mark twain, a biography, 1907-1910-第18节

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Banks　were　notified；　and　by　morning　the　thieves　were　captured；　though
only　after　a　pretty　desperate　encounter；　during　which　the　officer
received　a　bullet…wound。　　Lounsbury　and　a　Stormfield　guest　had　tracked
them　in　the　dark　with　a　lantern　to　Bethel；　a　distance　of　some　seven
miles。　　The　thieves；　also　their　pursuers；　had　boarded　the　train　there。　
Sheriff　Banks　was　waiting　at　the　West　Redding　station　when　the　train　came
down；　and　there　the　capture　was　made。　　It　was　a　remarkably　prompt　and
shrewd　piece　of　work。　　Clemens　gave　credit　for　its　success　chiefly　to
Lounsbury；　whose　talents　in　many　fields　always　impressed　him。　　The
thieves　were　taken　to　the　Redding　Town　Hall　for　a　preliminary　healing。　
Subsequently　they　received　severe　sentences。

Clemens　tacked　this　notice　on　his　front　door：

　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　NOTICE

　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　TO　THE　NEXT　BURGLAR

　　　　　There　is　nothing　but　plated　ware　in　this　house　now　and　henceforth。

　　　　　You　will　find　it　in　that　brass　thing　in　the　dining…room　over　in　the
　　　　　corner　by　the　basket　of　kittens。

　　　　　If　you　want　the　basket　put　the　kittens　in　the　brass　thing。　　Do　not
　　　　　make　a　noiseit　disturbs　the　family。

　　　　　You　will　find　rubbers　in　the　front　hall　by　that　thing　which　has　the
　　　　　umbrellas　in　it；　chiffonnier；　I　think　they　call　it；　or　pergola；　or
　　　　　something　like　that。

　　　　　Please　close　the　door　when　you　go　away！

　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　Very　truly　yours；
　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　S。　L。　CLEMENS。




CCLXXIII

STORMFIELD　PHILOSOPHIES

Now　came　the　tranquil　days　of　the　Connecticut　autumn。　　The　change　of　the
landscape　colors　was　a　constant　delight　to　Mark　Twain。　　There　were
several　large　windows　in　his　room；　and　he　called　them　his　picture…
gallery。　　The　window…panes　were　small；　and　each　formed　a　separate　picture
of　its　own　that　was　changing　almost　hourly。　　The　red　tones　that　began　to
run　through　the　foliage；　the　red　berry　bushes；　the　fading　grass；　and　the
little　touches　of　sparkling　frost　that　came　every　now　and　then　at　early
morning；　the　background　of　distant　blue　hills　and　changing　skies…these
things　gave　his　gallery　a　multitude　of　variation　that　no　art…museums
could　furnish。　　He　loved　it　all；　and　he　loved　to　walk　out　in　it；　pacing
up　and　down　the　terrace；　or　the　long　path　that　led　to　the　pergola　at　the
foot　of　a　natural　garden。　　If　a　friend　came；　he　was　willing　to　walk　much
farther；　and　we　often　descended　the　hill　in　one　direction　or　another；
though　usually　going　toward　the　〃gorge；〃　a　romantic　spot　where　a　clear
brook　found　its　way　through　a　deep　and　rather　dangerous…looking　chasm。　
Once　he　was　persuaded　to　descend　into　this　fairy…like　place；　for　it　was
well　worth　exploring；　but　his　footing　was　no　longer　sure　and　he　did　not
go　far。

He　liked　better　to　sit　on　the　grass…grown；　rocky　arch　above　and　look　down
into　it；　and　let　his　talk　follow　his　mood。　　He　liked　to　contemplate　the
geology　of　his　surroundings；　the　record　of　the　ageless　periods　of
construction　required　to　build　the　world。　　The　marvels　of　science　always
appealed　to　him。　　He　reveled　in　the　thought　of　the　almost　limitless
stretches　of　time；　the　millions　upon　millions　of　years　that　had　been
required　for　this　stratum　and　thathe　liked　to　amaze　himself　with　the
sounding　figures。　　I　remember　him　expressing　a　wish　to　see　the　Grand
Canon　of　Arizona；　where；　on　perpendicular　walls　six　thousand　feet　high；
the　long　story　of　geological　creation　is　written。　　I　had　stopped　there
during　my　Western　trip　of　the　previous　year；　and　I　told　him　something　of　
its　wonders。　　I　urged　him　to　see　them　for　himself；　offering　to　go　with
him。　　He　said：

〃I　should　enjoy　that；　but　the　railroad　journey　is　so　far　and　I　should
have　no　peace。　　The　papers　would　get　hold　of　it；　and　I　would　have　to　make
speeches　and　be　interviewed；　and　I　never　want　to　do　any　of　those　things
again。〃

I　suggested　that　the　railroads　would　probably　be　glad　to　place　a　private
car　at　his　service；　so　that　he　might　travel　in　comfort；　but　he　shook　his
head。

〃That　would　only　make　me　more　conspicuous。〃

〃How　about　a　disguise？〃

〃Yes；〃　he　said；　〃I　might　put　on　a　red　wig　and　false　whiskers　and　change
my　name；　but　I　couldn't　disguise　my　drawling　speech　and　they'd　find　me
out。〃

It　was　amusing；　but　it　was　rather　sad；　too。　　His　fame　had　deprived　him　of
valued　privileges。

He　talked　of　many　things　during　these　little　excursions。　　Once　he　told
how　he　had　successively　advised　his　nephew；　Moffett；　in　the　matter　of
obtaining　a　desirable　position。　　Moffett　had　wanted　to　become　a　reporter。　
Clemens　devised　a　characteristic　scheme。　　He　said：

〃I　will　get　you　a　place　on　any　newspaper　you　may　select　if　you　promise
faithfully　to　follow　out　my　instructions。〃

The　applicant　agreed；　eagerly　enough。　　Clemens　said：

〃Go　to　the　newspaper　of　your　choice。　　Say　that　you　are　idle　and　want
work；　that　you　are　pining　for　worklonging　for　it；　and　that　you　ask　no
wages；　and　will　support　yourself。　　All　that　you　ask　is　work。　　That　you
will　do　anything；　sweep；　fill　the　inkstands；　mucilage…bottles；　run
errands；　and　be　generally　useful。　　You　must　never　ask　for　wages。　　You　
must　wait　until　the　offer　of　wages　comes　to　you。　　You　must　work　just　as
faithfully　and　just　as　eagerly　as　if　you　were　being　paid　for　it。　　Then
see　what　happens。〃

The　scheme　had　worked　perfectly。　　Young　Moffett　had　followed　his
instructions　to　the　letter。　　By　and　by　he　attracted　attention。　　He　was
employed　in　a　variety　of　ways　that　earned　him　the　gratitude　and　the
confidence　of　the　office。　　In　obedience　to　further　instructions；　he　began
to　make　short；　brief；　unadorned　notices　of　small　news　matters　that　came
under　his　eye　and　laid　them　on　the　city　editor's　desk。　　No　pay　was　asked；
none　was　expected。　　Occasionally　one　of　the　items　was　used。　　Then；　of
course；　it　happened；　as　it　must　sooner　or　later　at　a　busy　time；　that　he
was　given　a　small　news　assignment。　　There　was　no　trouble　about　his
progress　after　that。　　He　had　won　the　confidence　of　the　management　and
shown　that　he　was　not　afraid　to　work。

The　plan　had　been　variously　tried　since；　Clemens　said；　and　he　could　not
remember　any　case　in　which　it　had　failed。　　The　idea　may　have　grown　out　of
his　own　pilot　apprenticeship　on　the　river；　when　cub　pilots　not　only
received　no　salary；　but　paid　for　the　privilege　of　learning。

Clemens　discussed　public　matters　less　often　than　formerly；　but　they　were
not　altogether　out　of　his　mind。　　He　thought　our　republic　was　in　a　fair
way　to　become　a　monarchythat　the　signs　were　already　evident。　　He
referred　to　the　letter　which　he　had　written　so　long　ago　in　Boston；　with
its　amusing　fancy　of　the　Archbishop　of　Dublin　and　his　Grace　of　Ponkapog；
and　declared　that；　after　all；　it　contained　something　of　prophecy。　＇See
chap。　xcvii；　also　Appendix　M。＇　　He　would　not　live　to　see　the　actual
monarchy；　he　said；　but　it　was　coming。

〃I'm　not　expecting　it　in　my　time　nor　in　my　children's　time；　though　it　may
be　sooner　than　we　think。　　There　are　two　special　reasons　for　it　and　one
condition。　　The　first　reason　is；　that　it　is　in　the　nature　of　man　to　want
a　definite　something　to　love；　honor；　reverently　look　up　to　and　obey；　a
God　and　King；　for　example。　　The　second　reason　is；　that　while　little
republics　have　lasted　long；　protected　by　their　poverty　and
insignificance；　great　ones　have　not。　　And　the　condition　is；　vast　power
and　wealth；　which　breed　commercial　and　political　corruptions；　and　incite
public　favorites　to　dangerous　ambitions。〃

He　repeated　what　I　had　heard　him　say　before；　that　in　one　sense　we　already
had　a　monarchy；　that　is　to　say；　a　ruling　public　and　political　aristocracy
which　could　create　a　Presidential　succession。　　He　did　not　say　these
things　bitterly　now；　but　reflectively　and　rather　indifferently。

He　was　inclined　to　speak　unhopefully　of　the　international　plans　for
universal　peace；　which　were　being　agitated　rather　persistently。

〃The　gospel　of　peace；〃　he　said；　〃is　always　making　a　deal　of　noise；　always
rejoicing　in　its　progress　but　always　neglecting　to　furnish　statistics。　
There　are　no　peaceful　nations　now。　　All　Christendom　is　a　soldier…camp。　
The　poor　have　been　taxed　in　some　nations　to　the　starvation　point　to
support　the　giant　armaments　which　Christian　governments　have　built　up；
each　to　protect　itself　from　the　rest　of　the　Christian　brotherhood；　and
incidentally　to　snatch　any　scrap　of　real　estate　left　exposed　by　a　weaker
owner。　　King　Leopold　II。　of　Belgium；　the　most　intensely　Christian
monarch；　except　Alexander　VI。；　that　has　escaped　hell　thus　far；　has　stolen
an　entire　kingdom　in　Africa；　and　in　fourteen　years　of　Christian　endeavor
there　has　reduced　the　population　from　thirty　millions　to　fifteen　by
murder　and　mutilation　and　overwork；　confiscating　the　labor　of　the
helpless　natives；　and　giving　them　nothing　in　return　but　salvation　and　a
home　in　heaven；　furnished　at　the　last　moment　by　the　Christian　priest。

〃Within　the　last　generation　each　Christian　power　has　turned　the　bulk　of
its　attention　to　finding　out　newer　and　still　newer　and　more　and　more
effective　ways　of　killing　Christians；　and；　incidentally；　a　pagan　now　and
then；　and　the　surest　way　to　get　rich　quickly　in　Christ's　earthly　kingdom
is　to　invent　a　kind　of　gun