david copperfield(大卫.科波维尔)-第85节
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rambling thoughts ever went upon any of the fancies that used to
occupy mine； on the rosy mornings when I peeped out of that
same little window in my night…clothes； and saw the sheep quietly
feeding in the light of the rising sun。
Our old neighbours； Mr。 and Mrs。 Grayper； were gone to South
America； and the rain had made its way through the roof of their
empty house； and stained the outer walls。 Mr。 Chillip was married
again to a tall； raw…boned； high…nosed wife； and they had a weazen
little baby； with a heavy head that it couldn’t hold up； and two
weak staring eyes； with which it seemed to be always wondering
why it had ever been born。
It was with a singular jumble of sadness and pleasure that I
used to linger about my native place； until the reddening winter
sun admonished me that it was time to start on my returning walk。
But； when the place was left behind； and especially when
Steerforth and I were happily seated over our dinner by a blazing
fire； it was delicious to think of having been there。 So it was；
though in a softened degree； when I went to my neat room at
night； and； turning over the leaves of the crocodile…book （which
was always there； upon a little table）； remembered with a grateful
heart how blest I was in having such a friend as Steerforth； such a
friend as Peggotty； and such a substitute for what I had lost as my
excellent and generous aunt。
My nearest way to Yarmouth； in coming back from these long
walks； was by a ferry。 It landed me on the flat between the town
and the sea； which I could make straight across； and so save
myself a considerable circuit by the high road。 Mr。 Peggotty’s
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David Copperfield
house being on that waste…place； and not a hundred yards out of
my track； I always looked in as I went by。 Steerforth was pretty
sure to be there expecting me； and we went on together through
the frosty air and gathering fog towards the twinkling lights of the
town。
One dark evening； when I was later than usual—for I had； that
day； been making my parting visit to Blunderstone； as we were
now about to return home—I found him alone in Mr。 Peggotty’s
house； sitting thoughtfully before the fire。 He was so intent upon
his own reflections that he was quite unconscious of my approach。
This； indeed； he might easily have been if he had been less
absorbed； for footsteps fell noiselessly on the sandy ground
outside； but even my entrance failed to rouse him。 I was standing
close to him； looking at him； and still； with a heavy brow； he was
lost in his meditations。
He gave such a start when I put my hand upon his shoulder；
that he made me start too。
‘You come upon me；’ he said； almost angrily； ‘like a reproachful
ghost！’
‘I was obliged to announce myself； somehow；’ I replied。 ‘Have I
called you down from the stars？’
‘No；’ he answered。 ‘No。’
‘Up from anywhere； then？’ said I； taking my seat near him。
‘I was looking at the pictures in the fire；’ he returned。
‘But you are spoiling them for me；’ said I； as he stirred it
quickly with a piece of burning wood； striking out of it a train of
red…hot sparks that went careering up the little chimney； and
roaring out into the air。
‘You would not have seen them；’ he returned。 ‘I detest this
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David Copperfield
mongrel time； neither day nor night。 How late you are！ Where
have you been？’
‘I have been taking leave of my usual walk；’ said I。
‘And I have been sitting here；’ said Steerforth； glancing round
the room； ‘thinking that all the people we found so glad on the
night of our coming down； might—to judge from the present
wasted air of the place—be dispersed； or dead； or come to I don’t
know what harm。 David； I wish to God I had had a judicious father
these last twenty years！’
‘My dear Steerforth； what is the matter？’
‘I wish with all my soul I had been better guided！’ he exclaimed。
‘I wish with all my soul I could guide myself better！’
There was a passionate dejection in his manner that quite
amazed me。 He was more unlike himself than I could have
supposed possible。
‘It would be better to be this poor Peggotty； or his lout of a
nephew；’ he said； getting up and leaning moodily against the
chimney…piece； with his face towards the fire； ‘than to be myself；
twenty times richer and twenty times wiser； and be the torment to
myself that I have been； in this Devil’s bark of a boat； within the
last half…hour！’
I was so confounded by the alteration in him； that at first I
could only observe him in silence； as he stood leaning his head
upon his hand； and looking gloomily down at the fire。 At length I
begged him； with all the earnestness I felt； to tell me what had
occurred to cross him so unusually； and to let me sympathize with
him； if I could not hope to advise him。 Before I had well
concluded； he began to laugh—fretfully at first； but soon with
returning gaiety。
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‘Tut； it’s nothing； Daisy！ nothing！’ he replied。 ‘I told you at the
inn in London； I am heavy company for myself； sometimes。 I have
been a nightmare to myself； just now—must have had one； I think。
At odd dull times； nursery tales come up into the memory；
unrecognized for what they are。 I believe I have been confounding
myself with the bad boy who “didn’t care”； and became food for
lions—a grander kind of going to the dogs； I suppose。 What old
women call the horrors； have been creeping over me from head to
foot。 I have been afraid of myself。’
‘You are afraid of nothing else； I think；’ said I。
‘Perhaps not； and yet may have enough to be afraid of too；’ he
answered。 ‘Well！ So it goes by！ I am not about to be hipped again；
David； but I tell you； my good fellow； once more； that it would have
been well for me （and for more than me） if I had had a steadfast
and judicious father！’
His face was always full of expression； but I never saw it
express such a dark kind of earnestness as when he said these
words； with his glance bent on the fire。
‘So much for that！’ he said； making as if he tossed something
light into the air； with his hand。
“‘Why； being gone； I am a man again；”
like Macbeth。 And now for dinner！ If I have not （Macbeth…like）
broken up the feast with most admired disorder； Daisy。’
‘But where are they all； I wonder！’ said I。
‘God knows；’ said Steerforth。 ‘After strolling to the ferry looking
for you； I strolled in here and found the place deserted。 That set
me thinking； and you found me thinking。’
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The advent of Mrs。 Gummidge with a basket； explained how the
house had happened to be empty。 She had hurried out to buy
something that was needed； against Mr。 Peggotty’s return with the
tide； and had left the door open in the meanwhile； lest Ham and
little Em’ly； with whom it was an early night； should come home
while she was gone。 Steerforth； after very much improving Mrs。
Gummidge’s spirits by a cheerful salutation and a jocose embrace；
took my arm； and hurried me away。
He had improved his own spirits； no less than Mrs。
Gummidge’s； for they were again at their usual flow； and he was
full of vivacious conversation as we went along。
‘And so；’ he said； gaily； ‘we abandon this buccaneer life
tomorrow； do we？’
‘So we agreed；’ I returned。 ‘And our places by the coach are
taken； you know。’
‘Ay！ there’s no help for it； I suppose；’ said Steerforth。 ‘I have
almost forgotten that there is anything to do in the world but to go
out tossing on the sea here。 I wish there was not。’
‘As long as the novelty should last；’ said I； laughing。
‘Like enough；’ he returned； ‘though there’s a sarcastic meaning
in that observation for an amiable piece of innocence like my
young friend。 Well！ I dare say I am a capricious fellow； David。 I
know I am； but while the iron is hot； I can strike it vigorously too。 I
could pass a reasonably good examination already； as a pilot in
these waters； I think。’
‘Mr。 Peggotty says you are a wonder；’ I returned。 ‘A nautical
phenomenon； eh？’ laughed Steerforth。
‘Indeed he does； and you know how truly； I know how ardent
you are in any pursuit you follow； and how easily you can master
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David Copperfield
it。 And that amazes me most in you； Steerforth—that you should
be contented with such fitful uses of your powers。’
‘Contented？’ he answered； merrily。 ‘I am never contented；
except with your freshness； my gentle Daisy。 As to fitfulness； I
have never learnt the art of binding myself to any of the wheels on
which the Ixions of these days are turning round and round。 I
missed it somehow in a bad apprenticeship； and now don’t care
about it。—You know I have bought a boat down here？’
‘What an extraordinary fellow you are； Steerforth！’ I exclaimed；
stopping—for this was the first I had heard of it。 ‘When you may
nev
