the complete plays-第98节
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He's caused our sorrow； and he shall share it。
Where is the monster。 Avenge his blunders。
He has awakened Olympian thunders。
＇Enter Mercury＇
JUP。 Oh monster。
AP。 Oh monster。
MARS。 Oh monster。
MER。 ＇in great terror＇ Please sir； what have I done； sir？
JUP。 What did we leave you behind for？
MER。 Please sir； that's the question I asked for when you went
away。
JUP。 Was it not that Thespis might consult you whenever he was in
a difficulty？
MER。 Well； here I've been ready to be consulted； chockful of
reliable informationrunning over with celestial maximsadvice
gratis ten to fourafter twelve ring the night bell in cases of
emergency。
JUP。 And hasn't he consulted you？
MER。 Not hehe disagrees with me about everything。
JUP。 He must have misunderstood me。 I told him to consult you
whenever he was in a fix。
MER。 He must have though you said in…sult。 Why whenever I opened
my mouth he jumps down my throat。 It isn't pleasant to have a
fellow constantly jumping down your throatespecially when he
always disagrees with you。 It's just the sort of thing I can't
digest。
JUP。 ＇in a rage＇ Send him here。 I'll talk to him。
＇enter Thespis。 He is much terrified＇
JUP。 Oh monster。
AP。 Oh monster。
MARS。 Oh monster。
＇Thespis sings in great terror； which he endeavours to conceal＇
JUP。 Well sir； the year is up today。
AP。 And a nice mess you've made of it。
MARS。 You've deranged the whole scheme of society。
THES。 ＇aside＇ There's going to be a row。 ＇aloud and very
familiarly＇My dear boy； I do assure you
JUP。 Be respectful。
AP。 Be respectful。
MARS。 Be respectful。
THES。 I don't know what you allude to。 With the exception of
getting our scene painter to 〃run up〃 this temple； because we
found the ruins draughty； we haven't touched a thing。
JUP。 Oh story teller。
AP。 Oh story teller。
MARS。 Oh story teller。
＇Enter thespians＇
THES。 My dear fellows； you're distressing yourselves
unnecessarily。 The court of Olympus is about to assemble to
listen to the complaints of the year； if any。 But there are
none； or next to none。 Let the Olympians assemble。 ＇Thespis
takes chair。 JUP。； AP。； and MARS sit below him。
Ladies and gentlemen； it seems that it is usual for the gods to
assemble once a year to listen to mortal petitions。 It doesn't
seem to me to be a good plan； as work is liable to accumulate；
but as I am particularly anxious not to interfere with Olympian
precedent； but to allow everything to go on as it has always been
accustomed to gowhy； we'll say no more about it。 ＇aside＇ But
how shall I account for your presence？
JUP。 Say we are the gentlemen of the press。
THES。 That all our proceedings may be perfectly open and above…
board I have communicated with the most influential members of
the Athenian press； and I beg to introduce to your notice three
of its most distinguished members。 They bear marks emblematic of
the anonymous character of modern journalism。 ＇Business of
introduction。 Thespis is very uneasy＇ Now then； if you're all
ready we will begin。
MER。 ＇brings tremendous bundle of petitions＇ Here is the agenda。
THES。 What's that？ The petitions？
MER。 Some of them。 ＇opens one and reads＇ Ah； I thought there'd be
a row about it。
THES。 Why； what's wrong now？
MER。 Why； it's been a foggy Friday in November for the last six
months and the Athenians are tired of it。
THES。 There's no pleasing some people。 This craving for perpetual
change is the curse of the country。 Friday's a very nice day。
MER。 So it is； but a Friday six months long。it gets monotonous。
JUP； AP； MARS。 ＇rising＇ It's perfectly ridiculous。
THES。 ＇calling them＇ Cymon。
CYM。 ＇as time with the usual attributes＇ Sir。
THES。 ＇Introducing him to the three gods＇ Allow meFather Time
rather young at present but even time must have a beginning。 In
course of time； time will grow older。 Now then； Father Time；
what's this about a wet Friday in November for the last six
months。
CYM。 Well； the fact is； I've been trying an experiment。 Seven
days in the week is an awkward number。 It can't be halved。 Two；'s
into seven won't go。
THES。 ＇tries it on his fingers＇ Quite soquite so。
CYM。 So I abolished Saturday。
JUP； AP； MARS。 Oh but。 ＇Rising＇
THES。 Do be quiet。 He's a very intelligent young man and knows
what he is about。 So you abolished Saturday。 And how did you find
it answer？
CYM。 Admirably。
THES。 You hear？ He found it answer admirably。
CYM。 Yes； only Sunday refused to take its place。
THES。 Sunday refused to take its place？
CYM。 Sunday comes after SaturdaySunday won't go on duty after
Friday。 Sunday's principles are very strict。 That's where my
experiment sticks。
THES。 Well； but why November？ Come； why November？
CYM。 December can't begin until November has finished。 November
can't finish because he's abolished Saturday。 There again my
experiment sticks。
THES。 Well； but why wet？ Come now； why wet？
CYM。 Ah； that is your fault。 You turned on the rain six months
ago and you forgot to turn it off again。
JUP。； AP。； MARS。 ＇rising＇ On this is monstrous。
ALL。 Order。 Order。
THES。 Gentlemen； pray be seated。 ＇to the others＇ The liberty of
the press； one can't help it。 ＇to the three gods＇ It is easily
settled。 Athens has had a wet Friday in November for the last six
months。 Let them have a blazing Tuesday in July for the next
twelve。
JUP。； AP。； MARS。 But
ALL。 Order。 Order。
THES。 Now then； the next article。
MER。 Here's a petition from the Peace Society。 They complain
because there are no more battles。
MARS。 ＇springing up＇ What。
THES。 Quiet there。 Good dogsoho； Timidon。
TIM。 ＇as Mars＇ Here。
THES。 What's this about there being no battles？
TIM。 I've abolished battles； it's an experiment。
MARS。 ＇spring up＇ Oh come； I say
THES。 Quiet then。 ＇to Tim＇ Abolished battles？
TIM。 Yes； you told us on taking office to remember two things。 To
try experiments and to take it easy。 I found I couldn't take it
easy while there are any battles to attend to； so I tried the
experiment and abolished battles。 And then I took it easy。 The
Peace Society ought to be very much obliged to me。
THES。 Obliged to you。 Why； confound it。 Since battles have been
abolished； war is universal。
TIM。 War is universal？
THES。 To b sure it is。 Now that nations can't fight； no two of
'em are on speaking terms。 The dread of fighting was the only
thing that kept them civil to each other。 Let battles be
restored and peace reign supreme。
MER。 Here's a petition from the associated wine merchants of
Mytilene？ Are there no grapes this year？
THES。 Well； what's wrong with the associated wine merchants of
Mytilene？ Are there no grapes this year？
THES。 Plenty of grapes。 More than usual。
THES。 ＇to the gods＇ You observe； there is no deception。 There are
more than usual。
MER。 There are plenty of grapes； only they are full of ginger
beer。
THREE GODS。 Oh； come I say ＇rising they are put down by Thespis。＇
THES。 Eh？ what ＇much alarmed＇ Bacchus。
TIPS。 ＇as Bacchus＇ Here。
THES。 There seems to be something unusual with the grapes of
Mytilene。 They only grow ginger beer。
TIPS。 And a very good thing too。
THES。 It's very nice in its way but it is not what one looks for
from grapes。
TIPS。 Beloved master； a week before we came up here； you insisted
on my taking the pledge。 By so doing you rescued me from my
otherwise inevitable misery。 I cannot express my thanks。 Embrace
me。 ＇attempts to embrace him。＇
THES。 Get out； don't be a fool。 Look here； you know you're the
god of wine。
TIPS。 I am。
THES。 ＇very angry＇ Well； do you consider it consistent with your
duty as the god of wine to make the grapes yield nothing but
ginger beer？
TIPS。 Do you consider it consistent with my duty as a total
abstainer to grow anything stronger than ginger beer？
THES。 But your duty as the god of wine
TIPS。 In every respect in which my duty as the god of wine can be
discharged consistently with my duty as a total abstainer； I will
discharge it。 But when the functions clash； everything must give
way to the pledge。 My preserver。 ＇Attempts to embrace him＇
THES。 Don't be a confounded fool。 This can be arranged。 We can't
give over the wine this year； but at least we can improve the
ginger beer。 Let all the ginger beer be extracted from it
immediately。
THREE GODS。 We can't stand this；
We can't stand this。
It's much too strong。
We can't stand this。
It would be wrong。
Extremely wrong。
If we stood this。
If we stand this
If we stand this
We can't sta
