droll stories-3-第8节

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things　so　well；　that　madame　was　only　conversing　with　her　lord　lover　at

the　time　that　her　lord　spouse　was　talking　to　the　constable　and　the

king；　at　which　he　was　pleased；　and　so　was　his　wifea　case　of　concord

rare　in　matrimony。



〃I　was　saying　to　monseigneur；〃　said　the　constable　to　the　provost；　as

he　entered　the　king's　apartment；　〃that　every　man　in　the　kingdom　has　a

right　to　kill　his　wife　and　her　lover　if　he　finds　them　in　an　act　of

infidelity。　But　his　majesty；　who　is　clement；　argues　that　he　has　only　a

right　to　kill　the　man；　and　not　the　woman。　Now　what　would　you　do；　Mr。

Provost；　if　by　chance　you　found　a　gentleman　taking　a　stroll　in　that

fair　meadow　of　which　laws；　human　and　divine；　enjoin　you　alone　to

cultivate　the　verdure？〃



〃I　would　kill　everything；〃　said　the　provost；　〃I　would　scrunch　the　five

hundred　thousand　devils　of　nature；　flower　and　seed；　and　send　them

flying；　the　pips　and　apples；　the　grass　and　the　meadow；　the　woman　and

the　man。〃



〃You　would　be　in　the　wrong；〃　said　the　king。　〃That　is　contrary　to　the

laws　of　the　Church　and　of　the　State；　of　the　State；　because　you　might

deprive　me　of　a　subject；　of　the　Church；　because　you　would　be　sending

an　innocent　to　limbo　unshriven。〃



〃Sire；　I　admire　your　profound　wisdom；　and　I　clearly　perceive　you　to　be

the　centre　of　all　justice。〃



〃We　can　then　only　kill　the　knightAmen；〃　said　constable；　〃Kill　the

horseman。　Now　go　quickly　to　the　house　of　the　suspected　lord；　but

without　letting　yourself　be　bamboozled；　do　not　forget　what　is　due　to

his　position。〃



The　provost；　believing　he　would　certainly　be　Chancellor　of　France　if

he　properly　acquitted　himself　of　the　task；　went　from　the　castle　into

the　town；　took　his　men；　arrived　at　the　nobleman's　residence；　arranged

his　people　outside；　placed　guards　at　all　the　doors；　opened　noiselessly

by　order　of　the　king；　climbs　the　stairs；　asks　the　servants　in　which

room　their　master　is；　puts　them　under　arrest；　goes　up　alone；　and

knocks　at　the　door　of　the　room　where　the　two　lovers　are　tilting　in

love's　tournament；　and　says　to　them



〃Open；　in　the　name　of　our　lord　the　king！〃



The　lady　recognised　her　husband's　voice；　and　could　not　repress　a

smile；　thinking　that　she　had　not　waited　for　the　king's　orders　to　do

what　she　had　done。　But　after　laughter　came　terror。　Her　lover　took　his

cloak；　threw　it　over　him；　and　came　to　the　door。　There；　not　knowing

that　his　life　was　in　peril；　he　declared　that　he　belonged　to　the　court

and　to　the　king's　household。



〃Bah！〃　said　the　provost。　〃I　have　a　strict　order　from　the　king；　and

under　pain　of　being　treated　as　a　rebel；　you　are　bound　instantly　to

receive　me。〃



Then　the　lord　went　out　to　him；　still　holding　the　door。



〃What　do　you　want　here？〃



〃An　enemy　of　our　lord　the　king；　whom　we　command　you　to　deliver　into

our　hands；　otherwise　you　must　follow　me　with　him　to　the　castle。〃



This；　thought　the　lover；　is　a　piece　of　treachery　on　the　part　of　the

constable；　whose　proposition　my　dear　mistress　treated　with　scorn。　We

must　get　out　of　this　scrape　in　some　way。　Then　turning　towards　the

provost；　he　went　double　or　quits　on　the　risk；　reasoning　thus　with　the

cuckold：



〃My　friend；　you　know　that　I　consider　you　but　as　gallant　a　man　as　it　is

possible　for　a　provost　to　be　in　the　discharge　of　his　duty。　Now；　can　I

have　confidence　in　you？　I　have　here　with　me　the　fairest　lady　of　the

court。　As　for　Englishmen；　I　have　not　sufficient　of　one　to　make　the

breakfast　of　the　constable；　M。　de　Richmond；　who　sends　you　here。　This

is　（to　be　candid　with　you）　the　result　of　a　bet　made　between　myself　and

the　constable；　who　shares　it　with　the　King。　Both　have　wagered　that

they　know　who　is　the　lady　of　my　heart；　and　I　have　wagered　to　the

contrary。　No　one　more　than　myself　hates　the　English；　who　took　my

estates　in　Piccadilly。　Is　it　not　a　knavish　trick　to　put　justice　in

motion　against　me？　Ho！　Ho！　my　lord　constable；　a　chamberlain　is　worth

two　of　you；　and　I　will　beat　you　yet。　My　dear　Petit；　I　give　you

permission　to　search　by　night　and　by　day；　every　nook　and　cranny　of　my

house。　But　come　in　here　alone；　search　my　room；　turn　the　bed　over；　do

what　you　like。　Only　allow　me　to　cover　with　a　cloth　or　a　handkerchief

this　fair　lady；　who　is　at　present　in　the　costume　of　an　archangel；　in

order　that　you　may　not　know　to　what　husband　she　belongs。〃



〃Willingly；〃　said　the　provost。　〃But　I　am　an　old　bird；　not　easily

caught　with　chaff；　and　would　like　to　be　sure　that　it　is　really　a　lady

of　the　court；　and　not　an　Englishman；　for　these　English　have　flesh　as

white　and　soft　as　women；　and　I　know　it　well；　because　I've　hanged　so

many　of　them。〃



〃Well　then；〃　said　the　lord；　〃seeing　of　what　crime　I　am　suspected；　from

which　I　am　bound　to　free　myself；　I　will　go　and　ask　my　lady…love　to

consent　for　a　moment　to　abandon　her　modesty。　She　is　too　fond　of　me　to

refuse　to　save　me　from　reproach。　I　will　beg　her　to　turn　herself　over

and　show　you　a　physiognomy；　which　will　in　no　way　compromise　her；　and

will　be　sufficient　to　enable　you　to　recognise　a　noble　woman；　although

she　will　be　in　a　sense　upside　down。〃



〃All　right；〃　said　the　provost。



The　lady　having　heard　every　word；　had　folded　up　all　her　clothes；　and

put　them　under　the　bolster；　had　taken　off　her　chemise；　that　her

husband　should　not　recognise　it；　had　twisted　her　head　up　in　a　sheet；

and　had　brought　to　light　the　carnal　convexities　which　commenced　where

her　spine　finished。



〃Come　in；　my　friend；〃　said　the　lord。



The　provost　looked　up　the　chimney；　opened　the　cupboard；　the　clothes'

chest；　felt　under　the　bed；　in　the　sheets；　and　everywhere。　Then　he

began　to　study　what　was　on　the　bed。



〃My　lord；〃　said　he；　regarding　his　legitimate　appurtenances；　〃I　have

seen　young　English　lads　with　backs　like　that。　You　must　forgive　me

doing　my　duty；　but　I　must　see　otherwise。〃



〃What　do　you　call　otherwise？〃　said　the　lord。



〃Well；　the　other　physiognomy；　or；　if　you　prefer　it；　the　physiognomy　of

the　other。〃



〃Then　you　will　allow　madame　to　cover　herself　and　arrange　only　to　show

you　sufficient　to　convince　you；〃　said　the　lover；　knowing　that　the　lady

had　a　mark　or　two　easy　to　recognise。　〃Turn　your　back　a　moment；　so　that

my　dear　lady　may　satisfy　propriety。〃



The　wife　smiled　at　her　lover；　kissed　him　for　his　dexterity；　arranging

herself　cunningly；　and　the　husband　seeing　in　full　that　which　the　jade

had　never　let　him　see　before；　was　quite　convinced　that　no　English

person　could　be　thus　fashioned　without　being　a　charming　Englishwoman。



〃Yes；　my　lord；〃　he　whispered　in　the　ear　of　his　lieutenant；　〃this　is

certainly　a　lady　of　the　court；　because　the　towns…women　are　neither　so

well　formed　nor　so　charming。〃



Then　the　house　being　thoroughly　searched；　and　no　Englishman　found；　the

provost　returned；　as　the　constable　had　told　him；　to　the　king's

residence。



〃Is　he　slain？〃　said　the　constable。



〃Who？〃



〃He　who　grafted　horns　upon　your　forehead。〃



〃I　only　saw　a　lady　in　his　couch；　who　seemed　to　be　greatly　enjoying

herself　with　him。〃



〃You；　with　your　own　eyes；　saw　this　woman；　cursed　cuckold；　and　you　did

not　kill　your　rival？〃



〃It　was　not　a　common　woman；　but　a　lady　of　the　court。〃



〃You　saw　her？〃



〃And　verified　her　in　both　cases。〃



〃What　do　you　mean　by　those　words？〃　cried　the　king；　who　was　bursting

with　laughter。



〃I　say；　with　all　the　respect　due　to　your　Majesty；　that　I　have　verified

the　over　and　the　under。〃



〃You　do　not；　then；　know　the　physiognomies　of　your　own　wife；　you　old

fool　without　memory！　You　deserve　to　be　hanged。〃



〃I　hold　those　features　of　my　wife　in　too　great　respect　to　gaze　upon

them。　Besides　she　is　so　modest　that　she　would　die　rather　than　expose

an　atom　of　her　body。〃



〃True；〃　said　the　king；　〃it　was　not　made　to　be　shown。〃



〃Old　coquedouille！　that　was　your　wife；〃　said　the　constable。



〃My　lord　constable；　she　is　asleep；　poor　girl！〃



〃Quick；　quick；　then！　To　horse！　Let　us　be　off；　and　if　she　be　in　your

house　I'll　forgive　you。〃



Then　the　constable；　followed　by　the　provost；　went　to　the　latter's

house　in　less　time　than　it　would　have　taken　a　beggar　to　empty　the

poor…box。



〃Hullo！　there；　hi！〃



Hearing　the　noise　made　by　the　men；　which　threatened　to　bring　the　walls

about　their　ears；　the　maid…servant　opened　the　door；　yawning　and

stretching　her　arms。　The　constable　and　the　provost　rushed　into　the

room；　where；　with　great　difficulty；　they　succeeded　in　waking　the　lady；

who　pretended　to　be　terrified；　and　was　so　soundly　asleep　that　her　eyes

were　full　of　gum。　At　this　the　provost　was　in　great　glee；　saying　to　the

constable　that　someone　had　certainly　deceived　him；　that　his　wife　was　a

virtuous　woman；　and　was　more　astonished　than　any　of　them　at　these

proceedings。　The　constable　turned　on　his　heel　and　departed。　The　good

provost　began　directly　to　undress　to　get　to　bed　early；　since　this

adventure　had　brought　his　good　wife　to　his　memory。　When　he　was

harnessing　himself；　and　was　knocking　off　his　nether　garments；　mad