the complete plays-第108节
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most
scandalous insinuations。 Why do you permit these things？
King： Well； they appeal to my sense of humor。 It's the only
really comic paper in Utopia； and I wouldn't be without
it
for the world。
Zara： If it had any literary merit I could understand it。
King： Oh； it has literary merit。 Oh； distinctly； it has
literary
merit。
Zara： My dear father； it's mere ungrammatical twaddle。
King： Oh； it's not ungrammatical。 I can't allow that。
Unpleas…
antly personal； perhaps； but written with an
epigrammatical
point that is very rare nowadaysvery rare indeed。
Zara： （looking at cartoon） Why do they represent you with such
a
big nose？
King： （looking at cartoon） Eh？ Yes； it is a big one！ Why；
the
fact is that； in the cartoons of a comic paper； the size
of
your nose always varies inversely as the square of your
popularity。 It's the rule。
Zara： Then you must be at a tremendous discount just now！ I
see a
notice of a new piece called 〃King Tuppence；〃 in which an
English tenor has the audacity to personate you on a
public
stage。 I can only say that I am surprised that any
English
tenor should lend himself to such degrading
personalities。
King： Oh； he's not really English。 As it happens he's a
Utopian；
but he calls himself English。
Zara： Calls himself English？
King： Yes。 Bless you； they wouldn't listen to any tenor who
didn't call himself English。
Zara： And you permit this insolent buffoon to caricature you in
a
pointless burlesque！ My dear fatherif you were a free
agent； you would never permit these outrages。
King： （almost in tears） ZaraII admit I am not altogether
a
free agent。 II am controlled。 I try to make the best
of
it； but sometimes I find it very difficultvery
difficult
indeed。 Nominally a Despot； I am； between ourselves； the
helpless tool of two unscrupulous Wise Men； who insist on
my
falling in with all their wishes and threaten to denounce
me
for immediate explosion if I remonstrate！ （Breaks down
completely）
Zara： My poor father！ Now listen to me。 With a view to
remodel…
ling the political and social institutions of Utopia； I
have
brought with me six Representatives of the principal
causes
that have tended to make England the powerful； happy； and
blameless country which the consensus of European
civiliza…
tion has declared it to be。 Place yourself unreservedly
in
the hands of these gentlemen； and they will reorganize
your
country on a footing that will enable you to defy your
persecutors。 They are all now washing their hands after
their journey。 Shall I introduce them？
King： My dear Zara； how can I thank you？ I will consent to
any…
thing that will release me from the abominable tyranny of
these two men。 （Calling） What ho！ Without there！
（Enter
Calynx） Summon my Court without an instant's delay！
（Exit
Calynx）
FINALE
Enter every one； except the Flowers of Progress。
CHORUS
Although your Royal summons to appear
From courtesy was singularly free；
Obedient to that summons we are here
What would your Majesty？
RECITATIVE King
My worthy people； my beloved daughter
Most thoughtfully has brought with her from England
The types of all the causes that have made
That great and glorious country what it is。
Chorus： Oh； joy unbounded！
Sca。； Tar。； Phan （aside）。 Why； what does this mean？
RECITATIVE Zara
Attend to me； Utopian populace；
Ye South Pacific island viviparians；
All； in the abstract； types of courtly grace；
Yet； when compared with Britain's glorious race；
But little better than half clothed Barbarians！
CHORUS
Yes！ Contrasted when
With Englishmen；
Are little better than half…clothed barbarians！
Enter all the Flowers of Progress； led by Fitzbattleaxe。
SOLOS Zara and the Flowers of Progress。
（Presenting Captain Fitzbattleaxe）
When Britain sounds the trump of war
（And Europe trembles）；
The army of the conqueror
In serried ranks assemble；
'Tis then this warrior's eyes and sabre gleam
For our protection
He represents a military scheme
In all its proud perfection！
Chorus： Yesyes
He represents a military scheme
In all its proud perfection。
Ulahlica！ Ulahlica！ Ulahlica！
SOLO Zara。
（Presenting Sir Bailey Barre； Q。C。； M。P。）
A complicated gentleman allow to present；
Of all the arts and faculties the terse embodiment；
He's a great arithmetician who can demonstrate with ease
That two and two are three or five or anything you please；
An eminent Logician who can make it clear to you
That black is whitewhen looked at from the proper point
of
view；
A marvelous Philologist who'll undertake to show
That 〃yes〃 is but another and a neater form of 〃no。〃
Sir Bailey： Yesyesyes
〃Yes〃 is but another and a neater form of 〃no。〃
All preconceived ideas on any subject I can scout；
And demonstrate beyond all possibility of doubt；
That whether you're an honest man or whether you're a thief
Depends on whose solicitor has given me my brief。
Chorus： Yesyesyes
That whether your'e an honest man； etc。
Ulahlica！ Ulahlica！ Ulahlica！
Zara： （Presenting Lord Dramaleigh and County Councillor）
What these may be； Utopians all；
Perhaps you'll hardly guess
They're types of England's physical
And moral cleanliness。
This is a Lord High Chamberlain；
Of purity the gauge
He'll cleanse our court from moral stain
And purify our Stage。
Lord D。： Yesyesyes
Court reputations I revise；
And presentations scrutinize；
New plays I read with jealous eyes；
And purify the Stage。
Chorus： Court reputations； etc。
Zara： This County Councillor acclaim；
Great Britain's latest toy
On anything you like to name
His talents he'll employ
All streets and squares he'll purify
Within your city walls；
And keep meanwhile a modest eye
On wicked music halls。
C。C。： Yesyesyes
In towns I make improvements great；
Which go to swell the County Rate
I dwelling…houses sanitate；
And purify the Halls！
Chorus： In towns he makes improvements great； etc。
Ulahlica！ Ulahlica！ Ulahlica！
SOLO Zara：
（Presenting Mr。 Goldbury）
A Company Promoter this with special education；
Which teaches what Contango means and also Backwardation
To speculators he supplies a grand financial leaven；
Time was when two were companybut now it must be seven。
Mr。 Gold。： Yesyesyes
Stupendous loans to foreign thrones
I've largely advocated；
In ginger…pops and peppermint…drops
I've freely speculated；
Then mines of gold； of wealth untold；
Successfully I've floated
And sudden falls in apple…stalls
Occasionally quoted。
And soon or late I always call
For Stock Exchange quotation
No schemes too great and none too small
For Companification！
Chorus： Yes！ Yes！ Yes！ No schemes too great； etc。
Ulahlica！ Ulahlica！ Ulahlica！
Zara： （Presenting Capt。 Sir Edward
