the poor clare-第7节

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id　has　daunted　me　in　my　wish　to　become　Lucy's　husband；　nor　will　I　shrink　from　any　difficulty　that；　as　such　an　aspirant；　I　may　have　to　encounter。　　You　say　you　are　friendlesswhy　cast　away　an　honest　friend？　　I　will　tell　you　of　people　to　whom　you　may　write；　and　who　will　answer　any　questions　as　to　my　character　and　prospects。　　I　do　not　shun　inquiry。〃

She　shook　her　head　again。　　〃You　had　better　go　away；　sir。　　You　know　nothing　about　us。〃

〃I　know　your　names；〃　said　I；　〃and　I　have　heard　you　allude　to　the　part　of　the　country　from　which　you　came；　which　I　happen　to　know　as　a　wild　and　lonely　place。　　There　are　so　few　people　living　in　it　that；　if　I　chose　to　go　there；　I　could　easily　ascertain　all　about　you；　but　I　would　rather　hear　it　from　yourself。〃　　You　see　I　wanted　to　pique　her　into　telling　me　something　definite。

〃You　do　not　know　our　true　names；　sir；〃　said　she；　hastily。

〃Well；　I　may　have　conjectured　as　much。　　But　tell　me；　then；　I　conjure　you。　　Give　me　your　reasons　for　distrusting　my　willingness　to　stand　by　what　I　have　said　with　regard　to　Mistress　Lucy。〃

〃Oh；　what　can　I　do？〃　exclaimed　she。　　〃If　I　am　turning　away　a　true　friend；　as　he　says？Stay！〃　coming　to　a　sudden　decision〃　I　will　tell　you　somethingI　cannot　tell　you　allyou　would　not　believe　it。　But；　perhaps；　I　can　tell　you　enough　to　prevent　your　going　on　in　your　hopeless　attachment。　　I　am　not　Lucy's　mother。〃

〃So　I　conjectured；〃　I　said。　　〃Go　on。〃

〃I　do　not　even　know　whether　she　is　the　legitimate　or　illegitimate　child　of　her　father。　　But　he　is　cruelly　turned　against　her；　and　her　mother　is　long　dead；　and　for　a　terrible　reason；　she　has　no　other　creature　to　keep　constant　to　her　but　me。　　Sheonly　two　years　ago　such　a　darling　and　such　a　pride　in　her　father's　house！　　Why；　sir；　there　is　a　mystery　that　might　happen　in　connection　with　her　any　moment；　and　then　you　would　go　away　like　all　the　rest；　and；　when　you　next　heard　her　name；　you　would　loathe　her。　　Others；　who　have　loved　her　longer；　have　done　so　before　now。　　My　poor　child！　whom　neither　God　nor　man　has　mercy　uponor；　surely；　she　would　die！〃

The　good　woman　was　stopped　by　her　crying。　　I　confess；　I　was　a　little　stunned　by　her　last　words；　but　only　for　a　moment。　　At　any　rate；　till　I　knew　definitely　what　was　this　mysterious　stain　upon　one　so　simple　and　pure；　as　Lucy　seemed；　I　would　not　desert　her；　and　so　I　said；　and　she　made　me　answer：…

〃If　you　are　daring　in　your　heart　to　think　harm　of　my　child；　sir；　after　knowing　her　as　you　have　done；　you　are　no　good　man　yourself；　but　I　am　so　foolish　and　helpless　in　my　great　sorrow；　that　I　would　fain　hope　to　find　a　friend　in　you。　　I　cannot　help　trusting　that；　although　you　may　no　longer　feel　toward　her　as　a　lover；　you　will　have　pity　upon　us；　and　perhaps；　by　your　learning　you　can　tell　us　where　to　go　for　aid。〃

〃I　implore　you　to　tell　me　what　this　mystery　is；〃　I　cried；　almost　maddened　by　this　suspense。

〃I　cannot；〃　said　she；　solemnly。　　〃I　am　under　a　deep　vow　of　secrecy。　If　you　are　to　be　told；　it　must　be　by　her。〃　　She　left　the　room；　and　I　remained　to　ponder　over　this　strange　interview。　　I　mechanically　turned　over　the　few　books；　and　with　eyes　that　saw　nothing　at　the　time；　examined　the　tokens　of　Lucy's　frequent　presence　in　that　room。

When　I　got　home　at　night；　I　remembered　how　all　these　trifles　spoke　of　a　pure　and　tender　heart　and　innocent　life。　　Mistress　Clarke　returned；　she　had　been　crying　sadly。

〃Yes；〃　said　she；　〃it　is　as　I　feared：　　she　loves　you　so　much　that　she　is　willing　to　run　the　fearful　risk　of　telling　you　all　herselfshe　acknowledges　it　is　but　a　poor　chance；　but　your　sympathy　will　be　a　balm；　if　you　give　it。　　To…morrow；　come　here　at　ten　in　the　morning；　and；　as　you　hope　for　pity　in　your　hour　of　agony；　repress　all　show　of　fear　or　repugnance　you　may　feel　towards　one　so　grievously　afflicted。〃

I　half　smiled。　　〃Have　no　fear；〃　I　said。　　It　seemed　too　absurd　to　imagine　my　feeling　dislike　to　Lucy。

〃Her　father　loved　her　well；〃　said　she；　gravely；　〃yet　he　drove　her　out　like　some　monstrous　thing。〃

Just　at　this　moment　came　a　peal　of　ringing　laughter　from　the　garden。　It　was　Lucy's　voice；　it　sounded　as　if　she　were　standing　just　on　one　side　of　the　open　casementand　as　though　she　were　suddenly　stirred　to　merrimentmerriment　verging　on　boisterousness；　by　the　doings　or　sayings　of　some　other　person。　　I　can　scarcely　say　why；　but　the　sound　jarred　on　me　inexpressibly。　　She　knew　the　subject　of　our　conversation；　and　must　have　been　at　least　aware　of　the　state　of　agitation　her　friend　was　in；　she　herself　usually　so　gentle　and　quiet。　I　half　rose　to　go　to　the　window；　and　satisfy　my　instinctive　curiosity　as　to　what　had　provoked　this　burst　of；　ill…timed　laughter；　but　Mrs。　Clarke　threw　her　whole　weight　and　power　upon　the　hand　with　which　she　pressed　and　kept　me　down。

〃For　God's　sake！〃　she　said；　white　and　trembling　all　over；　〃sit　still；　be　quiet。　　Oh！　be　patient。　　To…morrow　you　will　know　all。　　Leave　us；　for　we　are　all　sorely　afflicted。　　Do　not　seek　to　know　more　about　us。〃

Again　that　laughso　musical　in　sound；　yet　so　discordant　to　my　heart。　She　held　me　tighttighter；　without　positive　violence　I　could　not　have　risen。　　I　was　sitting　with　my　back　to　the　window；　but　I　felt　a　shadow　pass　between　the　sun's　warmth　and　me；　and　a　strange　shudder　ran　through　my　frame。　　In　a　minute　or　two　she　released　me。

〃Go；〃　repeated　she。　　〃Be　warned；　I　ask　you　once　more。　　I　do　not　think　you　can　stand　this　knowledge　that　you　seek。　　If　I　had　had　my　own　way；　Lucy　should　never　have　yielded；　and　promised　to　tell　you　all。　　Who　knows　what　may　come　of　it？〃

〃I　am　firm　in　my　wish　to　know　all。　　I　return　at　ten　tomorrow　morning；　and　then　expect　to　see　Mistress　Lucy　herself。〃

I　turned　away；　having　my　own　suspicions；　I　confess；　as　to　Mistress　Clarke's　sanity。

Conjectures　as　to　the　meaning　of　her　hints；　and　uncomfortable　thoughts　connected　with　that　strange　laughter；　filled　my　mind。　　I　could　hardly　sleep。　　I　rose　early；　and　long　before　the　hour　I　had　appointed；　I　was　on　the　path　over　the　common　that　led　to　the　old　farm…house　where　they　lodged。　　I　suppose　that　Lucy　had　passed　no　better　a　night　than　I；　for　there　she　was　also；　slowly　pacing　with　her　even　step；　her　eyes　bent　down；　her　whole　look　most　saintly　and　pure。　She　started　when　I　came　close　to　her；　and　grew　paler　as　I　reminded　her　of　my　appointment；　and　spoke　with　something　of　the　impatience　of　obstacles　that；　seeing　her　once　more；　had　called　up　afresh　in　my　mind。　　All　strange　and　terrible　hints；　and　giddy　merriment　were　forgotten。　　My　heart　gave　forth　words　of　fire；　and　my　tongue　uttered　them。　　Her　colour　went　and　came；　as　she　listened；　but；　when　I　had　ended　my　passionate　speeches；　she　lifted　her　soft　eyes　to　me；　and　said　…

〃But　you　know　that　you　have　something　to　learn　about　me　yet。　　I　only　want　to　say　this：　　I　shall　not　think　less　of　youless　well　of　you；　I　meanif　you；　too；　fall　away　from　me　when　you　know　all。　　Stop！〃　said　she；　as　if　fearing　another　burst　of　mad　words。　　〃Listen　to　me。　　My　father　is　a　man　of　great　wealth。　　I　never　knew　my　mother；　she　must　have　died　when　I　was　very　young。　　When　first　I　remember　anything；　I　was　living　in　a　great；　lonely　house；　with　my　dear　and　faithful　Mistress　Clarke。　　My　father；　even；　was　not　there；　he　washe　isa　soldier；　and　his　duties　lie　aboard。　　But　he　came　from　time　to　time；　and　every　time　I　think　he　loved　me　more　and　more。　　He　brought　me　rarities　from　foreign　lands；　which　prove　to　me　now　how　much　he　must　have　thought　of　me　during　his　absences。　　I　can　sit　down　and　measure　the　depth　of　his　lost　love　now；　by　such　standards　as　these。　　I　never　thought　whether　he　loved　me　or　not；　then；　it　was　so　natural；　that　it　was　like　the　air　I　breathed。　　Yet　he　was　an　angry　man　at　times；　even　then；　but　never　with　me。　　He　was　very　reckless；　too；　and；　once　or　twice；　I　heard　a　whisper　among　the　servants　that　a　doom　was　over　him；　and　that　he　knew　it；　and　tried　to　drown　his　knowledge　in　wild　activity；　and　even　sometimes；　sir；　in　wine。　　So　I　grew　up　in　this　grand　mansion；　in　that　lonely　place。　　Everything　around　me　seemed　at　my　disposal；　and　I　think　every　one　loved　me；　I　am　sure　I　loved　them。　Till　about　two　years　agoI　remember　it　wellmy　father　had　come　to　England；　to　us；　and　he　seemed　so　proud　and　so　pleased　with　me　and　all　I　had　done。　　And　one　day　his　tongue　seemed　loosened　with　wine；　and　he　told　me　much　that　I　had　not　known　till　then；how　dearly　he　had　loved　my　mother；　yet　how　his　wilful　usage　had　caused　her　death；　and　then　he　went　on　to　say　how　he　loved　me　better　than　any　creature　on　earth；　and　how；　some　day；　he　hoped　to　take　me　to　foreign　places；　for　that　he　could　hardly　bear　these　long　absences　from　his　only　child。　　Then　he　seemed　to　change　suddenly；　and　said；　in　a　strange；　wild　way；　that　I　was　not　to　believe　what　he　said；　that　there　was　many　a　thing　he　loved　betterhis　horsehis　dogI　know　not　what。

〃And　'twas　only　the　next　morning　that；　when　I　came　into　his　room　to　ask　his　blessing　as　was　my　wont；　he　received　me　with　fierce　and　angry　words。　　'Why　had　I；'　so　he　asked；　'been　delighting　myself　in　such　wanton　mischiefdancing　over　the　tender　plants　in　the　flower…beds；　all　set　with　the　famous　Dutch　bulbs　he　had　brought　from　Holland？'　I　had　never　been　out　of　doors　that　morning；　sir；　and　I　could　not　conceive　what　he　meant；　and　so　I　said；　and　then　he　swore　at　me　for　a　liar；　and　said　I　wa