。 As for her； she continued to love me as much； or
even more than ever。
As I told you； I began by being allowed to stay only from midnight to
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six o'clock； then I was asked sometimes to a box in the theatre； then she
sometimes came to dine with me。 One morning I did not go till eight； and
there came a day when I did not go till twelve。
But； sooner than the moral metamorphosis； a physical metamorphosis
came about in Marguerite。 I had taken her cure in hand； and the poor girl；
seeing my aim； obeyed me in order to prove her gratitude。 I had succeeded
without effort or trouble in almost isolating her from her former habits。
My doctor； whom I had made her meet； had told me that only rest and
calm could preserve her health； so that in place of supper and sleepless
nights； I succeeded in substituting a hygienic regime and regular sleep。 In
spite of herself； Marguerite got accustomed to this new existence； whose
salutary effects she already realized。 She began to spend some of her
evenings at home； or； if the weather was fine； she wrapped herself in a
shawl； put on a veil； and we went on foot； like two children； in the dim
alleys of the Champs…Elysees。 She would come in tired； take a light supper；
and go to bed after a little music or reading； which she had never been
used to do。 The cough； which every time that I heard it seemed to go
through my chest； had almost completely disappeared。
At the end of six weeks the count was entirely given up； and only the
duke obliged me to conceal my liaison with Marguerite； and even he was
sent away when I was there； under the pretext that she was asleep and had
given orders that she was not to be awakened。
The habit or the need of seeing me which Marguerite had now
contracted had this good result： that it forced me to leave the gaming…table
just at the moment when an adroit gambler would have left it。 Settling one
thing against another； I found myself in possession of some ten thousand
francs； which seemed to me an inexhaustible capital。
The time of the year when I was accustomed to join my father and
sister had now arrived； and I did not go； both of them wrote to me
frequently； begging me to come。 To these letters I replied as best I could；
always repeating that I was quite well and that I was not in need of money；
two things which； I thought； would console my father for my delay in
paying him my annual visit。
Just then； one fine day in summer； Marguerite was awakened by the
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sunlight pouring into her room； and； jumping out of bed； asked me if I
would take her into the country for the whole day。
We sent for Prudence； and all three set off； after Marguerite had given
Nanine orders to tell the duke that she had taken advantage of the fine day
to go into the country with Mme。 Duvernoy。
Besides the presence of Mme。 Duvernoy being needful on account of
the old duke； Prudence was one of those women who seem made on
purpose for days in the country。 With her unchanging good…humour and
her eternal appetite； she never left a dull moment to those whom she was
with； and was perfectly happy in ordering eggs； cherries； milk； stewed
rabbit； and all the rest of the traditional lunch in the country。
We had now only to decide where we should go。 It was once more
Prudence who settled the difficulty。
〃Do you want to go to the real country？〃 she asked。
〃Yes。〃
〃Well； let us go to Bougival； at the Point du Jour； at Widow Arnould's。
Armand； order an open carriage。〃
An hour and a half later we were at Widow Arnould's。
Perhaps you know the inn； which is a hotel on week days and a tea
garden on Sundays。 There is a magnificent view from the garden； which is
at the height of an ordinary first floor。 On the left the Aqueduct of Marly
closes in the horizon； on the right one looks across bill after hill； the river；
almost without current at that spot； unrolls itself like a large white watered
ribbon between the plain of the Gabillons and the island of Croissy； lulled
eternally by the trembling of its high poplars and the murmur of its
willows。 Beyond； distinct in the sunlight； rise little white houses； with red
roofs； and manu
