over the teacups-第21节

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well　with　me；　as　I　happen　to　know；　in　my　views　on　this　business　of

realism；　thanked　me　for　giving　them　the　benefit　of　my　opinion。



The　silence　that　followed　was　broken　by　Number　Seven's　suddenly

exclaiming；



〃I　should　like　to　boss　creation　for　a　week！〃



This　expression　was　an　outbreak　suggested　by　some　train　of　thought

which　Number　Seven　had　been　following　while　I　was　discoursing。　　I　do

not　think　one　of　the　company　looked　as　if　he　or　she　were　shocked　by

it　as　an　irreligious　or　even　profane　speech。　　It　is　a　better　way

always；　in　dealing　with　one　of　those　squinting　brains；　to　let　it

follow　out　its　own　thought。　　It　will　keep　to　it　for　a　while；　then　it

will　quit　the　rail；　so　to　speak；　and　run　to　any　side…track　which　may

present　itself。



〃What　is　the　first　thing　you　would　do？〃　asked　Number　Five　in　a

pleasant；　easy　way。



〃The　first　thing？　　Pick　out　a　few　thousand　of　the　best　specimens　of

the　best　races；　and　drown　the　rest　like　so　many　blind　puppies。〃



〃Why；〃　said　she；　〃that　was　tried　once；　and　does　not　seem　to　have

worked　very　well。〃



〃Very　likely。　　You　mean　Noah's　flood；　I　suppose。　　More　people

nowadays；　and　a　better　lot　to　pick　from　than　Noah　had。〃



〃Do　tell　us　whom　you　would　take　with　you；〃　said　Number　Five。



〃You；　if　you　would　go；〃　he　answered；　and　I　thought　I　saw　a　slight

flush　on　his　cheek。　　〃But　I　didn't　say　that　I　should　go　aboard　the

new　ark　myself。　　I　am　not　sure　that　I　should。　　No；　I　am　pretty　sure

that　I　shouldn't。　　I　don't　believe；　on　the　whole；　it　would　pay　me　to

save　myself。　　I　ain't　of　much　account。　　But　I　could　pick　out　some

that　were。〃



And　just　now　he　was　saying　that　he　should　like　to　boss　the　universe！

All　this　has　nothing　very　wonderful　about　it。　　Every　one　of　us　is

subject　to　alternations　of　overvaluation　and　undervaluation　of

ourselves。　　Do　you　not　remember　soliloquies　something　like　this？

〃Was　there　ever　such　a　senseless；　stupid　creature　as　I　am？　　How　have

I　managed　to　keep　so　long　out　of　the　idiot　asylum？　　Undertook　to

write　a　poem；　and　stuck　fast　at　the　first　verse。　　Had　a　call　from　a

friend　who　had　just　been　round　the　world。　　Did　n't　ask　him　one　word

about　what　he　had　seen　or　heard；　but　gave　him　full　details　of　my

private　history；　I　having　never　been　off　my　own　hearth…rug　for　more

than　an　hour　or　two　at　a　time；　while　he　was　circumnavigating　and

circumrailroading　the　globe。　　Yes；　if　anybody　can　claim　the　title；　I

am　certainly　the　prize　idiot。〃　　I　am　afraid　that　we　all　say　such

things　as　this　to　ourselves　at　times。　　Do　we　not　use　more　emphatic

words　than　these　in　our　self…depreciation？　　I　cannot　say　how　it　is

with　others；　but　my　vocabulary　of　self…reproach　and　humiliation　is　so

rich　in　energetic　expressions　that　I　should　be　sorry　to　have　an

interviewer　present　at　an　outburst　of　one　of　its　raging　geysers；　its

savage　soliloquies。　　A　man　is　a　kind　of　inverted　thermometer；　the

bulb　uppermost；　and　the　column　of　self…valuation　is　all　the　time

going　up　and　down。　　Number　Seven　is　very　much　like　other　people　in

this　respect；very　much　like　you　and　me。



This　train　of　reflections　must　not　carry　me　away　from　Number　Seven。



〃If　I　can't　get　a　chance　to　boss　this　planet　for　a　week　or　so；〃　he

began　again；　〃I　think　1　could　write　its　history；yes；　the　history　of

the　world；　in　less　compass　than　any　one　who　has　tried　it　so　far。〃



〃You　know　Sir　Walter　Raleigh's　'History　of　the　World；'　of　course？〃

said　the　Professor。



〃More　or　less；more　or　less；〃　said　Number　Seven　prudently。　　〃But　I

don't　care　who　has　written　it　before　me。　　I　will　agree　to　write　the

story　of　two　worlds；　this　and　the　next；　in　such　a　compact　way　that

you　can　commit　them　both　；to　memory　in　less　time　than　you　can　learn

the　answer　to　the　first　question　in　the　Catechism。〃



What　he　had　got　into　his　head　we　could　not　guess；　but　there　was　no

little　curiosity　to　discover　the　particular　bee　which　was　buzzing　in

his　bonnet。　　He　evidently　enjoyed　our　curiosity；　and　meant　to　keep　us

waiting　awhile　before　revealing　the　great　secret。



〃How　many　words　do　you　think　I　shall　want？〃



It　is　a　formula；　I　suppose；　I　said；　and　I　will　grant　you　a　hundred

words。



〃Twenty；〃　said　the　Professor。　　〃That　was　more　than　the　wise　men　of

Greece　wanted　for　their　grand　utterances。〃



The　two　Annexes　whispered　together；　and　the　American　Annex　gave　their

joint　result。　　One　thousand　was　the　number　they　had　fixed　on。　　They

were　used　to　hearing　lectures；　and　could　hardly　conceive　that　any

subject　could　be　treated　without　taking　up　a　good　part　of　an　hour。



〃Less　than　ten；〃　said　Number　Five。　　〃If　there　are　to　be　more　than

ten；　I　don't　believe　that　Number　Seven　would　think　the　surprise　would

be　up　to　our　expectations。〃



〃Guess　as　much　as　you　like；〃　said　Number　Seven。



〃The　answer　will　keep。　　I　don't　mean　to　say　what　it　is　until　we　are

ready　to　leave　the　table。〃　He　took　a　blank　card　from　his　pocket…book；

wrote　something　on　it；　or　appeared；　at　any　rate；　to　write；　and　handed

it；　face　down；　to　the　Mistress。　　What　was　on　the　card　will　be　found

near　the　end　of　this　paper。　　I　wonder　if　anybody　will　be　curious

enough　to　look　further　along　to　find　out　what　it　was　before　she　reads

the　next　paragraph？



In　the　mean　time　there　is　a　train　of　thought　suggested　by　Number

Seven　and　his　whims。　　If　you　want　to　know　how　to　account　for

yourself；　study　the　characters　of　your　relations。　　All　of　our　brains

squint　more　or　less。　　There　is　not　one　in　a　hundred；　certainly；　that

does　not　sometimes　see　things　distorted　by　double　refraction；　out　of

plumb　or　out　of　focus；　or　with　colors　which　do　not　belong　to　it；　or

in　some　way　betraying　that　the　two　halves　of　the　brain　are　not　acting

in　harmony　with　each　other。　　You　wonder　at　the　eccentricities　of　this

or　that　connection　of　your　own。　　Watch　yourself；　and　you　will　find

impulses　which；　but　for　the　restraints　you　put　upon　them；　would　make

you　do　the　same　foolish　things　which　you　laugh　at　in　that　cousin　of

yours。　　I　once　lived　in　the　same　house　with　the　near　relative　of　a

very　distinguished　person；　whose　name　is　still　honored　and　revered

among　us。　　His　brain　was　an　active　one；　like　that　of　his　famous

relative；　but　it　was　full　of　random　ideas；　unconnected　trains　of

thought；　whims；　crotchets；　erratic　suggestions。　　Knowing　him；　I　could

interpret　the　mental　characteristics　of　the　whole　family　connection

in　the　light　of　its　exaggerated　peculiarities　as　exhibited　in　my　odd

fellow…boarder。　　Squinting　brains　are　a　great　deal　more　common　than

we　should　at　first　sight　believe。　　Here　is　a　great　book；　a　solid

octavo　of　five　hundred　pages；　full　of　the　vagaries　of　this　class　of

organizations。　　I　hope　to　refer　to　this　work　hereafter；　but　just　now

I　will　only　say　that；　after　reading　till　one　is　tired　the　strange

fancies　of　the　squarers　of　the　circle；　the　inventors　of　perpetual

motion；　and　the　rest　of　the　moonstruck　dreamers；　most　persons　will

confess　to　themselves　that　they　have　had　notions　as　wild；　conceptions

as　extravagant；　theories　as　baseless；　as　the　least　rational　of　those

which　are　here　recorded。



Some　day　I　want　to　talk　about　my　library。　　It　is　such　a　curious

collection　of　old　and　new　books；　such　a　mosaic　of　learning　and

fancies　and　follies；　that　a　glance　over　it　would　interest　the

company。　　Perhaps　I　may　hereafter　give　you　a　talk　abut　books；　but

while　I　am　saying　a　few　passing　words　upon　the　subject　the　greatest

bibliographical　event　that　ever　happened　in　the　book…market　of　the

New　World　is　taking　place　under　our　eyes。　　Here　is　Mr。　Bernard

Quaritch　just　come　from　his　well…known　habitat；　No。　15　Piccadilly；

with　such　a　collection　of　rare；　beautiful；　and　somewhat　expensive

volumes　as　the　Western　Continent　never　saw　before　on　the　shelves　of　a

bibliopole。



We　bookworms　are　all　of　us　now　and　then　betrayed　into　an

extravagance。　　The　keen　tradesmen　who　tempt　us　are　like　the　fishermen

who　dangle　a　minnow；　a　frog；　or　a　worm　before　the　perch　or　pickerel

who　may　be　on　the　lookout　for　his　breakfast。　　But　Mr。　Quaritch　comes

among　us　like　that　formidable　angler　of　whom　it　is　said；



　　　　　His　hook　he　baited　with　a　dragon's　tail；

　　　　　And　sat　upon　a　rock　and　bobbed　for　whale。



The　two　catalogues　which　herald　his　coming　are　themselves　interesting

literary　documents。　　One　can　go　out　with　a　few　shillings　in　his

pocket；　and　venture　among　the　books　of　the　first　of　these　catalogues

without　being　ashamed　to　show　himself　with　no　larger　furnishing　of

the　means　for　indulging　his　tastes；he　will　find　books　enough　at

comparatively　modest　prices。　But　if　one　feels　very　rich；　so　rich　that

it　requires　a　good　deal　to　frighten　him；　let　him　take　the　other

catalogue　and　see　how　many　books　he　proposes　to　add　to　his　library　at

the　prices　affixed。　Here　is　a　Latin　Psalter　with　the　Canticles；　from

the　press　of　Fust　and　Schoeffer；　the　second　book　issued　from　their

press；　the　second　book　printed　with　a　date；　that　date　being　1459。

There　are　only　eight　copies　of