the turn of the screw-第19节

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But　after　an　instant　I　added：　　〃Did　they　say　why　I　should

like　it　better？〃



〃No；　Master　Miles　only　said；　〃We　must　do　nothing　but　what　she　likes！〃



〃I　wish　indeed　he　would。　　And　what　did　Flora　say？〃



〃Miss　Flora　was　too　sweet。　　She　said；　‘Oh；　of　course；　of　course！'

and　I　said　the　same。〃



I　thought　a　moment。　　〃You　were　too　sweet；　tooI　can　hear　you　all。

But　nonetheless；　between　Miles　and　me；　it's　now　all　out。〃



〃All　out？〃　　My　companion　stared。　　〃But　what；　miss？〃



〃Everything。　　It　doesn't　matter。　　I've　made　up　my　mind。

I　came　home；　my　dear；〃　I　went　on；　〃for　a　talk　with　Miss　Jessel。〃



I　had　by　this　time　formed　the　habit　of　having　Mrs。　Grose

literally　well　in　hand　in　advance　of　my　sounding　that　note；

so　that　even　now；　as　she　bravely　blinked　under　the　signal

of　my　word；　I　could　keep　her　comparatively　firm。　　〃A　talk！

Do　you　mean　she　spoke？〃



〃It　came　to　that。　　I　found　her；　on　my　return；　in　the　schoolroom。〃



〃And　what　did　she　say？〃　　I　can　hear　the　good　woman　still；

and　the　candor　of　her　stupefaction。



〃That　she　suffers　the　torments！〃



It　was　this；　of　a　truth；　that　made　her；　as　she　filled　out　my　picture；　gape。

〃Do　you　mean；〃　she　faltered；　〃of　the　lost？〃



〃Of　the　lost。　　Of　the　damned。　　And　that's　why；　to　share　them…〃

I　faltered　myself　with　the　horror　of　it。



But　my　companion；　with　less　imagination；　kept　me　up。

〃To　share　them？〃



〃She　wants　Flora。〃　　Mrs。　Grose　might；　as　I　gave　it　to　her；　fairly　have　fallen

away　from　me　had　I　not　been　prepared。　　I　still　held　her　there；　to　show　I　was。

〃As　I've　told　you；　however；　it　doesn't　matter。〃



〃Because　you've　made　up　your　mind？　　But　to　what？〃



〃To　everything。〃



〃And　what　do　you　call　‘everything'？〃



〃Why；　sending　for　their　uncle。〃



〃Oh；　miss；　in　pity　do；〃　my　friend　broke　out。



〃ah；　but　I　will；　I　WILL！　I　see　it's　the　only　way。

What's　‘out；'　as　I　told　you；　with　Miles　is　that　if　he　thinks

I'm　afraid　toand　has　ideas　of　what　he　gains　by　that

he　shall　see　he's　mistaken。　　Yes；　yes；　his　uncle　shall　have　it

here　from　me　on　the　spot　（and　before　the　boy　himself；　if　necessary）

that　if　I'm　to　be　reproached　with　having　done　nothing　again

about　more　school〃



〃Yes；　miss〃　my　companion　pressed　me。



〃Well；　there's　that　awful　reason。〃



There　were　now　clearly　so　many　of　these　for　my　poor　colleague　that　she

was　excusable　for　being　vague。　　〃Buta　which？〃



〃Why；　the　letter　from　his　old　place。〃



〃You'll　show　it　to　the　master？〃



〃I　ought　to　have　done　so　on　the　instant。〃



〃Oh；　no！〃　said　Mrs。　Grose　with　decision。



〃I'll　put　it　before　him；〃　I　went　on　inexorably；　〃that　I　can't　undertake

to　work　the　question　on　behalf　of　a　child　who　has　been　expelled〃



〃For　we've　never　in　the　least　known　what！〃　　Mrs。　Grose　declared。



〃For　wickedness。　　For　what　elsewhen　he's　so　clever　and　beautiful

and　perfect？　　Is　he　stupid？　　Is　he　untidy？　　Is　he　infirm？

Is　he　ill…natured？　He's　exquisiteso　it　can　be　only　THAT；

and　that　would　open　up　the　whole　thing。　　After　all；〃　I　said；

〃it's　their　uncle's　fault。　　If　he　left　here　such　people！〃



〃He　didn't　really　in　the　least　know　them。　　The　fault's　mine。〃

She　had　turned　quite　pale。



〃Well；　you　shan't　suffer；〃　I　answered。



〃The　children　shan't！〃　she　emphatically　returned。



I　was　silent　awhile；　we　looked　at　each　other。　　〃Then　what　am

I　to　tell　him？〃



〃You　needn't　tell　him　anything。　　_I_'ll　tell　him。〃



I　measured　this。　　〃Do　you　mean　you'll　write？〃　Remembering　she　couldn't；　I

caught　myself　up。　　〃How　do　you　communicate？〃



〃I　tell　the　bailiff。　　HE　writes。〃



〃And　should　you　like　him　to　write　our　story？〃



My　question　had　a　sarcastic　force　that　I　had　not　fully　intended；

and　it　made　her；　after　a　moment；　inconsequently　break　down。

The　tears　were　again　in　her　eyes。　　〃Ah；　miss；　YOU　write！〃



〃Welltonight；〃　I　at　last　answered；　and　on　this　we　separated。







　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　XVII





I　went　so　far；　in　the　evening；　as　to　make　a　beginning。

The　weather　had　changed　back；　a　great　wind　was　abroad；

and　beneath　the　lamp；　in　my　room；　with　Flora　at　peace　beside　me；

I　sat　for　a　long　time　before　a　blank　sheet　of　paper　and

listened　to　the　lash　of　the　rain　and　the　batter　of　the　gusts。

Finally　I　went　out；　taking　a　candle；　I　crossed　the　passage

and　listened　a　minute　at　Miles's　door。　　What；　under　my

endless　obsession；　I　had　been　impelled　to　listen　for　was　some

betrayal　of　his　not　being　at　rest；　and　I　presently　caught　one；

but　not　in　the　form　I　had　expected。　　His　voice　tinkled　out。

〃I　say；　you　therecome　in。〃　　It　was　a　gaiety　in　the　gloom！



I　went　in　with　my　light　and　found　him；　in　bed；　very　wide　awake；

but　very　much　at　his　ease。　　〃Well；　what　are　YOU　up　to？〃

he　asked　with　a　grace　of　sociability　in　which　it　occurred

to　me　that　Mrs。　Grose；　had　she　been　present；　might　have　looked

in　vain　for　proof　that　anything　was　〃out。〃



I　stood　over　him　with　my　candle。　　〃How　did　you　know　I　was　there？〃



〃Why；　of　course　I　heard　you。　　Did　you　fancy　you　made　no　noise？

You're　like　a　troop　of　cavalry！〃　he　beautifully　laughed。



〃Then　you　weren't　asleep？〃



〃Not　much！　　I　lie　awake　and　think。〃



I　had　put　my　candle；　designedly；　a　short　way　off；　and　then；　as　he　held

out　his　friendly　old　hand　to　me；　had　sat　down　on　the　edge　of　his　bed。

〃What　is　it；〃　I　asked；　〃that　you　think　of？〃



〃What　in　the　world；　my　dear；　but　YOU？〃



〃Ah；　the　pride　I　take　in　your　appreciation　doesn't　insist　on　that！

I　had　so　far　rather　you　slept。〃



〃Well；　I　think　also；　you　know；　of　this　queer　business　of　ours。〃



I　marked　the　coolness　of　his　firm　little　hand。

〃Of　what　queer　business；　Miles？〃



〃Why；　the　way　you　bring　me　up。　　And　all　the　rest！〃



I　fairly　held　my　breath　a　minute；　and　even　from　my　glimmering　taper

there　was　light　enough　to　show　how　he　smiled　up　at　me　from　his　pillow。

〃What　do　you　mean　by　all　the　rest？〃



〃Oh；　you　know；　you　know！〃



I　could　say　nothing　for　a　minute；　though　I　felt；　as　I　held

his　hand　and　our　eyes　continued　to　meet；　that　my　silence

had　all　the　air　of　admitting　his　charge　and　that　nothing

in　the　whole　world　of　reality　was　perhaps　at　that　moment

so　fabulous　as　our　actual　relation。　　〃Certainly　you　shall　go

back　to　school；〃　I　said；　〃if　it　be　that　that　troubles　you。

But　not　to　the　old　placewe　must　find　another；　a　better。

How　could　I　know　it　did　trouble　you；　this　question；

when　you　never　told　me　so；　never　spoke　of　it　at　all？〃

His　clear；　listening　face；　framed　in　its　smooth　whiteness；

made　him　for　the　minute　as　appealing　as　some　wistful

patient　in　a　children's　hospital；　and　I　would　have　given；

as　the　resemblance　came　to　me；　all　I　possessed　on　earth　really

to　be　the　nurse　or　the　sister　of　charity　who　might　have　helped

to　cure　him。　　Well；　even　as　it　was；　I　perhaps　might　help！

〃Do　you　know　you've　never　said　a　word　to　me　about　your　school

I　mean　the　old　one；　never　mentioned　it　in　any　way？〃



He　seemed　to　wonder；　he　smiled　with　the　same　loveliness。

But　he　clearly　gained　time；　he　waited；　he　called　for　guidance。

〃Haven't　I？〃　　It　wasn't　for　ME　to　help　himit　was　for

the　thing　I　had　met！



Something　in　his　tone　and　the　expression　of　his　face；　as　I

got　this　from　him；　set　my　heart　aching　with　such　a　pang　as　it

had　never　yet　known；　so　unutterably　touching　was　it　to　see　his

little　brain　puzzled　and　his　little　resources　taxed　to　play；

under　the　spell　laid　on　him；　a　part　of　innocence　and　consistency。

〃No；　neverfrom　the　hour　you　came　back。　　You've　never

mentioned　to　me　one　of　your　masters；　one　of　your　comrades；

nor　the　least　little　thing　that　ever　happened　to　you　at　school。

Never；　little　Milesno；　neverhave　you　given　me　an　inkling

of　anything　that　MAY　have　happened　there。　　Therefore　you

can　fancy　how　much　I'm　in　the　dark。　　Until　you　came　out；

that　way；　this　morning；　you　had；　since　the　first　hour　I　saw　you；

scarce　even　made　a　reference　to　anything　in　your　previous　life。

You　seemed　so　perfectly　to　accept　the　present。〃　　It　was

extraordinary　how　my　absolute　conviction　of　his　secret　precocity

（or　whatever　I　might　call　the　poison　of　an　influence　that　I

dared　but　half　to　phrase）　made　him；　in　spite　of　the　faint

breath　of　his　inward　trouble；　appear　as　accessible　as　an

older　personimposed　him　almost　as　an　intellectual　equal。

〃I　thought　you　wanted　to　go　on　as　you　are。〃



It　struck　me　that　at　this　he　just　faintly　colored。　　He　gave；　at　any　rate；

like　a　convalescent　slightly　fatigued；　a　languid　shake　of　his　head。

〃I　don'tI　don't。　I　want　to　get　away。〃



〃You're　tired　of　Bly？〃



〃Oh；　no；　I　like　Bly。〃



〃Well；　then？〃



〃Oh；　YOU　know　what　a　boy　wants！〃



I　felt　that　I　didn't　know　so　well　as　Miles；　and　I　took　temporary　refuge。

〃You　want　to　go　to　your　uncle？〃



Again；　at　this；　with　his　sweet　ironic　face；　he　made　a　movement　on　the　pillow。

〃Ah；　you　can't　get　off　with　that！〃



I　was　silent　a　little；　and　it　was　I；　now；　I　think；　who　changed　color。

〃My　dear；　I　don't　want　to　get