the little white bird-第6节

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There　were　the　nights　when　her　husband　came　out　to　watch　for　the

postman。　　I　suppose　he　was　awaiting　some　letter　big　with　the　fate

of　a　picture。　　He　dogged　the　postman　from　door　to　door　like　an

assassin　or　a　guardian　angel；　never　had　he　the　courage　to　ask　if

there　was　a　letter　for　him；　but　almost　as　it　fell　into　the　box　he

had　it　out　and　tore　it　open；　and　then　if　the　door　closed

despairingly　the　woman　who　had　been　at　the　window　all　this　time

pressed　her　hand　to　her　heart。　　But　if　the　news　was　good　they

might　emerge　presently　and　strut　off　arm　in　arm　in　the　direction

of　the　pork　emporium。



One　last　picture。　　On　summer　evenings　I　had　caught　glimpses　of

them　through　the　open　window；　when　she　sat　at　the　piano　singing

and　playing　to　him。　　Or　while　she　played　with　one　hand；　she　flung

out　the　other　for　him　to　grasp。　　She　was　so　joyously　happy；　and

she　had　such　a　romantic　mind。　　I　conceived　her　so　sympathetic

that　she　always　laughed　before　he　came　to　the　joke；　and　I　am　sure

she　had　filmy　eyes　from　the　very　start　of　a　pathetic　story。



And　so；　laughing　and　crying；　and　haunted　by　whispers；　the　little

nursery　governess　had　gradually　become　another　woman；　glorified；

mysterious。　　I　suppose　a　man　soon　becomes　used　to　the　great

change；　and　cannot　recall　a　time　when　there　were　no　babes

sprawling　in　his　Mary's　face。



I　am　trying　to　conceive　what　were　the　thoughts　of　the　young

husband　on　the　other　side　of　the　street。　　〃If　the　barrier　is　to

be　crossed　to…night　may　I　not　go　with　her？　　She　is　not　so　brave

as　you　think　her。　　When　she　talked　so　gaily　a　few　hours　ago；　O　my

God；　did　she　deceive　even　you？〃



Plain　questions　to…night。　　〃Why　should　it　all　fall　on　her？　　What

is　the　man　that　he　should　be　flung　out　into　the　street　in　this

terrible　hour？　　You　have　not　been　fair　to　the　man。〃



Poor　boy；　his　wife　has　quite　forgotten　him　and　his　trumpery　love。

If　she　lives　she　will　come　back　to　him；　but　if　she　dies　she　will

die　triumphant　and　serene。　　Life　and　death；　the　child　and　the

mother；　are　ever　meeting　as　the　one　draws　into　harbour　and　the

other　sets　sail。　　They　exchange　a　bright　〃All's　well〃　and　pass

on。



But　afterward？



The　only　ghosts；　I　believe；　who　creep　into　this　world；　are　dead

young　mothers；　returned　to　see　how　their　children　fare。　　There　is

no　other　inducement　great　enough　to　bring　the　departed　back。　

They　glide　into　the　acquainted　room　when　day　and　night；　their

jailers；　are　in　the　grip；　and　whisper；　〃How　is　it　with　you；　my

child？〃　but　always；　lest　a　strange　face　should　frighten　him；　they

whisper　it　so　low　that　he　may　not　hear。　　They　bend　over　him　to

see　that　he　sleeps　peacefully；　and　replace　his　sweet　arm　beneath

the　coverlet；　and　they　open　the　drawers　to　count　how　many　little

vests　he　has。　　They　love　to　do　these　things。



What　is　saddest　about　ghosts　is　that　they　may　not　know　their

child。　　They　expect　him　to　be　just　as　he　was　when　they　left　him；

and　they　are　easily　bewildered；　and　search　for　him　from　room　to

room；　and　hate　the　unknown　boy　he　has　become。　　Poor；　passionate

souls；　they　may　even　do　him　an　injury。　　These　are　the　ghosts　that

go　wailing　about　old　houses；　and　foolish　wild　stories　are

invented　to　explain　what　is　all　so　pathetic　and　simple。　　I　know

of　a　man　who；　after　wandering　far；　returned　to　his　early　home　to

pass　the　evening　of　his　days　in　it；　and　sometimes　from　his　chair

by　the　fire　he　saw　the　door　open　softly　and　a　woman's　face

appear。　　She　always　looked　at　him　very　vindictively；　and　then

vanished。　Strange　things　happened　in　this　house。　　Windows　were

opened　in　the　night。　　The　curtains　of　his　bed　were　set　fire　to。　

A　step　on　the　stair　was　loosened。　　The　covering　of　an　old　well　in

a　corridor　where　he　walked　was　cunningly　removed。　　And　when　he

fell　ill　the　wrong　potion　was　put　in　the　glass　by　his　bedside；

and　he　died。　How　could　the　pretty　young　mother　know　that　this

grizzled　interloper　was　the　child　of　whom　she　was　in　search？



All　our　notions　about　ghosts　are　wrong。　　It　is　nothing　so　petty

as　lost　wills　or　deeds　of　violence　that　brings　them　back；　and　we

are　not　nearly　so　afraid　of　them　as　they　are　of　us。



One　by　one　the　lights　of　the　street　went　out；　but　still　a　lamp

burned　steadily　in　the　little　window　across　the　way。　　I　know　not

how　it　happened；　whether　I　had　crossed　first　to　him　or　he　to　me；

but；　after　being　for　a　long　time　as　the　echo　of　each　other's

steps；　we　were　together　now。　　I　can　have　had　no　desire　to　deceive

him；　but　some　reason　was　needed　to　account　for　my　vigil；　and　I

may　have　said　something　that　he　misconstrued；　for　above　my　words

he　was　always　listening　for　other　sounds。　　But　however　it　came

about　he　had　conceived　the　idea　that　I　was　an　outcast　for　a

reason　similar　to　his　own；　and　I　let　his　mistake　pass；　it　seemed

to　matter　so　little　and　to　draw　us　together　so　naturally。　　We

talked　together　of　many　things；　such　as　worldly　ambition。　　For

long　ambition　has　been　like　an　ancient　memory　to　me；　some

glorious　day　recalled　from　my　springtime；　so　much　a　thing　of　the

past　that　I　must　make　a　railway　journey　to　revisit　it　as　to　look

upon　the　pleasant　fields　in　which　that　scene　was　laid。　　But　he

had　been　ambitious　yesterday。



I　mentioned　worldly　ambition。　　〃Good　God！〃　he　said　with　a

shudder。



There　was　a　clock　hard　by　that　struck　the　quarters；　and　one

o'clock　passed　and　two。　　What　time　is　it　now？　　Twenty　past　two。

And　now？　　It　is　still　twenty　past　two。



I　asked　him　about　his　relatives；　and　neither　he　nor　she　had　any。

〃We　have　a　friend〃　he　began　and　paused；　and　then　rambled　into　a

not　very　understandable　story　about　a　letter　and　a　doll's　house

and　some　unknown　man　who　had　bought　one　of　his　pictures；　or　was

supposed　to　have　done　so；　in　a　curiously　clandestine　manner。　　I

could　not　quite　follow　the　story。



〃It　is　she　who　insists　that　it　is　always　the　same　person；〃　he

said。　　〃She　thinks　he　will　make　himself　known　to　me　if　anything

happens　to　her。〃　　His　voice　suddenly　went　husky。　　〃She　told　me；〃

he　said；　〃if　she　died　and　I　discovered　him；　to　give　him　her

love。〃



At　this　we　parted　abruptly；　as　we　did　at　intervals　throughout　the

night；　to　drift　together　again　presently。　　He　tried　to　tell　me　of

some　things　she　had　asked　him　to　do　should　she　not　get　over　this；

but　what　they　were　I　know　not；　for　they　engulfed　him　at　the　first

step。　　He　would　draw　back　from　them　as　ill…omened　things；　and

next　moment　he　was　going　over　them　to　himself　like　a　child　at

lessons。　A　child！　　In　that　short　year　she　had　made　him　entirely

dependent　on　her。　　It　is　ever　thus　with　women：　their　first

deliberate　act　is　to　make　their　husband　helpless。　　There　are　few

men　happily　married　who　can　knock　in　a　nail。



But　it　was　not　of　this　that　I　was　thinking。　　I　was　wishing　I　had

not　degenerated　so　much。



Well；　as　you　know；　the　little　nursery　governess　did　not　die。　　At

eighteen　minutes　to　four　we　heard　the　rustle　of　David's　wings。　

He　boasts　about　it　to　this　day；　and　has　the　hour　to　a　syllable　as

if　the　first　thing　he　ever　did　was　to　look　at　the　clock。



An　oldish　gentleman　had　opened　the　door　and　waved　congratulations

to　my　companion；　who　immediately　butted　at　me；　drove　me　against　a

wall；　hesitated　for　a　second　with　his　head　down　as　if　in　doubt

whether　to　toss　me；　and　then　rushed　away。　　I　followed　slowly。　　I

shook　him　by　the　hand；　but　by　this　time　he　was　haw…haw…hawing　so

abominably　that　a　disgust　of　him　swelled　up　within　me；　and　with

it　a　passionate　desire　to　jeer　once　more　at　Mary　A



〃It　is　little　she　will　care　for　you　now；〃　I　said　to　the　fellow；

〃I　know　the　sort　of　woman；　her　intellectuals　（which　are　all　she

has　to　distinguish　her　from　the　brutes）　are　so　imperfectly

developed　that　she　will　be　a　crazy　thing　about　that　boy　for　the

next　three　years。　　She　has　no　longer　occasion　for　you；　my　dear

sir；　you　are　like　a　picture　painted　out。〃



But　I　question　whether　he　heard　me。　　I　returned　to　my　home。　

Home！　As　if　one　alone　can　build　a　nest。　　How　often　as　I　have

ascended　the　stairs　that　lead　to　my　lonely；　sumptuous　rooms；　have

I　paused　to　listen　to　the　hilarity　of　the　servants　below。　　That

morning　I　could　not　rest：　I　wandered　from　chamber　to　chamber；

followed　by　my　great　dog；　and　all　were　alike　empty　and　desolate。　

I　had　nearly　finished　a　cigar　when　I　thought　I　heard　a　pebble

strike　the　window；　and　looking　out　I　saw　David's　father　standing

beneath。　　I　had　told　him　that　I　lived　in　this　street；　and　I

suppose　my　lights　had　guided　him　to　my　window。



〃I　could　not　lie　down；〃　he　called　up　hoarsely；　〃until　I　heard

your　news。　　Is　it　all　right？〃



For　a　moment　I　failed　to　understand　him。　　Then　I　said　sourly：

〃Yes；　all　is　right。〃



〃Both　doing　well？〃　he　inquired。



〃Both；〃　I　answered；　and　all　the　time　I　was　trying　to　shut　the

window。　　It　was　undoubtedly　a　kindly　impulse　that　had　brought　him

out；　but　I　was　nevertheless　in　a　passion　with　him。



〃Boy　or　girl？〃　persisted　the　dodderer　with　ungentlemanlike