camille (la dame aux camilias)(卡米勒)-第16节
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fell upon it。
〃Why； what a child you are！〃 she said； sitting down by my side again。
〃You are crying！ What is the matter？〃
〃I must seem very silly to you； but I am frightfully troubled by what I
have just seen。〃
〃You are very good！ What would you have of me？ I can not sleep。 I
must amuse myself a little。 And then； girls like me； what does it matter；
one more or less？ The doctors tell me that the blood I spit up comes from
my throat； I pretend to believe them； it is all I can do for them。〃
〃Listen； Marguerite；〃 I said； unable to contain myself any longer； 〃I do
not know what influence you are going to have over my life； but at this
present moment there is no one； not even my sister； in whom I feel the
interest which I feel in you。 It has been just the same ever since I saw you。
Well； for Heaven's sake； take care of yourself； and do not live as you are
living now。〃
〃If I took care of myself I should die。 All that supports me is the
feverish life I lead。 Then； as for taking care of oneself； that is all very well
for women with families and friends； as for us； from the moment we can
no longer serve the vanity or the pleasure of our lovers； they leave us； and
long nights follow long days。 I know it。 I was in bed for two months； and
after three weeks no one came to see me。〃
〃It is true I am nothing to you；〃 I went on； 〃but if you will let me； I
will look after you like a brother； I will never leave your side； and I will
cure you。 Then； when you are strong again； you can go back to the life you
are leading； if you choose； but I am sure you will come to prefer a quiet
life； which will make you happier and keep your beauty unspoiled。〃
〃You think like that to…night because the wine has made you sad； but
you would never have the patience that you pretend to。〃
〃Permit me to say； Marguerite； that you were ill for two months； and
that for two months I came to ask after you every day。〃
〃It is true； but why did you not come up？〃
〃Because I did not know you then。〃
〃Need you have been so particular with a girl like me？〃
〃One must always be particular with a woman； it is what I feel； at
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least。〃
〃So you would look after me？〃
〃Yes。〃
〃You would stay by me all day？〃
〃Yes。
〃And even all night？〃
〃As long as I did not weary you。〃
〃And what do you call that？〃
〃Devotion。〃
〃And what does this devotion come from？〃
〃The irresistible sympathy which I have for you。〃
〃So you are in love with me？ Say it straight out； it is much more
simple。〃
〃It is possible； but if I am to say it to you one day； it is not to…day。〃
〃You will do better never to say it。〃
〃Why？〃
〃Because only one of two things can come of it。〃
〃What？〃
〃Either I shall not accept： then you will have a grudge against me； or I
shall accept： then you will have a sorry mistress； a woman who is nervous；
ill； sad； or gay with a gaiety sadder than grief； a woman who spits blood
and spends a hundred thousand francs a year。 That is all very well for a
rich old man like the duke； but it is very bad for a young man like you； and
the proof of it is that all the young lovers I have had have very soon left
me。〃 I did not answer； I listened。 This frankness； which was almost a kind
of confession； the sad life； of which I caught some glimpse through the
golden veil which covered it； and whose reality the poor girl sought to
escape in dissipation； drink； and wakefulness； impressed me so deeply that
I could not utter a single word。
〃Come；〃 continued Marguerite； 〃we are talking mere childishness。
Give me your arm and let us go back to the dining…room。 They won't know
what we mean by our absence。〃
〃Go in； if you like； but allow me to stay here。〃
〃Why？〃
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〃Because your mirth hurts me。〃
〃Well； I will be sad。〃
〃Marguerite； let me say to you something which you have no doubt
often heard； so often that the habit of hearing it has made you believe it no
longer； but which is none the less real； and which I will never repeat。〃
〃And that is 。 。 。 ？〃 she said； with the smile of a young mother listening
to some foolish notion of her child。
〃It is this； that ever since I have seen you； I know not why； you have
taken a place in my life； that； if I drive the thought of you out of my mind；
it always comes back； that when I met you to…day； after not having seen
you for two years； you made a deeper impression on my heart and mind
than ever； that； now that you have let me come to see you； now that I
know you； now that I know all that is strange in you； you have become a
necessity of my life； and you will drive me mad； not only if you will not
love me； but if you will not let me love you。〃
〃But； foolish creature that you are； I shall say to you； like Mme。 D。；
'You must be very rich； then！' Why； you don't know that I spend six or
seven thousand francs a month； and that I could not live without it； you
don't know； my poor friend； that I should ruin you in no time； and that
your family would cast you off if you were to live with a woman like me。
Let us be friends； good friends； but no more。 Come and see me； we will
laugh and talk； but don't exaggerate what I am worth； for I am worth very
little。 You have a good heart； you want some one to love you； you are too
young and too sensitive to live in a world like mine。 Take a married
woman。 You see； I speak to you frankly； like a friend。〃
〃But what the devil are you doing there？〃 cried Prudence； who had
come in without our bearing her； and who now stood just inside the door；
with her hair half coming down and her dress undone。 I recognised the
hand of Gaston。
〃We are talking sense；〃 said Marguerite； 〃leave us alone； we will be
back soon。〃
〃Good； good！ Talk； my children；〃 said Prudence； going out and closing
the door behind her； as if to further empbasize the tone in which she had
said these words。
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〃Well； it is agreed；〃 continued Marguerite； when we were alone； 〃you
won't fall in love with me？〃
〃I will go away。〃
〃So much as that？〃
I had gone too far to draw back； and I was really carried away。 This
mingling of gaiety； sadness； candour； prostitution； her very malady； which
no doubt developed in her a sensitiveness to impressions； as well as an
irritability of nerves； all this made it clear to me that if from the very
beginning I did not completely dominate her light and forgetful nature； she
was lost to me。
〃Come； now； do you seriously mean what you say？〃 she said。
〃Seriously。〃
〃But why didn't you say it to me sooner？〃
〃When could I have said it？〃
〃The day after you had been introduced to me at the Opera Comique。〃
〃I thought you would have received me very badly if I had come to see
you。〃
〃Why？〃
〃Because I had behaved so stupidly。〃
〃That's true。 And yet you were already in love with me。〃
〃Yes。〃
〃And that didn't hinder you from going to bed and sleeping quite
comfortably。 One knows what that sort of love means。〃
〃There you are mistaken。 Do you know what I did that evening； after
the Opera Comique？〃
〃No。〃
〃I waited for you at the door of the Cafe Anglais。 I followed the
carriage in which you and your three friends were； and when I saw you
were the only one to get down； and that you went in alone； I was very
happy。〃
Marguerite began to laugh。
〃What are you laughing at？〃
〃Nothing。〃
〃Tell me； I beg of you； or I shall think you are still laughing at me。〃
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〃You won't be cross？〃
〃What right hav
