david copperfield(大卫.科波维尔)-第120节

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devotion　to　him。　Deeply　as　I　felt　my　own　unconscious　part　in　his　
pollution　of　an　honest　home；　I　believed　that　if　I　had　been　brought　
face　to　face　with　him；　I　could　not　have　uttered　one　reproach。　I　
should　have　loved　him　so　well　still—though　he　fascinated　me　no　
longer—I　should　have　held　in　so　much　tenderness　the　memory　of　
my　affection　for　him；　that　I　think　I　should　have　been　as　weak　as　a　
spirit…wounded　child；　in　all　but　the　entertainment　of　a　thought　that　
we　could　ever　be　re…united。　That　thought　I　never　had。　I　felt；　as　he　
had　felt；　that　all　was　at　an　end　between　us。　What　his　
remembrances　of　me　were；　I　have　never　known—they　were　light　
enough；　perhaps；　and　easily　dismissed—but　mine　of　him　were　as　
the　remembrances　of　a　cherished　friend；　who　was　dead。　

Yes；　Steerforth；　long　removed　from　the　scenes　of　this　poor　
history！　My　sorrow　may　bear　involuntary　witness　against　you　at　
the　judgement　Throne；　but　my　angry　thoughts　or　my　reproaches　
never　will；　I　know！　

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The　news　of　what　had　happened　soon　spread　through　the　town；　
insomuch　that　as　I　passed　along　the　streets　next　morning；　I　
overheard　the　people　speaking　of　it　at　their　doors。　Many　were　hard　
upon　her；　some　few　were　hard　upon　him；　but　towards　her　second　
father　and　her　lover　there　was　but　one　sentiment。　Among　all　kinds　
of　people　a　respect　for　them　in　their　distress　prevailed；　which　was　
full　of　gentleness　and　delicacy。　The　seafaring　men　kept　apart；　
when　those　two　were　seen　early；　walking　with　slow　steps　on　the　
beach；　and　stood　in　knots；　talking　compassionately　among　
themselves。　

It　was　on　the　beach；　close　down　by　the　sea；　that　I　found　them。　It　
would　have　been　easy　to　perceive　that　they　had　not　slept　all　last　
night；　even　if　Peggotty　had　failed　to　tell　me　of　their　still　sitting　just　
as　I　left　them；　when　it　was　broad　day。　They　looked　worn；　and　I　
thought　Mr。　Peggotty’s　head　was　bowed　in　one　night　more　than　in　
all　the　years　I　had　known　him。　But　they　were　both　as　grave　and　
steady　as　the　sea　itself；　then　lying　beneath　a　dark　sky；　waveless—　
yet　with　a　heavy　roll　upon　it；　as　if　it　breathed　in　its　rest—and　
touched；　on　the　horizon；　with　a　strip　of　silvery　light　from　the　
unseen　sun。　

‘We　have　had　a　mort　of　talk；　sir；’　said　Mr。　Peggotty　to　me；　when　
we　had　all　three　walked　a　little　while　in　silence；　‘of　what　we　ought　
and　doen’t　ought　to　do。　But　we　see　our　course　now。’　

I　happened　to　glance　at　Ham；　then　looking　out　to　sea　upon　the　
distant　light；　and　a　frightful　thought　came　into　my　mind—not　that　
his　face　was　angry；　for　it　was　not；　I　recall　nothing　but　an　
expression　of　stern　determination　in　it—that　if　ever　he　
encountered　Steerforth；　he　would　kill　him。　

‘My　dooty　here；　sir；’　said　Mr。　Peggotty；　‘is　done。　I’m　a　going　to　

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seek　my—’　he　stopped；　and　went　on　in　a　firmer　voice：　‘I’m　a　going　
to　seek　her。　That’s　my　dooty　evermore。’　

He　shook　his　head　when　I　asked　him　where　he　would　seek　her；　
and　inquired　if　I　were　going　to　London　tomorrow？　I　told　him　I　had　
not　gone　today；　fearing　to　lose　the　chance　of　being　of　any　service　to　
him；　but　that　I　was　ready　to　go　when　he　would。　

‘I’ll　go　along　with　you；　sir；’　he　rejoined；　‘if　you’re　agreeable；　
tomorrow。’　

We　walked　again；　for　a　while；　in　silence。　

‘Ham；’　he　presently　resumed；’　he’ll　hold　to　his　present　work；　
and　go　and　live　along　with　my　sister。　The　old　boat　yonder—’　

‘Will　you　desert　the　old　boat；　Mr。　Peggotty？’　I　gently　interposed。　

‘My　station；　Mas’r　Davy；’　he　returned；　‘ain’t　there　no　longer；　
and　if　ever　a　boat　foundered；　since　there　was　darkness　on　the　face　
of　the　deep；　that　one’s　gone　down。　But　no；　sir；　no；　I　doen’t　mean　as　
it　should　be　deserted。　Fur　from　that。’　

We　walked　again　for　a　while；　as　before；　until　he　explained：　

‘My　wishes　is；　sir；　as　it　shall　look；　day　and　night；　winter　and　
summer；　as　it　has　always　looked；　since　she　fust　know’d　it。　If　ever　
she　should　come　a　wandering　back；　I　wouldn’t　have　the　old　place　
seem　to　cast　her　off；　you　understand；　but　seem　to　tempt　her　to　
draw　nigher　to　’　t；　and　to　peep　in；　maybe；　like　a　ghost；　out　of　the　
wind　and　rain；　through　the　old　winder；　at　the　old　seat　by　the　fire。　
Then；　maybe；　Mas’r　Davy；　seein’　none　but　Missis　Gummidge　
there；　she　might　take　heart　to　creep　in；　trembling；　and　might　come　
to　be　laid　down　in　her　old　bed；　and　rest　her　weary　head　where　it　
was　once　so　gay。’　

I　could　not　speak　to　him　in　reply；　though　I　tried。　

‘Every　night；’　said　Mr。　Peggotty；　‘as　reg’lar　as　the　night　comes；　

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the　candle　must　be　stood　in　its　old　pane　of　glass；　that　if　ever　she　
should　see　it；　it　may　seem　to　say　“Come　back；　my　child；　come　
back！”　If　ever　there’s　a　knock；　Ham　（partic’ler　a　soft　knock）；　arter　
dark；　at　your　aunt’s　door；　doen’t　you　go　nigh　it。　Let　it　be　her—not　
you—that　sees　my　fallen　child！’　

He　walked　a　little　in　front　of　us；　and　kept　before　us　for　some　
minutes。　During　this　interval；　I　glanced　at　Ham　again；　and　
observing　the　same　expression　on　his　face；　and　his　eyes　still　
directed　to　the　distant　light；　I　touched　his　arm。　

Twice　I　called　him　by　his　name；　in　the　tone　in　which　I　might　
have　tried　to　rouse　a　sleeper；　before　he　heeded　me。　When　I　at　last　
inquired　on　what　his　thoughts　were　so　bent；　he　replied：　

‘On　what’s　afore　me；　Mas’r　Davy；　and　over　yon。’　

‘On　the　life　before　you；　do　you　mean？’　He　had　pointed　
confusedly　out　to　sea。　

‘Ay；　Mas’r　Davy。　I　doen’t　rightly　know　how　’tis；　but　from　over　
yon　there　seemed　to　me　to　come—the　end　of　it　like；’　looking　at　me　
as　if　he　were　waking；　but　with　the　same　determined　face。　

‘What　end？’　I　asked；　possessed　by　my　former　fear。　

‘I　doen’t　know；’　he　said；　thoughtfully；　‘I　was　calling　to　mind　that　
the　beginning　of　it　all　did　take　place　here—and　then　the　end　come。　
But　it’s　gone！　Mas’r　Davy；’　he　added；　answering；　as　I　think；　my　
look；　‘you　han’t　no　call　to　be　afeerd　of　me：　but　I’m　kiender　
muddled；　I　don’t　fare　to　feel　no　matters；’—which　was　as　much　as　
to　say　that　he　was　not　himself；　and　quite　confounded。　

Mr。　Peggotty　stopping　for　us　to　join　him：　we　did　so；　and　said　no　
more。　The　remembrance　of　this；　in　connexion　with　my　former　
thought；　however；　haunted　me　at　intervals；　even　until　the　
inexorable　end　came　at　its　appointed　time。　

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We　insensibly　approached　the　old　boat；　and　entered。　Mrs。　
Gummidge；　no　longer　moping　in　her　especial　corner；　was　busy　
preparing　breakfast。　She　took　Mr。　Peggotty’s　hat；　and　placed　his　
seat　for　him；　and　spoke　so　comfortably　and　softly；　that　I　hardly　
knew　her。　

‘Dan’l；　my　good　man；’　said　she；　‘you　must　eat　and　drink；　and　
keep　up　your　strength；　for　without　it　you’ll　do　nowt。　Try；　that’s　a　
dear　soul！　An　if　I　disturb　you　with　my　clicketten；’　she　meant　her　
chattering；　‘tell　me　so；　Dan’l；　and　I　won’t。’　

When　she　had　served　us　all；　she　withdrew　to　the　window；　where　
she　sedulously　employed　herself　in　repairing　some　shirts　and　
other　clothes　belonging　to　Mr。　Peggotty；　and　neatly　folding　and　
packing　them　in　an　old　oilskin　bag；　such　as　sailors　carry。　
Meanwhile；　she　continued　talking；　in　the　same　quiet　manner：　

‘All　times　and　seasons；　you　know；　Dan’l；’　said　Mrs。　Gummidge；　
‘I　shall　be　allus　here；　and　everythink　will　look　accordin’　to　your　
wishes。　I’m　a　poor　scholar；　but　I　shall　write　to　you；　odd　times；　
when　you’re　away；　and　send　my　letters　to　Mas’r　Davy。　Maybe　
you’ll　write　to　me　too；　Dan’l；　odd　times；　and　tell　me　how　you　fare　to　
feel　upon　your　lone　lorn　journies。’　

‘You’ll　be　a　solitary　woman　heer；　I’m　afeerd！’　said　Mr。　Peggotty。　

‘No；　no；　Dan’l；’　she　returned；　‘I　shan’t　be　that。　Doen’t　you　mind　
me。　I　shall　have　enough　to　do　to　keep　a　Beein　for　you’　（Mrs。　
Gummidge　meant　a　home）；　‘again　you　come　back—to　keep　a　
Beein　here　for　any　that　may　hap　to　come　back；　Dan’l。　In　the　fine　
time；　I　shall　set　outside　the　door　as　I　used　to　do。　If　any　should　come　
nigh；　they　shall　see　the　old　widder　woman　true　to　’em；　a　long　way　
off。’　

What　a　change　in　Mrs。　Gummidge　in　a　little　time！　She　was　

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another　woman。　She　was　so　devoted；　she　had　such　a　quick　
perception　of　what　it　would　be　well　to　say；　and　what　it　would　be　
well　to　leave　unsaid；　she　was　so　forgetful　of　herself；　and　so　
regardful　of　the　sorrow　about　her；　that　I　held　her　in　a　sort　of　
veneration。　The　work　she　did　that　day！　There　were　many　things　to　
be　brought　up　from　the　beach　and　stored　in　the　outhouse—as　oars；　
nets；　sails；　cordage；　spars；　lobster…pots；　bags　of　ballast；　and　the　
like；　and　though　there　was　abundance　of　assistance　rendered；　
there　being　not　a　pair　of　working　hands　on　all　that　shore　but　
would　have　laboured　hard　for　Mr。　Peggotty；　and　been　well　paid　in　
being　asked　to　do　it；　yet　she　persisted；　all　day　long；　in　toiling　under　
weights　that　she　was　quite　unequal　to；　and　fagging　to　and　fro　on　
all　sorts　of　unnecessary　errands。