david copperfield(大卫.科波维尔)-第73节
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ventured on a second； but ever afterwards confined himself to
looking watchfully at her for her suggestions； and rattling his
money。
‘Trot； I tell you what； my dear；’ said my aunt； one morning in
the Christmas season when I left school： ‘as this knotty point is
still unsettled； and as we must not make a mistake in our decision
if we can help it； I think we had better take a little breathing…time。
In the meanwhile； you must try to look at it from a new point of
view； and not as a schoolboy。’
‘I will； aunt。’
‘It has occurred to me；’ pursued my aunt； ‘that a little change；
and a glimpse of life out of doors； may be useful in helping you to
know your own mind； and form a cooler judgement。 Suppose you
were to go down into the old part of the country again； for
instance； and see that—that out…of…the…way woman with the
savagest of names；’ said my aunt； rubbing her nose； for she could
never thoroughly forgive Peggotty for being so called。
Charles Dickens ElecBook Classics
David Copperfield
‘Of all things in the world； aunt； I should like it best！’
‘Well；’ said my aunt； ‘that’s lucky； for I should like it too。 But it’s
natural and rational that you should like it。 And I am very well
persuaded that whatever you do； Trot； will always be natural and
rational。’
‘I hope so； aunt。’
‘Your sister； Betsey Trotwood；’ said my aunt； ‘would have been
as natural and rational a girl as ever breathed。 You’ll be worthy of
her； won’t you？’
‘I hope I shall be worthy of you； aunt。 That will be enough for
me。’
‘It’s a mercy that poor dear baby of a mother of yours didn’t
live；’ said my aunt； looking at me approvingly； ‘or she’d have been
so vain of her boy by this time； that her soft little head would have
been completely turned； if there was anything of it left to turn。’
（My aunt always excused any weakness of her own in my behalf；
by transferring it in this way to my poor mother。） ‘Bless me；
Trotwood； how you do remind me of her！’
‘Pleasantly； I hope； aunt？’ said I。
‘He’s as like her； Dick；’ said my aunt； emphatically； ‘he’s as like
her； as she was that afternoon before she began to fret—bless my
heart； he’s as like her； as he can look at me out of his two eyes！’
‘Is he indeed？’ said Mr。 Dick。
‘And he’s like David； too；’ said my aunt； decisively。
‘He is very like David！’ said Mr。 Dick。
‘But what I want you to be； Trot；’ resumed my aunt； ‘—I don’t
mean physically； but morally； you are very well physically—is； a
firm fellow。 A fine firm fellow； with a will of your own。 With
resolution；’ said my aunt； shaking her cap at me； and clenching
Charles Dickens ElecBook Classics
David Copperfield
her hand。 ‘With determination。 With character； Trot—with
strength of character that is not to be influenced； except on good
reason； by anybody； or by anything。 That’s what I want you to be。
That’s what your father and mother might both have been；
Heaven knows； and been the better for it。’
I intimated that I hoped I should be what she described。
‘That you may begin； in a small way； to have a reliance upon
yourself； and to act for yourself；’ said my aunt； ‘I shall send you
upon your trip； alone。 I did think； once； of Mr。 Dick’s going with
you； but； on second thoughts； I shall keep him to take care of me。’
Mr。 Dick； for a moment； looked a little disappointed； until the
honour and dignity of having to take care of the most wonderful
woman in the world； restored the sunshine to his face。
‘Besides；’ said my aunt； ‘there’s the Memorial—’
‘Oh； certainly；’ said Mr。 Dick； in a hurry； ‘I intend； Trotwood； to
get that done immediately—it really must be done immediately！
And then it will go in； you know—and then—’ said Mr。 Dick； after
checking himself； and pausing a long time； ‘there’ll be a pretty
kettle of fish！’
In pursuance of my aunt’s kind scheme； I was shortly
afterwards fitted out with a handsome purse of money； and a
portmanteau； and tenderly dismissed upon my expedition。 At
parting； my aunt gave me some good advice； and a good many
kisses； and said that as her object was that I should look about me；
and should think a little； she would recommend me to stay a few
days in London； if I liked it； either on my way down into Suffolk；
or in coming back。 In a word； I was at liberty to do what I would；
for three weeks or a month； and no other conditions were imposed
upon my freedom than the before…mentioned thinking and looking
Charles Dickens ElecBook Classics
David Copperfield
about me； and a pledge to write three times a week and faithfully
report myself。
I went to Canterbury first； that I might take leave of Agnes and
Mr。 Wickfield （my old room in whose house I had not yet
relinquished）； and also of the good Doctor。 Agnes was very glad to
see me； and told me that the house had not been like itself since I
had left it。
‘I am sure I am not like myself when I am away；’ said I。 ‘I seem
to want my right hand； when I miss you。 Though that’s not saying
much； for there’s no head in my right hand； and no heart。
Everyone who knows you； consults with you； and is guided by you；
Agnes。’
‘Everyone who knows me； spoils me； I believe；’ she answered；
smiling。
‘No。 it’s because you are like no one else。 You are so good； and
so sweet…tempered。 You have such a gentle nature； and you are
always right。’
‘You talk；’ said Agnes； breaking into a pleasant laugh； as she sat
at work； ‘as if I were the late Miss Larkins。’
‘Come！ It’s not fair to abuse my confidence；’ I answered；
reddening at the recollection of my blue enslaver。 ‘But I shall
confide in you； just the same； Agnes。 I can never grow out of that。
Whenever I fall into trouble； or fall in love； I shall always tell you； if
you’ll let me—even when I come to fall in love in earnest。’
‘Why； you have always been in earnest！’ said Agnes； laughing
again。
‘Oh！ that was as a child； or a schoolboy；’ said I； laughing in my
turn； not without being a little shame…faced。 ‘Times are altering
now； and I suppose I shall be in a terrible state of earnestness one
Charles Dickens ElecBook Classics
David Copperfield
day or other。 My wonder is； that you are not in earnest yourself； by
this time； Agnes。’
Agnes laughed again； and shook her head。
‘Oh； I know you are not！’ said I； ‘because if you had been you
would have told me。 Or at least’—for I saw a faint blush in her
face； ‘you would have let me find it out for myself。 But there is no
one that I know of； who deserves to love you； Agnes。 Someone of a
nobler character； and more worthy altogether than anyone I have
ever seen here； must rise up； before I give my consent。 In the time
to come； I shall have a wary eye on all admirers； and shall exact a
great deal from the successful one； I assure you。’
We had gone on； so far； in a mixture of confidential jest and
earnest； that had long grown naturally out of our familiar
relations； begun as mere children。 But Agnes； now suddenly lifting
up her eyes to mine； and speaking in a different manner； said：
‘Trotwood； there is something that I want to ask you； and that I
may not have another opportunity of asking for a long time；
perhaps—something I would ask； I think； of no one else。 Have you
observed any gradual alteration in Papa？’
I had observed it； and had often wondered whether she had too。
I must have shown as much； now； in my face； for her eyes were in
a moment cast down； and I saw tears in them。
‘Tell me what it is；’ she said； in a low voice。
‘I think—shall I be quite plain； Agnes； liking him so much？’
‘Yes；’ she said。
‘I think he does himself no good by the habit that has increased
upon him since I first came here。 He is often very nervous—or I
fancy so。’
‘It is not fancy；’ said Agnes； shaking her head。
Charles Dickens ElecBook Classics
David Copperfield
‘His hand trembles； his speech is not plain； and his eyes look
wild。 I have remarked that at those times； and when he is least like
himself； he is most certain to be wanted on some business。’
‘By Uriah；’ said Agnes。
‘Yes； and the sense of being unfit for it； or of not having
understood it； or of having shown his condition in spite of himself；
seems to make him so uneasy； that next day he is worse； and next
day worse； and so he becomes jaded and haggard。 Do not be
alarmed by what I say； Agnes； but in this state I saw him； only the
other evening； lay down his head upon his desk； and shed tears
like a child。’
Her hand passed softly before my lips while I was yet speaking；
and in a moment she had met her father at the door of the room；
and was hanging on his shoulder。 The expression of her face； as
they both looked towards me； I felt to be very touching。 There was
such deep fondness for him； and gratitude to him for all his love
and care； in her beautiful look； and there was such a fervent
appeal to me to deal tenderly by him； even in my inmost thoughts；
an
