thais-第12节

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lessons　she　had　received　from　old　Moeroe；　she　was　received；　and
appeared　on　the　stage　in　the　part　of　Dirce。

She　met　with　but　indifferent　success；　for　she　was　inexperienced；　and
the　admiration　of　the　spectators　had　not　been　aroused　by　hearing　her
praises　sung。　But　after　she　had　played　small　parts　for　a　few　months；
the　power　of　her　beauty　burst　forth　with　such　effect　that　all　the　city
was　moved。　All　Antioch　crowded　to　the　theatre。　The　imperial
magistrates　and　the　chief　citizens　were　compelled；　by　the　force　of
public　opinion；　to　show　themselves　there。　The　porters；　sweepers；　and
dock　labourers　went　without　bread　and　garlic；　that　they　might　pay　for
their　places。　Poets　composed　epigrams　in　her　honour。　Bearded
philosophers　inveighed　against　her　in　the　baths　and　gymnasia；　when　her
litter　passed；　Christian　priests　turned　away　their　heads。　The
threshold　of　her　door　was　wreathed　with　flowers；　and　sprinkled　with
blood。　She　received　so　much　money　from　her　lovers　that　it　was　no
longer　counted；　but　measured　by　the　medimnus；　and　all　the　treasure
hoarded　by　miserly　old　men　was　poured　out　at　her　feet。　But　she　was
placid　and　unmoved。　She　rejoiced；　with　quiet　pride；　in　the　admiration
of　the　public　and　the　favour　of　the　gods；　and　was　so　much　loved　that
she　loved　herself。

After　she　had　several　years　enjoyed　the　admiration　and　affection　of
the　Antiochians；　she　was　taken　with　a　desire　to　revisit　Alexandria；
and　show　her　glory　in　that　city　in　which；　as　a　child；　she　had　wandered
in　want　and　shame；　hungry　and　lean　as　a　grasshopper　in　the　middle　of　a
dusty　road。　The　golden　city　joyfully　welcomed　her；　and　loaded　her　with
fresh　riches；　when　she　appeared　in　the　games　it　was　a　triumph。
Countless　admirers　and　lovers　came　to　her。　She　received　them　with
indifference；　for　she　at　last　despaired　of　meeting　another　Lollius。

Amongst　many　others；　she　met　the　philosopher　Nicias；　who　desired　to
possess　her；　although　he　professed　to　have　no　desires。　In　spite　of　his
riches；　he　was　intelligent　and　modest。　But　his　delicate　wit　and
beautiful　sentiments　failed　to　charm　her。　She　did　not　love　him　and
sometimes　his　refined　irony　even　irritated　her。　His　perpetual　doubts
hurt　her；　for　he　believed　in　nothing；　and　she　believed　in　everything。
She　believed　in　divine　providence；　in　the　omnipotence　of　evil　spirits；
in　spells；　exorcisms；　and　eternal　justice；　she　believed　in　Jesus
Christ；　and　in　the　goddess　of　good　of　the　Syrians；　she　believed　also
that　bitches　barked　when　black　Hecate　passed　through　the　streets；　and
that　a　woman　could　inspire　love　by　pouring　a　philtre　into　a　cup
wrapped　in　the　bleeding　skin　of　a　sheep。　She　thirsted　for　the　unknown；
she　called　on　nameless　gods；　and　lived　in　perpetual　expectation。　The
future　frightened　her；　and　yet　she　wished　to　know　it。　She　surrounded
herself　with　priests　of　Isis；　Chaldean　magi；　pharmacopolists；　and
professors　of　the　black　arts；　who　invariably　deceived　her；　though　she
never　tired　of　being　deceived。　She　feared　death；　and　she　saw　it
everywhere。　When　she　yielded　to　pleasure；　it　seemed　to　her　that　an　icy
finger　would　suddenly　touch　her　on　the　bare　shoulder；　and　she　turned
pale；　and　cried　with　terror；　in　the　arms　which　embraced　her。

Nicias　said　to　her

〃What　does　it　matter；　O　my　Thais；　whether　we　descend　to　eternal　night
with　white　locks　and　hollow　cheeks；　or；　whether　this　very　day；　now
laughing　to　the　vast　sky；　shall　be　our　last？　Let　us　enjoy　life；　we
shall　have　greatly　lived　if　we　have　greatly　loved。　There　is　no
knowledge　except　that　of　the　senses；　to　love　is　to　understand。　That
which　we　do　not　know　does　not　exist。　What　good　is　it　to　worry
ourselves　about　nothing？〃

She　replied　angrily

〃I　despise　men　like　you；　who　hope　for　nothing　and　fear　nothing。　I　wish
to　know！　I　wish　to　know！〃

In　order　to　understand　the　secret　of　life；　she　set　to　work　to　read　the
books　of　the　philosophers；　but　she　did　not　understand　them。　The
further　the　years　of　her　childhood　receded　from　her；　the　more　anxious
she　was　to　recall　them。　She　loved　to　traverse　at　night；　in　disguise；
the　alleys；　squares；　and　places　where　she　had　grown　up　so　miserably。
She　was　sorry　she　had　lost　her　parents；　and　especially　that　she　had
not　been　able　to　love　them。　When　she　met　any　Christian　priest；　she
thought　of　her　baptism；　and　felt　troubled。　One　night；　when　enveloped
in　a　long　cloak；　and　her　fair　hair　hidden　under　a　black　hood；　she　was
wandering；　according　to　custom；　about　the　suburbs　of　the　city；　she
found　herselfwithout　knowing　how　she　came　therebefore　the　poor
little　church　of　St。　John　the　Baptist。　They　were　singing　inside　the
church；　and　a　bright　light　glimmered　through　the　chinks　of　the　door。
There　was　nothing　strange　in　that；　as；　for　the　past　twenty　years；　the
Christians；　protected　by　the　conqueror　of　Maxentius；　had　publicly
solemnised　their　festivals。　But　these　hymns　seemed　more　like　an　ardent
appeal　to　the　soul。　As　if　she　had　been　invited　to　the　mysteries；　she
pushed　the　door　open　with　her　arm；　and　entered　the　building。　She　found
a　numerous　assembly　of　women；　children；　and　old　men；　on　their　knees
before　a　tomb；　which　stood　against　the　wall。　The　tomb　was　nothing　but
a　stone　coffer；　roughly　sculptured　with　vine　tendrils　and　bunches　of
grapes；　yet　it　had　received　great　honours；　and　was　covered　with　green
palms　and　wreaths　of　red　roses。　All　round；　innumerable　lights　gleamed
out　of　the　heavy　shadow；　in　which　the　smoke　of　Arabian　gums　seemed
like　the　folds　of　angels'　robes；　and　the　paintings　on　the　walls
visions　of　Paradise。　Priests；　clad　in　white；　were　prostrate　at　the
foot　of　the　sarcophagus。　The　hymns　they　sang　with　the　people　expressed
the　delight　of　suffering；　and　mingled；　in　a　triumphal　mourning；　so
much　joy　with　so　much　grief；　that　Thais；　in　listening　to　them；　felt
the　pleasures　of　life　and　the　terrors　of　death　flowing；　at　the　same
time；　through　her　re…awakened　senses。

When　they　had　finished　singing；　the　believers　rose；　and　walked　in
single　file　to　the　tomb；　the　side　of　which　they　kissed。　They　were
common　men；　accustomed　to　work　with　their　hands。　They　advanced　with　a
heavy　step；　the　eyes　fixed；　the　jaw　dropped；　but　they　had　an　air　of
sincerity。　They　knelt　down；　each　in　turn；　before　the　sarcophagus；　and
put　their　lips　to　it。　The　women　lifted　their　little　children　in　their
arms；　and　gently　placed　their　cheek　to　the　stone。

Thais；　surprised　and　troubled；　asked　a　deacon　why　they　did　so。

〃Do　you　not　know；　woman；〃　replied　the　deacon；　〃that　we　celebrate
to…day　the　blessed　memory　of　St。　Theodore　the　Nubian；　who　suffered　for
the　faith　in　the　days　of　the　Emperor　Diocletian？　He　lived　virtuously
and　died　a　martyr；　and　that　is　why；　robed　in　white；　we　bear　red　roses
to　his　glorious　tomb。〃

On　hearing　these　words；　Thais　fell　on　her　knees；　and　burst　into　tears。
Half…forgotten　recollections　of　Ahmes　returned　to　her　mind。　On　the
memory　of　this　obscure；　gentle；　and　unfortunate　man；　the　blaze　of
candles；　the　perfume　of　roses；　the　clouds　of　incense；　the　music　of
hymns；　the　piety　of　souls；　threw　all　the　charms　of　glory。　Thais
thought　in　the　dazzling　glare

〃He　was　good；　and　now　he　has　become　great　and　glorious。　Why　is　it　that
he　is　elevated　above　other　men？　What　is　this　unknown　thing　which　is
more　than　riches　or　pleasure？〃

She　rose　slowly；　and　turned　towards　the　tomb　of　the　saint　who　had
loved　her；　those　violet　eyes；　now　filled　with　tears　which　glittered　in
the　candle…light；　then；　with　bowed　head；　humble；　slow；　and　the　last；
with　those　lips　on　which　so　many　desires　hung；　she　kissed　the　stone　of
the　slave's　tomb。

When　she　returned　to　her　house；　she　found　Nicias；　who；　with　his　hair
perfumed；　and　his　tunic　thrown　open；　was　reading　a　treatise　on　morals
whilst　waiting　for　her。　He　advanced　with　open　arms。

〃Naughty　Thais；〃　he　said；　in　a　laughing　voice；　〃whilst　I　was　waiting
for　you　to　come；　do　you　know　what　I　saw　in　this　manuscript；　written　by
the　gravest　of　Stoics？　Precepts　of　virtue　and　noble　maxims：　No！　On　the
staid　papyrus；　I　saw　dance　thousands　and　thousands　of　little　Thaises。
Each　was　no　bigger　than　my　finger；　and　yet　their　grace　was　infinite；
and　all　were　the　only　Thais。　There　were　some　who　flaunted　in　mantles
of　purple　and　gold；　others；　like　a　white　cloud；　floated　in　the　air　in
transparent　drapery。　Others　again；　motionless　and　divinely　nude；　the
better　to　inspire　pleasure；　expressed　no　thought。　Lastly；　there　were
two；　hand　in　hand；　two　so　alike　that　it　was　impossible　to　distinguish
one　from　the　other。　Both　smiled。　The　first　said；　'I　am　love。'　The
other；　'I　am　death。'　〃

Thus　speaking；　he　pressed　Thais　in　his　arms；　and　not　noticing　the
sullen　look　in　her　downcast　eyes；　he　went　on　adding　thought　to
thought；　heedless　of　the　fact　that　they　were　all　lost　upon　her。

〃Yes；　when　I　had　before　my　eyes　the　line　in　which　it　was　written；
'Nothing　should　deter　you　from　improving　your　mind；'　I　read；　'The
kisses　of　Thais　are　warmer　than　fire；　and　sweeter　than　honey。'　That　is
how　a　philosopher　reads　the　books　of　other　philosophersand　that　is
your　fault；　you　naughty　child。　It　is　true　that；　as　long　as　we　are　what
we　are；　we　shall　never　find　anything　but　our　own　thoughts　in　the
thoughts　of　others；　and　that　all　of　us　are　somewhat　inclined　to　read
books　as　I　have　read