the house behind the cedars(雪松后的房子)-第15节
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heart of the race than upon the tables of Sinai。
But would her lover still love her； if he knew all？ She had read some
of the novels in the bookcase in her mother's hall； and others at boarding…
school。 She had read that love was a conqueror； that neither life nor
death； nor creed nor caste； could stay his triumphant course。 Her secret
was no legal bar to their union。 If Rena could forget the secret； and
Tryon should never know it； it would be no obstacle to their happiness。
But Rena felt； with a sinking of the heart； that happiness was not a matter
of law or of fact； but lay entirely within the domain of sentiment。 We are
happy when we think ourselves happy； and with a strange perversity we
often differ from others with regard to what should constitute our
happiness。 Rena's secret was the worm in the bud； the skeleton in the
closet。
〃He says that he loves me。 He DOES love me。 Would he love me；
if he knew？〃 She stood before an oval mirror brought from France by
one of Warwick's wife's ancestors； and regarded her image with a coldly
critical eye。 She was as little vain as any of her sex who are endowed
with beauty。 She tried to place herself； in thus passing upon her own
claims to consideration； in the hostile attitude of society toward her hidden
disability。 There was no mark upon her brow to brand her as less pure；
less innocent； less desirable； less worthy to be loved； than these proud
women of the past who had admired themselves in this old mirror。
〃I think a man might love me for myself；〃 she murmured pathetically；
〃and if he loved me truly； that he would marry me。 If he would not
marry me； then it would be because he didn't love me。 I'll tell George my
secret。 If he leaves me； then he does not love me。〃
But this resolution vanished into thin air before it was fully formulated。
The secret was not hers alone； it involved her brother's position； to whom
she owed everything； and in less degree the future of her little nephew；
whom she had learned to love so well。 She had the choice of but two
courses of action； to marry Tryon or to dismiss him。 The thought that she
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might lose him made him seem only more dear； to think that he might
leave her made her sick at heart。 In one week she was bound to give him
an answer； he was more likely to ask for it at their next meeting。
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THE HOUSE BEHIND THE CEDARS
IX
DOUBTS AND FEARS
Rena's heart was too heavy with these misgivings for her to keep
them to herself。 On the morning after the conversation with Tryon in
which she had promised him an answer within a week； she went into her
brother's study； where he usually spent an hour after breakfast before
going to his office。 He looked up amiably from the book before him and
read trouble in her face。
〃Well； Rena； dear；〃 he asked with a smile； 〃what's the matter？ Is
there anything you wantmoney； or what？ I should like to have
Aladdin's lampthough I'd hardly need it that you might have no wish
unsatisfied。〃
He had found her very backward in asking for things that she needed。
Generous with his means； he thought nothing too good for her。 Her
success had gratified his pride； and justified his course in taking her under
his protection。
〃Thank you； John。 You give me already more than I need。 It is
something else； John。 George wants me to say when I will marry him。
I am afraid to marry him； without telling him。 If he should find out
afterwards； he might cast me off； or cease to love me。 If he did not know
it； I should be forever thinking of what he would do if he SHOULD find it
out； or； if I should die without his having learned it； I should not rest easy
in my grave for thinking of what he would have done if he HAD found it
out。〃
Warwick's smile gave place to a grave expression at this somewhat
comprehensive statement。 He rose and closed the door carefully； lest
some one of the servants might overhear the conversation。 More
liberally endowed than Rena with imagination； and not without a vein of
sentiment； he had nevertheless a practical side that outweighed them both。
With him； the problem that oppressed his sister had been in the main a
matter of argument； of self…conviction。 Once persuaded that he had
certain rights； or ought to have them； by virtue of the laws of nature； in
defiance of the customs of mankind； he had promptly sought to enjoy
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them。 This he had been able to do by simply concealing his antecedents
and making the most of his opportunities； with no troublesome qualms of
conscience whatever。 But he had already perceived； in their brief
intercourse； that Rena's emotions； while less easily stirred； touched a
deeper note than his； and dwelt upon it with greater intensity than if they
had been spread over the larger field to which a more ready sympathy
would have supplied so many points of access；hers was a deep and silent
current flowing between the narrow walls of a self… contained life； his the
spreading river that ran through a pleasant landscape。 Warwick's
imagination； however； enabled him to put himself in touch with her mood
and recognize its bearings upon her conduct。 He would have preferred
her taking the practical point of view； to bring her round to which he
perceived would be a matter of diplomacy。
〃How long have these weighty thoughts been troubling your small
head？〃 he asked with assumed lightness。
〃Since he asked me last night to name our wedding day。〃
〃My dear child；〃 continued Warwick； 〃you take too tragic a view of
life。 Marriage is a reciprocal arrangement； by which the contracting
parties give love for love； care for keeping； faith for faith。 It is a matter
of the future； not of the past。 What a poor soul it is that has not some
secret chamber； sacred to itself； where one can file away the things others
have no right to know； as well as things that one himself would fain forget！
We are under no moral obligation to inflict upon others the history of our
past mistakes； our wayward thoughts； our secret sins； our desperate hopes；
or our heartbreaking disappointments。 Still less are we bound to bring
out from this secret chamber the dusty record of our ancestry。
‘Let the dead past bury its dead。'
George Tryon loves you for yourself alone； it is not your ancestors that
he seeks to marry。〃
〃But would he marry me if he knew？〃 she persisted。
Warwick paused for reflection。 He would have preferred to argue the
question in a general way； but felt the necessity of satisfying her scruples；
as far as might be。 He had liked Tryon from the very beginning of their
acquaintance。 In all their intercourse； which had been very close for
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several months； he had been impressed by the young man's sunny temper；
his straightforwardness； his intellectual honesty。 Tryon's deference to
Warwick as the elder man had very naturally proved an attraction。
Whether this friendship would have stood the test of utter frankness about
his own past was a merely academic speculation with which Warwick did
not trouble himself。 With his sister the question had evidently become a
matter of conscience； a difficult
