ferragus-第24节

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　　happiness　to　tell　you；　Jules；　that　I　now　know　I　was　indeed　a　young
　　girl；　and　that　I　came　to　you　virgin　in　heart。

　　〃When　I　left　that　absolute　solitude；　when；　for　the　first　time；　I
　　braided　my　hair　and　crowned　it　with　almond　blossoms；　when　I　added；
　　with　delight；　a　few　satin　knots　to　my　white　dress；　thinking　of　the
　　world　I　was　to　see；　and　which　I　was　curious　to　seeJules；　that
　　innocent　and　modest　coquetry　was　done　for　you！　Yes；　as　I　entered
　　the　world；　I　saw　/you/　first　of　all。　Your　face；　I　remarked　it；　it
　　stood　out　from　the　rest；　your　person　pleased　me；　your　voice；　your
　　manners　all　inspired　me　with　pleasant　presentiments。　When　you　came
　　up；　when　you　spoke　to　me；　the　color　on　your　forehead；　the　tremble
　　in　your　voice；that　moment　gave　me　memories　with　which　I　throb　as
　　I　now　write　to　you；　as　I　now；　for　the　last　time；　think　of　them。
　　Our　love　was　at　first　the　keenest　of　sympathies；　but　it　was　soon
　　discovered　by　each　of　us　and　then；　as　speedily；　shared；　just　as；
　　in　after　times；　we　have　both　equally　felt　and　shared　innumerable
　　happinesses。　From　that　moment　my　mother　was　only　second　in　my
　　heart。　Next；　I　was　yours；　all　yours。　There　is　my　life；　and　all　my
　　life；　dear　husband。

　　〃And　here　is　what　remains　for　me　to　tell　you。　One　evening；　a　few
　　days　before　my　mother's　death；　she　revealed　to　me　the　secret　of
　　her　life；not　without　burning　tears。　I　have　loved　you　better
　　since　the　day　I　learned　from　the　priest　as　he　absolved　my　mother
　　that　there　are　passions　condemned　by　the　world　and　by　the　Church。
　　But　surely　God　will　not　be　severe　when　they　are　the　sins　of　souls
　　as　tender　as　that　of　my　mother；　only；　that　dear　woman　could　never
　　bring　herself　to　repent。　She　loved　much；　Jules；　she　was　all　love。
　　So　I　have　prayed　daily　for　her；　but　never　judged　her。

　　〃That　night　I　learned　the　cause　of　her　deep　maternal　tenderness；
　　then　I　also　learned　that　there　was　in　Paris　a　man　whose　life　and
　　whose　love　centred　on　me；　that　your　fortune　was　his　doing；　and
　　that　he　loved　you。　I　learned　also　that　he　was　exiled　from　society
　　and　bore　a　tarnished　name；　but　that　he　was　more　unhappy　for　me；
　　for　us；　than　for　himself。　My　mother　was　all　his　comfort；　she　was
　　dying；　and　I　promised　to　take　her　place。　With　all　the　ardor　of　a
　　soul　whose　feelings　had　never　been　perverted；　I　saw　only　the
　　happiness　of　softening　the　bitterness　of　my　mother's　last　moments；
　　and　I　pledged　myself　to　continue　her　work　of　secret　charity；the
　　charity　of　the　heart。　The　first　time　that　I　saw　my　father　was
　　beside　the　bed　where　my　mother　had　just　expired。　When　he　raised
　　his　tearful　eyes；　it　was　to　see　in　me　a　revival　of　his　dead　hopes。
　　I　had　sworn；　not　to　tell　a　lie；　but　to　keep　silence；　and　that
　　silence　what　woman　could　have　broken　it？

　　〃There　is　my　fault；　Jules；a　fault　which　I　expiate　by　death。　I
　　doubted　you。　But　fear　is　so　natural　to　a　woman；　above　all；　a　woman
　　who　knows　what　it　is　that　she　may　lose。　I　trembled　for　our　love。
　　My　father's　secret　seemed　to　me　the　death　of　my　happiness；　and　the
　　more　I　loved；　the　more　I　feared。　I　dared　not　avow　this　feeling　to
　　my　father；　it　would　have　wounded　him；　and　in　his　situation　a　wound
　　was　agony。　But；　without　a　word　from　me；　he　shared　my　fears。　That
　　fatherly　heart　trembled　for　my　happiness　as　much　as　I　trembled　for
　　myself；　but　it　dared　not　speak；　obeying　the　same　delicacy　that
　　kept　me　mute。　Yes；　Jules；　I　believed　that　you　could　not　love　the
　　daughter　of　Gratien　Bourignard　as　you　loved　your　Clemence。　Without
　　that　terror　could　I　have　kept　back　anything　from　you；you　who
　　live　in　every　fold　of　my　heart？

　　〃The　day　when　that　odious；　unfortunate　young　officer　spoke　to　you；
　　I　was　forced　to　lie。　That　day；　for　the　second　time　in　my　life；　I
　　knew　what　pain　was；　that　pain　has　steadily　increased　until　this
　　moment；　when　I　speak　with　you　for　the　last　time。　What　matters　now
　　my　father's　position？　You　know　all。　I　could；　by　the　help　of　my
　　love；　have　conquered　my　illness　and　borne　its　sufferings；　but　I
　　cannot　stifle　the　voice　of　doubt。　Is　it　not　probable　that　my
　　origin　would　affect　the　purity　of　your　love　and　weaken　it；
　　diminish　it？　That　fear　nothing　has　been　able　to　quench　in　me。
　　There；　Jules；　is　the　cause　of　my　death。　I　cannot　live　fearing　a
　　word；　a　look；a　word　you　may　never　say；　a　look　you　may　never
　　give；　but；　I　cannot　help　it；　I　fear　them。　I　die　beloved；　there　is
　　my　consolation。

　　〃I　have　known；　for　the　last　three　years；　that　my　father　and　his
　　friends　have　well…nigh　moved　the　world　to　deceive　the　world。　That
　　I　might　have　a　station　in　life；　they　have　bought　a　dead　man；　a
　　reputation；　a　fortune；　so　that　a　living　man　might　live　again；
　　restored；　and　all　this　for　you；　for　us。　We　were　never　to　have
　　known　of　it。　Well；　my　death　will　save　my　father　from　that　
　　falsehood；　for　he　will　not　survive　me。

　　〃Farewell；　Jules；　my　heart　is　all　here。　To　show　you　my　love　in　its
　　agony　of　fear；　is　not　that　bequeathing　my　whole　soul　to　you？　I
　　could　never　have　the　strength　to　speak　to　you；　I　have　only　enough
　　to　write。　I　have　just　confessed　to　God　the　sins　of　my　life。　I　have
　　promised　to　fill　my　mind　with　the　King　of　Heaven　only；　but　I　must
　　confess　to　him　who　is；　for　me；　the　whole　of　earth。　Alas！　shall　I
　　not　be　pardoned　for　this　last　sigh　between　the　life　that　was　and
　　the　life　that　shall　be？　Farewell；　my　Jules；　my　loved　one！　I　go　to
　　God；　with　whom　is　Love　without　a　cloud；　to　whom　you　will　follow
　　me。　There；　before　his　throne；　united　forever；　we　may　love　each
　　other　throughout　the　ages。　This　hope　alone　can　comfort　me。　If　I　am
　　worthy　of　being　there　at　once；　I　will　follow　you　through　life。　My
　　soul　shall　bear　your　company；　it　will　wrap　you　about；　for　/you/
　　must　stay　here　still；ah！　here　below。　Lead　a　holy　life　that　you
　　may　the　more　surely　come　to　me。　You　can　do　such　good　upon　this
　　earth！　Is　it　not　an　angel's　mission　for　the　suffering　soul　to　shed
　　happiness　about　him；to　give　to　others　that　which　he　has　not？　I
　　bequeath　you　to　the　Unhappy。　Their　smiles；　their　tears；　are　the
　　only　ones　of　which　I　cannot　be　jealous。　We　shall　find　a　charm　in
　　sweet　beneficence。　Can　we　not　live　together　still　if　you　would
　　join　my　nameyour　Clemencein　these　good　works？

　　〃After　loving　as　we　have　loved；　there　is　naught　but　God；　Jules。
　　God　does　not　lie；　God　never　betrays。　Adore　him　only；　I　charge　you！
　　Lead　those　who　suffer　up　to　him；　comfort　the　sorrowing　members　of
　　his　Church。　Farewell；　dear　soul　that　I　have　filled！　I　know　you；
　　you　will　never　love　again。　I　may　die　happy　in　the　thought　that
　　makes　all　women　happy。　Yes；　my　grave　will　be　your　heart。　After
　　this　childhood　I　have　just　related；　has　not　my　life　flowed　on
　　within　that　heart？　Dead；　you　will　never　drive　me　forth。　I　am　proud
　　of　that　rare　life！　You　will　know　me　only　in　the　flower　of　my
　　youth；　I　leave　you　regrets　without　disillusions。　Jules；　it　is　a
　　happy　death。

　　〃You；　who　have　so　fully　understood　me；　may　I　ask　one　thing　more　of
　　you；superfluous　request；　perhaps；　the　fulfilment　of　a　woman's
　　fancy；　the　prayer　of　a　jealousy　we　all　must　feel；I　pray　you　to
　　burn　all　that　especially　belonged　to　/us/；　destroy　our　chamber；
　　annihilate　all　that　is　a　memory　of　our　happiness。

　　〃Once　more；　farewell；the　last　farewell！　It　is　all　love；　and　so
　　will　be　my　parting　thought；　my　parting　breath。〃

When　Jules　had　read　that　letter　there　came　into　his　heart　one　of　those
wild　frenzies　of　which　it　is　impossible　to　describe　the　awful　anguish。
All　sorrows　are　individual；　their　effects　are　not　subjected　to　any
fixed　rule。　Certain　men　will　stop　their　ears　to　hear　nothing；　some
women　close　their　eyes　hoping　never　to　see　again；　great　and　splendid
souls　are　met　with　who　fling　themselves　into　sorrow　as　into　an　abyss。
In　the　matter　of　despair；　all　is　true。



CHAPTER　V

CONCLUSION


Jules　escaped　from　his　brother's　house　and　returned　home；　wishing　to
pass　the　night　beside　his　wife；　and　see　till　the　last　moment　that
celestial　creature。　As　he　walked　along　with　an　indifference　to　life
known　only　to　those　who　have　reached　the　last　degree　of　wretchedness；
he　thought　of　how；　in　India；　the　law　ordained　that　widows　should　die；
he　longed　to　die。　He　was　not　yet　crushed；　the　fever　of　his　grief　was
still　upon　him。　He　reached　his　home　and　went　up　into　the　sacred
chamber；　he　saw　his　Clemence　on　the　bed　of　death；　beautiful；　like　a
saint；　her　hair　smoothly　laid　upon　her　forehead；　her　hands　joined；　her
body　wrapped　already　in　its　shroud。　Tapers　were　lighted；　a　priest　was
praying；　Josephine　kneeling　in　a　corner；　wept；　and；　near　the　bed；　were
two　men。　One　was　Ferragus。　He　stood　erect；　motionless；　gazing　at　his
daughter　with　dry　eyes；　his　head　you　might　have　taken　for　bronze：　he
did　not　see　Jules。

The　other　man　was　Jacquet；Jacquet；　to　whom　Madame　Jules　had　been
ever　kind。　Jacquet　felt　for　her　one　of　those　respectful　friendships
which　rejoice　the　untroubled　heart；　a　gentle　passion；　love　without　its
desires　and　its　storms。　He　had　come　to　pay　his　debt　of　tears；　to　bid　a
long　adieu　to　the　wife　of　his　friend；　to　kiss；　for　the　first　time；　the
icy　brow　of　the　woman　he　had　tacitly　made　his　sister。

All　was