the complete plays-第112节
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be
so good as to formulate a detailed list of your
grievances
in writing； addressed to the Secretary of Utopia Limited；
they will be laid before the Board； in due course； at
their
next monthly meeting。
Scaphio： Are we to understand that we are defied？
King： That is the idea I intended to convey。
Phantis： Defied！ We are defied！
Scaphio： （furiously） Take careyou know our powers。 Trifle with
us； and you die！
TRIO Scaphio； Phantis； and King。
Sca。： If you think that； when banded in unity；
We may both be defied with impunity；
You are sadly misled of a verity！
Phan。： If you value repose and tranquility；
You'll revert to a state of docility；
Or prepare to regret your temerity！
King。： If my speech is unduly refractory
You will find it a course satisfactory
At an early Board meeting to show it up。
Though if proper excuse you can trump any；
You may wind up a Limited Company；
You cannot conveniently blow it up！
（Scaphio and Phantis thoroughly baffled）
King。： （Dancing quietly）
Whene'er I chance to baffle you
I； also； dance a step or two
Of this now guess the hidden sense：
（Scaphio and Phantis consider the question as King continues
dancing
quietlythen give it up。）
It means complete indifference！
Sca。 and Phan。： Of course it doesindifference！
It means complete indifference！
（King dancing quietly。 Sca。 and Phan。 dancing furiously。）
Sca。 and Phan。： As we've a dance for every mood
With pas de trois we will conclude；
What this may mean you all may guess
It typifies remorselessness！
King。： It means unruffled cheerfulness！
（King dances off placidly as Scaphio and Phantis dance furiously。）
Phantis： （breathless） He's rightwe are helpless！ He's no
longer a
human beinghe's a Corporation； and so long as he
confines
himself to his Articles of Association we can't touch
him！
What are we to do？
Scaphio： Do？ Raise a Revolution； repeal the Act of Sixty…Two；
recon…
vert him into an individual； and insist on his immediate
ex…
plosion！ （Tarara enters。） Tarara； come here； you're the
very man we want。
Tarara： Certainly； allow me。 （Offers a cracker to each； they
snatch
them away impatiently。） That's rude。
Scaphio： We have no time for idle forms。 You wish to succeed to
the
throne？
Tarara： Naturally。
Scaphio： Then you won't unless you join us。 The King has defied
us；
and； as matters stand； we are helpless。 So are you。 We
must devise some plot at once to bring the people about
his
ears。
Tarara： A plot？
Phantis： Yes； a plot of superhuman subtlety。 Have you such a
thing
about you？
Tarara： （feeling） No； I think not。 No。 There's one on my
dressing…table。
Scaphio： We can't waitwe must concoct one at once； and put it
into
execution without delay。 There is not a moment to spare！
TRIO Scaphio； Phantis； and Tarara。
Ensemble
With wily brain upon the spot
A private plot we'll plan；
The most ingenious private plot
Since private plots began。
That's understood。 So far we've got
And； striking while the iron's hot；
We'll now determine like a shot
The details of this private plot。
Sca。： I think we ought（whispers）
Phan。 and Tar。： Such bosh I never heard！
Phan。： Ah！ happy thought！（whispers）
Sca。 and Tar。： How utterly dashed absurd！
Tar。： I'll tell you how（whispers）
Sca and Phan。： Why； what put that in your head？
Sca。： I've got it now（whispers）
Phan。 and Tar。： Oh； take him away to bed！
Phan。： Oh； put him to bed！
Tar。： Oh； put him to bed！
Sca。： What； put me to bed？
Phan。 and Tar。： Yes； certainly put him to bed！
Sca。： But； bless me； don't you see
Phan。： Do listen to me； I pray
Tar。： It certainly seems to me
Sca。： Bahthis is the only way！
Phan。： It's rubbish absurd you growl！
Tar。： You talk ridiculous stuff！
Sca。： You're a drivelling barndoor owl！
Phan。： You're a vapid and vain old muff！
（All； coming down to audience。）
So far we haven't quite solved the plot
They're not a very ingenious lot
But don't be unhappy；
It's still on the tapis；
We'll presently hit on a capital plot！
Sca。： Suppose we all（whispers）
Phan。： Now there I think you're right。
Then we might all（whispers）
Tar。： That's true； we certainly might。
I'll tell you what（whispers）
Sca。： We will if we possibly can。
Then on the spot （whispers）
Phan。 and Tar。： Bravo！ A capital plan！
Sca。： That's exceedingly neat and new！
Phan。： Exceedingly new and neat。
Tar。： I fancy that that will do。
Sca。： It's certainly very complete。
Phan。： Well done you sly old sap！
Tar。： Bravo； you cunning old mole！
Sca。： You very ingenious chap！
Phan。： You intellectual soul！
（All； coming down and addressing audience。）
At last a capital plan we've got
We won't say how and we won't say what：
It's safe in my noddle
Now off we will toddle；
And slyly develop this capital plot！
（Business。 Exeunt Scaphio and Phantis in one direction； and Tarara
in
the other。）
（Enter Lord Dramaleigh and Mr。 Goldbury。）
Lord D。： Well； what do you think of our first South Pacific
Drawing…Room？ Allowing for a slight difficulty with the
trains； and a little want of familiarity with the use of
the
rouge…pot； it was； on the whole； a meritorious affair？
Gold。： My dear Dramaleigh； it redounds infinitely to your
credit。
Lord D。： One or two judicious innovations； I think？
Gold。： Admirable。 The cup of tea and the plate of mixed
biscuits
were a cheap and effective inspiration。
Lord D。： Yesmy idea entirely。 Never been done before。
Gold。： Pretty little maids； the King's youngest daughters； but
timid。
Lord D。： That'll wear off。 Young。
Gold。： That'll wear off。 Ha！ here they come； by George！ And
with…
out the Dragon！ What can they have done with her？
（Enter Nekaya and Kalyba timidly。）
Nekaya： Oh； if you please； Lady Sophy has sent us in here；
because
Zara and Captain Fitzbattleaxe are going on； in the
garden；
in a manner which no well…conducted young ladies ought to
witness。
Lord D。： Indeed； we are very much obliged to her Ladyship。
Kalyba： Are you？ I wonder why。
Nekaya： Don't tell us if it's rude。
Lord D。： Rude？ Not at all。 We are obliged to Lady Sophy because
she
has afforded us the pleasure of seeing you。
Nekaya： I don't think you ought to talk to us like that。
Kalyba： It's calculated to turn our heads。
Nekaya： Attractive girls cannot be too particular。
Kalyba： Oh pray； pray do not take advantage of our unprotected
inno…
cence。
Gold。： Pray be reassuredyou are in no danger whatever。
Lord D。： But may I askis this extreme delicacythis shrinking
sensitivenessa general characteristic of Utopian young
ladies？
Nekaya： Oh no； we are crack specimens。
Kalyba： We are the pick of the basket。 Would you mind not coming
quite so near？ Thank you。
Nekaya： And please don't look at us like that； it unsettles us。
Kalyba： And we don't like it。 At least； we do like it； but it's
wrong。
Nekaya： We have enjoyed the inestimable privilege of being
educated
by a most refined and easily shocked English lady； on the
very strictest English principles。
Gold。： But； my dear young ladies…
Kalyba： Oh； don't！ You mustn't。 It's too affectionate。
Nekaya： It really does unsettle us。
Gold。： Are you really under the impression that English girls
are
so ridiculously demure？ Why； an English girl of the
highest
typ
