the turn of the screw-第12节

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in　fact；　passing；　in　constant　sight　of　my　pupils；

without　a　fresh　incident；　sufficed　to　give　to　grievous　fancies

and　even　to　odious　memories　a　kind　of　brush　of　the　sponge。

I　have　spoken　of　the　surrender　to　their　extraordinary

childish　grace　as　a　thing　I　could　actively　cultivate；

and　it　may　be　imagined　if　I　neglected　now　to　address　myself

to　this　source　for　whatever　it　would　yield。　　Stranger　than　I

can　express；　certainly；　was　the　effort　to　struggle　against　my

new　lights；　it　would　doubtless　have　been；　however；　a　greater

tension　still　had　it　not　been　so　frequently　successful。

I　used　to　wonder　how　my　little　charges　could　help　guessing　that　I

thought　strange　things　about　them；　and　the　circumstances　that

these　things　only　made　them　more　interesting　was　not　by　itself

a　direct　aid　to　keeping　them　in　the　dark。　　I　trembled　lest　they

should　see　that　they　WERE　so　immensely　more　interesting。

Putting　things　at　the　worst；　at　all　events；　as　in　meditation　I

so　often　did；　any　clouding　of　their　innocence　could　only　be

blameless　and　foredoomed　as　they　werea　reason　the　more　for

taking　risks。　　There　were　moments　when；　by　an　irresistible　impulse；

I　found　myself　catching　them　up　and　pressing　them　to　my　heart。

As　soon　as　I　had　done　so　I　used　to　say　to　myself：

〃What　will　they　think　of　that？　　Doesn't　it　betray　too　much？〃

It　would　have　been　easy　to　get　into　a　sad；　wild　tangle　about　how

much　I　might　betray；　but　the　real　account；　I　feel；　of　the　hours

of　peace　that　I　could　still　enjoy　was　that　the　immediate

charm　of　my　companions　was　a　beguilement　still　effective

even　under　the　shadow　of　the　possibility　that　it　was　studied。

For　if　it　occurred　to　me　that　I　might　occasionally　excite

suspicion　by　the　little　outbreaks　of　my　sharper　passion　for　them；

so　too　I　remember　wondering　if　I　mightn't　see　a　queerness

in　the　traceable　increase　of　their　own　demonstrations。



They　were　at　this　period　extravagantly　and　preternaturally　fond

of　me；　which；　after　all；　I　could　reflect；　was　no　more　than　a

graceful　response　in　children　perpetually　bowed　over　and　hugged。

The　homage　of　which　they　were　so　lavish　succeeded；　in　truth；

for　my　nerves；　quite　as　well　as　if　I　never　appeared　to　myself；

as　I　may　say；　literally　to　catch　them　at　a　purpose　in　it。

They　had　never；　I　think；　wanted　to　do　so　many　things　for　their

poor　protectress；　I　meanthough　they　got　their　lessons　better

and　better；　which　was　naturally　what　would　please　her　most

in　the　way　of　diverting；　entertaining；　surprising　her；

reading　her　passages；　telling　her　stories；　acting　her　charades；

pouncing　out　at　her；　in　disguises；　as　animals　and　historical

characters；　and　above　all　astonishing　her　by　the　〃pieces〃　they

had　secretly　got　by　heart　and　could　interminably　recite。

I　should　never　get　to　the　bottomwere　I　to　let　myself　go　even　now

of　the　prodigious　private　commentary；　all　under　still　more

private　correction；　with　which；　in　these　days；　I　overscored

their　full　hours。　　They　had　shown　me　from　the　first　a　facility

for　everything；　a　general　faculty　which；　taking　a　fresh　start；

achieved　remarkable　flights。　　They　got　their　little　tasks

as　if　they　loved　them；　and　indulged；　from　the　mere　exuberance

of　the　gift；　in　the　most　unimposed　little　miracles　of　memory。

They　not　only　popped　out　at　me　as　tigers　and　as　Romans；

but　as　Shakespeareans；　astronomers；　and　navigators。

This　was　so　singularly　the　case　that　it　had　presumably

much　to　do　with　the　fact　as　to　which；　at　the　present　day；

I　am　at　a　loss　for　a　different　explanation：　　I　allude　to　my

unnatural　composure　on　the　subject　of　another　school　for　Miles。

What　I　remember　is　that　I　was　content　not；　for　the　time；

to　open　the　question；　and　that　contentment　must　have　sprung

from　the　sense　of　his　perpetually　striking　show　of　cleverness。

He　was　too　clever　for　a　bad　governess；　for　a　parson's　daughter；

to　spoil；　and　the　strangest　if　not　the　brightest　thread

in　the　pensive　embroidery　I　just　spoke　of　was　the　impression

I　might　have　got；　if　I　had　dared　to　work　it　out；　that　he　was

under　some　influence　operating　in　his　small　intellectual　life

as　a　tremendous　incitement。



If　it　was　easy　to　reflect；　however；　that　such　a　boy　could　postpone　school；

it　was　at　least　as　marked　that　for　such　a　boy　to　have　been

〃kicked　out〃　by　a　schoolmaster　was　a　mystification　without　end。

Let　me　add　that　in　their　company　nowand　I　was　careful　almost

never　to　be　out　of　itI　could　follow　no　scent　very　far。　　We　lived

in　a　cloud　of　music　and　love　and　success　and　private　theatricals。

The　musical　sense　in　each　of　the　children　was　of　the　quickest；

but　the　elder　in　especial　had　a　marvelous　knack　of　catching　and　repeating。

The　schoolroom　piano　broke　into　all　gruesome　fancies；　and　when　that　failed

there　were　confabulations　in　corners；　with　a　sequel　of　one　of　them　going

out　in　the　highest　spirits　in　order　to　〃come　in〃　as　something　new。

I　had　had　brothers　myself；　and　it　was　no　revelation　to　me　that　little

girls　could　be　slavish　idolaters　of　little　boys。　　What　surpassed

everything　was　that　there　was　a　little　boy　in　the　world　who　could　have

for　the　inferior　age；　sex；　and　intelligence　so　fine　a　consideration。

They　were　extraordinarily　at　one；　and　to　say　that　they　never　either

quarreled　or　complained　is　to　make　the　note　of　praise　coarse　for　their

quality　of　sweetness。　　Sometimes；　indeed；　when　I　dropped　into　coarseness；

I　perhaps　came　across　traces　of　little　understandings　between　them　by

which　one　of　them　should　keep　me　occupied　while　the　other　slipped　away。

There　is　a　naive　side；　I　suppose；　in　all　diplomacy；　but　if　my　pupils

practiced　upon　me；　it　was　surely　with　the　minimum　of　grossness。

It　was　all　in　the　other　quarter　that；　after　a　lull；　the　grossness　broke　out。



I　find　that　I　really　hang　back；　but　I　must　take　my　plunge。

In　going　on　with　the　record　of　what　was　hideous　at　Bly；

I　not　only　challenge　the　most　liberal　faithfor　which　I

little　care；　butand　this　is　another　matterI　renew　what　I

myself　suffered；　I　again　push　my　way　through　it　to　the　end。

There　came　suddenly　an　hour　after　which；　as　I　look　back；

the　affair　seems　to　me　to　have　been　all　pure　suffering；

but　I　have　at　least　reached　the　heart　of　it；

and　the　straightest　road　out　is　doubtless　to　advance。

One　eveningwith　nothing　to　lead　up　or　to　prepare　it

I　felt　the　cold　touch　of　the　impression　that　had　breathed

on　me　the　night　of　my　arrival　and　which；　much　lighter　then；

as　I　have　mentioned；　I　should　probably　have　made　little

of　in　memory　had　my　subsequent　sojourn　been　less　agitated。

I　had　not　gone　to　bed；　I　sat　reading　by　a　couple　of　candles。

There　was　a　roomful　of　old　books　at　Blylast…century　fiction；

some　of　it；　which；　to　the　extent　of　a　distinctly　deprecated　renown；

but　never　to　so　much　as　that　of　a　stray　specimen；　had　reached

the　sequestered　home　and　appealed　to　the　unavowed　curiosity

of　my　youth。　　I　remember　that　the　book　I　had　in　my　hand

was　Fielding's　Amelia；　also　that　I　was　wholly　awake。

I　recall　further　both　a　general　conviction　that　it　was　horribly

late　and　a　particular　objection　to　looking　at　my　watch。

I　figure；　finally；　that　the　white　curtain　draping；

in　the　fashion　of　those　days；　the　head　of　Flora's

little　bed；　shrouded；　as　I　had　assured　myself　long　before；

the　perfection　of　childish　rest。　　I　recollect　in　short　that；

though　I　was　deeply　interested　in　my　author；　I　found　myself；

at　the　turn　of　a　page　and　with　his　spell　all　scattered；

looking　straight　up　from　him　and　hard　at　the　door　of　my　room。

There　was　a　moment　during　which　I　listened；　reminded　of

the　faint　sense　I　had　had；　the　first　night；　of　there　being

something　undefinably　astir　in　the　house；　and　noted　the　soft

breath　of　the　open　casement　just　move　the　half…drawn　blind。

Then；　with　all　the　marks　of　a　deliberation　that　must　have

seemed　magnificent　had　there　been　anyone　to　admire　it；

I　laid　down　my　book；　rose　to　my　feet；　and；　taking　a　candle；

went　straight　out　of　the　room　and；　from　the　passage；

on　which　my　light　made　little　impression；　noiselessly　closed

and　locked　the　door。



I　can　say　now　neither　what　determined　nor　what　guided　me；　but　I　went

straight　along　the　lobby；　holding　my　candle　high；　till　I　came　within　sight

of　the　tall　window　that　presided　over　the　great　turn　of　the　staircase。

At　this　point　I　precipitately　found　myself　aware　of　three　things。

They　were　practically　simultaneous；　yet　they　had　flashes　of　succession。

My　candle；　under　a　bold　flourish；　went　out；　and　I　perceived；　by　the　uncovered

window；　that　the　yielding　dusk　of　earliest　morning　rendered　it　unnecessary。

Without　it；　the　next　instant；　I　saw　that　there　was　someone　on　the　stair。

I　speak　of　sequences；　but　I　required　no　lapse　of　seconds　to　stiffen

myself　for　a　third　encounter　with　Quint。　　The　apparition　had　reached

the　landing　halfway　up　and　was　therefore　on　the　spot　nearest　the　window；

where　at　sight　of　me；　it　stopped　short　and　fixed　me　exactly　as　it　had　fixed

me　from　the　tower　and　from　the　garden。　　He　knew　me　as　well　as　I　knew　him；

and　so；　in　t