thais-第14节

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pleasure　in　my　footsteps；　and　I　am　celebrated　for　that　all　over　the
world。　I　am　more　powerful　than　the　masters　of　the　world。　I　have　seen
them　at　my　feet。　Look　at　me；　look　at　these　little　feet；　thousands　of
men　would　pay　with　their　blood　for　the　happiness　of　kissing　them。　I　am
not　very　big；　and　I　do　not　occupy　much　space　on　the　earth。　To　those
who　look　at　me　from　the　top　of　the　Serapeium；　when　I　pass　in　the
street；　I　look　like　a　grain　of　rice；　but　that　grain　of　rice　has　caused
among　men；　griefs；　despairs；　hates；　and　crimes　enough　to　have　filled
Tartarus。　Are　you　not　mad　to　talk　to　me　of　shame　when　all　around
proclaims　my　glory？〃

〃That　which　is　glory　in　the　eyes　of　men；　is　infamy　before　God。　O
woman；　we　have　been　nourished　in　countries　so　different；　that　it　is
not　surprising　we　have　neither　the　same　language　nor　the　same
thoughts！　Yet　Heaven　is　my　witness　that　I　wish　to　agree　with　thee；　and
that　it　is　my　intention　not　to　leave　thee　until　we　share　the　same
sentiments。　Who　will　inspire　me　with　burning　words　that　will　melt　thee
like　wax　in　my　breath；　O　woman；　that　the　fingers　of　my　desires　may
mould　thee　as　they　wish？　What　virtue　will　deliver　thee　to　me；　O
dearest　of　souls；　that　the　spirit　which　animates　me；　creating　thee　a
second　time；　may　imprint　on　thee　a　fresh　beauty；　and　that　thou　mayest
cry；　weeping　for　joy；　'It　is　only　now　that　I　am　born'？　Who　will　cause
to　gush　in　my　heart　a　fount　of　Siloam；　in　which　thou　mayest　bathe　and
recover　thy　first　purity？　Who　will　change　me　into　a　Jordan；　the　waves
of　which　sprinkled　on　thee；　will　give　thee　life　eternal？〃

Thais　was　no　longer　angry。

〃This　man；〃　she　thought；　〃talks　of　life　eternal　and　all　that　he　says
seems　written　on　a　talisman。　No　doubt　he　is　a　mage；　and　knows　secret
charms　against　old　age　and　death；〃　and　she　resolved　to　offer　herself
to　him。　Therefore；　pretending　to　be　afraid　of　him；　she　retired　a　few
steps　to　the　end　of　the　grotto；　and　sitting　down　on　the　edge　of　the
bed；　artfully　pulled　her　tunic　across　her　breast；　then；　motionless　and
mute　and　her　eyes　cast　down；　she　waited。　Her　long　eyelashes　made　a
soft　shadow　on　her　cheeks。　Her　entire　attitude　expressed　modesty；　her
naked　feet　swung　gently；　and　she　looked　like　a　child　sitting　thinking
on　the　bank　of　a　brook。　But　Paphnutius　looked　at　her；　and　did　not
move。　His　trembling　knees　hardly　supported　him；　his　tongue　dried　in
his　mouth；　a　terrible　buzzing　rang　in　his　ears。　But　all　at　once　his
sight　failed；　and　he　could　see　nothing　before　him　but　a　thick　cloud。
He　thought　that　the　hand　of　Jesus　had　been　laid　on　his　eyes；　to　hide
this　woman　from　them。　Reassured　by　such　succour；　strengthened　and
fortified；　he　said　with　a　gravity　worthy　of　an　old　hermit　of　the
desert

〃If　thou　givest　thyself　to　me；　thinkest　thou　it　is　hidden　from　God？〃

She　shook　her　head。

〃God？　Who　forces　Him　to　keep　His　eye　always　upon　the　Grotto　of　Nymphs？
Let　Him　go　away　if　we　offend　Him！　But　why　should　we　offend　Him？　Since
He　has　created　us；　He　can　be　neither　angry　nor　surprised　to　see　us　as
He　made　us；　and　acting　according　to　the　nature　He　has　given　us。　A　good
deal　too　much　is　said　on　His　behalf；　and　He　is　often　credited　with
ideas　He　never　had。　You　yourself；　stranger；　do　you　know　His　true
character？　Who　are　you　that　you　should　speak　to　me　in　His　name？〃

At　this　question　the　monk；　opening　his　borrowed　robe；　showed　the
cassock；　and　said

〃I　am　Paphnutius；　Abbot　of　Antinoe；　and　I　come　from　the　holy　desert。
The　hand　that　drew　Abraham　from　Chaldaea　and　Lot　from　Sodom　has
separated　me　from　the　present　age。　I　no　longer　existed　for　the　men　of
this　century。　But　thy　image　appeared　to　me　in　my　sandy　Jerusalem；　and
I　knew　that　thou　wert　full　of　corruption；　and　death　was　in　thee。　And
now　I　am　before　thee；　woman；　as　before　a　grave；　and　I　cry　unto　thee；
'Thais；　arise！'　〃

At　the　words；　Paphnutius；　monk；　and　abbot；　she　had　turned　pale　with
fright。　And　now；　with　dishevelled　hair　and　joined　hands；　weeping　and
groaning；　she　dragged　herself　to　the　feet　of　the　saint。

〃Do　not　hurt　me！　Why　have　you　come？　What　do　you　want　of　me？　Do　not
hurt　me！　I　know　that　the　saints　of　the　desert　hate　women　who；　like　me；
are　made　to　please。　I　am　afraid　that　you　hate　me；　and　want　to　hurt　me。
Go！　I　do　not　doubt　your　power。　But　know；　Paphnutius；　that　you　should
neither　despise　me　nor　hate　me。　I　have　never；　like　many　of　the　men　I
know；　laughed　at　your　voluntary　poverty。　In　your　turn；　do　not　make　a
crime　of　my　riches。　I　am　beautiful；　and　clever　in　acting。　I　no　more
chose　my　condition　than　my　nature。　I　was　made　for　that　which　I　do。　I
was　born　to　charm　men。　And　you　yourself；　did　you　not　say　just　now　that
you　loved　me？　Do　not　use　your　science　against　me。　Do　not　pronounce
magic　words　which　would　destroy　my　beauty；　or　change　me　into　a　statue
of　salt。　Do　not　terrify　me！　I　am　already　too　frightened。　Do　not　kill
me！　I　am　so　afraid　of　death。〃

He　made　a　sign　to　her　to　rise；　and　said

〃Child；　have　no　fear。　I　will　utter　no　word　of　shame　or　scorn。　I　come
on　behalf　of　Him　who　sat　on　the　edge　of　the　well；　and　drank　of　the
pitcher　which　the　woman　of　Samaria　offered　to　Him；　and　who；　also；　when
He　supped　at　the　house　of　Simon；　received　the　perfumes　of　Mary。　I　am
not　without　sin　that　I　should　throw　the　first　stone。　I　have　often
badly　employed　the　abundant　grace　which　God　has　bestowed　upon　me。　It
was　not　anger；　but　pity；　which　took　me　by　the　hand　to　conduct　me　here。
I　can；　without　deceit；　address　thee　in　words　of　love；　for　it　is　the
zeal　in　my　heart　which　has　brought　me　to　thee。　I　burn　with　the　fire　of
charity；　and　if　thy　eyes；　accustomed　only　to　the　gross　sights　of　the
flesh；　could　see　things　in　their　mystic　aspect；　I　should　appear　unto
thee　as　a　branch　broken　off　the　burning　bush　which　the　Lord　showed　on
the　mountain　to　Moses　of　old；　that　he　might　understand　true　lovethat
which　envelops　us；　and　which；　so　far　from　leaving　behind　it　mere　coals
and　ashes；　purifies　and　perfumes　for　ever　that　which　it　penetrates。〃

〃I　believe　you；　monk；　and　no　longer　fear　either　deceit　or　ill…will
from　you。　I　have　often　heard　talk　of　the　hermits　of　the　Thebaid。
Marvellous　things　have　been　told　concerning　Anthony　and　Paul。　Your
name　is　not　unknown　to　me；　and　I　have　heard　say　that；　though　you　are
still　young；　you　equal　in　virtue　the　oldest　anchorites。　As　soon　as　I
saw　you；　and　without　knowing　who　you　were；　I　felt　that　you　were　no
ordinary　man。　Tell　me！　can　you　do　for　me　that　which　neither　the
priests　of　Isis；　nor　of　Hermes；　nor　of　the　celestial　Juno；　nor　the
Chaldean　soothsayers；　nor　the　Babylonian　magi　have　been　able　to
effect？　Monk；　if　you　love　me；　can　you　prevent　me　from　dying？〃

〃Woman；　whosoever　wishes　to　live　shall　live。　Flee　from　the　abominable
delights　in　which　thou　diest　for　ever。　Snatch　from　the　devils；　who
will　burn　it　most　horribly；　that　body　which　God　kneaded　with　His
spittle　and　animated　with　his　own　breath。　Thou　art　consumed　with
weariness；　come；　and　refresh　thyself　at　the　blessed　springs　of
solitude；　come　and　drink　of　those　fountains　which　are　hidden　in　the
desert；　and　which　gush　forth　to　heaven。　Careworn　soul；　come；　and
possess　that　which　thou　desirest！　Heart　greedy　for　joy；　come　and　taste
true　joyspoverty；　retirement；　self…forgetfulness；　seclusion　in　the
bosom　of　God。　Enemy　of　Christ　now；　and　to…morrow　His　well…beloved；
come　to　Him！　Come；　thou　whom　I　have　sought；　and　thou　wilt　say；　'I　have
found　love！'　〃

Thais　seemed　lost　in　meditation　on　things　afar。

〃Monk；〃　she　asked；　〃if　I　adjure　all　pleasures　and　do　penance；　is　it
true　that　I　shall　be　born　again　in　heaven；　my　body　intact　in　all　its
beauty？〃

〃Thais；　I　bring　thee　eternal　life。　Believe　me；　for　that　which　I
announce　to　thee　is　the　truth。〃

〃Who　will　assure　me　that　it　is　the　truth？〃

〃David　and　the　prophets；　the　Scriptures；　and　the　wonders　that　thou
shalt　behold。〃

〃Monk；　I　should　like　to　believe　you；　for　I　must　confess　that　I　have
not　found　happiness　in　this　world。　My　lot　in　life　is　better　than　that
of　a　queen；　and　yet　I　have　many　bitternesses　and　misfortunes；　and　I　am
infinitely　weary　of　my　existence。　All　women　envy　me；　and　yet　sometimes
I　have　envied　the　lot　of　a　toothless　old　woman　who；　when　I　was　a
child；　sold　honey…cakes　under　one　of　the　city　gates。　Often　has　the
idea　flashed　across　my　mind　that　only　the　poor　are　good；　happy；　and
blessed；　and　that　there　must　be　great　gladness　in　living　humble　and
obscure。　Monk；　you　have　agitated　a　storm　in　my　soul；　and　brought　to
the　surface　that　which　lay　at　the　bottom。　Who　am　I　to　believe；　alas！
and　what　is　to　become　of　meand　what　is　life？〃

Whilst　she　thus　spoke；　Paphnutius　was　transfigured；　celestial　joy
beamed　in　his　face。

〃Listen！〃　he　said。　〃I　was　not　alone　when　I　entered　this　house。　Another
accompanied　me；　another　who　stands　by　my　side。　Him　thou　canst　not　see；
because　thy　eyes　are　yet　unworthy　to　behold　Him；　but　soon　thou　shalt
see　Him　in　all　His　glorious　splendour；　and　thou　wilt　say；　'He　alone　is
to　be　adored。'　But　now；　if　He　had　not　placed　His　gentle　hands　before
my　eyes；　O　Thais；　I　should　perhaps　have　fallen　into　sin　with　thee；　for
of　myself　I　am　but　weak　and　sinful。　But　He　saved　us　both。　He　is　as
good　as　He　is　powerful；　and　His　name　is　the　Saviour。　He　was　promised
to　the　w