the beast in the jungle-第4节

按键盘上方向键 ← 或 → 可快速上下翻页，按键盘上的 Enter 键可回到本书目录页，按键盘上方向键 ↑ 可回到本页顶部！
————未阅读完？加入书签已便下次继续阅读！


　went　so　far　as　to　give　them　the　latitude　of　that　namewould　come　into　their　intercourse。　　All　this　naturally　was　a　sign　of　how　much　he　took　the　intercourse　itself　for　granted。　　There　was　nothing　more　to　be　done　about　that。　　It　simply　existed；　had　sprung　into　being　with　her　first　penetrating　question　to　him　in　the　autumn　light　there　at　Weatherend。　　The　real　form　it　should　have　taken　on　the　basis　that　stood　out　large　was　the　form　of　their　marrying。　　But　the　devil　in　this　was　that　the　very　basis　itself　put　marrying　out　of　the　question。　　His　conviction；　his　apprehension；　his　obsession；　in　short；　wasn't　a　privilege　he　could　invite　a　woman　to　share；　and　that　consequence　of　it　was　precisely　what　was　the　matter　with　him。　　Something　or　other　lay　in　wait　for　him；　amid　the　twists　and　the　turns　of　the　months　and　the　years；　like　a　crouching　Beast　in　the　Jungle。　　It　signified　little　whether　the　crouching　Beast　were　destined　to　slay　him　or　to　be　slain。　　The　definite　point　was　the　inevitable　spring　of　the　creature；　and　the　definite　lesson　from　that　was　that　a　man　of　feeling　didn't　cause　himself　to　be　accompanied　by　a　lady　on　a　tiger…hunt。　　Such　was　the　image　under　which　he　had　ended　by　figuring　his　life。

They　had　at　first；　none　the　less；　in　the　scattered　hours　spent　together；　made　no　allusion　to　that　view　of　it；　which　was　a　sign　he　was　handsomely　alert　to　give　that　he　didn't　expect；　that　he　in　fact　didn't　care；　always　to　be　talking　about　it。　　Such　a　feature　in　one's　outlook　was　really　like　a　hump　on　one's　back。　　The　difference　it　made　every　minute　of　the　day　existed　quite　independently　of　discussion。　　One　discussed　of　course　LIKE　a　hunchback；　for　there　was　always；　if　nothing　else；　the　hunchback　face。　　That　remained；　and　she　was　watching　him；　but　people　watched　best；　as　a　general　thing；　in　silence；　so　that　such　would　be　predominantly　the　manner　of　their　vigil。　　Yet　he　didn't　want；　at　the　same　time；　to　be　tense　and　solemn；　tense　and　solemn　was　what　he　imagined　he　too　much　showed　for　with　other　people。　　The　thing　to　be；　with　the　one　person　who　knew；　was　easy　and　naturalto　make　the　reference　rather　than　be　seeming　to　avoid　it；　to　avoid　it　rather　than　be　seeming　to　make　it；　and　to　keep　it；　in　any　case；　familiar；　facetious　even；　rather　than　pedantic　and　portentous。　　Some　such　consideration　as　the　latter　was　doubtless　in　his　mind　for　instance　when　he　wrote　pleasantly　to　Miss　Bartram　that　perhaps　the　great　thing　he　had　so　long　felt　as　in　the　lap　of　the　gods　was　no　more　than　this　circumstance；　which　touched　him　so　nearly；　of　her　acquiring　a　house　in　London。　　It　was　the　first　allusion　they　had　yet　again　made；　needing　any　other　hitherto　so　little；　but　when　she　replied；　after　having　given　him　the　news；　that　she　was　by　no　means　satisfied　with　such　a　trifle　as　the　climax　to　so　special　a　suspense；　she　almost　set　him　wondering　if　she　hadn't　even　a　larger　conception　of　singularity　for　him　than　he　had　for　himself。　　He　was　at　all　events　destined　to　become　aware　little　by　little；　as　time　went　by；　that　she　was　all　the　while　looking　at　his　life；　judging　it；　measuring　it；　in　the　light　of　the　thing　she　knew；　which　grew　to　be　at　last；　with　the　consecration　of　the　years；　never　mentioned　between　them　save　as　〃the　real　truth〃　about　him。　　That　had　always　been　his　own　form　of　reference　to　it；　but　she　adopted　the　form　so　quietly　that；　looking　back　at　the　end　of　a　period；　he　knew　there　was　no　moment　at　which　it　was　traceable　that　she　had；　as　he　might　say；　got　inside　his　idea；　or　exchanged　the　attitude　of　beautifully　indulging　for　that　of　still　more　beautifully　believing　him。

It　was　always　open　to　him　to　accuse　her　of　seeing　him　but　as　the　most　harmless　of　maniacs；　and　this；　in　the　long　runsince　it　covered　so　much　groundwas　his　easiest　description　of　their　friendship。　　He　had　a　screw　loose　for　her　but　she　liked　him　in　spite　of　it　and　was　practically；　against　the　rest　of　the　world；　his　kind　wise　keeper；　unremunerated　but　fairly　amused　and；　in　the　absence　of　other　near　ties；　not　disreputably　occupied。　　The　rest　of　the　world　of　course　thought　him　queer；　but　she；　she　only；　knew　how；　and　above　all　why；　queer；　which　was　precisely　what　enabled　her　to　dispose　the　concealing　veil　in　the　right　folds。　　She　took　his　gaiety　from　himsince　it　had　to　pass　with　them　for　gaietyas　she　took　everything　else；　but　she　certainly　so　far　justified　by　her　unerring　touch　his　finer　sense　of　the　degree　to　which　he　had　ended　by　convincing　her。　　SHE　at　least　never　spoke　of　the　secret　of　his　life　except　as　〃the　real　truth　about　you；〃　and　she　had　in　fact　a　wonderful　way　of　making　it　seem；　as　such；　the　secret　of　her　own　life　too。　　That　was　in　fine　how　he　so　constantly　felt　her　as　allowing　for　him；　he　couldn't　on　the　whole　call　it　anything　else。　He　allowed　for　himself；　but　she；　exactly；　allowed　still　more；　partly　because；　better　placed　for　a　sight　of　the　matter；　she　traced　his　unhappy　perversion　through　reaches　of　its　course　into　which　he　could　scarce　follow　it。　　He　knew　how　he　felt；　but；　besides　knowing　that；　she　knew　how　he　looked　as　well；　he　knew　each　of　the　things　of　importance　he　was　insidiously　kept　from　doing；　but　she　could　add　up　the　amount　they　made；　understand　how　much；　with　a　lighter　weight　on　his　spirit；　he　might　have　done；　and　thereby　establish　how；　clever　as　he　was；　he　fell　short。　　Above　all　she　was　in　the　secret　of　the　difference　between　the　forms　he　went　throughthose　of　his　little　office　under　Government；　those　of　caring　for　his　modest　patrimony；　for　his　library；　for　his　garden　in　the　country；　for　the　people　in　London　whose　invitations　he　accepted　and　repaidand　the　detachment　that　reigned　beneath　them　and　that　made　of　all　behaviour；　all　that　could　in　the　least　be　called　behaviour；　a　long　act　of　dissimulation。　　What　it　had　come　to　was　that　he　wore　a　mask　painted　with　the　social　simper；　out　of　the　eye…holes　of　which　there　looked　eyes　of　an　expression　not　in　the　least　matching　the　other　features。　This　the　stupid　world；　even　after　years；　had　never　more　than　half　discovered。　　It　was　only　May　Bartram　who　had；　and　she　achieved；　by　an　art　indescribable；　the　feat　of　at　onceor　perhaps　it　was　only　alternatelymeeting　the　eyes　from　in　front　and　mingling　her　own　vision；　as　from　over　his　shoulder；　with　their　peep　through　the　apertures。

So　while　they　grew　older　together　she　did　watch　with　him；　and　so　she　let　this　association　give　shape　and　colour　to　her　own　existence。　　Beneath　HER　forms　as　well　detachment　had　learned　to　sit；　and　behaviour　had　become　for　her；　in　the　social　sense；　a　false　account　of　herself。　　There　was　but　one　account　of　her　that　would　have　been　true　all　the　while　and　that　she　could　give　straight　to　nobody；　least　of　all　to　John　Marcher。　　Her　whole　attitude　was　a　virtual　statement；　but　the　perception　of　that　only　seemed　called　to　take　its　place　for　him　as　one　of　the　many　things　necessarily　crowded　out　of　his　consciousness。　　If　she　had　moreover；　like　himself；　to　make　sacrifices　to　their　real　truth；　it　was　to　be　granted　that　her　compensation　might　have　affected　her　as　more　prompt　and　more　natural。　　They　had　long　periods；　in　this　London　time；　during　which；　when　they　were　together；　a　stranger　might　have　listened　to　them　without　in　the　least　pricking　up　his　ears；　on　the　other　hand　the　real　truth　was　equally　liable　at　any　moment　to　rise　to　the　surface；　and　the　auditor　would　then　have　wondered　indeed　what　they　were　talking　about。　　They　had　from　an　early　hour　made　up　their　mind　that　society　was；　luckily；　unintelligent；　and　the　margin　allowed　them　by　this　had　fairly　become　one　of　their　commonplaces。　Yet　there　were　still　moments　when　the　situation　turned　almost　freshusually　under　the　effect　of　some　expression　drawn　from　herself。　　Her　expressions　doubtless　repeated　themselves；　but　her　intervals　were　generous。　　〃What　saves　us；　you　know；　is　that　we　answer　so　completely　to　so　usual　an　appearance：　　that　of　the　man　and　woman　whose　friendship　has　become　such　a　daily　habitor　almostas　to　be　at　last　indispensable。〃　　That　for　instance　was　a　remark　she　had　frequently　enough　had　occasion　to　make；　though　she　had　given　it　at　different　times　different　developments。　　What　we　are　especially　concerned　with　is　the　turn　it　happened　to　take　from　her　one　afternoon　when　he　had　come　to　see　her　in　honour　of　her　birthday。　　This　anniversary　had　fallen　on　a　Sunday；　at　a　season　of　thick　fog　and　general　outward　gloom；　but　he　had　brought　her　his　customary　offering；　having　known　her　now　long　enough　to　have　established　a　hundred　small　traditions。　　It　was　one　of　his　proofs　to　himself；　the　present　he　made　her　on　her　birthday；　that　he　hadn't　sunk　into　real　selfishness。　　It　was　mostly　nothing　more　than　a　small　trinket；　but　it　was　always　fine　of　its　kind；　and　he　was　regularly　careful　to　pay　for　it　more　than　he　thought　he　could　afford。　　〃Our　habit　saves　you；　at　least；　don't　you　see？〃　because　it　makes　you；　after　all；　for　the　vulgar；　indistinguishable　from　other　men。　　What's　the　most　inveterate　mark　of　men　in　general？　　Why　the　capacity　to　spend　endless　time　with　dull　womento　spend　it　I　won't　say　without　being　bored；　but　without　minding　that　they　are；　without　being　driven　off　at　a　tangent　by　it；　which　comes　to　the　same　thing。　I'm　your　dull　woman；　a　part　of　the　daily　bread　for　which　you　pray　at　church。　　That　covers　your　tracks　more　than　anything。〃

〃