the turn of the screw-第20节

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〃Ah；　you　can't　get　off　with　that！〃



I　was　silent　a　little；　and　it　was　I；　now；　I　think；　who　changed　color。

〃My　dear；　I　don't　want　to　get　off！〃



〃You　can't；　even　if　you　do。　　You　can't；　you　can't！〃

he　lay　beautifully　staring。　　〃My　uncle　must　come　down；

and　you　must　completely　settle　things。〃



〃If　we　do；〃　I　returned　with　some　spirit；　〃you　may　be　sure　it

will　be　to　take　you　quite　away。〃



〃Well；　don't　you　understand　that　that's　exactly　what　I'm　working　for？

You'll　have　to　tell　himabout　the　way　you've　let　it　all　drop：

you'll　have　to　tell　him　a　tremendous　lot！〃



The　exultation　with　which　he　uttered　this　helped

me　somehow；　for　the　instant；　to　meet　him　rather　more。

〃And　how　much　will　YOU；　Miles；　have　to　tell　him？

There　are　things　he'll　ask　you！〃



He　turned　it　over。　　〃Very　likely。　　But　what　things？〃



〃The　things　you've　never　told　me。　　To　make　up　his　mind　what　to　do　with　you。

He　can't　send　you　back〃



〃Oh；　I　don't　want　to　go　back！〃　he　broke　in。　　〃I　want　a　new　field。〃



He　said　it　with　admirable　serenity；　with　positive　unimpeachable　gaiety；

and　doubtless　it　was　that　very　note　that　most　evoked　for　me　the　poignancy；

the　unnatural　childish　tragedy；　of　his　probable　reappearance　at　the　end　of

three　months　with　all　this　bravado　and　still　more　dishonor。　　It　overwhelmed　me

now　that　I　should　never　be　able　to　bear　that；　and　it　made　me　let　myself　go。

I　threw　myself　upon　him　and　in　the　tenderness　of　my　pity　I　embraced　him。

〃Dear　little　Miles；　dear　little　Miles！〃



My　face　was　close　to　his；　and　he　let　me　kiss　him；　simply　taking　it

with　indulgent　good　humor。　　〃Well；　old　lady？〃



〃Is　there　nothingnothing　at　all　that　you　want　to　tell　me？〃



He　turned　off　a　little；　facing　round　toward　the　wall　and　holding

up　his　hand　to　look　at　as　one　had　seen　sick　children　look。

〃I've　told　youI　told　you　this　morning。〃



Oh；　I　was　sorry　for　him！　　〃That　you　just　want　me　not　to　worry　you？〃



He　looked　round　at　me　now；　as　if　in　recognition　of　my　understanding　him；

then　ever　so　gently；　〃To　let　me　alone；〃　he　replied。



There　was　even　a　singular　little　dignity　in　it；　something　that　made

me　release　him；　yet；　when　I　had　slowly　risen；　linger　beside　him。

God　knows　I　never　wished　to　harass　him；　but　I　felt　that　merely；　at　this；

to　turn　my　back　on　him　was　to　abandon　or；　to　put　it　more　truly；　to　lose　him。

〃I've　just　begun　a　letter　to　your　uncle；〃　I　said。



〃Well；　then；　finish　it！〃



I　waited　a　minute。　　〃What　happened　before？〃



He　gazed　up　at　me　again。　　〃Before　what？〃



〃Before　you　came　back。　　And　before　you　went　away。〃



For　some　time　he　was　silent；　but　he　continued　to　meet　my　eyes。

〃What　happened？〃



It　made　me；　the　sound　of　the　words；　in　which　it　seemed　to　me

that　I　caught　for　the　very　first　time　a　small　faint　quaver

of　consenting　consciousnessit　made　me　drop　on　my　knees　beside

the　bed　and　seize　once　more　the　chance　of　possessing　him。

〃Dear　little　Miles；　dear　little　Miles；　if　you　KNEW　how　I

want　to　help　you！　　It's　only　that；　it's　nothing　but　that；

and　I'd　rather　die　than　give　you　a　pain　or　do　you　a　wrong

I'd　rather　die　than　hurt　a　hair　of　you。　　Dear　little　Miles〃

oh；　I　brought　it　out　now　even　if　I　SHOULD　go　too　far〃I

just　want　you　to　help　me　to　save　you！〃　　But　I　knew　in　a　moment

after　this　that　I　had　gone　too　far。　　The　answer　to　my　appeal

was　instantaneous；　but　it　came　in　the　form　of　an　extraordinary

blast　and　chill；　a　gust　of　frozen　air；　and　a　shake　of　the　room

as　great　as　if；　in　the　wild　wind；　the　casement　had　crashed　in。

The　boy　gave　a　loud；　high　shriek；　which；　lost　in　the　rest

of　the　shock　of　sound；　might　have　seemed；　indistinctly；　though　I

was　so　close　to　him；　a　note　either　of　jubilation　or　of　terror。

I　jumped　to　my　feet　again　and　was　conscious　of　darkness。

So　for　a　moment　we　remained；　while　I　stared　about　me　and　saw

that　the　drawn　curtains　were　unstirred　and　the　window　tight。

〃Why；　the　candle's　out！〃　　I　then　cried。



〃It　was　I　who　blew　it；　dear！〃　said　Miles。







　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　XVIII





The　next　day；　after　lessons；　Mrs。　Grose　found　a　moment　to　say　to　me　quietly：

〃Have　you　written；　miss？〃



〃YesI've　written。〃　　But　I　didn't　addfor　the　hourthat　my　letter；

sealed　and　directed；　was　still　in　my　pocket。　　There　would　be　time

enough　to　send　it　before　the　messenger　should　go　to　the　village。

Meanwhile　there　had　been；　on　the　part　of　my　pupils；　no　more　brilliant；

more　exemplary　morning。　　It　was　exactly　as　if　they　had　both　had　at　heart

to　gloss　over　any　recent　little　friction。　　They　performed　the　dizziest　feats

of　arithmetic；　soaring　quite　out　of　MY　feeble　range；　and　perpetrated；

in　higher　spirits　than　ever；　geographical　and　historical　jokes。

It　was　conspicuous　of　course　in　Miles　in　particular　that　he　appeared

to　wish　to　show　how　easily　he　could　let　me　down。　　This　child；　to　my　memory；

really　lives　in　a　setting　of　beauty　and　misery　that　no　words　can　translate；

there　was　a　distinction　all　his　own　in　every　impulse　he　revealed；

never　was　a　small　natural　creature；　to　the　uninitiated　eye　all　frankness

and　freedom；　a　more　ingenious；　a　more　extraordinary　little　gentleman。

I　had　perpetually　to　guard　against　the　wonder　of　contemplation　into　which　my

initiated　view　betrayed　me；　to　check　the　irrelevant　gaze　and　discouraged

sigh　in　which　I　constantly　both　attacked　and　renounced　the　enigma　of

what　such　a　little　gentleman　could　have　done　that　deserved　a　penalty。

Say　that；　by　the　dark　prodigy　I　knew；　the　imagination　of　all　evil　HAD

been　opened　up　to　him：　　all　the　justice　within　me　ached　for　the　proof

that　it　could　ever　have　flowered　into　an　act。



He　had　never；　at　any　rate；　been　such　a　little　gentleman

as　when；　after　our　early　dinner　on　this　dreadful　day；

he　came　round　to　me　and　asked　if　I　shouldn't　like　him；

for　half　an　hour；　to　play　to　me。　　David　playing　to　Saul

could　never　have　shown　a　finer　sense　of　the　occasion。

It　was　literally　a　charming　exhibition　of　tact；　of　magnanimity；

and　quite　tantamount　to　his　saying　outright：　　〃The　true　knights

we　love　to　read　about　never　push　an　advantage　too　far。

I　know　what　you　mean　now：　　you　mean　thatto　be　let　alone　yourself

and　not　followed　upyou'll　cease　to　worry　and　spy　upon　me；

won't　keep　me　so　close　to　you；　will　let　me　go　and　come。

Well；　I　‘come；'　you　seebut　I　don't　go！　　There'll　be　plenty

of　time　for　that。　　I　do　really　delight　in　your　society；

and　I　only　want　to　show　you　that　I　contended　for　a　principle。〃

It　may　be　imagined　whether　I　resisted　this　appeal　or　failed

to　accompany　him　again；　hand　in　hand；　to　the　schoolroom。

He　sat　down　at　the　old　piano　and　played　as　he　had　never　played；

and　if　there　are　those　who　think　he　had　better　have　been　kicking

a　football　I　can　only　say　that　I　wholly　agree　with　them。

For　at　the　end　of　a　time　that　under　his　influence　I　had

quite　ceased　to　measure；　I　started　up　with　a　strange　sense

of　having　literally　slept　at　my　post。　　It　was　after　luncheon；

and　by　the　schoolroom　fire；　and　yet　I　hadn't　really；

in　the　least；　slept：　　I　had　only　done　something　much　worse

I　had　forgotten。　　Where；　all　this　time；　was　Flora？

When　I　put　the　question　to　Miles；　he　played　on　a　minute

before　answering　and　then　could　only　say：　　〃Why；　my　dear；

how　do　_I_　know？〃breaking　moreover　into　a　happy　laugh　which；

immediately　after；　as　if　it　were　a　vocal　accompaniment；

he　prolonged　into　incoherent；　extravagant　song。



I　went　straight　to　my　room；　but　his　sister　was　not　there；

then；　before　going　downstairs；　I　looked　into　several　others。

As　she　was　nowhere　about　she　would　surely　be　with　Mrs。　Grose；　whom；

in　the　comfort　of　that　theory；　I　accordingly　proceeded　in　quest　of。

I　found　her　where　I　had　found　her　the　evening　before；

but　she　met　my　quick　challenge　with　blank；　scared　ignorance。

She　had　only　supposed　that；　after　the　repast；　I　had　carried

off　both　the　children；　as　to　which　she　was　quite　in　her　right；

for　it　was　the　very　first　time　I　had　allowed　the　little

girl　out　of　my　sight　without　some　special　provision。

Of　course　now　indeed　she　might　be　with　the　maids；　so　that　the

immediate　thing　was　to　look　for　her　without　an　air　of　alarm。

This　we　promptly　arranged　between　us；　but　when；　ten　minutes

later　and　in　pursuance　of　our　arrangement；　we　met　in　the　hall；

it　was　only　to　report　on　either　side　that　after　guarded　inquiries

we　had　altogether　failed　to　trace　her。　　For　a　minute　there；

apart　from　observation；　we　exchanged　mute　alarms；　and　I　could

feel　with　what　high　interest　my　friend　returned　me　all　those　I

had　from　the　first　given　her。



〃She'll　be　above；〃　she　presently　said〃in　one　of　the　rooms

you　haven't　searched。〃



〃No；　she's　at　a　distance。〃　　I　had　made　up　my　mind。

〃She　has　gone　out。〃



Mrs。　Grose　stared。　　〃Without　a　hat？〃



I　naturally　also　looked　volumes。　　〃Isn't　that　woman　always　without　one？〃



〃She's　with　HER？〃



〃She's　with　HER！〃　I　declared。　　〃We　must　find　them。〃



My　hand　was　on　my　friend's　arm；　but　she　failed　for　the　moment；

confronted　with　such　an