the island pharisees-第40节
按键盘上方向键 ← 或 → 可快速上下翻页，按键盘上的 Enter 键可回到本书目录页，按键盘上方向键 ↑ 可回到本页顶部！
————未阅读完？加入书签已便下次继续阅读！
Shelton still stood； holding to the branch； and the oscillation of
the boat freed an infinity of tiny ripples。
〃You thoughtwhat？〃 he said。
He ought to have seen her face grow younger； more childish； even
timid。 She said in a voice smooth； round； and young：
〃You know； Dick； I do think we ought to try。 I know I don't try half
hard enough。 It does n't do any good to think； when you think；
everything seems so mixed； as if there were nothing to lay hold of。
I do so hate to feel like that。 It is n't as if we didn't know
what's right。 Sometimes I think； and think； and it 's all no good；
only a waste of time； and you feel at the end as if you had been
doing wrong。〃
Shelton frowned。
〃What has n't been through fire's no good；〃 he said； and； letting go
the branch； sat down。 Freed from restraint； the boat edged out
towards the current。 〃But what about Ferrand？〃
〃I lay awake last night wondering what makes you like him so。 He's
so bitter； he makes me feel unhappy。 He never seems content with
anything。 And he despises〃her face hardened〃I mean； he hates us
all！〃
〃So should I if I were he；〃 said Shelton。
The boat was drifting on； and gleams of sunlight chased across their
faces。 Antonia spoke again。
〃He seems to be always looking at dark things； or else he seems as
ifas if he couldenjoy himself too much。 I thoughtI thought at
first；〃 she stammered； 〃that we could do him good。〃
〃Do him good！ Ha； ha！〃
A startled rat went swimming for its life against the stream； and
Shelton saw that he had done a dreadful thing： he had let Antonia
with a jerk into a secret not hitherto admitted even by himselfthe
secret that her eyes were not his eyes； her way of seeing things not
his nor ever would be。 He quickly muffled up his laughter。 Antonia
had dropped her gaze； her face regained its languor； but the bosom of
her dress was heaving。 Shelton watched her； racking his brains to
find excuses for that fatal laugh； none could he find。 It was a
little piece of truth。 He paddled slowly on； close to the bank； in
the long silence of the river。
The breeze had died away； not a fish was rising； save for the lost
music of the larks no birds were piping； alone； a single pigeon at
brief intervals cooed from the neighbouring wood。
They did not stay much longer in the boat。
On the homeward journey in the pony…cart； rounding a corner of the
road； they came on Ferrand in his pince…nez； holding a cigarette
between his fingers and talking to a tramp； who was squatting on the
bank。 The young foreigner recognised them； and at once removed his
hat。
〃There he is；〃 said Shelton； returning the salute。
Antonia bowed。
〃Oh！〃 she； cried； when they were out of hearing； 〃I wish he 'd go。
I can't bear to see him； it's like looking at the dark。〃
CHAPTER XXIX
ON THE WING
That night； having gone up to his room； Shelton filled his pipe for
his unpleasant duty。 He had resolved to hint to Ferrand that he had
better go。 He was still debating whether to write or go himself to
the young foreigner； when there came a knock and Ferrand himself
appeared。
〃I should be sorry；〃 he said； breaking an awkward silence； 〃if you
were to think me ungrateful； but I see no future for me here。 It
would be better for me to go。 I should never be content to pass my
life in teaching languages 'ce n'est guere dans mon caractre'。〃
As soon as what he had been cudgelling his brains to find a way of
saying had thus been said for him； Shelton experienced a sense of
disapproval。
〃What do you expect to get that's better？〃 he said； avoiding
Ferrand's eyes。
〃Thanks to your kindness；〃 replied the latter； 〃I find myself
restored。 I feel that I ought to make some good efforts to dominate
my social position。〃
〃I should think it well over； if I were you！〃 said Shelton。
〃I have； and it seems to me that I'm wasting my time。 For a man with
any courage languages are no career； and； though I 've many defects；
I still have courage。〃
Shelton let his pipe go out； so pathetic seemed to him this young
man's faith in his career； it was no pretended faith； but neither was
it； he felt； his true motive for departure。 〃He's tired；〃 he
thought； 〃that 's it。 Tired of one place。〃 And having the
instinctive sense that nothing would keep Ferrand； he redoubled his
advice。
〃I should have thought；〃 he said； 〃that you would have done better to
have held on here and saved a little before going off to God knows
what。〃
〃To save；〃 said Ferrand； 〃is impossible for me； but； thanks to you
and your good friends； I 've enough to make front to first
necessities。 I'm in correspondence with a friend； it's of great
importance for me to reach Paris before all the world returns。 I 've
a chance to get； a post in one of the West African companies。 One
makes fortunes out thereif one survives； and； as you know； I don't
set too much store by life。〃
〃We have a proverb；〃 said Shelton； 〃'A bird in the hand is worth two
birds in the bush！'〃
〃That；〃 returned Ferrand； 〃like all proverbs； is just half true。
This is an affair of temperament。 It 's not in my character to
dandle one when I see two waiting to be caught； 'voyager； apprendre；
c'est plus fort que moi'。〃 He paused； then； with a nervous goggle of
the eyes and an ironic smile he said： 〃Besides； 'mon cher monsieur'；
it is better that I go。 I have never been one to hug illusions； and
I see pretty clearly that my presence is hardly acceptable in this
house。〃
〃What makes you say that？〃 asked； Shelton； feeling that the murder
was now out。〃
〃My dear sir； all the world has not your understanding and your lack
of prejudice； and； though your friends have been extremely kind to
me； I am in a false position； I cause them embarrassment； which is
not extraordinary when you reflect what I have been； and that they
know my history。〃
〃Not through me；〃 said Shelton quickly； 〃for I don't know it myself。〃
〃It's enough；〃 the vagrant said； 〃that they feel I'm not a bird of
their feather。 They cannot change； neither can I。 I have never
wanted to remain where I 'm not welcome。〃
Shelton turned to the window； and stared into the darkness； he would
never quite understand this vagabond； so delicate； so cynical； and he
wondered if Ferrand had been swallowing down the words； 〃Why； even
you won't be sorry to see my back！〃
〃Well；〃 he said at last； 〃if you must go； you must。 When do you
start？〃
〃I 've arranged with a man to carry my things to the early train。 I
think it better not to say good…bye。 I 've written a letter instead；
here it is。 I left it open for you to read if you should wish；〃
〃Then；〃 said Shelton； with a curious mingling of relief； regret；
good…will； 〃I sha'n't see you again？〃
Ferrand gave his hand a stealthy rub； and held it out。
〃I shall never forget what you have done for me；〃 he said。
〃Mind you write；〃 said Shelton。
〃Yes； yes〃the； vagrant's face was oddly twisted〃you don't know
what a difference it makes to have a correspondent； it gives one
courage。 I hope to remain a long time in correspondence with you。〃
〃I dare say you do；〃 thought Shelton grimly； with a certain queer
emotion。
〃You will do me the justice to remember that I have never asked you
for anything；〃 said Ferrand。 〃Thank you a thousand times。
Good…bye！〃
He again wrung his patron's hand in his damp grasp； and； going out；
left Shelton with an odd sensation in his throat。 〃You will do me
the justice to remember that I have never asked you for anything。〃
The phrase seemed strange； and his mind flew back over all this queer
acquaintanceship。 It was a fact： from the beginning to the end the
youth had never really asked for anything。 Shelton sat down on his
bed； and began to read the letter in his hand。 It was in French。
DEAR MADAME （it ran）；
It will be insupportable to me； after your kindness； if you take me
for ungrateful。 Unfortunately； a crisis has arrived which plunges me
into the necessity of leaving your hospitality。 In all lives； as you
are well aware； there arise occasions that one cannot govern； and I
know that you will pardon me that I enter into no explanation on an
event which gives me great chagrin； and； above all； renders me
subject to an imputation of ingratitude； which； believe me； dear
Madame； by no means lies in my character。 I know well enough that it
is a breach of politeness to leave you without in person conveying
the expression of my profound reconnaissance； but if you consider how
hard it is for me to be compelled to abandon all that is so
distinguished in domestic life； you will forgive my weakness。 People
like me； who have gone through existence with their eyes open； have
remarked that those who are endowed with riches have a right to look
down on such as are not
