mark twain, a biography, 1907-1910-第47节

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regularly　attended　the　meetings　of　the　Ministerial　Union　of　Elmira　every
Monday　morning；　and　they　received　him　into　their　fellowship；　and　never
objected　to　the　doctrines　which　he　taught　in　his　church。　　So；　in　an
unfortunate　moment；　he　conceived　the　strange　idea　that　they　would　connive
at　the　teaching　of　the　same　doctrines　in　the　same　way　in　a　larger　house。　
Therefore　he　secured　the　Opera　House　and　proceeded　to　preach　there　every
Sunday　evening　to　assemblages　comprising　from　a　thousand　to　fifteen
hundred　persons。　　He　felt　warranted　in　this　course　by　a　passage　of
Scripture　which　says；　〃Go　ye　into　all　the　world　and　preach　the　gospel
unto　every　creature。〃　　Opera…houses　were　not　ruled　out　specifically　in
this　passage；　and　so　he　considered　it　proper　to　regard　opera…houses　as　a
part　of　〃all　the　world。〃　　He　looked　upon　the　people　who　assembled　there
as　coming　under　the　head　of　〃every　creature。〃　　These　ideas　were　as　absurd
as　they　were　farfetched；　but　still　they　were　the　honest　ebullitions　of　a
diseased　mind。　　His　great　mistake　was　in　supposing　that　when　he　had　the
Saviour's　indorsement　of　his　conduct　he　had　all　that　was　necessary。　　He
overlooked　the　fact　that　there　might　possibly　be　a　conflict　of　opinion
between　the　Saviour　and　the　Ministerial　Union　of　Elmira。　　And　there　was。　
Wherefore；　blind　and　foolish　Mr。　Beecher　went　to　his　destruction。　　The
Ministerial　Union　withdrew　their　approbation；　and　left　him　dangling　in
the　air；　with　no　other　support　than　the　countenance　and　approval　of　the
gospel　of　Christ。

Mr。　Beecher　invited　his　brother　ministers　to　join　forces　with　him　and
help　him　conduct　the　Opera　House　meetings。　　They　declined　with　great
unanimity。　　In　this　they　were　wrong。　　Since　they　did　not　approve　of　those
meetings；　it　was　a　duty　they　owed　to　their　consciences　and　their　God　to
contrive　their　discontinuance。　　They　knew　this。　　They　felt　it。　　Yet　they
turned　coldly　away　and　refused　to　help　at　those　meetings；　when　they　well
knew　that　their　help；　earnestly　and　persistently　given；　was　able　to　kill
any　great　religious　enterprise　that　ever　was　conceived　of。

The　ministers　refused；　and　the　calamitous　meetings　at　the　Opera　House
continued；　and　not　only　continued；　but　grew　in　interest　and　importance；
and　sapped　of　their　congregations　churches　where　the　Gospel　was　preached
with　that　sweet　monotonous　tranquillity　and　that　impenetrable　profundity
which　stir　up　such　consternation　in　the　strongholds　of　sin。　　It　is　a　pity
to　have　to　record　here　that　one　clergyman　refused　to　preach　at　the　Opera
House　at　Mr。　Beecher's　request；　even　when　that　incendiary　was　sick　and
disabled；　and　if　that　man's　conscience　justifies　him　in　that　refusal　I　do
not。　　Under　the　plea　of　charity　for　a　sick　brother　he　could　have　preached
to　that　Opera　House　multitude　a　sermon　that　would　have　done　incalculable
damage　to　the　Opera　House　experiment。　　And　he　need　not　have　been　
particular　about　the　sermon　he　chose；　either。　　He　could　have　relied　on
any　he　had　in　his　barrel。

The　Opera　House　meetings　went　on；　other　congregations　were　thin；　and　grew
thinner；　but　the　Opera　House　assemblages　were　vast。　　Every　Sunday　night；
in　spite　of　sense　and　reason；　multitudes　passed　by　the　churches　where
they　might　have　been　saved；　and　marched　deliberately　to　the　Opera　House
to　be　damned。　　The　community　talked；　talked；　talked。　　Everybody　discussed
the　fact　that　the　Ministerial　Union　disapproved　of　the　Opera　House
meetings；　also　the　fact　that　they　disapproved　of　the　teachings　put　forth
there。　　And　everybody　wondered　how　the　Ministerial　Union　could　tell
whether　to　approve　or　disapprove　of　those　teachings；　seeing　that　those
clergymen　had　never　attended　an　Opera　House　meeting；　and　therefore　didn't
know　what　was　taught　there。　　Everybody　wondered　over　that　curious
question；　and　they　had　to　take　it　out　in　wondering。

Mr。　Beecher　asked　the　Ministerial　Union　to　state　their　objections　to　the
Opera　House　matter。　　They　could　notat　least　they　did　not。　　He　said　to
them　that　if　they　would　come　squarely　out　and　tell　him　that　they　desired
the　discontinuance　of　those　meetings　he　would　discontinue　them。　　They
declined　to　do　that。　　Why　should　they　have　declined？　　They　had　no　right
to　decline；　and　no　excuse　to　decline；　if　they　honestly　believed　that
those　meetings　interfered　in　the　slightest　degree　with　the　best　interests
of　religion。　　（That　is　a　proposition　which　the　profoundest　head　among
them　cannot　get　around。）

But　the　Opera　House　meetings　went　on。　　That　was　the　mischief　of　it。　　And
so；　one　Monday　morning；　when　Mr。　B。　appeared　at　the　usual　Ministers'
meeting；　his　brother　clergymen　desired　him　to　come　there　no　more。　　He
asked　why。　　They　gave　no　reason。　　They　simply　declined　to　have　his
company　longer。　　Mr。　B。　said　he　could　not　accept　of　this　execution
without　a　trial；　and　since　he　loved　them　and　had　nothing　against　them　he
must　insist　upon　meeting　with　them　in　the　future　just　the　same　as　ever。　
And　so；　after　that；　they　met　in　secret；　and　thus　got　rid　of　this　man's
importunate　affection。

The　Ministerial　Union　had　ruled　out　Beechera　point　gained。　　He　would
get　up　an　excitement　about　it　in　public。　　But　that　was　a　miscalculation。　
He　never　mentioned　it。　　They　waited　and　waited　for　the　grand　crash；　but
it　never　came。　　After　all　their　labor…pains；　their　ministerial　mountain
had　brought　forth　only　a　mouseand　a　still…born　one　at　that。　　Beecher
had　not　told　on　them；　Beecher　malignantly　persisted　in　not　telling　on
them。　　The　opportunity　was　slipping　away。　　Alas；　for　the　humiliation　of
it；　they　had　to　come　out　and　tell　it　themselves！　　And　after　all；　their
bombshell　did　not　hurt　anybody　when　they　did　explode　it。　　They　had　ceased
to　be　responsible　to　God　for　Beecher；　and　yet　nobody　seemed　paralyzed
about　it。　　Somehow；　it　was　not　even　of　sufficient　importance；　apparently；
to　get　into　the　papers；　though　even　the　poor　little　facts　that　Smith　has
bought　a　trotting　team　and　Alderman　Jones's　child　has　the　measles　are
chronicled　there　with　avidity。　　Something　must　be　done。　　As　the
Ministerial　Union　had　told　about　their　desolating　action；　when　nobody
else　considered　it　of　enough　importance　to　tell；　they　would　also　publish
it；　now　that　the　reporters　failed　to　see　anything　in　it　important　enough
to　print。　　And　so　they　startled　the　entire　religious　world　no　doubt　by
solemnly　printing　in　the　Evangelist　the　paragraph　which　heads　this
article。　　They　have　got　their　excommunication…bull　started　at　last。　　It
is　going　along　quite　lively　now；　and　making　considerable　stir；　let　us
hope。　　They　even　know　it　in　Podunk；　wherever　that　may　be。　　It　excited　a
two…line　paragraph　there。　　Happy；　happy　world；　that　knows　at　last　that　a
little　congress　of　congregationless　clergymen　of　whom　it　had　never　heard
before　have　crushed　a　famous　Beecher；　and　reduced　his　audiences　from
fifteen　hundred　down　to　fourteen　hundred　and　seventy…five　at　one　fell
blow！　　Happy；　happy　world；　that　knows　at　last　that　these　obscure
innocents　are　no　longer　responsible　for　the　blemishless　teachings；　the
power；　the　pathos；　the　logic；　and　the　other　and　manifold　intellectual
pyrotechnics　that　seduce；　but　to　damn；　the　Opera　House　assemblages　every
Sunday　night　in　Elmira！　　And　miserable；　O　thrice　miserable　Beecher！　　For
the　Ministerial　Union　of　Elmira　will　never；　no；　never　more　be　responsible
to　God　for　his　shortcomings。　　（Excuse　these　tears。）

（For　the　protection　of　a　man　who　is　uniformly　charged　with　all　the
newspaper　deviltry　that　sees　the　light　in　Elmira　journals；　I　take　this
opportunity　of　stating；　under　oath；　duly　subscribed　before　a　magistrate；
that　Mr。　Beecher　did　not　write　this　article。　　And　further　still；　that　he
did　not　inspire　it。　　And　further　still；　the　Ministerial　Union　of　Elmira
did　not　write　it。　　And　finally；　the　Ministerial　Union　did　not　ask　me　to
write　it。　　No；　I　have　taken　up　this　cudgel　in　defense　of　the　Ministerial
Union　of　Elmira　solely　from　a　love　of　justice。　　Without　solicitation；　I
have　constituted　myself　the　champion　of　the　Ministerial　Union　of　Elmira；
and　it　shall　be　a　labor　of　love　with　me　to　conduct　their　side　of　a
quarrel　in　print　for　them　whenever　they　desire　me　to　do　it；　or　if　they
are　busy；　and　have　not　the　time　to　ask　me；　I　will　cheerfully　do　it
anyhow。　　In　closing　this　I　must　remark　that　if　any　question　the　right　of
the　clergymen　of　Elmira　to　turn　Mr。　Beecher　out　of　the　Ministerial　Union；
to　such　I　answer　that　Mr。　Beecher　recreated　that　institution　after　it　had
been　dead　for　many　years；　and　invited　those　gentlemen　to　come　into　it；
which　they　did；　and　so　of　course　they　have　a　right　to　turn　him　out　if
they　want　to。　　The　difference　between　Beecher　and　the　man　who　put　an
adder　in　his　bosom　is；　that　Beecher　put　in　more　adders　than　he　did；　and
consequently　had　a　proportionately　livelier　time　of　it　when　they　got
warmed　up。）
　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　Cheerfully；
　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　S'CAT。





APPENDIX　J

THE　INDIGNITY　PUT　UPON　THE　REMAINS　OF　GEORGE　HOLLAND　BY　THE
REV。　MR。　SABINE

（See　Chapter　lxxvii）

What　a　ludicrous　satire　it　was　upon　Christian　charity！even　upon　the
vague；　theoretical　idea　of　it　which　doubtless　this　small　saint　mouths
from　his　own　pulpit　every　Sunday。　　Contemplate　this　freak　of