david copperfield(大卫.科波维尔)-第97节
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yielded to my self…reproach and shame； and—in short； made a fool
of myself。 I cannot deny that I shed tears。 To this hour I am
undecided whether it was upon the whole the wisest thing I could
have done； or the most ridiculous。
‘If it had been anyone but you； Agnes；’ said I； turning away my
head； ‘I should not have minded it half so much。 But that it should
have been you who saw me！ I almost wish I had been dead； first。’
She put her hand—its touch was like no other hand—upon my
arm for a moment； and I felt so befriended and comforted； that I
could not help moving it to my lips； and gratefully kissing it。
‘Sit down；’ said Agnes； cheerfully。 ‘Don’t be unhappy；
Trotwood。 If you cannot confidently trust me； whom will you
trust？’
‘Ah； Agnes！’ I returned。 ‘You are my good Angel！’
She smiled rather sadly； I thought； and shook her head。
‘Yes； Agnes； my good Angel！ Always my good Angel！’
‘If I were； indeed； Trotwood；’ she returned； ‘there is one thing
that I should set my heart on very much。’
I looked at her inquiringly； but already with a foreknowledge of
her meaning。
‘On warning you；’ said Agnes； with a steady glance； ‘against
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your bad Angel。’
‘My dear Agnes；’ I began； ‘if you mean Steerforth—’
‘I do； Trotwood；’ she returned。 ‘Then； Agnes； you wrong him
very much。 He my bad Angel； or anyone’s！ He； anything but a
guide； a support； and a friend to me！ My dear Agnes！ Now； is it not
unjust； and unlike you； to judge him from what you saw of me the
other night？’
‘I do not judge him from what I saw of you the other night；’ she
quietly replied。
‘From what； then？’
‘From many things—trifles in themselves； but they do not seem
to me to be so； when they are put together。 I judge him； partly
from your account of him； Trotwood； and your character； and the
influence he has over you。’
There was always something in her modest voice that seemed
to touch a chord within me； answering to that sound alone。 It was
always earnest； but when it was very earnest； as it was now； there
was a thrill in it that quite subdued me。 I sat looking at her as she
cast her eyes down on her work； I sat seeming still to listen to her；
and Steerforth； in spite of all my attachment to him； darkened in
that tone。
‘It is very bold in me；’ said Agnes； looking up again； ‘who have
lived in such seclusion； and can know so little of the world； to give
you my advice so confidently； or even to have this strong opinion。
But I know in what it is engendered； Trotwood；—in how true a
remembrance of our having grown up together； and in how true
an interest in all relating to you。 It is that which makes me bold。 I
am certain that what I say is right。 I am quite sure it is。 I feel as if it
were someone else speaking to you； and not I； when I caution you
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that you have made a dangerous friend。’
Again I looked at her； again I listened to her after she was
silent； and again his image； though it was still fixed in my heart；
darkened。
‘I am not so unreasonable as to expect；’ said Agnes； resuming
her usual tone； after a little while； ‘that you will； or that you can； at
once； change any sentiment that has become a conviction to you；
least of all a sentiment that is rooted in your trusting disposition。
You ought not hastily to do that。 I only ask you； Trotwood； if you
ever think of me—I mean；’ with a quiet smile； for I was going to
interrupt her； and she knew why； ‘as often as you think of me—to
think of what I have said。 Do you forgive me for all this？’
‘I will forgive you； Agnes；’ I replied； ‘when you come to do
Steerforth justice； and to like him as well as I do。’
‘Not until then？’ said Agnes。
I saw a passing shadow on her face when I made this mention
of him； but she returned my smile； and we were again as
unreserved in our mutual confidence as of old。
‘And when； Agnes；’ said I； ‘will you forgive me the other night？’
‘When I recall it；’ said Agnes。
She would have dismissed the subject so； but I was too full of it
to allow that； and insisted on telling her how it happened that I
had disgraced myself； and what chain of accidental circumstances
had had the theatre for its final link。 It was a great relief to me to
do this； and to enlarge on the obligation that I owed to Steerforth
for his care of me when I was unable to take care of myself。
‘You must not forget；’ said Agnes； calmly changing the
conversation as soon as I had concluded； ‘that you are always to
tell me； not only when you fall into trouble； but when you fall in
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love。 Who has succeeded to Miss Larkins； Trotwood？’
‘No one； Agnes。’
‘Someone； Trotwood；’ said Agnes； laughing； and holding up her
finger。
‘No； Agnes； upon my word！ There is a lady； certainly； at Mrs。
Steerforth’s house； who is very clever； and whom I like to talk to—
Miss Dartle—but I don’t adore her。’
Agnes laughed again at her own penetration； and told me that if
I were faithful to her in my confidence she thought she should
keep a little register of my violent attachments； with the date；
duration； and termination of each； like the table of the reigns of
the kings and queens； in the History of England。 Then she asked
me if I had seen Uriah。
‘Uriah Heep？’ said I。 ‘No。 Is he in London？’
‘He comes to the office downstairs； every day；’ returned Agnes。
‘He was in London a week before me。 I am afraid on disagreeable
business； Trotwood。’
‘On some business that makes you uneasy； Agnes； I see；’ said I。
‘What can that be？’
Agnes laid aside her work； and replied； folding her hands upon
one another； and looking pensively at me out of those beautiful
soft eyes of hers：
‘I believe he is going to enter into partnership with papa。’
‘What？ Uriah？ That mean； fawning fellow； worm himself into
such promotion！’ I cried； indignantly。 ‘Have you made no
remonstrance about it； Agnes？ Consider what a connexion it is
likely to be。 You must speak out。 You must not allow your father to
take such a mad step。 You must prevent it； Agnes； while there’s
time。’
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Still looking at me； Agnes shook her head while I was speaking；
with a faint smile at my warmth： and then replied：
‘You remember our last conversation about papa？ It was not
long after that—not more than two or three days—when he gave
me the first intimation of what I tell you。 It was sad to see him
struggling between his desire to represent it to me as a matter of
choice on his part； and his inability to conceal that it was forced
upon him。 I felt very sorry。’
‘Forced upon him； Agnes！ Who forces it upon him？’
‘Uriah；’ she replied； after a moment’s hesitation； ‘has made
himself indispensable to papa。 He is subtle and watchful。 He has
mastered papa’s weaknesses； fostered them； and taken advantage
of them； until—to say all that I mean in a word； Trotwood；—until
papa is afraid of him。’
There was more that she might have said； more that she knew；
or that she suspected； I clearly saw。 I could not give her pain by
asking what it was； for I knew that she withheld it from me； to
spare her father。 It had long been going on to this； I was sensible：
yes； I could not but feel； on the least reflection； that it had been
going on to this for a long time。 I remained silent。
‘His ascendancy over papa；’ said Agnes； ‘is very great。 He
professes humility and gratitude—with truth； perhaps： I hope so—
but his position is really one of power； and I fear he makes a hard
use of his power。’
I said he was a hound； which； at the moment； was a great
satisfaction to me。
‘At the time I speak of； as the time when papa spoke to me；’
pursued Agnes； ‘he had told papa that he was going away； that he
was very sorry； and unwilling to leave； but that he had better
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prospects。 Papa was very much depressed then； and more bowed
down by care than ever you or I have seen him； but he seemed
relieved by this expedient of the partnership； though at the same
time he seemed hurt by it and ashamed of it。’
‘And how did you receive it； Agnes？’
‘I did； Trotwood；’ she replied； ‘what I hope was right。 Feeling
sure that it was necessary for papa’s peace that the sacrifice
should be made； I entreated him to make it。 I said it would lighten
the load of his life—I hope it will！—and that it would give me
increased opportunities of being his companion。 Oh； Trotwood！’
cried Agnes； putting her hands before her face； as her tears started
on it； ‘I almost feel as if I had been papa’s enemy； instead of his
loving child。 For I know how he has altered； in his devotion to me。
I know how he has narrowed the circle of his sympathies and
duties； in the concentration of his whole mind upon me。 I know
wha
