david copperfield(大卫.科波维尔)-第120节
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devotion to him。 Deeply as I felt my own unconscious part in his
pollution of an honest home; I believed that if I had been brought
face to face with him; I could not have uttered one reproach。 I
should have loved him so well still—though he fascinated me no
longer—I should have held in so much tenderness the memory of
my affection for him; that I think I should have been as weak as a
spirit…wounded child; in all but the entertainment of a thought that
we could ever be re…united。 That thought I never had。 I felt; as he
had felt; that all was at an end between us。 What his
remembrances of me were; I have never known—they were light
enough; perhaps; and easily dismissed—but mine of him were as
the remembrances of a cherished friend; who was dead。
Yes; Steerforth; long removed from the scenes of this poor
history! My sorrow may bear involuntary witness against you at
the judgement Throne; but my angry thoughts or my reproaches
never will; I know!
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David Copperfield
The news of what had happened soon spread through the town;
insomuch that as I passed along the streets next morning; I
overheard the people speaking of it at their doors。 Many were hard
upon her; some few were hard upon him; but towards her second
father and her lover there was but one sentiment。 Among all kinds
of people a respect for them in their distress prevailed; which was
full of gentleness and delicacy。 The seafaring men kept apart;
when those two were seen early; walking with slow steps on the
beach; and stood in knots; talking compassionately among
themselves。
It was on the beach; close down by the sea; that I found them。 It
would have been easy to perceive that they had not slept all last
night; even if Peggotty had failed to tell me of their still sitting just
as I left them; when it was broad day。 They looked worn; and I
thought Mr。 Peggotty’s head was bowed in one night more than in
all the years I had known him。 But they were both as grave and
steady as the sea itself; then lying beneath a dark sky; waveless—
yet with a heavy roll upon it; as if it breathed in its rest—and
touched; on the horizon; with a strip of silvery light from the
unseen sun。
‘We have had a mort of talk; sir;’ said Mr。 Peggotty to me; when
we had all three walked a little while in silence; ‘of what we ought
and doen’t ought to do。 But we see our course now。’
I happened to glance at Ham; then looking out to sea upon the
distant light; and a frightful thought came into my mind—not that
his face was angry; for it was not; I recall nothing but an
expression of stern determination in it—that if ever he
encountered Steerforth; he would kill him。
‘My dooty here; sir;’ said Mr。 Peggotty; ‘is done。 I’m a going to
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David Copperfield
seek my—’ he stopped; and went on in a firmer voice: ‘I’m a going
to seek her。 That’s my dooty evermore。’
He shook his head when I asked him where he would seek her;
and inquired if I were going to London tomorrow? I told him I had
not gone today; fearing to lose the chance of being of any service to
him; but that I was ready to go when he would。
‘I’ll go along with you; sir;’ he rejoined; ‘if you’re agreeable;
tomorrow。’
We walked again; for a while; in silence。
‘Ham;’ he presently resumed;’ he’ll hold to his present work;
and go and live along with my sister。 The old boat yonder—’
‘Will you desert the old boat; Mr。 Peggotty?’ I gently interposed。
‘My station; Mas’r Davy;’ he returned; ‘ain’t there no longer;
and if ever a boat foundered; since there was darkness on the face
of the deep; that one’s gone down。 But no; sir; no; I doen’t mean as
it should be deserted。 Fur from that。’
We walked again for a while; as before; until he explained:
‘My wishes is; sir; as it shall look; day and night; winter and
summer; as it has always looked; since she fust know’d it。 If ever
she should come a wandering back; I wouldn’t have the old place
seem to cast her off; you understand; but seem to tempt her to
draw nigher to ’ t; and to peep in; maybe; like a ghost; out of the
wind and rain; through the old winder; at the old seat by the fire。
Then; maybe; Mas’r Davy; seein’ none but Missis Gummidge
there; she might take heart to creep in; trembling; and might come
to be laid down in her old bed; and rest her weary head where it
was once so gay。’
I could not speak to him in reply; though I tried。
‘Every night;’ said Mr。 Peggotty; ‘as reg’lar as the night comes;
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David Copperfield
the candle must be stood in its old pane of glass; that if ever she
should see it; it may seem to say “Come back; my child; come
back!” If ever there’s a knock; Ham (partic’ler a soft knock); arter
dark; at your aunt’s door; doen’t you go nigh it。 Let it be her—not
you—that sees my fallen child!’
He walked a little in front of us; and kept before us for some
minutes。 During this interval; I glanced at Ham again; and
observing the same expression on his face; and his eyes still
directed to the distant light; I touched his arm。
Twice I called him by his name; in the tone in which I might
have tried to rouse a sleeper; before he heeded me。 When I at last
inquired on what his thoughts were so bent; he replied:
‘On what’s afore me; Mas’r Davy; and over yon。’
‘On the life before you; do you mean?’ He had pointed
confusedly out to sea。
‘Ay; Mas’r Davy。 I doen’t rightly know how ’tis; but from over
yon there seemed to me to come—the end of it like;’ looking at me
as if he were waking; but with the same determined face。
‘What end?’ I asked; possessed by my former fear。
‘I doen’t know;’ he said; thoughtfully; ‘I was calling to mind that
the beginning of it all did take place here—and then the end come。
But it’s gone! Mas’r Davy;’ he added; answering; as I think; my
look; ‘you han’t no call to be afeerd of me: but I’m kiender
muddled; I don’t fare to feel no matters;’—which was as much as
to say that he was not himself; and quite confounded。
Mr。 Peggotty stopping for us to join him: we did so; and said no
more。 The remembrance of this; in connexion with my former
thought; however; haunted me at intervals; even until the
inexorable end came at its appointed time。
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David Copperfield
We insensibly approached the old boat; and entered。 Mrs。
Gummidge; no longer moping in her especial corner; was busy
preparing breakfast。 She took Mr。 Peggotty’s hat; and placed his
seat for him; and spoke so comfortably and softly; that I hardly
knew her。
‘Dan’l; my good man;’ said she; ‘you must eat and drink; and
keep up your strength; for without it you’ll do nowt。 Try; that’s a
dear soul! An if I disturb you with my clicketten;’ she meant her
chattering; ‘tell me so; Dan’l; and I won’t。’
When she had served us all; she withdrew to the window; where
she sedulously employed herself in repairing some shirts and
other clothes belonging to Mr。 Peggotty; and neatly folding and
packing them in an old oilskin bag; such as sailors carry。
Meanwhile; she continued talking; in the same quiet manner:
‘All times and seasons; you know; Dan’l;’ said Mrs。 Gummidge;
‘I shall be allus here; and everythink will look accordin’ to your
wishes。 I’m a poor scholar; but I shall write to you; odd times;
when you’re away; and send my letters to Mas’r Davy。 Maybe
you’ll write to me too; Dan’l; odd times; and tell me how you fare to
feel upon your lone lorn journies。’
‘You’ll be a solitary woman heer; I’m afeerd!’ said Mr。 Peggotty。
‘No; no; Dan’l;’ she returned; ‘I shan’t be that。 Doen’t you mind
me。 I shall have enough to do to keep a Beein for you’ (Mrs。
Gummidge meant a home); ‘again you come back—to keep a
Beein here for any that may hap to come back; Dan’l。 In the fine
time; I shall set outside the door as I used to do。 If any should come
nigh; they shall see the old widder woman true to ’em; a long way
off。’
What a change in Mrs。 Gummidge in a little time! She was
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David Copperfield
another woman。 She was so devoted; she had such a quick
perception of what it would be well to say; and what it would be
well to leave unsaid; she was so forgetful of herself; and so
regardful of the sorrow about her; that I held her in a sort of
veneration。 The work she did that day! There were many things to
be brought up from the beach and stored in the outhouse—as oars;
nets; sails; cordage; spars; lobster…pots; bags of ballast; and the
like; and though there was abundance of assistance rendered;
there being not a pair of working hands on all that shore but
would have laboured hard for Mr。 Peggotty; and been well paid in
being asked to do it; yet she persisted; all day long; in toiling under
weights that she was quite unequal to; and fagging to and fro on
all sorts of unnecessary errands。