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第23节

over the teacups-第23节

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mischievous look about the little group; and I thought they were

hatching some plot among them。  I did not hear what the English Annex

said; but the American girl's voice was sharper; and I overheard what

sounded to me like; 〃It is time to stir up that young Doctor。〃  The

Counsellor looked very knowing; and said that he would find a chance

before long。  I was rather amused to see how readily he entered into

the project of the young people。  The fact is; the Counsellor is

young for his time of life; for he already betrays some signs of the

change referred to in that once familiar street song; which my

friend; the great American surgeon; inquired for at the music…shops

under the title; as he got it from the Italian minstrel;



          〃Silva tredi mondi goo。〃



I saw; soon after this; that the Counsellor was watching his chance

to 〃stir up the young Doctor。〃



It does not follow; because our young Doctor's bald spot is slower in

coming than he could have wished; that he has not had time to form

many sound conclusions in the calling to which he has devoted himself

Vesalius; the father of modern descriptive anatomy; published his

great work on that subject before he was thirty。  Bichat; the great

anatomist and physiologist; who died near the beginning of this

century; published his treatise; which made a revolution in anatomy

and pathology; at about the same age; dying soon after he had reached

the age of thirty。  So; possibly the Counsellor may find that he has

〃stirred up〃 a young man who; can take care of his own head; in case

of aggressive movements in its direction。



〃Well; Doctor;〃 the Counsellor began; 〃how are stocks… in the measles

market about these times?  Any corner in bronchitis?  Any syndicate

in the vaccination business?〃  All this playfully。



〃I can't say how it is with other people's patients; most of my

families are doing very well without my help; at this time。〃



〃Do tell me; Doctor; how many families you own。  I have heard it said

that some of our fellow…citizens have two distinct families; but you

speak as if you had a dozen。〃



〃I have; but not so large a number as I should like。  I could take

care of fifteen or twenty more without: having to work too hard。〃



〃Why; Doctor; you are as bad as a Mormon。  What do you mean by

calling certain families yours?〃



〃Don't you speak about my client?  Don't your clients call you their

lawyer?  Does n't your baker; does n't your butcher; speak of the

families he supplies as his families?〃



To be sure; yes; of course they do; but I had a notion that a man had

as many doctors as he had organs to be doctored。〃



〃Well; there is some truth in that; but did you think the old…

fashioned family doctor was extinct; a fossil like the megatherium?〃



〃Why; yes; after the recent experience of a friend of mine; I did

begin to think that there would soon be no such personage left as

that same old…fashioned family doctor。  Shall I tell you what that

experience was?〃



The young Doctor said be should be mightily pleased to hear it。  He

was going to be one of those old…fogy practitioners himself。



〃I don't know;〃 the Counsellor said; 〃whether my friend got all the

professional terms of his story correctly; nor whether I have got

them from him without making any mistakes; but if I do make blunders

in some of the queer names; you can correct me。  This is my friend's

story:



〃My family doctor;' he said; 〃was a very sensible man; educated at a

school where they professed to teach all the specialties; but not

confining himself to any one branch of medical practice。  Surgical

practice he did not profess to meddle with; and there were some

classes of patients whom he was willing to leave to the female

physician。  But throughout the range of diseases not requiring

exceptionally skilled manual interference; his education had

authorized him to consider himself; and he did consider himself;

qualified to undertake the treatment of all ordinary cases… It so

happened that my young wife was one of those uneasy persons who are

never long contented with their habitual comforts and blessings; but

always trying to find something a little better; something newer; at

any rate。  I was getting to be near fifty years old; and it happened

to me; as it not rarely does to people at about that time of life;

that my hair began to fall out。  I spoke of it to my doctor; who

smiled; said it was a part of the process of reversed evolution; but

might be retarded a little; and gave me a prescription。  I did not

find any great effect from it; and my wife would have me go to a

noted dermatologist。  The distinguished specialist examined my

denuded scalp with great care。  He looked at it through a strong

magnifier。  He examined the bulb of a fallen hair in a powerful

microscope。  He deliberated for a while; and then said; 〃This is a

case of alopecia。  It may perhaps be partially remedied。  I will give

you a prescription。〃  Which he did; and told me to call again in a

fortnight。  At the end of three months I had called six times; and

each time got a new recipe; and detected no difference in the course

of my 〃alopecia。〃  After I had got through my treatment; I showed my

recipes to my family physician; and we found that three of them were

the same he had used; familiar; old…fashioned remedies; and the

others were taken from a list of new and little…tried prescriptions

mentioned in one of the last medical journals; which was lying on the

old doctor's table。  I might as well have got no better under his

charge; and should have got off much cheaper。



〃The next trouble I had was a little redness of the eyes; for which

my doctor gave me a wash; but my wife would have it that I must see

an oculist。  So I made four visits to an oculist; and at the last

visit the redness was nearly gone;as it ought to have been by that

time。  The specialist called my complaint conjunctivitis; but that

did not make it feel any better nor get well any quicker。  If I had

had a cataract or any grave disease of the eye; requiring a nice

operation on that delicate organ; of course I should have properly

sought the aid of an expert; whose eye; hand; and judgment were

trained to that special business; but in this case I don't doubt that

my family doctor would have done just as well as the expert。

However; I had to obey orders; and my wife would have it that I

should entrust my precious person only to the most skilful specialist

in each department of medical practice。



〃In the course of the year I experienced a variety of slight

indispositions。  For these I was auriscoped by an aurist;

laryngoscoped by a laryngologist; ausculted by a stethoscopist; and

so on; until a complete inventory of my organs was made out; and I

found that if I believed all these searching inquirers professed to

have detected in my unfortunate person; I could repeat with too

literal truth the words of the General Confession; 〃And there is no

health in us。〃  I never heard so many hard names in all my life。  I

proved to be the subject of a long catalogue of diseases; and what

maladies I was not manifestly guilty of I was at least suspected of

harboring。  I was handed along all the way from alopecia; which used

to be called baldness; to zoster; which used to be known as shingles。

I was the patient of more than a dozen specialists。  Very pleasant

persons; many of them; but what a fuss they made about my trifling

incommodities!  Please look at that photograph。  See if there is a

minute elevation under one eye。'



〃'On which side?' I asked him; for I could not be sure there was

anything different on one side from what I saw on the other。



〃'Under the left eye。  I called it a pimple; the specialist called it

acne。  Now look at this photograph。  It was taken after my acne had

been three months under treatment。  It shows a little more distinctly

than in the first photograph; does n't it?'



〃'I think it does;' I answered。  'It does n't seem to me that you

gained a great deal by leaving your customary adviser for the

specialist。'



〃'Well;' my friend continued; 'following my wife's urgent counsel; I

kept on; as I told you; for a whole year with my specialists; going

from head to foot; and tapering off with a chiropodist。  I got a deal

of amusement out of their contrivances and experiments。  Some of them

lighted up my internal surfaces with electrical or other illuminating

apparatus。  Thermometers; dynamometers; exploring…tubes; little

mirrors that went half…way down to my stomach; tuning…forks;

ophthalmoscopes; percussion…hammers; single and double stethoscopes;

speculums; sphygmometers;such a battery of detective instruments I

had never imagined。  All useful; I don't doubt; but at the end of the

year I began to question whether I should n't have done about as well

to stick to my long tried practitioner。  When the bills for

〃professional services〃

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