thais-第23节

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our　own　pleasure；　and　striving　to　attain　the　same　endhappiness；　the
impossible　happiness。　It　would　be　folly　on　my　part　to　say　you　were
wrong；　dear　friend；　even　though　I　think　myself　in　the　right。

〃And　you；　my　Thais；　go　and　enjoy　yourself；　and　be　more　happy　still；　if
it　be　possible；　in　abstinence　and　austerity　than　you　have　been　in
riches　and　pleasure。　On　the　whole；　I　should　say　you　were　to　be　envied。
For　if　in　our　whole　lives；　Paphnutius　and　I　have　pursued　but　one　kind
of　pleasurable　satisfaction；　you　in　your　life；　dear　Thais；　have　tasted
diverse　joys　such　as　it　is　rarely　given　to　the　same　person　to　know。　I
should　really　like　to　be　for　one　hour；　a　saint　like　our　dear　friend
Paphnutius。　But　that　is　not　possible。　Farewell；　then；　Thais！　Go　where
the　secret　forces　of　nature　and　your　destiny　conduct　you！　Go；　and　take
with　you；　whithersoever　you　go；　the　good　wishes　of　Nicias！　I　know　that
is　mere　foolishness；　but　can　I　give　you　anything　more　than　barren
regrets　and　vain　wishes　in　payment　for　the　delicious　illusions　which
once　enveloped　me　when　I　was　in　your　arms；　and　of　which　only　the
shadow　now　remains　to　me？　Farewell；　my　benefactress！　Farewell；
goodness　that　is　ignorant　of　its　own　existence；　mysterious　virtue；　joy
of　men！　Farewell　to　the　most　adorable　of　the　images　that　nature　has
ever　thrownfor　some　unknown　reasonson　the　face　of　this　deceptive
world！〃

Whilst　he　spoke；　deep　wrath　had　been　brewing　in　the　monk's　heart；　and
it　now　broke　forth　in　imprecations。

〃Avaunt；　cursed　wretch！　I　scorn　thee　and　hate　thee。　Go；　child　of　hell；
a　thousand　times　worse　than　those　poor　lost　ones　who　just　now　threw
stones　and　insults　at　me！　They　knew　not　what　they　did；　and　the　grace
of　God；　which　I　implored　for　them；　may　some　day　descend　into　their
hearts。　But　thou；　detestable　Nicias；　thou　art　but　a　perfidious　venom
and　a　bitter　poison。　Thy　mouth　breathes　despair　and　death。　One　of　thy
smiles　contains　more　blasphemy　than　issues　in　a　century　from　the
smoking　lips　of　Satan。　Avaunt；　backslider！〃

Nicias　looked　at　him。

〃Farewell；　my　brother；〃　he　said；　〃and　may　you　preserve　until　your
life's　end　your　store　of　faith；　hate；　and　love。　Farewell；　Thais！　It　is
in　vain　that　you　will　forget　me；　because　I　shall　ever　remember　you。〃

On　quitting　them　he　walked　thoughtfully　through　the　winding　streets　in
the　vicinity　of　the　great　cemetery　of　Alexandria；　which　are　peopled　by
the　makers　of　funeral　urns。　Their　shops　were　full　of　clay　figures
painted　in　bright　colours　and　representing　gods　and　goddesses；　mimes；
women；　winged　sprites；　&c。；　such　as　were　usually　buried　with　the　dead。
He　fancied　that　perhaps　some　of　the　little　images　which　he　saw　there
might　be　the　companions　of　his　eternal　sleep；　and　it　seemed　to　him
that　a　little　Eros；　with　its　tunic　tucked　up；　laughed　at　him
mockingly。　He　looked　forward　to　his　death；　and　the　idea　was　painful　to
him。　To　cure　his　sadness　he　tried　to　philosophise；　and　reasoned　thus

〃Assuredly；〃　he　said　to　himself；　〃time　has　no　reality。　It　is　a　simple
illusion　of　our　minds。　Then；　if　it　does　not　exist；　how　can　it　bring
death　to　me？　Does　that　mean　that　I　shall　live　for　ever？　No；　but　I
conclude　therefrom　that　my　death　is；　always　has　been；　as　it　always
will　be。　I　do　not　feel　it　yet；　but　it　is　in　me；　and　I　ought　not　to
fear　it；　for　it　would　be　folly　to　dread　the　coming　of　that　which　has
arrived。　It　exists；　like　the　last　page　of　a　book　I　read　and　have　not
finished。〃

This　argument　occupied　him　all　the　rest　of　the　way；　but　without　making
him　more　cheerful；　and　his　mind　was　filled　with　dismal　thoughts　when
he　arrived　at　the　door　of　his　house　and　heard　the　merry　laughter　of
Crobyle　and　Myrtale；　who　were　playing　at　tennis　whilst　they　were
waiting　for　him。

Paphnutius　and　Thais　left　the　city　by　the　Gate　of　the　Moon；　and
followed　the　coast。

〃Woman；〃　said　the　monk；　〃all　that　great　blue　sea　could　not　wash　away
thy　pollutions。〃

He　spoke　with　scorn　and　anger。

〃More　filthy　than　a　bitch　or　a　sow；　thou　hast　prostituted　to　pagans
and　infidels　a　body　which　the　Eternal　had　intended　for　a　tabernacle；
and　thy　impurities　are　such　that；　now　that　thou　knowest　the　truth；
thou　canst　not　unite　thy　lips　or　join　thy　hands　without　a　horror　of
thyself　rising　in　thy　heart。〃

She　followed　him　meekly；　over　stony　roads；　under　a　burning　sun。　Her
knees　ached　from　fatigue；　and　her　throat　was　parched　with　thirst。　But；
far　from　feeling　any　of　the　pity　which　softens　the　hearts　of　the
profane；　Paphnutius　rejoiced　at　these　propitiatory　sufferings　of　the
flesh　which　had　so　sinned。　So　infuriated　was　he　with　holy　zeal　that　he
would　have　liked　to　cut　with　rods　the　body　that　had　preserved　its
beauty　as　a　shining　witness　to　its　infamy。　His　meditations　augmented
his　pious　fury；　and　remembering　that　Thais　had　received　Nicias　in　her
bed；　that　idea　seemed　so　horrible　to　him　that　his　blood　all　flowed
back　to　his　heart；　and　his　breast　felt　ready　to　burst。　His　curses　were
stifled　in　his　throat；　and　he　could　only　grind　his　teeth。　He　sprang
forward　and　stood　before　her；　pale；　terrible；　and　filled　with　the
Spirit　of　Godlooked　into　her　very　soul；　and　then　spat　in　her　face。

She　calmly　wiped　her　face　and　continued　to　walk　on。　He　followed；
glaring　at　her　in　pious　anger；　as　if　she　had　been　hell　itself。　He　was
thinking　how　he　could　avenge　Christ　in　order　that　Christ　should　not
avenge　Himself；　when　he　saw　a　drop　of　blood　that　had　dripped　from　the
foot　of　Thais　on　the　sand。　Then　a　hitherto　unknown　influence　entered
his　opened　heart；　sobs　rose　to　his　lips；　he　wept；　he　ran　and　knelt
before　her；　called　her　his　sister；　and　kissed　her　bleeding　feet。　He
murmured　a　hundred　times；　〃My　sister；　my　sister；　my　mother；　O　most
holy！〃

He　prayed

〃Angels　of　heaven；　receive　carefully　this　drop　of　blood；　and　bear　it
before　the　throne　of　the　Lord。　And　may　a　miraculous　anemone　blossom　on
the　sand　sprinkled　with　the　blood　of　Thais；　that　those　who　see　the
flower　may　recover　purity　of　heart　and　feeling。　O　holy；　holy；　most
holy　Thais！〃

As　he　prayed　and　prophesied　thus；　a　lad　passed　on　an　ass。　Paphnutius
ordered　him　to　descend；　seated　Thais　on　the　ass；　and　led　it　by　the
bridle。　Towards　evening　they　came　to　a　canal　shaded　by　fine　trees；　he
tied　the　ass　to　the　trunk　of　a　date　palm；　and　sitting　on　a　mossy　stone
he　shared　with　Thais　a　loaf；　which　they　ate　with　salt　and　hyssop。　They
drank　fresh　water　in　their　hands；　and　talked　of　things　eternal。　She
said

〃I　have　never　drunk　water　so　pure　nor　breathed　an　air　so　light；　and　I
feel　that　God　floats　in　the　breezes　that　pass。〃

〃Look！　it　is　the　evening；　O　my　sister。　The　blue　shadows　of　night　cover
the　hills。　But　soon　thou　wilt　see　shining　in　the　dawn　the　tabernacles
of　Light；　soon　thou　wilt　behold　shine　forth　the　roses　of　the　eternal
morning。〃

They　journeyed　all　night；　and；　while　the　crescent　moon　gleamed　on　the
silver　crests　of　the　waves；　they　sang　psalms　and　hymns。　When　the　sun
rose；　the　Libyan　desert　stretched　before　them　like　a　huge　lion…skin。
At　the　edge　of　the　desert；　and　close　to　a　few　palm…trees；　some　white
huts　shimmered　in　the　morning　light。

〃Are　those　the　tabernacles　of　Light；　father？〃　asked　Thais。

〃Even　so；　my　daughter　and　my　sister。　Yonder　is　the　House　of　Salvation；
where　I　will　confine　you　with　my　own　hands。〃

Soon　they　saw　a　number　of　women　busy　around　the　buildings；　like　bees
round　their　hives。　There　were　some　who　baked　bread；　or　prepared
vegetables；　many　were　spinning　wool；　and　the　light　of　heaven　shone
upon　them　like　a　smile　of　God。　Others　meditated　in　the　shade　of　the
tamarisk　trees；　their　white　hands　hung　by　their　sides；　for；　being
filled　with　love；　they　had　chosen　the　part　of　Magdalen；　and　performed
no　work　but　prayer；　contemplation；　and　ecstasy。　They　were；　therefore；
called　the　Marys；　and　were　clad　in　white。　Those　who　worked　with　their
hands　were　called　the　Marthas；　and　wore　blue　robes。　All　wore　the　hood；
but　the　younger　ones　allowed　a　few　curls　to　show　on　their　foreheads
unintentionally；　it　is　to　be　presumed；　since　it　was　forbidden　by　the
rules。　A　very　old　lady；　tall　and　white；　walked　from　cell　to　cell；
leaning　on　a　staff　of　hard　wood。　Paphnutius　approached　her
respectfully；　kissed　the　hem　of　her　veil；　and　said

〃The　peace　of　the　Lord　be　with　thee；　venerable　Albina。　I　have　brought
to　the　hive；　of　which　thou　art　queen；　a　bee　I　found　lost　on　a
flowerless　road。　I　took　it　in　the　palm　of　my　hand；　and　revived　it　with
my　breath。　I　give　it　to　thee。〃

And　he　pointed　to　the　actress；　who　knelt　down　before　the　daughter　of
the　Caesars。

Albina　cast　a　piercing　glance　on　Thais；　ordered　her　to　rise；　kissed
her　on　the　forehead；　and　then；　turning　to　the　monk

〃We　will　place　her；〃　she　said；　〃amongst　the　Marys。〃

Paphnutius　then　related　how　Thais　had　been　brought　to　the　House　of
Salvation；　and　asked　that　she　should　be　at　once　confined　in　a　cell。
The　abbess　consented；　and　led　the　penitent　to　a　hut；　which　had
remained　empty　since　the　death　of　the　virgin　Laeta；　who　had　sanctified
it。　In　this　narrow　chamber　there　was　but　a　bed；　a　table；　and　a
pitcher；　and　Thais　when　she　crossed　the　threshold；　felt　filled　with
ineffable　joy。

〃I　wish　to　close　the　door　myself；〃　said　Paphnutius；　〃and　put　thereon　a
seal；　which　Jesus　will　come　and