the island pharisees-第15节

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There　was　some　due　from　home　which　didn't　come。　　Four　days　and　nights

I　lived　on　water。　　My　clothes　were　excellent；　and　I　had　jewellery；

but　I　never　even　thought　of　pawning　them。　　I　suffered　most　from　the

notion　that　people　might　guess　my　state。　　You　don't　recognise　me

now？〃



〃How　old　were　you　then？〃　said　Shelton。



〃Seventeen；　it's　curious　what　one's　like　at　that　age。



By　a　flash　of　insight　Shelton　saw　the　well…dressed　boy；　with

sensitive；　smooth　face；　always　on　the　move　about　the　streets　of

Paris；　for　fear　that　people　should　observe　the　condition　of　his

stomach。　　The　story　was　a　valuable　commentary。　　His　thoughts　were

brusquely　interrupted；　looking　in　Ferrand's　face；　he　saw　to　his

dismay　tears　rolling　down　his　cheeks。



〃I　've　suffered　too　much；〃　he　stammered；　〃what　do　I　care　now　what

becomes　of　me？〃



Shelton　was　disconcerted；　he　wished　'to　say　something　sympathetic；

but；　being　an　Englishman；　could　only　turn　away　his　eyes。



〃Your　turn　's　coming；〃　he　said　at　last。



〃Ah！　when　you've　lived　my　life；〃　broke　out　his　visitor；　〃nothing　's

any　good。　　My　heart's　in　rags。　　Find　me　anything　worth　keeping；　in

this　menagerie。〃



Moved　though　he　was；　Shelton　wriggled　in　his　chair；　a　prey　to　racial

instinct；　to　an　ingrained　over…tenderness；　perhaps；　of　soul　that

forbade　him　from　exposing　his　emotions；　and　recoiled　from　the

revelation　of　other　people's。　　He　could　stand　it　on　the　stage；　he

could　stand　it　in　a　book；　but　in　real　life　he　could　not　stand　it。

When　Ferrand　had　gone　off　with　a　portmanteau　in　each　hand；　he　sat

down　and　told　Antonia：



。　　。　　。　　The　poor　chap　broke　down　and　sat　crying　like　a　child；　and

instead　of　making　me　feel　sorry；　it　turned　me　into　stone。　　The　more

sympathetic　I　wanted　to　be；　the　gruffer　I　grew。　　Is　it　fear　of

ridicule；　independence；　or　consideration；　for　others　that　prevents

one　from　showing　one's　feelings？



He　went　on　to　tell　her　of　Ferrand's　starving　four　days　sooner　than

face　a　pawnbroker；　and；　reading　the　letter　over　before　addressing　it；

the　faces　of　the　three　ladies　round　their　snowy　cloth　arose　before

himAntonia's　face；　so　fair　and　calm　and　wind…fresh；　her　mother's

face；　a　little　creased　by　time　and　weather；　the　maiden　aunt's

somewhat　too　thin…and　they　seemed　to　lean　at　him；　alert　and　decorous；

and　the　words　〃That's　rather　nice！〃　rang　in　his　ears。　　He　went　out　to

post　the　letter；　and　buying　a　five…shilling　order　enclosed　it　to　the

little　barber；　Carolan；　as　a　reward　for　delivering　his　note　to

Ferrand。　　He　omitted　to　send　his　address　with　this　donation；　but

whether　from　delicacy　or　from　caution　he　could　not　have　said。　　Beyond

doubt；　however；　on　receiving　through　Ferrand　the　following　reply；　he

felt　ashamed　and　pleased



3；　BLANK　Row；

WESTMINSTER。



》From　every　well…born　soul　humanity　is　owing。　　A　thousand　thanks。　　I

received　this　morning　your　postal　order；　your　heart　henceforth　for　me

will　be　placed　beyond　all　praise。



　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　J。　　CAROLAN。









CHAPTER　XI



THE　VISION



A　few　days　later　he　received　a　letter　from　Antonia　which　filled　him

with　excitement：



。　　。　　。　　Aunt　Charlotte　is　ever　so　much　better；　so　mother　thinks　we

can　go　home…hurrah！　　But　she　says　that　you　and　I　must　keep　to　our

arrangement　not　to　see　each　other　till　July。　　There　will　be　something

fine　in　being　so　near　and　having　the　strength　to　keep　apart　。　　。　　。

All　the　English　are　gone。　　I　feel　it　so　empty　out　here；　these　people

are　so　funny…all　foreign　and　shallow。　　Oh；　Dick！　　how　splendid　to

have　an　ideal　to　look　up　to！　　Write　at　once　to　Brewer's　Hotel　and

tell　me　you　think　the　same　。　　。　　。　　。　　We　arrive　at　Charing　Cross　on

Sunday　at　half…past　seven；　stay　at　Brewer's　for　a　couple　of　nights；

and　go　down　on　Tuesday　to　Holm　Oaks。



Always　your



ANTONIA。





〃To…morrow！〃　　he　thought；　〃she's　coming　tomorrow！〃　　and；　leaving　his

neglected　breakfast；　he　started　out　to　walk　off　his　emotion。　　His

square　ran　into　one　of　those　slums　that　still　rub　shoulders　with　the

most　distinguished　situations；　and　in　it　he　came　upon　a　little　crowd

assembled　round　a　dogfight。　　One　of　the　dogs　was　being　mauled；　but

the　day　was　muddy；　and　Shelton；　like　any　well…bred　Englishman；　had　a

horror　of　making　himself　conspicuous　even　in　a　decent　cause；　he

looked　for　a　policeman。　　One　was　standing　by；　to　see　fair　play；　and

Shelton　made　appeal　to　him。　　The　official　suggested　that　he　should

not　have　brought　out　a　fighting　dog；　and　advised　him　to　throw　cold

water　over　them。



〃It　is　n　't　my　dog；〃　said　Shelton。



〃Then　I　should　let　'em　be；〃　remarked　the　policeman　with　evident

surprise。



Shelton　appealed　indefinitely　to　the　lower　orders。　　The　lower　orders；

however；　were　afraid　of　being　bitten。



〃I　would　n't　meddle　with　that　there　job　if　I　was　you；〃　said　one。



〃Nasty　breed　o'　dawg　is　that。〃



He　was　therefore　obliged　to　cast　away　respectability；　spoil　his

trousers　and　his　gloves；　break　his　umbrella；　drop　his　hat　in　the　mud；

and　separate　the　dogs。　　At　the　conclusion　of　the　〃job；〃　the　lower

orders　said　to　him　in　a　rather　shamefaced　spanner：



〃Well；　I　never　thought　you'd　have　managed　that；　sir〃；　but；　like　all

men　of　inaction；　Shelton　after　action　was　more　dangerous。



〃Dn　it！〃　　he　said；　〃one　can't　let　a　dog　be　killed〃；　and　he

marched　off；　towing　the　injured　dog　with　his　pocket…handkerchief；　and

looking　scornfully　at　harmless　passers…by。　　Having　satisfied　for　once

the　smouldering　fires　within　him；　he　felt　entitled　to　hold　a　low

opinion　of　these　men　in　the　street。　　〃The　brutes；〃　he　thought；　〃won't

stir　a　finger　to　save　a　poor　dumb　creature；　and　as　for　policemen…〃

But；　growing　cooler；　he　began　to　see　that　people　weighted　down　by

〃honest　toil〃　could　not　afford　to　tear　their　trousers　or　get　a　bitten

hand；　and　that　even　the　policeman；　though　he　had　looked　so　like　a

demi…god；　was　absolutely　made　of　flesh　and　blood。　　He　took　the　dog

home；　and；　sending　for　a　vet。；　had　him　sewn　up。



He　was　already　tortured　by　the　doubt　whether　or　no　he　might　venture

to　meet　Antonia　at　the　station；　and；　after　sending　his　servant　with

the　dog　to　the　address　marked　on　its　collar；　he　formed　the　resolve　to

go　and　see　his　mother；　with　some　vague　notion　that　she　might　help　him

to　decide。　　She　lived　in　Kensington；　and；　crossing　the　Brompton　Road；

he　was　soon　amongst　that　maze　of　houses　into　the　fibre　of　whose

structure　architects　have　wrought　the　motto：　〃　Keep　what　you　have

wives；　money；　a　good　address；　and　all　the　blessings　of　a　moral

state！〃



Shelton　pondered　as　he　passed　house　after　house　of　such　intense

respectability　that　even　dogs　were　known　to　bark　at　them。　　His　blood

was　still　too　hot；　it　is　amazing　what　incidents　will　promote　the

loftiest　philosophy。　　He　had　been　reading　in　his　favourite　review　an

article　eulogising　the　freedom　and　expansion　which　had　made　the　upper

middle　class　so　fine　a　body；　and　with　eyes　wandering　from　side　to

side　he　nodded　his　head　ironically。　　〃Expansion　and　freedom；〃　ran　his

thoughts：　〃Freedom　and　expansion！〃



Each　house…front　was　cold　and　formal；　the　shell　of　an　owner　with　from

three　to　five　thousand　pounds　a　year；　and　each　one　was　armoured

against　the　opinion　of　its　neighbours　by　a　sort　of　daring　regularity。

〃Conscious　of　my　rectitude；　and　by　the　strict　observance　of　exactly

what　is　necessary　and　no　more；　I　am　enabled　to　hold　my　head　up　in　the

world。　　The　person　who　lives　in　me　has　only　four　thousand　two　hundred

and　fifty…five　pounds　each　year；　after　allowing　for　the　income　tax。〃

Such　seemed　the　legend　of　these　houses。



Shelton　passed　ladies　in　ones　and　twos　and　threes　going　out　shopping；

or　to　classes　of　drawing；　cooking；　ambulance。　　Hardly　any　men　were

seen；　and　they　were　mostly　policemen；　but　a　few　disillusioned

children　were　being　wheeled　towards　the　Park　by　fresh…cheeked　nurses；

accompanied　by　a　great　army　of　hairy　or　of　hairless　dogs。



There　was　something　of　her　brother's　large　liberality　about　Mrs。

Shelton；　a　　tiny　lady　with　affectionate　eyes；　warm　cheeks；　and　chilly

feet；　fond　as　a　cat　of　a　chair　by　the　fire；　and　full　of　the　sympathy

that　has　no　insight。　　She　kissed　her　son　at　once　with　rapture；　and；

as　usual；　began　to　talk　of　his　engagement。　　For　the　first　time　a

tremor　of　doubt　ran　through　her　son；　his　mother's　view　of　it　grated

on　him　like　the　sight　of　a　blue…pink　dress；　it　was　too　rosy。　　Her

splendid　optimism；　damped　him；　it　had　too　little　traffic　with　the

reasoning　powers。



〃What　right；〃　he　asked　himself；　〃has　she　to　be　so　certain？　　It　seems

to　me　a　kind　of　blasphemy。〃



〃The　dear！〃　she　cooed。　　〃And　she　is　coming　back　to…morrow？　　Hurrah！

how　I　long　to　see　her！〃



〃But　you　know；　mother；　we've　agreed　not　to　meet　again　until　July。〃



Mrs。　Shelton　rocked　her　foot；　and；　holding　her　head　on　one　side　like

a　little　bird；　looked　at　her　son　with　shining　eyes。



〃Dear　old　Dick！〃　　she　said；　〃how　happy　you　must　be！〃



Half