over the teacups-第41节

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in　this　world。　　If　they　concentrated　their　affection　on　one；　they

would　give　him　more　than　any　mortal　could　claim　as　his　share。　　I　saw

Number　Five　watering　her　flowers；　the　other　day。　　The　watering…pot

had　one　of　those　perforated　heads；　through　which　the　water　runs　in

many　small　streams。　　Every　plant　got　its　share：　the　proudest　lily

bent　beneath　the　gentle　shower；　the　lowliest　daisy　held　its　little

face　up　for　baptism。　　All　were　refreshed；　none　was　flooded。

Presently　she　took　the　perforated　head；　or　〃rose；〃　from　the　neck　of

the　watering…pot；　and　the　full　stream　poured　out　in　a　round；　solid

column。　　It　was　almost　too　much　for　the　poor　geranium　on　which　it

fell；　and　it　looked　at　one　minute　as　if　the　roots　would　be　laid　bare；

and　perhaps　the　whole　plant　be　washed　out　of　the　soil　in　which　it　was

planted。　　What　if　Number　Five　should　take　off　the　〃rose〃　that

sprinkles　her　affections　on　so　many；　and　pour　them　all　on　one？　　Can

that　ever　be？　　If　it　can；　life　is　worth　living　for　him　on　whom　her

love　may　be　lavished。



One　of　my　neighbors；　a　thorough　American；　is　much　concerned　about　the

growth　of　what　he　calls　the　〃hard…handed　aristocracy。〃　He　tells　the

following　story：



〃I　was　putting　up　a　fence　about　my　yard；　and　employed　a　man　of　whom　I

knew　something；that　he　was　industrious；　temperate；　and　that　he　had

a　wife　and　children　to　support；a　worthy　man；　a　native　New

Englander。　　I　engaged　him；　I　say；　to　dig　some　post…holes。　　My

employee　bought　a　new　spade　and　scoop　on　purpose；　and　came　to　my

place　at　the　appointed　time；　and　began　digging。　　While　he　was　at

work；　two　men　came　over　from　a　drinking…saloon；　to　which　my　residence

is　nearer　than　I　could　desire。　　One　of　them　I　had　known　as　Mike

Fagan；　the　other　as　Hans　Schleimer。　　They　looked　at　Hiram；　my　New

Hampshire　man；　in　a　contemptuous　and　threatening　way　for　a　minute　or

so；　when　Fagan　addressed　him：



〃'And　how　much　does　the　man　pay　yez　by　the　hour？'



The　gentleman　does　n't　pay　me　by　the　hour；'　said　Hiram。



〃'How　mosh　does　he　bay　you　by　der　veeks？'　said　Hans。



〃'I　don'　know　as　that's　any　of　your　business；'　answered　Hiram。



〃'Faith；　we'll　make　it　our　business；'　said　Mike　Fagan。　　'We're

Knoights　of　Labor；　we'd　have　yez　to　know；　and　ye　can't　make　yer

bargains　fist　as　ye　loikes。　　We　manes　to　know　how　mony　hours　ye

worrks；　and　how　much　ye　gets　for　it。'



〃'Knights　of　Labor！'　said　I。　　'Why；　that　is　a　kind　of　title　of

nobility；　is　n't　it？　　I　thought　the　laws　of　our　country　did　n't　allow

titles　of　that　kind。　　But　if　you　have　a　right　to　be　called　knights；　I

suppose　I　ought　to　address　you　as　such。　　Sir　Michael；　I　congratulate

you　on　the　dignity　you　have　attained。　　I　hope　Lady　Fagan　is　getting

on　well　with　my　shirts。　　Sir　Hans；　I　pay　my　respects　to　your　title。

I　trust　that　Lady　Schleixner　has　got　through　that　little　difficulty

between　her　ladyship　and　yourself　in　which　the　police　court　thought

it　necessary　to　intervene。'



〃The　two　men　looked　at　me。　　I　weigh　about　a　hundred　and　eighty

pounds；　and　am　well　put　together。　　Hiram　was　noted　in　his　village　as

a　'rahstler。'　　But　my　face　is　rather　pallid　and　peaked；　and　Hiram　had

something　of　the　greenhorn　look。　　The　two　men；　who　had　been　drinking；

hardly　knew　what　ground　to　take。　　They　rather　liked　the　sound　of　；Sir

Michael　and；　Sir　Hans。　　They　did　not　know　very　well　what　to　make　of

their　wives　as　'ladies。'　　They　looked　doubtful　whether　to　take　what

had　been　said　as　a　casus　belli　or　not；　but　they　wanted　a　pretext　of

some　kind　or　other。　　Presently　one　of　them　saw　a　label　on　the　scoop；

or　longhandled；　spoon…like　shovel；　with　which　Hiram　had　been　working。



〃'Arrah；　be　jabers！'　exclaimed　Mike　Fagan；　'but　has　n't　he　been

a…tradin'　wid　Brown；　the　hardware　fellah；　that　we　boycotted！　　Grab

it；　Hans；　and　we'll　carry　it　off　and　show　it　to　the　brotherhood。'



The　men　made　a　move　toward　the　implement。



〃'You　let　that　are　scoop…shovel　alone；'　said　Hiram。



〃I　stepped　to　his　side。　　The　Knights　were　combative；　as　their　noble

predecessors　with　the　same　title　always　were；　and　it　was　necessary　to

come　to　a　voie　de　fait。　　My　straight　blow　from　the　shoulder　did　for

Sir　Michael。　　Hiram　treated　Sir　Hans　to　what　is　technically　known　as

a　cross…buttock。



〃'Naow；　Dutchman；'　said　Hiram；　'if　you　don't　want　to　be　planted　in

that　are　post…hole；　y'd　better　take　y'rself　out　o'　this　here　piece　of

private　property。　　〃Dangerous　passin'；〃　as　the　sign…posts　say；　abaout

these　times。'



〃Sir　Michael　went　down　half　stunned　by　my　expressive　gesture；　Sir

Hans　did　not　know　whether　his　hip　was　out　of　joint　or　he　had　got　a

bad　sprain；　but　they　were　both　out　of　condition　for　further

hostilities。　　Perhaps　it　was　hardly　fair　to　take　advantage　of　their

misfortunes　to　inflict　a　discourse　upon　them；　but　they　had　brought　it

on　themselves；　and　we　each　of　us　gave　them　a　piece　of　our　mind。



〃'I　tell　you　what　it　is；'　said　Hiram；　'I'm　a　free　and　independent

American　citizen；　and　I　an't　a…gon'　to　hev　no　man　tyrannize　over　me；

if　he　doos　call　himself　by　one　o'　them　noblemen's　titles。　　Ef　I　can't

work　jes'　as　I　choose；　fur　folks　that　wants　me　to　work　fur　'em　and

that　I　want　to　work　fur；　I　might　jes'　as　well　go　to　Sibery　and　done

with　it。　　My　gran'f'ther　fit　in　Bunker　Hill　battle。　　I　guess　if　our

folks　in　them　days　did　n't　care　no　great　abaout　Lord　Percy　and　Sir

William　Haowe；　we　an't　a…gon'　to　be　scart　by　Sir　Michael　Fagan　and

Sir　Hans　What　's…his…name；　nor　no　other　fellahs　that　undertakes　to　be

noblemen；　and　tells　us　common　folks　what　we　shall　dew　an'　what　we

sha'n't。　　No；　sir！'



〃I　took　the　opportunity　to　explain　to　Sir　Michael　and　Sir　Hans　what

it　was　our　fathers　fought　for；　and　what　is　the　meaning　of　liberty。

If　these　noblemen　did　not　like　the　country；　they　could　go　elsewhere。

If　they　did　n't　like　the　laws；　they　had　the　ballot…box；　and　could

choose　new　legislators。　　But　as　long　as　the　laws　existed　they　must

obey　them。　　I　could　not　admit　that；　because　they　called　themselves　by

the　titles　the　Old　World　nobility　thought　so　much　of；　they　had　a

right　to　interfere　in　the　agreements　I　entered　into　with　my　neighbor。

I　told　Sir　Michael　that　if　he　would　go　home　and　help　Lady　Fagan　to

saw　and　split　the　wood　for　her　fire；　he　would　be　better　employed　than

in　meddling　with　my　domestic　arrangements。　　I　advised　Sir　Hans　to　ask

Lady　Schleimer　for　her　bottle　of　spirits　to　use　as　an　embrocation　for

his　lame　hip。　　And　so　my　two　visitors　with　the　aristocratic　titles

staggered　off；　and　left　us　plain；　untitled　citizens；　Hiram　and

myself；　to　set　our　posts；　and　consider　the　question　whether　we　lived

in　a　free　country　or　under　the　authority　of　a　self…constituted　order

of　quasi…nobility。〃



It　is　a　very　curious　fact　that；　with　all　our　boasted　〃free　and　equal〃

superiority　over　the　communities　of　the　Old　World；　our　people　have

the　most　enormous　appetite　for　Old　World　titles　of　distinction。　　Sir

Michael　and　Sir　Hans　belong　to　one　of　the　most　extended　of　the

aristocratic　orders。　　But　we　have　also　〃Knights　and　Ladies　of　Honor；〃

and；　what　is　still　grander；　〃Royal　Conclave　of　Knights　and　Ladies；〃

〃Royal　Arcanum；〃　and　〃Royal　Society　of　Good　Fellows；〃　　〃　Supreme

Council；〃　　〃Imperial　Court；〃　　〃Grand　Protector；〃　and　〃Grand

Dictator；〃　and　so　on。　　Nothing　less　than　〃Grand〃　and　11　Supreme〃　is

good　enough　for　the　dignitaries　of　our　associations　of　citizens。

Where　does　all　this　ambition　for　names　without　realities　come　from？

Because　a　Knight　of　the　Garter　wears　a　golden　star；　why　does　the

worthy　cordwainer；　who　mends　the　shoes　of　his　fellow…citizens；　want

to　wear　a　tin　star；　and　take　a　name　that　had　a　meaning　as　used　by　the

representatives　of　ancient　families；　or　the　men　who　had　made

themselves　illustrious　by　their　achievements？



It　appears　to　be　a　peculiarly　American　weakness。　　The　French

republicans　of　the　earlier　period　thought　the　term　citizen　was　good

enough　for　anybody。　　At　a　later　period；　〃Roi　Citoyen〃the　citizen

king　was　a　common　title　given　to　Louis　Philippe。　　But　nothing　is　too

grand　for　the　American；　in　the　way　of　titles。　　The　proudest　of　them

all　signify　absolutely　nothing。　　They　do　not　stand　for　ability；　for

public　service；　for　social　importance；　for　large　possessions；　but；　on

the　contrary；　are　oftenest　found　in　connection　with　personalities　to

which　they　are　supremely　inapplicable。　　We　can　hardly　afford　to

quarrel　with　a　national　habit　which；　if　lightly　handled；　may　involve

us　in　serious　domestic　difficulties。　　The　〃Right　Worshipful〃

functionary　whose　equipage　stops　at　my　back　gate；　and　whose　services

are　indispensable　to　the　health　and　comfort　of　my　household；　is　a

dignitary　whom　I　must　not　offend。　　I　must　speak　with　proper　deference

to　the　lady　who　is　scrubbing　my　floors；　when　I　remember　that　her

husband；　who　saws　my　wood；　carries　a　string　of　high…sounding　titles

which　would　satisfy　a　Spanish　nobleman。



After　all；　every　people　must　have　its　own　forms　of　ostentation；

pretence；　and　vulgarity。