letters to his son, 1748-第22节
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Loud laughter is the mirth of the mob； who are only pleased with silly things； for true wit or good sense never excited a laugh since the creation of the world。 A man of parts and fashion is therefore only seen to smile； but never heard to laugh。
But to conclude this long letter； all the above…mentioned rules； however carefully you may observe them； will lose half their effect； if unaccompanied by the Graces。 Whatever you say； if you say it with a supercilious； cynical face； or an embarrassed countenance； or a silly； disconcerted grin； will be ill received。 If； into the bargain； YOU MUTTER IT； OR UTTER IT INDISTINCTLY AND UNGRACEFULLY； it will be still worse received。 If your air and address are vulgar； awkward； and gauche； you may be esteemed indeed； if you have great intrinsic merit； but you will never； please； and without pleasing you will rise but heavily。 Venus； among the ancients； was synonymous with the Graces； who were always supposed to accompany her； and Horace tells us that even Youth and Mercury； the god of Arts and Eloquence； would not do without her：
'Parum comis sine to Juventas Mercuriusque。'
They are not inexorable Ladies； and may be had if properly； and diligently pursued。 Adieu。
LETTER LV
BATH； October 29； O。 S。 1748。
DEAR BOY： My anxiety for your success increases in proportion as the time approaches of your taking your part upon the great stage of the world。 The audience will form their opinion of you upon your first appearance （making the proper allowance for your inexperience）； and so far it will be final； that； though it may vary as to the degrees； it will never totally change。 This consideration excites that restless attention with which I am constantly examining how I can best contribute to the perfection of that character； in which the least spot or blemish would give me more real concern； than I am now capable of feeling upon any other account whatsoever。
I have long since done mentioning your great religious and moral duties； because I could not make your understanding so bad a compliment as to suppose that you wanted； or could receive； any new instructions upon those two important points。 Mr。 Harte； I am sure； has not neglected them； and； besides； they are so obvious to common sense and reason； that commentators may （as they often do） perplex； but cannot make them clearer。 My province； therefore； is to supply by my experience your hitherto inevitable inexperience in the ways of the world。 People at your age are in a state of natural ebriety； and want rails； and 'gardefous'； wherever they go； to hinder them from breaking their necks。 This drunkenness of youth is not only tolerated； but even pleases； if kept within certain bounds of discretion and decency。 These bounds are the point which it is difficult for the drunken man himself to find out； and there it is that the experience of a friend may not only serve； but save him。
Carry with you； and welcome； into company all the gaiety and spirits； but as little of the giddiness； of youth as you can。 The former will charm； but the latter will often； though innocently； implacably offend。 Inform yourself of the characters and situations of the company； before you give way to what your imagination may prompt you to say。 There are； in all companies； more wrong beads than right ones； and many more who deserve； than who like censure。 Should you therefore expatiate in the praise of some virtue； which some in company notoriously want； or declaim against any vice； which others are notoriously infected with； your reflections； however general and unapplied； will； by being applicable； be thought personal and leveled at those people。 This consideration points out to you； sufficiently； not to be suspicious and captious yourself； nor to suppose that things； because they may be； are therefore meant at you。 The manners of well…bred people secure one from those indirect and mean attacks； but if； by chance； a flippant woman or a pert coxcomb lets off anything of that kind； it is much better not to seem to understand； than to reply to it。
Cautiously avoid talking of either your own or other people's domestic affairs。 Yours are nothing to them but tedious； theirs are nothing to you。 The subject is a tender one： and it is odds but that you touch somebody or other's sore place： for； in this case； there is no trusting to specious appearances； which may be； and often are； so contrary to the real situations of things； between men and their wives； parents and their children； seeming friends； etc。； that； with the best intentions in the world； one often blunders disagreeably。
Remember that the wit； humor； and jokes； of most mixed companies are local。 They thrive in that particular soil； but will not often bear transplanting。 Every company is differently circumstanced； has its particular cant and jargon； which may give occasion to wit and mirth within that circle； but would seem flat and insipid in any other； and therefore will not bear repeating。 Nothing makes a man look sillier than a pleasantry not relished or not understood； and if he meets with a profound silence when he expected a general applause； or； what is worse； if he is desired to explain the bon mot； his awkward and embarrassed situation is easier imagined' than described。 'A propos' of repeating； take great care never to repeat （I do not mean here the pleasantries） in one company what you hear in another。 Things； seemingly indifferent； may； by circulation； have much graver consequences than you would imagine。 Besides； there is a general tacit trust in conversation； by which a man is obliged not to report anything out of it； though he is not immediately enjoined to secrecy。 A retailer of this kind is sure to draw himself into a thousand scrapes and discussions； and to be shyly and uncomfortably received wherever he goes。
You will find； in most good company； some people who only keep their place there by a contemptible title enough； these are what we call VERY GOOD…NATURED FELLOWS； and the French； 'bons diables'。 The truth is； they are people without any parts or fancy； and who； having no will of their own； readily assent to； concur in； and applaud； whatever is said or done in the company； and adopt； with the same alacrity； the most virtuous or the most criminal； the wisest or the silliest scheme； that happens to be entertained by the majority of the company。 This foolish； and often criminal complaisance flows from a foolish cause；the want of any other merit。 I hope that you will hold your place in company by a nobler tenure； and that you will hold it （you can bear a quibble； I believe； yet） 'in capite'。 Have a will and an opinion of your own； and adhere to them steadily； but then do it with good humor； good…breeding； and （if you have it） with urbanity； for you have not yet heard enough either to preach or censure。
All other kinds of complaisance are not only blameless； but necessary in good company。 Not to seem to perceive the little weaknesses； and the idle but innocent affectations of the company； but even to flatter them； in a certain manner； is not only very allowable； but； in truth； a sort of polite duty。 They will be pleased with you； if you do； and will certainly not be reformed by you if you do not。
For instance： you will find； in every group of company； two principal figures； viz。； the fine lady and the fine gentleman who absolutely give the law of wit； language； fashion； and taste； to the rest of that society。 There is always a strict； and often for the time being； a tender alliance between these two figures。 The lady looks upon her empire as founded upon the divine right of beauty （and full as good a divine right it is as any king； emperor； or pope； can pretend to）； she requires； and commonly meets with； unlimited passive obedience。 And why should she not meet with it？ Her demands go no higher than to have her unquestioned preeminence in beauty； wit； and fashion； firmly established。 Few sovereigns （by the way） are so reasonable。 The fine gentleman's claims of right are； 'mutatis mutandis'； the same； and though； indeed； he is not always a wit 'de jure'； yet； as he is the wit 'de facto' of that company； he is entitled to a share of your allegiance； and everybody expects at least as much as they are entitled to； if not something more。 Prudence bids you make your court to these joint sovereigns； and no duty； that I know of； forbids it。 Rebellion here is exceedingly dangerous； and inevitably punished by banishment； and immediate forfeiture of all your wit； manners； taste； and fashion； as； on the other hand； a cheerful submission； not without some flattery； is sure to procure you a strong recommendation and most effectual pass； throughout all their； and probably the neighboring； dominions。 With a moderate share of sagacity； you will； before you have been half an hour in their company； easily discover those two principal figures： both by the deference which you will observe the whole company pay them； and by that easy； careless； and serene air； which their consciousness of power gives them。 As in this case； so in all others； aim always at the highest； get always into the highest company； and address yourself particularly to the highes
