david copperfield(大卫.科波维尔)-第13节
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bedroom was changed； and I was to lie a long way off。 I rambled
downstairs to find anything that was like itself； so altered it all
seemed； and roamed into the yard。 I very soon started back from
there； for the empty dog…kennel was filled up with a great dog—
deep mouthed and black…haired like Him—and he was very angry
at the sight of me； and sprang out to get at me。
Charles Dickens ElecBook Classics
David Copperfield
Chapter 4
I FALL INTO DISGRACE
If the room to which my bed was removed were a sentient
thing that could give evidence； I might appeal to it at this
day—who sleeps there now； I wonder！—to bear witness for
me what a heavy heart I carried to it。 I went up there； hearing the
dog in the yard bark after me all the way while I climbed the
stairs； and； looking as blank and strange upon the room as the
room looked upon me； sat down with my small hands crossed； and
thought。
I thought of the oddest things。 Of the shape of the room； of the
cracks in the ceiling； of the paper on the walls； of the flaws in the
window…glass making ripples and dimples on the prospect； of the
washing…stand being rickety on its three legs； and having a
discontented something about it； which reminded me of Mrs。
Gummidge under the influence of the old one。 I was crying all the
time； but； except that I was conscious of being cold and dejected； I
am sure I never thought why I cried。 At last in my desolation I
began to consider that I was dreadfully in love with little Em’ly；
and had been torn away from her to come here where no one
seemed to want me； or to care about me； half as much as she did。
This made such a very miserable piece of business of it； that I
rolled myself up in a corner of the counterpane； and cried myself
to sleep。
I was awoke by somebody saying ‘Here he is！’ and uncovering
my hot head。 My mother and Peggotty had come to look for me；
Charles Dickens ElecBook Classics
David Copperfield
and it was one of them who had done it。
‘Davy；’ said my mother。 ‘What’s the matter？’
I thought it was very strange that she should ask me； and
answered； ‘Nothing。’ I turned over on my face； I recollect； to hide
my trembling lip； which answered her with greater truth。 ‘Davy；’
said my mother。 ‘Davy； my child！’
I dare say no words she could have uttered would have affected
me so much； then； as her calling me her child。 I hid my tears in the
bedclothes； and pressed her from me with my hand； when she
would have raised me up。
‘This is your doing； Peggotty； you cruel thing！’ said my mother。
‘I have no doubt at all about it。 How can you reconcile it to your
conscience； I wonder； to prejudice my own boy against me； or
against anybody who is dear to me？ What do you mean by it；
Peggotty？’
Poor Peggotty lifted up her hands and eyes； and only answered；
in a sort of paraphrase of the grace I usually repeated after dinner；
‘Lord forgive you； Mrs。 Copperfield； and for what you have said
this minute； may you never be truly sorry！’
‘It’s enough to distract me；’ cried my mother。 ‘In my
honeymoon； too； when my most inveterate enemy might relent；
one would think； and not envy me a little peace of mind and
happiness。 Davy； you naughty boy！ Peggotty； you savage creature！
Oh； dear me！’ cried my mother； turning from one of us to the
other； in her pettish wilful manner； ‘what a troublesome world this
is； when one has the most right to expect it to be as agreeable as
possible！’
I felt the touch of a hand that I knew was neither hers nor
Peggotty’s； and slipped to my feet at the bed…side。 It was Mr。
Charles Dickens ElecBook Classics
David Copperfield
Murdstone’s hand； and he kept it on my arm as he said：
‘What’s this？ Clara； my love； have you forgotten？—Firmness；
my dear！’
‘I am very sorry； Edward；’ said my mother。 ‘I meant to be very
good； but I am so uncomfortable。’
‘Indeed！’ he answered。 ‘That’s a bad hearing； so soon； Clara。’
‘I say it’s very hard I should be made so now；’ returned my
mother； pouting； ‘and it is—very hard—isn’t it？’
He drew her to him； whispered in her ear； and kissed her。 I
knew as well； when I saw my mother’s head lean down upon his
shoulder； and her arm touch his neck—I knew as well that he
could mould her pliant nature into any form he chose； as I know；
now； that he did it。
‘Go you below； my love；’ said Mr。 Murdstone。 ‘David and I will
come down； together。 My friend；’ turning a darkening face on
Peggotty； when he had watched my mother out； and dismissed her
with a nod and a smile； ‘do you know your mistress’s name？’
‘She has been my mistress a long time； sir；’ answered Peggotty；
‘I ought to know it。’
‘That’s true；’ he answered。 ‘But I thought I heard you； as I came
upstairs； address her by a name that is not hers。 She has taken
mine； you know。 Will you remember that？’
Peggotty； with some uneasy glances at me； curtseyed herself
out of the room without replying； seeing； I suppose； that she was
expected to go； and had no excuse for remaining。 When we two
were left alone； he shut the door； and sitting on a chair； and
holding me standing before him； looked steadily into my eyes。 I
felt my own attracted； no less steadily； to his。 As I recall our being
opposed thus； face to face； I seem again to hear my heart beat fast
Charles Dickens ElecBook Classics
David Copperfield
and high。
‘David；’ he said； making his lips thin； by pressing them
together； ‘if I have an obstinate horse or dog to deal with； what do
you think I do？’
‘I don’t know。’
‘I beat him。’
I had answered in a kind of breathless whisper； but I felt； in my
silence； that my breath was shorter now。
‘I make him wince； and smart。 I say to myself； “I’ll conquer that
fellow”； and if it were to cost him all the blood he had； I should do
it。 What is that upon your face？’
‘Dirt；’ I said。
He knew it was the mark of tears as well as I。 But if he had
asked the question twenty times； each time with twenty blows； I
believe my baby heart would have burst before I would have told
him so。
‘You have a good deal of intelligence for a little fellow；’ he said；
with a grave smile that belonged to him； ‘and you understood me
very well； I see。 Wash that face； sir； and come down with me。’
He pointed to the washing…stand； which I had made out to be
like Mrs。 Gummidge； and motioned me with his head to obey him
directly。 I had little doubt then； and I have less doubt now； that he
would have knocked me down without the least compunction； if I
had hesitated。
‘Clara； my dear；’ he said； when I had done his bidding； and he
walked me into the parlour； with his hand still on my arm； ‘you
will not be made uncomfortable any more； I hope。 We shall soon
improve our youthful humours。’
God help me； I might have been improved for my whole life； I
Charles Dickens ElecBook Classics
David Copperfield
might have been made another creature perhaps； for life； by a
kind word at that season。 A word of encouragement and
explanation； of pity for my childish ignorance； of welcome home；
of reassurance to me that it was home； might have made me
dutiful to him in my heart henceforth； instead of in my hypocritical
outside； and might have made me respect instead of hate him。 I
thought my mother was sorry to see me standing in the room so
scared and strange； and that； presently； when I stole to a chair； she
followed me with her eyes more sorrowfully still—missing；
perhaps； some freedom in my childish tread—but the word was
not spoken； and the time for it was gone。
We dined alone； we three together。 He seemed to be very fond
of my mother—I am afraid I liked him none the better for that—
and she was very fond of him。 I gathered from what they said； that
an elder sister of his was coming to stay with them； and that she
was expected that evening。 I am not certain whether I found out
then； or afterwards； that； without being actively concerned in any
business； he had some share in； or some annual charge upon the
profits of； a wine…merchant’s house in London； with which his
family had been connected from his great…grandfather’s time； and
in which his sister had a similar interest； but I may mention it in
this place； whether or no。
After dinner； when we were sitting by the fire； and I was
meditating an escape to Peggotty without having the hardihood to
slip away； lest it should offend the master of the house； a coach
drove up to the garden…gate and he went out to receive the visitor。
My mother followed him。 I was timidly following her； when she
turned round at the parlour door； in the dusk； and taking me in
her embrace as she had been used to do； whispered me to love my
Charles Dickens ElecBook Classics
David Copperfield
new father and be obedient to him。 She did this hurriedly and
secretly； as if it were wrong； but tenderly； and； putting out her
hand behind her； held mine in it； until we came near to where he
was standing in the garden； where s
