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one; shielded by the sanctity of his life and rendered inviolable by



the nature of his garmentshis sandals alone being capable of



overturning any demon from his path should it encounter themboldly



steps forth into the road and holds out before him certain sacred



emblems。 So powerful are these that at the sight the unlawful demon



confesses itself vanquished; and although its whole body trembles with



ill…contained rage; and the air around is poisoned by its



discreditable exhalation; it is devoid of further resistance。 Those in



the chariot are thereupon commanded to dismiss it; and being bound in



chains they are led into the presence of certain lesser mandarins who



administer justice from a raised dais。







〃Behold!〃 exclaims the chief of the captors; when the prisoners have



been placed in obsequious attitudes before the lesser mandarins; 〃thus



the matter chanced: The honourable Wang; although disguised under the



semblance of an applewoman; had discreetly concealed himself by the



roadside; all but his head being underneath a stream of stagnant



water; when; at the eighth hour of the morning; he beheld these



repulsive outcasts approaching in their chariot; carried forward by



the diabolical vigour of the unlawful demon。 Although I had stationed



myself several li distant from the accomplished Wang; the chariot



reached me in less than a breathing space of time; those inside



assuming their fiercest and most aggressive attitudes; and as they



came repeatedly urging the demon to increased exertions。 Their speed



exceeded that of the swallow in his hymeneal flight; all shrubs and



flowers by the wayside withered incapably at the demon's contaminating



glance; running water ceased to flow; and the road itself was scorched



at their passage; the earth emitting a dull bluish flame。 These facts;



and the times and the distances; this person has further inscribed in



a book which thus disposes of all possible defence。 Therefore; O



lesser mandarins; let justice be accomplished heavily and without



delay; for; as the proverb truly says; 'The fiercer the flame the more



useless the struggles of the victim。'〃







At this point the prisoners frequently endeavour to make themselves



heard; protesting that in the distance between the concealed Wang and



the one who stands accusing them they had thrice stopped to repair



their innermost details; had leisurely partaken of food and wine; and



had also been overtaken; struck; and delayed by a funeral procession。



But so great is the execration in which these persons are held; that



although murderers by stealth; outlaws; snatchers from the body; and



companies of men who by strategy make a smaller sum of money appear to



be larger; can all freely testify their innocence; raisers of this



unlawful demon must not do so; and they are beaten on the head with



chains until they desist。







Then the lesser mandarins; raising their voices in unison; exclaim;



‘The amiable Tsay…hi has reported the matter in a discreet and



impartial spirit。 Hear our pronouncement: These raisers of illegal



spirits shall each contribute ten taels of gold; which shall be



expended in joss…sticks; in purifying the road which they have



scorched; and in alleviating the distress of the poor and virtuous of



both sexes。 The praiseworthy Tsay…hi; moreover; shall embroider upon



his sleeve an honourable sign in remembrance of the event。 Let drums



now be beat; and our verdict loudly proclaimed throughout the



province。〃







These things; O my illustrious father (although on account of my



contemptible deficiencies of style much may seem improbable to your



all…knowing mind); these things I write with an unbending brush; for I



set down only that which I have myself seen; or read in their own



printed records。 Doubtless it will occur to one of your preternatural



intelligence that our own system of administering justice; whereby the



person who can hire the greater number of witnesses is reasonably held



to be in the right; although perhaps not absolutely infallible; is in



every way more convenient; but; as it is well said; 〃To the blind;



night is as acceptable as day。〃







Henceforth you will have no hesitation in letting it be known



throughout Yuen…ping that these foreign barbarians do possess secret



demons; in spite of their denials。 Doubtless I shall presently



discover others no less powerful。







With honourable distinction this person has at length grasped the



essential details of the spoken language herenot sufficiently well;



indeed; to make himself understood on most occasions; or even to



understand others; but enough to perceive clearly when he fails to



become intelligible or when they experience a like difficulty with



him。 Upon an earlier occasion; before he had made so much progress;



being one day left to his own resources; and feeling an internal lack;



he entered what appeared to be a tea…shop of reputable demeanour; and;



seating himself at one of the little marble tables; he freely



pronounced the carefully…learned word 〃rice〃 to the attending nymph。



To put aside all details of preparation (into which; indeed; this



person could not enter) he waved his hand gracefully; at the same time



smiling with an expression of tolerant acquiescence; as of one who



would say that what was good enough to be cooked and offered by so



entrancing a maiden was good enough to be eaten by him。 After



remaining in unruffled tranquillity for the full portion of an hour;



and observing that no other person around had to wait above half that



period; this one began to perceive that the enterprise was not likely



to terminate in a manner satisfactory to himself; so that; leaving



this place with a few well…chosen phrases of intolerable regret in his



own tongue; he entered another; and conducted himself in a like



fashion。 。 。 。 Towards evening; with an unperturbed exterior; but



materially afflicted elsewhere; this person seated himself within the



eleventh tea…shop; and; pointing first towards his own constituents of



digestion; then at the fire; and lastly in an upward direction;



thereby signified to any not of stunted intellect that he had reached



such a condition of mind and body that he was ready to consume



whatever the ruling deities were willing to allot; whether boiled;



baked; roast; or suspended from a skewer。 In this resolve nothing



would move him; untilafter many maidens had approached with



outstretched hands and gestures of despairthere presently entered a



person wearing the helmet of a warrior and the manner of a high



official; who spoke strongly; yet persuasively; of the virtues of



immediate movement and a quiet and reposeful bearing。







Assuredly a people who devote so little attention to the study of



food; and all matters connected with it; must inevitably remain



barbaric; however skilfully they may feign a superficial refinement。



It is said; although I do not commit this matter to my own brush; that



among them are more books composed on subjects which have no actual



existence than on cooking; and; incredible as it may appear; to be



exceptionally round…bodied confers no public honour upon the



individual。 Should a favourable occasion present itself; there are



many who do not scruple to jest upon the subject of food; or; what is



incalculably more depraved; upon the scarcity of it。







Nevertheless; there are exceptions of a highly distinguished radiance。



Among these must be accounted one into whose presence this person was



recently led by our polished and harmonious friend Quang…Tsun; the



merchant in tea and spices。 This versatile person; whose business…name



is spoken of as Jones Bob…Jones; is worthy of all benignant respect;



and in a really enlightened country would doubtless be raised to a



more exalted position than that of a breaker of outsides (an



occupation difficult to express adequately in the written language of



a country where it is unknown); for his face is like the sun setting



in the time of harvest; his waist garment excessive; and the undoubted



symmetry of his middle portions honourable in the extreme。 So welcome



in my eyes; after witnessing an unending stream of concave and



attenuated barbarian ghosts; was the sight of these perfections of



Jones Bob…Jones; that instead of the formal greeting of this



Islandthe unmeaning 〃How do you do it?〃I shook hands cordially



with myself; and exclaimed affectionately in our own language;



〃Illimitable felicities! How is your stomach?〃

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