the autobiography of a quack-第16节
按键盘上方向键 ← 或 → 可快速上下翻页，按键盘上的 Enter 键可回到本书目录页，按键盘上方向键 ↑ 可回到本页顶部！
————未阅读完？加入书签已便下次继续阅读！
One man walked sideways； there was one who could not smell； another was dumb from an explosion。 In fact； every one had his own abnormal peculiarity。 Near me was a strange case of palsy of the muscles called rhomboids； whose office it is to hold down the shoulder…blades flat on the back during the motions of the arms； which； in themselves； were strong enough。 When； however； he lifted these members； the shoulder…blades stood out from the back like wings； and got him the sobriquet of the ‘‘Angel。'' In my ward were also the cases of fits； which very much annoyed me； as upon any great change in the weather it was common to have a dozen convulsions in view at once。 Dr。 Neek； one of our physicians； told me that on one occasion a hundred and fifty fits took place within thirty…six hours。 On my complaining of these sights； whence I alone could not fly； I was placed in the paralytic and wound ward； which I found much more pleasant。
A month of skilful treatment eased me entirely of my aches； and I then began to experience certain curious feelings； upon which； having nothing to do and nothing to do anything with； I reflected a good deal。 It was a good while before I could correctly explain to my own satisfaction the phenomena which at this time I was called upon to observe。 By the various operations already described I had lost about four fifths of my weight。 As a consequence of this I ate much less than usual； and could scarcely have consumed the ration of a soldier。 I slept also but little； for； as sleep is the repose of the brain； made necessary by the waste of its tissues during thought and voluntary movement； and as this latter did not exist in my case； I needed only that rest which was necessary to repair such exhaustion of the nerve… centers as was induced by thinking and the automatic movements of the viscera。
I observed at this time also that my heart； in place of beating； as it once did； seventy… eight in the minute； pulsated only forty…five times in this intervala fact to be easily explained by the perfect quiescence to which I was reduced； and the consequent absence of that healthy and constant stimulus to the muscles of the heart which exercise occasions。
Notwithstanding these drawbacks； my physical health was good； which； I confess； surprised me； for this among other reasons： It is said that a burn of two thirds of the surface destroys life； because then all the excretory matters which this portion of the glands of the skin evolved are thrown upon the blood； and poison the man； just as happens in an animal whose skin the physiologist has varnished； so as in this way to destroy its function。 Yet here was I； having lost at least a third of my skin； and apparently none the worse for it。
Still more remarkable； however； were the psychical changes which I now began to perceive。 I found to my horror that at times I was less conscious of myself； of my own existence； than used to be the case。 This sensation was so novel that at first it quite bewildered me。 I felt like asking some one constantly if I were really George Dedlow or not； but； well aware how absurd I should seem after such a question； I refrained from speaking of my case； and strove more keenly to analyze my feelings。 At times the conviction of my want of being myself was overwhelming and most painful。 It was； as well as I can describe it； a deficiency in the egoistic sentiment of individuality。 About one half of the sensitive surface of my skin was gone； and thus much of relation to the outer world destroyed。 As a consequence； a large part of the receptive central organs must be out of employ； and； like other idle things； degenerating rapidly。 Moreover； all the great central ganglia； which give rise to movements in the limbs； were also eternally at rest。 Thus one half of me was absent or functionally dead。 This set me to thinking how much a man might lose and yet live。 If I were unhappy enough to survive； I might part with my spleen at least； as many a dog has done； and grown fat afterwards。 The other organs with which we breathe and circulate the blood would be essential； so also would the liver； but at least half of the intestines might be dispensed with； and of course all of the limbs。 And as to the nervous system； the only parts really necessary to life are a few small ganglia。 Were the rest absent or inactive； we should have a man reduced； as it were； to the lowest terms； and leading an almost vegetative existence。 Would such a being； I asked myself； possess the sense of individuality in its usual completeness； even if his organs of sensation remained； and he were capable of consciousness？ Of course； without them； he could not have it any more than a dahlia or a tulip。 But with themhow then？ I concluded that it would be at a minimum； and that； if utter loss of relation to the outer world were capable of destroying a man's consciousness of himself； the destruction of half of his sensitive surfaces might well occasion； in a less degree； a like result； and so diminish his sense of individual existence。
I thus reached the conclusion that a man is not his brain； or any one part of it； but all of his economy； and that to lose any part must lessen this sense of his own existence。 I found but one person who properly appreciated this great truth。 She was a New England lady； from Hartfordan agent； I think； for some commission； perhaps the Sanitary。 After I had told her my views and feelings she said： ‘‘Yes； I comprehend。 The fractional entities of vitality are embraced in the oneness of the unitary Ego。 Life；'' she added； ‘‘is the garnered condensation of objective impressions； and as the objective is the remote father of the subjective； so must individuality； which is but focused subjectivity； suffer and fade when the sensation lenses； by which the rays of impression are condensed； become destroyed。'' I am not quite clear that I fully understood her； but I think she appreciated my ideas； and I felt grateful for her kindly interest。
The strange want I have spoken of now haunted and perplexed me so constantly that I became moody and wretched。 While in this state； a man from a neighboring ward fell one morning into conversation with the chaplain； within ear…shot of my chair。 Some of their words arrested my attention； and I turned my head to see and listen。 The speaker； who wore a sergeant's chevron and carried one arm in a sling was a tall； loosely made person； with a pale face； light eyes of a washed…out blue tint； and very sparse yellow whiskers。 His mouth was weak； both lips being almost alike； so that the organ might have been turned upside down without affecting its expression。 His forehead； however； was high and thinly covered with sandy hair。 I should have said； as a phrenologist； will feeble； emotional； but not passionate； likely to be an enthusiast or a weakly bigot。
I caught enough of what passed to make me call to the sergeant when the chaplain left him。
‘‘Good morning；'' said he。 ‘‘How do you get on？''
‘‘Not at all；'' I replied。 ‘‘Where were you hit？''
‘‘Oh； at Chancellorsville。 I was shot in the shoulder。 I have what the doctors call paralysis of the median nerve； but I guess Dr。 Neek and the lightnin' battery will fix it。 When my time's out I'll go back to Kearsarge and try on the school…teaching again。 I've done my share。''
‘‘Well；'' said I； ‘‘you're better off than I。''
‘‘Yes；'' he answered； ‘‘in more ways than one。 I belong to the New Church。 It's a great comfort for a plain man like me； when he's weary and sick； to be able to turn away from earthly things and hold converse daily with the great and good who have left this here world。 We have a circle in Coates street。 If it wa'n't for the consoling I get there； I'd of wished myself dead many a time。 I ain't got kith or kin on earth； but this matters little； when one can just talk to them daily and know that they are in the spheres above us。''
‘‘It must be a great comfort；'' I replied； ‘‘if only one could believe it。''
‘‘Believe！'' he repeated。 ‘‘How can you help it？ Do you suppose anything dies？''
‘‘No；'' I said。 ‘‘The soul does not； I am sure； and as to matter； it merely changes form。''
‘‘But why； then；'' said he； ‘‘should not the dead soul talk to the living？ In space； no doubt； exist all forms of matter； merely in finer； more ethereal being。 You can't suppose a naked soul moving about without a bodily garmentno creed teaches that； and if its new clothing be of like substance to ours； only of ethereal fineness；a more delicate recrystallization about the eternal spiritual nucleus；must it not then possess powers as much more delicate and refined as is the new material in which it is reclad？''
‘‘Not very clear；'' I answered； ‘‘but； after all； the thing should be susceptible of some form of proof to our present senses。''
‘‘And so it is；'' said he。 ‘‘Come to…morrow with me； and you shall see and hear for yourself。''
‘‘I will；'' said I； ‘‘if the doctor will lend me the ambulance。''
It was so arranged； as the surgeon in charge was kind enough； as usual； to oblige me with the loan of his wagon； and two orderlies to lift my useless trunk。
On the day following I found myself； with my new comrade； in a house in Coates street； where a ‘‘circle'' was in the daily h
