madame bovary(包法利夫人)-第43节

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certainly　I　might；　through　egotism；　have　tried　an　experiment；　in
that　case　without　danger　for　you。　But　that　delicious　exaltation；
at　once　your　charm　and　your　torment；　has　prevented　you　from
understanding；　adorable　woman　that　you　are；　the　falseness　of　our
future　position。　Nor　had　I　reflected　upon　this　at　first；　and　I
rested　in　the　shade　of　that　ideal　happiness　as　beneath　that　of
the　manchineel　tree；　without　foreseeing　the　consequences。〃
〃Perhaps　she'll　think　I'm　giving　it　up　from　avarice。　Ah；　well！　so
much　the　worse；　it　must　be　stopped！〃
〃The　world　is　cruel；　Emma。　Wherever　we　might　have　gone；　it　would
have　persecuted　us。　You　would　have　had　to　put　up　with　indiscreet
questions；　calumny；　contempt；　insult　perhaps。　Insult　to　you！　Oh！
And　I；　who　would　place　you　on　a　throne！　I　who　bear　with　me　your
memory　as　a　talisman！　For　I　am　going　to　punish　myself　by　exile
for　all　the　ill　I　have　done　you。　I　am　going　away。　Whither　I　know
not。　I　am　mad。　Adieu！　Be　good　always。　Preserve　the　memory　of　the
unfortunate　who　has　lost　you。　Teach　my　name　to　your　child；　let
her　repeat　it　in　her　prayers。〃
The　wicks　of　the　candles　flickered。　Rodolphe　got　up　to；　shut　the
window；　and　when　he　had　sat　down　again
〃I　think　it's　all　right。　Ah！　and　this　for　fear　she　should　come
and　hunt　me　up。〃
〃I　shall　be　far　away　when　you　read　these　sad　lines；　for　I　have
wished　to　flee　as　quickly　as　possible　to　shun　the　temptation　of
seeing　you　again。　No　weakness！　I　shall　return；　and　perhaps　later
on　we　shall　talk　together　very　coldly　of　our　old　love。　Adieu！〃
And　there　was　a　last　〃adieu〃　divided　into　two　words！　〃A　Dieu！〃
which　he　thought　in　very　excellent　taste。
〃Now　how　am　I　to　sign？〃　he　said　to　himself。　〃　'Yours　devotedly？'
No！　'Your　friend？'　Yes；　that's　it。〃
〃Your　friend。〃
He　re…read　his　letter。　He　considered　it　very　good。
〃Poor　little　woman！〃　he　thought　with　emotion。　〃She'll　think　me
harder　than　a　rock。　There　ought　to　have　been　some　tears　on　this；
but　I　can't　cry；　it　isn't　my　fault。〃　Then；　having　emptied　some
water　into　a　glass；　Rodolphe　dipped　his　finger　into　it；　and　let　a
big　drop　fall　on　the　paper；　that　made　a　pale　stain　on　the　ink。
Then　looking　for　a　seal；　he　came　upon　the　one　〃Amor　nel　cor。〃
〃That　doesn't　at　all　fit　in　with　the　circumstances。　Pshaw！　never
mind！〃
After　which　he　smoked　three　pipes　and　went　to　bed。
The　next　day　when　he　was　up　（at　about　two　o'clockhe　had　slept
late）；　Rodolphe　had　a　basket　of　apricots　picked。　He　put　his
letter　at　the　bottom　under　some　vine　leaves；　and　at　once　ordered
Girard；　his　ploughman；　to　take　it　with　care　to　Madame　Bovary。　He
made　use　of　this　means　for　corresponding　with　her；　sending
according　to　the　season　fruits　or　game。
〃If　she　asks　after　me；〃　he　said；　〃you　will　tell　her　that　I　have
gone　on　a　journey。　You　must　give　the　basket　to　her　herself；　into
her　own　hands。　Get　along　and　take　care！〃
Girard　put　on　his　new　blouse；　knotted　his　handkerchief　round　the
apricots；　and　walking　with　great　heavy　steps　in　his　thick
iron…bound　galoshes；　made　his　way　to　Yonville。
Madame　Bovary；　when　he　got　to　her　house；　was　arranging　a　bundle
of　linen　on　the　kitchen…table　with　Felicite。
〃Here；〃　said　the　ploughboy；　〃is　something　for　youfrom　the
master。〃
She　was　seized　with　apprehension；　and　as　she　sought　in　her　pocket
for　some　coppers；　she　looked　at　the　peasant　with　haggard　eyes；
while　he　himself　looked　at　her　with　amazement；　not　understanding
how　such　a　present　could　so　move　anyone。　At　last　he　went　out。
Felicite　remained。　She　could　bear　it　no　longer；　she　ran　into　the
sitting　room　as　if　to　take　the　apricots　there；　overturned　the
basket；　tore　away　the　leaves；　found　the　letter；　opened　it；　and；
as　if　some　fearful　fire　were　behind　her；　Emma　flew　to　her　room
terrified。
Charles　was　there；　she　saw　him；　he　spoke　to　her；　she　heard
nothing；　and　she　went　on　quickly　up　the　stairs；　breathless；
distraught；　dumb；　and　ever　holding　this　horrible　piece　of　paper；
that　crackled　between　her　fingers　like　a　plate　of　sheet…iron。　On
the　second　floor　she　stopped　before　the　attic　door；　which　was
closed。
Then　she　tried　to　calm　herself；　she　recalled　the　letter；　she　must
finish　it；　she　did　not　dare　to。　And　where？　How？　She　would　be
seen！　〃Ah；　no！　here；〃　she　thought；　〃I　shall　be　all　right。〃
Emma　pushed　open　the　door　and　went　in。
The　slates　threw　straight　down　a　heavy　heat　that　gripped　her
temples；　stifled　her；　she　dragged　herself　to　the　closed
garret…window。　She　drew　back　the　bolt；　and　the　dazzling　light
burst　in　with　a　leap。
Opposite；　beyond　the　roofs；　stretched　the　open　country　till　it
was　lost　to　sight。　Down　below；　underneath　her；　the　village　square
was　empty；　the　stones　of　the　pavement　glittered；　the　weathercocks
on　the　houses　were　motionless。　At　the　corner　of　the　street；　from
a　lower　storey；　rose　a　kind　of　humming　with　strident　modulations。
It　was　Binet　turning。
She　leant　against　the　embrasure　of　the　window；　and　reread　the
letter　with　angry　sneers。　But　the　more　she　fixed　her　attention
upon　it；　the　more　confused　were　her　ideas。　She　saw　him　again；
heard　him；　encircled　him　with　her　arms；　and　throbs　of　her　heart；
that　beat　against　her　breast　like　blows　of　a　sledge…hammer；　grew
faster　and　faster；　with　uneven　intervals。　She　looked　about　her
with　the　wish　that　the　earth　might　crumble　into　pieces。　Why　not
end　it　all？　What　restrained　her？　She　was　free。　She　advanced；
looking　at　the　paving…stones；　saying　to　herself；　〃Come！　come！〃
The　luminous　ray　that　came　straight　up　from　below　drew　the　weight
of　her　body　towards　the　abyss。　It　seemed　to　her　that　the　ground
of　the　oscillating　square　went　up　the　walls　and　that　the　floor
dipped　on　end　like　a　tossing　boat。　She　was　right　at　the　edge；
almost　hanging；　surrounded　by　vast　space。　The　blue　of　the　heavens
suffused　her；　the　air　was　whirling　in　her　hollow　head；　she　had
but　to　yield；　to　let　herself　be　taken；　and　the　humming　of　the
lathe　never　ceased；　like　an　angry　voice　calling　her。
〃Emma！　Emma！〃　cried　Charles。
She　stopped。
〃Wherever　are　you？　Come！〃
The　thought　that　she　had　just　escaped　from　death　almost　made　her
faint　with　terror。　She　closed　her　eyes；　then　she　shivered　at　the
touch　of　a　hand　on　her　sleeve；　it　was　Felicite。
〃Master　is　waiting　for　you；　madame；　the　soup　is　on　the　table。〃
And　she　had　to　go　down　to　sit　at　table。
She　tried　to　eat。　The　food　choked　her。　Then　she　unfolded　her
napkin　as　if　to　examine　the　darns；　and　she　really　thought　of
applying　herself　to　this　work；　counting　the　threads　in　the　linen。
Suddenly　the　remembrance　of　the　letter　returned　to　her。　How　had
she　lost　it？　Where　could　she　find　it？　But　she　felt　such　weariness
of　spirit　that　she　could　not　even　invent　a　pretext　for　leaving
the　table。　Then　she　became　a　coward；　she　was　afraid　of　Charles；
he　knew　all；　that　was　certain！　Indeed　he　pronounced　these　words
in　a　strange　manner：
〃We　are　not　likely　to　see　Monsieur　Rodolphe　soon　again；　it
seems。〃
〃Who　told　you？〃　she　said；　shuddering。
〃Who　told　me！〃　he　replied；　rather　astonished　at　her　abrupt　tone。
〃Why；　Girard；　whom　I　met　just　now　at　the　door　of　the　Cafe
Francais。　He　has　gone　on　a　journey；　or　is　to　go。〃
She　gave　a　sob。
〃What　surprises　you　in　that？　He　absents　himself　like　that　from
time　to　time　for　a　change；　and；　ma　foi；　I　think　he's　right；　when
one　has　a　fortune　and　is　a　bachelor。　Besides；　he　has　jolly　times；
has　our　friend。　He's　a　bit　of　a　rake。　Monsieur　Langlois　told　me〃
He　stopped　for　propriety's　sake　because　the　servant　came　in。　She
put　back　into　the　basket　the　apricots　scattered　on　the　sideboard。
Charles；　without　noticing　his　wife's　colour；　had　them　brought　to
him；　took　one；　and　bit　into　it。
〃Ah！　perfect！〃　said　he；　〃just　taste！〃
And　he　handed　her　the　basket；　which　she　put　away　from　her　gently。
〃Do　just　smell！　What　an　odour！〃　he　remarked；　passing　it　under　her
nose　several　times。
〃I　am　choking；〃　she　cried；　leaping　up。　But　by　an　effort　of　will
the　spasm　passed；　then
〃It　is　nothing；〃　she　said；　〃it　is　nothing！　It　is　nervousness。　Sit
down　and　go　on　eating。〃　For　she　dreaded　lest　he　should　begin
questioning　her；　attending　to　her；　that　she　should　not　be　left
alone。
Charles；　to　obey　her；　sat　down　again；　and　he　spat　the　stones　of
the　apricots　into　his　hands；　afterwards　putting　them　on　his
plate。
Suddenly　a　blue　tilbury　passed　across　the　square　at　a　rapid　trot。
Emma　uttered　a　cry　and　fell　back　rigid　to　the　ground。
In　fact；　Rodolphe；　after　many　reflections；　had　decided　to　set　out
for　Rouen。　Now；　as　from　La　Huchette　to　Buchy　there　is　no　other
way　than　by　Yonville；　he　had　to　go　through　the　village；　and　Emma
had　recognised　him　by　the　rays　of　the　lanterns；　which　like
lightning　flashed　through　the　twilight。
The　chemist；　at　the　tumult　which　broke　out　in　the　house　ran
thither。　The　table　with　all　the　plates　was　upset；　sauce；　meat；
knives；　the　salt；　and　cruet…stand　were　strewn　over　the　room；
Charles　was　calling　for　help；　Berthe；　scared；　was　crying；　and
Felicite；　whose　hands　trembled；　was　unlacing　her　mistress；　whose
whole　body　shivered　convulsively。
〃I'll　run　to　my　laboratory　for　some　aromatic　vinegar；〃　said　the
druggist。
Then　as　she　opened　her　eyes　on　smelling　the　bottle
〃I　was　sure　of　it；〃　he　remarked；　〃that　would　wake　any　dead　person
for　you！〃
〃Speak　to　us；〃　said　Charles；　〃collect　yourself；　it　is　your
Charles；　who