david copperfield(大卫.科波维尔)-第132节

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which　was　a　lesson　to　all　of　us—to　me；　I　am　sure。　She　was　
extremely　gracious　to　Peggotty；　except　when　I　inadvertently　called　
her　by　that　name；　and；　strange　as　I　knew　she　felt　in　London；　
appeared　quite　at　home。　She　was　to　have　my　bed；　and　I　was　to　lie　
in　the　sitting…room；　to　keep　guard　over　her。　She　made　a　great　
point　of　being　so　near　the　river；　in　case　of　a　conflagration；　and　I　
suppose　really　did　find　some　satisfaction　in　that　circumstance。　

‘Trot；　my　dear；’　said　my　aunt；　when　she　saw　me　making　
preparations　for　compounding　her　usual　night…draught；　‘No！’　

‘Nothing；　aunt？’　

‘Not　wine；　my　dear。　Ale。’　

‘But　there　is　wine　here；　aunt。　And　you　always　have　it　made　of　
wine。’　

‘Keep　that；　in　case　of　sickness；’　said　my　aunt。　‘We　mustn’t　use　it　
carelessly；　Trot。　Ale　for　me。　Half　a　pint。’　

I　thought　Mr。　Dick　would　have　fallen；　insensible。　My　aunt　

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being　resolute；　I　went　out　and　got　the　ale　myself。　As　it　was　
growing　late；　Peggotty　and　Mr。　Dick　took　that　opportunity　of　
repairing　to　the　chandler’s　shop　together。　I　parted　from　him；　poor　
fellow；　at　the　corner　of　the　street；　with　his　great　kite　at　his　back；　a　
very　monument　of　human　misery。　

My　aunt　was　walking　up　and　down　the　room　when　I　returned；　
crimping　the　borders　of　her　nightcap　with　her　fingers。　I　warmed　
the　ale　and　made　the　toast　on　the　usual　infallible　principles。　When　
it　was　ready　for　her；　she　was　ready　for　it；　with　her　nightcap　on；　
and　the　skirt　of　her　gown　turned　back　on　her　knees。　

‘My　dear；’　said　my　aunt；　after　taking　a　spoonful　of　it；　‘it’s　a　great　
deal　better　than　wine。　Not　half　so　bilious。’　

I　suppose　I　looked　doubtful；　for　she　added：　

‘Tut；　tut；　child。　If　nothing　worse　than　Ale　happens　to　us；　we　are　
well　off。’　

‘I　should　think　so　myself；　aunt；　I　am　sure；’　said　I。　

‘Well；　then；　why　don’t　you　think　so？’　said　my　aunt。　

‘Because　you　and　I　are　very　different　people；’　I　returned。　

‘Stuff　and　nonsense；　Trot！’　replied　my　aunt。　

My　aunt　went　on　with　a　quiet　enjoyment；　in　which　there　was　
very　little　affectation；　if　any；　drinking　the　warm　ale　with　a　teaspoon；　and　soaking　her　strips　of　toast　in　it。　

‘Trot；’　said　she；　‘I　don’t　care　for　strange　faces　in　general；　but　I　
rather　like　that　Barkis　of　yours；　do　you　know！’　

‘It’s　better　than　a　hundred　pounds　to　hear　you　say　so！’　said　I。　

‘It’s　a　most　extraordinary　world；’　observed　my　aunt；　rubbing　
her　nose；　‘how　that　woman　ever　got　into　it　with　that　name；　is　
unaccountable　to　me。　It　would　be　much　more　easy　to　be　born　a　
Jackson；　or　something　of　that　sort；　one　would　think。’　

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‘Perhaps　she　thinks　so；　too；　it’s　not　her　fault；’　said　I。　

‘I　suppose　not；’　returned　my　aunt；　rather　grudging　the　
admission；　‘but　it’s　very　aggravating。　However；　she’s　Barkis　now。　
That’s　some　comfort。　Barkis　is　uncommonly　fond　of　you；　Trot。’　

‘There　is　nothing　she　would　leave　undone　to　prove　it；’　said　I。　

‘Nothing；　I　believe；’　returned　my　aunt。　‘Here；　the　poor　fool　has　
been　begging　and　praying　about　handing　over　some　of　her　
money—because　she　has　got　too　much　of　it。　A　simpleton！’　

My　aunt’s　tears　of　pleasure　were　positively　trickling　down　into　
the　warm　ale。　

‘She’s　the　most　ridiculous　creature　that　ever　was　born；’　said　my　
aunt。　‘I　knew；　from　the　first　moment　when　I　saw　her　with　that　
poor　dear　blessed　baby　of　a　mother　of　yours；　that　she　was　the　most　
ridiculous　of　mortals。　But　there　are　good　points　in　Barkis！’　

Affecting　to　laugh；　she　got　an　opportunity　of　putting　her　hand　
to　her　eyes。　Having　availed　herself　of　it；　she　resumed　her　toast　
and　her　discourse　together。　

‘Ah！　Mercy　upon　us！’　sighed　my　aunt。　‘I　know　all　about　it；　Trot！　
Barkis　and　myself　had　quite　a　gossip　while　you　were　out　with　
Dick。　I　know　all　about　it。　I　don’t　know　where　these　wretched　girls　
expect　to　go　to；　for　my　part。　I　wonder　they　don’t　knock　out　their　
brains　against—against　mantelpieces；’　said　my　aunt；　an　idea　
which　was　probably　suggested　to　her　by　her　contemplation　of　
mine。　

‘Poor　Emily！’　said　I。　

‘Oh；　don’t　talk　to　me　about　poor；’　returned　my　aunt。　‘She　
should　have　thought　of　that；　before　she　caused　so　much　misery！　
Give　me　a　kiss；　Trot。　I　am　sorry　for　your　early　experience。’　

As　I　bent　forward；　she　put　her　tumbler　on　my　knee　to　detain　

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me；　and　said：　

‘Oh；　Trot；　Trot！　And　so　you　fancy　yourself　in　love！　Do　you？’　

‘Fancy；　aunt！’　I　exclaimed；　as　red　as　I　could　be。　‘I　adore　her　
with　my　whole　soul！’　

‘Dora；　indeed！’　returned　my　aunt。　‘And　you　mean　to　say　the　
little　thing　is　very　fascinating；　I　suppose？’　

‘My　dear　aunt；’　I　replied；　‘no　one　can　form　the　least　idea　what　
she　is！’　

‘Ah！　And　not　silly？’　said　my　aunt。　

‘Silly；　aunt！’　

I　seriously　believe　it　had　never　once　entered　my　head　for　a　
single　moment；　to　consider　whether　she　was　or　not。　I　resented　the　
idea；　of　course；　but　I　was　in　a　manner　struck　by　it；　as　a　new　one　
altogether。　

‘Not　light…headed？’　said　my　aunt。　

‘Light…headed；　aunt！’　I　could　only　repeat　this　daring　speculation　
with　the　same　kind　of　feeling　with　which　I　had　repeated　the　
preceding　question。　

‘Well；　well！’　said　my　aunt。　‘I　only　ask。　I　don’t　depreciate　her。　
Poor　little　couple！　And　so　you　think　you　were　formed　for　one　
another；　and　are　to　go　through　a　party…supper…table　kind　of　life；　
like　two　pretty　pieces　of　confectionery；　do　you；　Trot？’　

She　asked　me　this　so　kindly；　and　with　such　a　gentle　air；　half　
playful　and　half　sorrowful；　that　I　was　quite　touched。　

‘We　are　young　and　inexperienced；　aunt；　I　know；’　I　replied；　‘and　
I　dare　say　we　say　and　think　a　good　deal　that　is　rather　foolish。　But　
we　love　one　another　truly；　I　am　sure。　If　I　thought　Dora　could　ever　
love　anybody　else；　or　cease　to　love　me；　or　that　I　could　ever　love　
anybody　else；　or　cease　to　love　her；　I　don’t　know　what　I　should　do—　

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go　out　of　my　mind；　I　think！’　

‘Ah；　Trot！’　said　my　aunt；　shaking　her　head；　and　smiling　gravely；　
‘blind；　blind；　blind！’　

‘Someone　that　I　know；　Trot；’　my　aunt　pursued；　after　a　pause；　
‘though　of　a　very　pliant　disposition；　has　an　earnestness　of　affection　
in　him　that　reminds　me　of　poor　Baby。　Earnestness　is　what　that　
Somebody　must　look　for；　to　sustain　him　and　improve　him；　Trot。　
Deep；　downright；　faithful　earnestness。’　

‘If　you　only　knew　the　earnestness　of　Dora；　aunt！’　I　cried。　

‘Oh；　Trot！’　she　said　again；　‘blind；　blind！’　and　without　knowing　
why；　I　felt　a　vague　unhappy　loss　or　want　of　something　overshadow　
me　like　a　cloud。　

‘However；’　said　my　aunt；　‘I　don’t　want　to　put　two　young　
creatures　out　of　conceit　with　themselves；　or　to　make　them　
unhappy；　so；　though　it　is　a　girl　and　boy　attachment；　and　girl　and　
boy　attachments　very　often—mind！　I　don’t　say　always！—come　to　
nothing；　still　we’ll　be　serious　about　it；　and　hope　for　a　prosperous　
issue　one　of　these　days。　There’s　time　enough　for　it　to　come　to　
anything！’　

This　was　not　upon　the　whole　very　comforting　to　a　rapturous　
lover；　but　I　was　glad　to　have　my　aunt　in　my　confidence；　and　I　was　
mindful　of　her　being　fatigued。　So　I　thanked　her　ardently　for　this　
mark　of　her　affection；　and　for　all　her　other　kindnesses　towards　me；　
and　after　a　tender　good　night；　she　took　her　nightcap　into　my　
bedroom。　

How　miserable　I　was；　when　I　lay　down！　How　I　thought　and　
thought　about　my　being　poor；　in　Mr。　Spenlow’s　eyes；　about　my　not　
being　what　I　thought　I　was；　when　I　proposed　to　Dora；　about　the　
chivalrous　necessity　of　telling　Dora　what　my　worldly　condition　

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was；　and　releasing　her　from　her　engagement　if　she　thought　fit；　
about　how　I　should　contrive　to　live；　during　the　long　term　of　my　
articles；　when　I　was　earning　nothing；　about　doing　something　to　
assist　my　aunt；　and　seeing　no　way　of　doing　anything；　about　coming　
down　to　have　no　money　in　my　pocket；　and　to　wear　a　shabby　coat；　
and　to　be　able　to　carry　Dora　no　little　presents；　and　to　ride　no　
gallant　greys；　and　to　show　myself　in　no　agreeable　light！　Sordid　
and　selfish　as　I　knew　it　was；　and　as　I　tortured　myself　by　knowing　
that　it　was；　to　let　my　mind　run　on　my　own　distress　so　much；　I　was　
so　devoted　to　Dora　that　I　could　not　help　it。　I　knew　that　it　was　base　
in　me　not　to　think　more　of　my　aunt；　and　less　of　myself；　but；　so　far；　
selfishness　was　inseparable　from　Dora；　and　I　could　not　put　Dora　
on　one　side　for　any　mortal　creature。　How　exceedingly　miserable　I　
was；　that　night！　

As　to　sleep；　I　had　dreams　of　poverty　in　all　sorts　of　shapes；　but　I　
seemed　to　dream　without　the　previous　ceremony　of　going　to　sleep。　
Now　I　was　ragged；　wanting　to　sell　Dora　matches；　six　bundles　for　a　
halfpenny；　now　I　was　at　the　office　in　a　nightgown　and　boots；　
remonstrated　with　by　Mr。　Spenlow　on　appearing　before　the　clients　
in　that　airy　attire；　now　I　was　hungrily　picking　up　the　crumbs　that　
fell　from　old　Tiffey’s　daily　biscuit；　regularly　eaten　when　St。