mark twain, a biography, 1907-1910-µÚ11½Ú
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This¡¡was¡¡said¡¡in¡¡an¡¡undertone£»¡¡to¡¡Clemens¡¡only£»¡¡but¡¡was¡¡overheard¡¡by¡¡one
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costs¡¡them¡¡two¡¡hundred¡¡dollars¡¡every¡¡time¡¡they¡¡leave¡¡the¡¡advertisement
out¡¡of¡¡the¡¡magazines¡£¡¨
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debate¡¡whether¡¡it¡¡is¡¡more¡¡profitable¡¡to¡¡put¡¡in¡¡the¡¡advertisement¡¡or¡¡to
leave¡¡it¡¡out¡£¡¨
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of¡¡Beerbohm¡¡Tree's¡¡performance¡¡of¡¡¡¨Hamlet¡£¡¨¡¡¡¡W¡£¡¡S¡£¡¡Gilbert£»¡¡of¡¡light¡
opera¡¡celebrity£»¡¡was¡¡present¡¡at¡¡a¡¡performance£»¡¡and¡¡when¡¡the¡¡play¡¡ended
Mrs¡£¡¡Tree¡¡hurried¡¡over¡¡to¡¡him¡¡and¡¡said£º
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occur¡¡to¡¡you¡¡that¡¡the¡¡newspapers¡¡abolished¡¡hell£¿¡¡¡¡Well£»¡¡they¡¡didit¡¡was
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institution£»¡¡in¡¡fact¡¡a¡¡dead¡¡letter¡£¡¨¡¡¡¡And¡¡again£»¡¡¡¨I¡¡was¡¡coming¡¡down
Broadway¡¡last¡¡night£»¡¡and¡¡I¡¡stopped¡¡to¡¡look¡¡at¡¡one¡¡of¡¡the¡¡street¡venders
selling¡¡those¡¡little¡¡toy¡¡fighting¡¡roosters¡£¡¡¡¡It¡¡was¡¡a¡¡bleak£»¡¡desolate
evening£»¡¡nobody¡¡was¡¡buying¡¡anything£»¡¡and¡¡as¡¡he¡¡pulled¡¡the¡¡string¡¡and¡¡kept
those¡¡little¡¡roosters¡¡dancing¡¡and¡¡fighting¡¡his¡¡remarks¡¡grew¡¡more¡¡and¡¡more
cheerless¡¡and¡¡sardonic¡£
¡¨'Japanese¡¡game¡¡chickens£»'¡¡he¡¡said£»¡¡'pretty¡¡toys£»¡¡amuse¡¡the¡¡children¡¡with
their¡¡antics¡£¡¡¡¡Child¡¡of¡¡three¡¡can¡¡operate¡¡it¡£¡¡¡¡Take¡¡them¡¡home¡¡for
Christmas¡£¡¡¡¡Chicken¡fight¡¡at¡¡your¡¡own¡¡fireside¡£'¡¡I¡¡tried¡¡to¡¡catch¡¡his¡¡eye
to¡¡show¡¡him¡¡that¡¡I¡¡understood¡¡his¡¡desolation¡¡and¡¡sorrow£»¡¡but¡¡it¡¡was¡¡no
use¡£¡¡¡¡He¡¡went¡¡on¡¡dancing¡¡his¡¡toy¡¡chickens£»¡¡and¡¡saying£»¡¡over¡¡and¡¡over£»
'Chicken¡fight¡¡at¡¡your¡¡own¡¡fireside¡£'¡¨
The¡¡luncheon¡¡over£»¡¡we¡¡wandered¡¡back¡¡into¡¡the¡¡drawing¡room£»¡¡and¡¡presently
all¡¡left¡¡but¡¡Colonel¡¡Harvey¡£¡¡¡¡Clemens¡¡and¡¡the¡¡Colonel¡¡went¡¡up¡¡to¡¡the
billiard¡room¡¡and¡¡engaged¡¡in¡¡a¡¡game¡¡of¡¡cushion¡¡caroms£»¡¡at¡¡twenty¡five
cents¡¡a¡¡game¡£¡¡¡¡I¡¡was¡¡umpire¡¡and¡¡stakeholder£»¡¡and¡¡it¡¡was¡¡a¡¡most
interesting¡¡occupation£»¡¡for¡¡the¡¡series¡¡was¡¡close¡¡and¡¡a¡¡very¡¡cheerful¡¡one¡£¡¡
It¡¡ended¡¡the¡¡day¡¡much¡¡to¡¡Mark¡¡Twain's¡¡satisfaction£»¡¡for¡¡he¡¡was¡¡oftenest
winner¡£¡¡¡¡That¡¡evening¡¡he¡¡said£º
¡¨We¡¡will¡¡repeat¡¡that¡¡luncheon£»¡¡we¡¡ought¡¡to¡¡repeat¡¡it¡¡once¡¡a¡¡month¡£¡¡
Howells¡¡will¡¡be¡¡gone£»¡¡but¡¡we¡¡must¡¡have¡¡the¡¡others¡£¡¡¡¡We¡¡cannot¡¡have¡¡a
thing¡¡like¡¡that¡¡too¡¡often¡£¡¨
There¡¡was£»¡¡in¡¡fact£»¡¡a¡¡second¡¡stag¡luncheon¡¡very¡¡soon¡¡after£»¡¡at¡¡which
George¡¡Riggs¡¡was¡¡present¡¡and¡¡that¡¡rare¡¡Irish¡¡musician£»¡¡Denis¡¡O'Sullivan¡£¡¡
It¡¡was¡¡another¡¡choice¡¡afternoon£»¡¡with¡¡a¡¡mystical¡¡quality¡¡which¡¡came¡¡of
the¡¡music¡¡made¡¡by¡¡O'Sullivan¡¡on¡¡some¡¡Hindu¡¡reeds¡pipes¡¡of¡¡Pan¡£¡¡¡¡But¡¡we
shall¡¡have¡¡more¡¡of¡¡O'Sullivan¡¡presentlyall¡¡too¡¡little£»¡¡for¡¡his¡¡days
were¡¡few¡¡and¡¡fleeting¡£
Howells¡¡could¡¡not¡¡get¡¡away¡¡just¡¡yet¡£¡¡¡¡Colonel¡¡Harvey£»¡¡who£»¡¡like¡¡James
Osgood£»¡¡would¡¡not¡¡fail¡¡to¡¡find¡¡excuse¡¡for¡¡entertainment£»¡¡chartered¡¡two
drawing¡room¡¡cars£»¡¡and¡¡with¡¡Mrs¡£¡¡Harvey¡¡took¡¡a¡¡party¡¡of¡¡fifty¡five¡¡or
sixty¡¡congenial¡¡men¡¡and¡¡women¡¡to¡¡Lakewood¡¡for¡¡a¡¡good¡by¡¡luncheon¡¡to
Howells¡£¡¡¡¡It¡¡was¡¡a¡¡day¡¡borrowed¡¡from¡¡June£»¡¡warm¡¡and¡¡beautiful¡£
The¡¡trip¡¡down¡¡was¡¡a¡¡sort¡¡of¡¡reception¡£¡¡¡¡Most¡¡of¡¡the¡¡guests¡¡were
acquainted£»¡¡but¡¡many¡¡of¡¡them¡¡did¡¡not¡¡often¡¡meet¡£¡¡¡¡There¡¡was¡¡constant
visiting¡¡back¡¡and¡¡forth¡¡the¡¡full¡¡length¡¡of¡¡the¡¡two¡¡coaches¡£¡¡¡¡Denis
O'Sullivan¡¡was¡¡among¡¡the¡¡guests¡£¡¡¡¡He¡¡looked¡¡in¡¡the¡¡bloom¡¡of¡¡health£»¡¡and
he¡¡had¡¡his¡¡pipes¡¡and¡¡played¡¡his¡¡mystic¡¡airs£»¡¡then¡¡he¡¡brought¡¡out¡¡the¡¡tin¡
whistle¡¡of¡¡Ireland£»¡¡and¡¡blew¡¡such¡¡rollicking¡¡melodies¡¡as¡¡capering¡¡fairies
invented¡¡a¡¡long¡¡time¡¡ago¡£¡¡¡¡This¡¡was¡¡on¡¡the¡¡train¡¡going¡¡down¡£
There¡¡was¡¡a¡¡brief¡¡program¡¡following¡¡the¡¡light¡hearted¡¡feastingan
informal¡¡program¡¡fitting¡¡to¡¡that¡¡sunny¡¡day¡£¡¡¡¡It¡¡opened¡¡with¡¡some
recitations¡¡by¡¡Miss¡¡Kitty¡¡Cheatham£»¡¡then¡¡Colonel¡¡Harvey¡¡introduced
Howells£»¡¡with¡¡mention¡¡of¡¡his¡¡coming¡¡journey¡£¡¡¡¡As¡¡a¡¡rule£»¡¡Howells¡¡does¡¡not
enjoy¡¡speaking¡£¡¡¡¡He¡¡is¡¡willing¡¡to¡¡read¡¡an¡¡address¡¡on¡¡occasion£»¡¡but¡¡he¡¡has
owned¡¡that¡¡the¡¡prospect¡¡of¡¡talking¡¡without¡¡his¡¡notes¡¡terrifies¡¡him¡£¡¡¡¡This
time£»¡¡however£»¡¡there¡¡was¡¡no¡¡reluctance£»¡¡though¡¡he¡¡had¡¡prepared¡¡no¡¡speech¡£¡¡
He¡¡was¡¡among¡¡friends¡£¡¡¡¡He¡¡looked¡¡even¡¡happy¡¡when¡¡he¡¡got¡¡on¡¡his¡¡feet£»¡¡and
he¡¡spoke¡¡like¡¡a¡¡happy¡¡man¡£¡¡¡¡He¡¡talked¡¡about¡¡Mark¡¡Twain¡£¡¡¡¡It¡¡was¡¡all
delicate£»¡¡delicious¡¡chaffing¡¡which¡¡showed¡¡Howells¡¡at¡¡his¡¡very¡¡bestall
too¡¡short¡¡for¡¡his¡¡listeners¡£
Clemens£»¡¡replying£»¡¡returned¡¡the¡¡chaff£»¡¡and¡¡rambled¡¡amusingly¡¡among¡¡his
fancies£»¡¡closing¡¡with¡¡a¡¡few¡¡beautiful¡¡words¡¡of¡¡¡¨Godspeed¡¡and¡¡safe¡¡return¡¨
to¡¡his¡¡old¡¡comrade¡¡and¡¡friend¡£
Then¡¡once¡¡more¡¡came¡¡Denis¡¡and¡¡his¡¡pipes¡£¡¡¡¡No¡¡one¡¡will¡¡ever¡¡forget¡¡his
part¡¡of¡¡the¡¡program¡£¡¡¡¡The¡¡little¡¡samples¡¡we¡¡had¡¡heard¡¡on¡¡the¡¡train¡¡were
expanded¡¡and¡¡multiplied¡¡and¡¡elaborated¡¡in¡¡a¡¡way¡¡that¡¡fairly¡¡swept¡¡his
listeners¡¡out¡¡of¡¡themselves¡¡into¡¡that¡¡land¡¡where¡¡perhaps¡¡Denis¡¡himself
wanders¡¡playing¡¡now£»¡¡for¡¡a¡¡month¡¡later£»¡¡strong¡¡and¡¡lusty¡¡and¡¡beautiful¡¡as
he¡¡seemed¡¡that¡¡day£»¡¡he¡¡suddenly¡¡vanished¡¡from¡¡among¡¡us¡¡and¡¡his¡¡reeds¡¡were
silent¡£¡¡¡¡It¡¡never¡¡occurred¡¡to¡¡us¡¡then¡¡that¡¡Denis¡¡could¡¡die£»¡¡and¡¡as¡¡he
finished¡¡each¡¡melody¡¡and¡¡song¡¡there¡¡was¡¡a¡¡shout¡¡for¡¡a¡¡repetition£»¡¡and¡¡I
think¡¡we¡¡could¡¡have¡¡sat¡¡there¡¡and¡¡let¡¡the¡¡days¡¡and¡¡years¡¡slip¡¡away
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heaven¡climbing¡¡windows¡¡made¡¡an¡¡enchanted¡¡city¡¡in¡¡the¡¡sky¡£¡¡¡¡The¡¡evening£»
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found¡¡elsewhere¡¡on¡¡the¡¡earth¡£
CCLXIV
¡¨CAPTAIN¡¡STORMFIELD¡¨¡¡IN¡¡PRINT
During¡¡the¡¡forty¡¡years¡¡or¡¡so¡¡that¡¡had¡¡elapsed¡¡since¡¡the¡¡publication¡¡of
the¡¡¡¨Gates¡¡Ajar¡¨¡¡and¡¡the¡¡perpetration¡¡of¡¡Mark¡¡Twain's¡¡intended¡¡burlesque£»
built¡¡on¡¡Captain¡¡Ned¡¡Wakeman's¡¡dream£»¡¡the¡¡Christian¡¡religion¡¡in¡¡its¡¡more
orthodox¡¡aspects¡¡had¡¡undergone¡¡some¡¡large¡¡modifications¡£¡¡¡¡It¡¡was¡¡no
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that¡¡the¡¡golden¡¡streets¡¡and¡¡jeweled¡¡architecture¡¡of¡¡the¡¡sky¡¡might¡¡be
regarded¡¡as¡¡symbols¡¡of¡¡hope¡¡rather¡¡than¡¡exhibits¡¡of¡¡actual¡¡bullion¡¡and
lapidary¡¡construction¡£¡¡¡¡Clemens¡¡re¡read¡¡his¡¡extravaganza£»¡¡Captain
Stoymfields¡¡Visit¡¡to¡¡Heaven£»¡¡gave¡¡it¡¡a¡¡modernizing¡¡touch¡¡here¡¡and¡¡there£»
and¡¡handed¡¡it¡¡to¡¡his¡¡publishers£»¡¡who¡¡must¡¡have¡¡agreed¡¡that¡¡it¡¡was¡¡no
longer¡¡dangerous£»¡¡for¡¡it¡¡was¡¡promptly¡¡accepted¡¡and¡¡appeared¡¡in¡¡the
December¡¡and¡¡January¡¡numbers¡¡£¨1907¡8£©¡¡of¡¡Harper's¡¡Magazine£»¡¡and¡¡was¡¡also
issued¡¡as¡¡a¡¡small¡¡book¡£¡¡¡¡If¡¡there¡¡were¡¡any¡¡readers¡¡who¡¡still¡¡found¡¡it
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to¡¡his¡¡earlier¡¡form¡£¡¨
The¡¡publication¡¡of¡¡this¡¡story¡¡recalled¡¡to¡¡Clemens's¡¡mind¡¡another¡¡heresy
somewhat¡¡similar¡¡which¡¡he¡¡had¡¡written¡¡during¡¡the¡¡winter¡¡of¡¡1891¡¡and¡¡1892
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disturbing¡¡results¡£¡¡¡¡Clemens¡¡thought¡¡a¡¡good¡¡deal¡¡of¡¡this¡¡fancy¡¡when¡¡he
wrote¡¡it£»¡¡and¡¡when¡¡Mrs¡£¡¡Clemens¡¡had¡¡refused¡¡to¡¡allow¡¡it¡¡to¡¡be¡¡printed¡¡he
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