david copperfield(大卫.科波维尔)-第36节

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to　me；　“I　never　shall　see　my　pretty　darling　again。　Something　tells　
me　so；　that　tells　the　truth；　I　know。”　

‘She　tried　to　hold　up　after　that；　and　many　a　time；　when　they　
told　her　she　was　thoughtless　and　light…hearted；　made　believe　to　be　

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David　Copperfield　

so；　but　it　was　all　a　bygone　then。　She　never　told　her　husband　what　
she　had　told　me—she　was　afraid　of　saying　it　to　anybody　else—till　
one　night；　a　little　more　than　a　week　before　it　happened；　when　she　
said　to　him：　“My　dear；　I　think　I　am　dying。”　

‘“It’s　off　my　mind　now；　Peggotty；”　she　told　me；　when　I　laid　her　
in　her　bed　that　night。　“He　will　believe　it　more　and　more；　poor　
fellow；　every　day　for　a　few　days　to　come；　and　then　it　will　be　past。　I　
am　very　tired。　If　this　is　sleep；　sit　by　me　while　I　sleep：　don’t　leave　
me。　God　bless　both　my　children！　God　protect　and　keep　my　
fatherless　boy！”　

‘I　never　left　her　afterwards；’　said　Peggotty。　‘She　often　talked　to　
them　two　downstairs—for　she　loved　them；　she　couldn’t　bear　not　to　
love　anyone　who　was　about　her—but　when　they　went　away　from　
her　bed…side；　she　always　turned　to　me；　as　if　there　was　rest　where　
Peggotty　was；　and　never　fell　asleep　in　any　other　way。　

‘On　the　last　night；　in　the　evening；　she　kissed　me；　and　said：　“If　
my　baby　should　die　too；　Peggotty；　please　let　them　lay　him　in　my　
arms；　and　bury　us　together。”　（It　was　done；　for　the　poor　lamb　lived　
but　a　day　beyond　her。）　“Let　my　dearest　boy　go　with　us　to　our　
resting…place；”　she　said；　“and　tell　him　that　his　mother；　when　she　
lay　here；　blessed　him　not　once；　but　a　thousand　times。”’　

Another　silence　followed　this；　and　another　gentle　beating　on　my　
hand。　

‘It　was　pretty　far　in　the　night；’　said　Peggotty；　‘when　she　asked　
me　for　some　drink；　and　when　she　had　taken　it；　gave　me　such　a　
patient　smile；　the　dear！—so　beautiful！　

‘Daybreak　had　come；　and　the　sun　was　rising；　when　she　said　to　
me；　how　kind　and　considerate　Mr。　Copperfield　had　always　been　to　
her；　and　how　he　had　borne　with　her；　and　told　her；　when　she　

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doubted　herself；　that　a　loving　heart　was　better　and　stronger　than　
wisdom；　and　that　he　was　a　happy　man　in　hers。　“Peggotty；　my　
dear；”　she　said　then；　“put　me　nearer　to　you；”　for　she　was　very　
weak。　“Lay　your　good　arm　underneath　my　neck；”　she　said；　“and　
turn　me　to　you；　for　your　face　is　going　far　off；　and　I　want　it　to　be　
near。”　I　put　it　as　she　asked；　and　oh　Davy！　the　time　had　come　when　
my　first　parting　words　to　you　were　true—when　she　was　glad　to　lay　
her　poor　head　on　her　stupid　cross　old　Peggotty’s　arm—and　she　
died　like　a　child　that　had　gone　to　sleep！’　

Thus　ended　Peggotty’s　narration。　From　the　moment　of　my　
knowing　of　the　death　of　my　mother；　the　idea　of　her　as　she　had　
been　of　late　had　vanished　from　me。　I　remembered　her；　from　that　
instant；　only　as　the　young　mother　of　my　earliest　impressions；　who　
had　been　used　to　wind　her　bright　curls　round　and　round　her　
finger；　and　to　dance　with　me　at　twilight　in　the　parlour。　What　
Peggotty　had　told　me　now；　was　so　far　from　bringing　me　back　to　
the　later　period；　that　it　rooted　the　earlier　image　in　my　mind。　It　may　
be　curious；　but　it　is　true。　In　her　death　she　winged　her　way　back　to　
her　calm　untroubled　youth；　and　cancelled　all　the　rest。　

The　mother　who　lay　in　the　grave；　was　the　mother　of　my　infancy；　
the　little　creature　in　her　arms；　was　myself；　as　I　had　once　been；　
hushed　for　ever　on　her　bosom。　

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Chapter　10　

I　BECOME　NEGLECTED；　AND　AM　PROVIDED
FOR


The　first　act　of　business　Miss　Murdstone　performed　when　
the　day　of　the　solemnity　was　over；　and　light　was　freely　
admitted　into　the　house；　was　to　give　Peggotty　a　month’s　
warning。　Much　as　Peggotty　would　have　disliked　such　a　service；　I　
believe　she　would　have　retained　it；　for　my　sake；　in　preference　to　
the　best　upon　earth。　She　told　me　we　must　part；　and　told　me　why；　
and　we　condoled　with　one　another；　in　all　sincerity。　

As　to　me　or　my　future；　not　a　word　was　said；　or　a　step　taken。　
Happy　they　would　have　been；　I　dare　say；　if　they　could　have　
dismissed　me　at　a　month’s　warning　too。　I　mustered　courage　once；　
to　ask　Miss　Murdstone　when　I　was　going　back　to　school；　and　she　
answered　dryly；　she　believed　I　was　not　going　back　at　all。　I　was　told　
nothing　more。　I　was　very　anxious　to　know　what　was　going　to　be　
done　with　me；　and　so　was　Peggotty；　but　neither　she　nor　I　could　
pick　up　any　information　on　the　subject。　

There　was　one　change　in　my　condition；　which；　while　it　relieved　
me　of　a　great　deal　of　present　uneasiness；　might　have　made　me；　if　I　
had　been　capable　of　considering　it　closely；　yet　more　uncomfortable　
about　the　future。　It　was　this。　The　constraint　that　had　been　put　
upon　me；　was　quite　abandoned。　I　was　so　far　from　being　required　
to　keep　my　dull　post　in　the　parlour；　that　on　several　occasions；　
when　I　took　my　seat　there；　Miss　Murdstone　frowned　to　me　to　go　
away。　I　was　so　far　from　being　warned　off　from　Peggotty’s　society；　

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that；　provided　I　was　not　in　Mr。　Murdstone’s；　I　was　never　sought　
out　or　inquired　for。　At　first　I　was　in　daily　dread　of　his　taking　my　
education　in　hand　again；　or　of　Miss　Murdstone’s　devoting　herself　
to　it；　but　I　soon　began　to　think　that　such　fears　were　groundless；　
and　that　all　I　had　to　anticipate　was　neglect。　

I　do　not　conceive　that　this　discovery　gave　me　much　pain　then。　I　
was　still　giddy　with　the　shock　of　my　mother’s　death；　and　in　a　kind　
of　stunned　state　as　to　all　tributary　things。　I　can　recollect；　indeed；　to　
have　speculated；　at　odd　times；　on　the　possibility　of　my　not　being　
taught　any　more；　or　cared　for　any　more；　and　growing　up　to　be　a　
shabby；　moody　man；　lounging　an　idle　life　away；　about　the　village；　
as　well　as　on　the　feasibility　of　my　getting　rid　of　this　picture　by　
going　away　somewhere；　like　the　hero　in　a　story；　to　seek　my　
fortune：　but　these　were　transient　visions；　daydreams　I　sat　looking　
at　sometimes；　as　if　they　were　faintly　painted　or　written　on　the　wall　
of　my　room；　and　which；　as　they　melted　away；　left　the　wall　blank　
again。　

‘Peggotty；’　I　said　in　a　thoughtful　whisper；　one　evening；　when　I　
was　warming　my　hands　at　the　kitchen　fire；　‘Mr。　Murdstone　likes　
me　less　than　he　used　to。　He　never　liked　me　much；　Peggotty；　but　he　
would　rather　not　even　see　me　now；　if　he　can　help　it。’　

‘Perhaps　it’s　his　sorrow；’　said　Peggotty；　stroking　my　hair。　

‘I　am　sure；　Peggotty；　I　am　sorry　too。　If　I　believed　it　was　his　
sorrow；　I　should　not　think　of　it　at　all。　But　it’s　not　that；　oh；　no；　it’s　
not　that。’　

‘How　do　you　know　it’s　not　that？’　said　Peggotty；　after　a　silence。　

‘Oh；　his　sorrow　is　another　and　quite　a　different　thing。　He　is　
sorry　at　this　moment；　sitting　by　the　fireside　with　Miss　Murdstone；　
but　if　I　was　to　go　in；　Peggotty；　he　would　be　something　besides。’　

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‘What　would　he　be？’　said　Peggotty。　

‘Angry；’　I　answered；　with　an　involuntary　imitation　of　his　dark　
frown。　‘If　he　was　only　sorry；　he　wouldn’t　look　at　me　as　he　does。　I　
am　only　sorry；　and　it　makes　me　feel　kinder。’　

Peggotty　said　nothing　for　a　little　while；　and　I　warmed　my　
hands；　as　silent　as　she。　

‘Davy；’　she　said　at　length。　

‘Yes；　Peggotty？’　

‘I　have　tried；　my　dear；　all　ways　I　could　think　of—all　the　ways　
there　are；　and　all　the　ways　there　ain’t；　in　short—to　get　a　suitable　
service　here；　in　Blunderstone；　but　there’s　no　such　a　thing；　my　
love。’　

‘And　what　do　you　mean　to　do；　Peggotty；’　says　I；　wistfully。　‘Do　
you　mean　to　go　and　seek　your　fortune？’　

‘I　expect　I　shall　be　forced　to　go　to　Yarmouth；’　replied　Peggotty；　
‘and　live　there。’　

‘You　might　have　gone　farther　off；’　I　said；　brightening　a　little；　
‘and　been　as　bad　as　lost。　I　shall　see　you　sometimes；　my　dear　old　
Peggotty；　there。　You　won’t　be　quite　at　the　other　end　of　the　world；　
will　you？’　

‘Contrary　ways；　please　God！’　cried　Peggotty；　with　great　
animation。　‘As　long　as　you　are　here；　my　pet；　I　shall　come　over　
every　week　of　my　life　to　see　you。　One　day；　every　week　of　my　life！’　

I　felt　a　great　weight　taken　off　my　mind　by　this　promise：　but　
even　this　was　not　all；　for　Peggotty　went　on　to　say：　

‘I’m　a…going；　Davy；　you　see；　to　my　brother’s；　first；　for　another　
fortnight’s　visit—just　till　I　have　had　time　to　look　about　me；　and　get　
to　be　something　like　myself　again。　Now；　I　have　been　thinking　that　
perhaps；　as　they　don’t　want　you　here　at　present；　you　might　be　let　

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to　go　along　with　me。’　

If　anything；　short　of　being　in　a　different　relation　to　every　one　
about　me；　Peggotty　excepted；　could　have　given　me　a　sense　of　
pleasure　at　that　time；　it　would　have　been　this　project　of　all　others。　
The　idea　of　being　again　surrounded　by　those　honest　faces；　shining　
welcome　on　me；　of　renewing　the　peacefulness　of　the　sweet　Sunday　
morning；　when　the　bells　were　ringing；　the　stones　dropping　in　the　
water；　and　the　shadowy　ships　breaking　through　the　mist；　of　
roaming　up　and　down