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One　would　have　said　that　we　used　them　as　weapons　with　which　to

combat　each　other。　　Each　of　us　had　his　favorite。　　I　made　use　of

little　Basile　（the　eldest）；　she　of　Lise。　　Further；　when　the

children　reached　an　age　where　their　characters　began　to　be

defined；　they　became　allies；　which　we　drew　each　in　his　or　her　own

direction。　　They　suffered　horribly　from　this；　the　poor　things；

but　we；　in　our　perpetual　hubbub；　were　not　clear…headed　enough　to

think　of　them。　　The　little　girl　was　devoted　to　me；　but　the　eldest

boy；　who　resembled　my　wife；　his　favorite；　often　inspired　me　with

dislike。



　　

CHAPTER　XVII。



〃We　lived　at　first　in　the　country；　then　in　the　city；　and；　if　the

final　misfortune　had　not　happened；　I　should　have　lived　thus　until

my　old　age　and　should　then　have　believed　that　I　had　had　a　good

life；not　too　good；　but；　on　the　other　hand；　not　bad；an

existence　such　as　other　people　lead。　　I　should　not　have

understood　the　abyss　of　misfortune　and　ignoble　falsehood　in　which

I　floundered　about；　feeling　that　something　was　not　right。　　I

felt；　in　the　first　place；　that　I；　a　man；　who；　according　to　my

ideas；　ought　to　be　the　master；　wore　the　petticoats；　and　that　I

could　not　get　rid　of　them。　　The　principal　cause　of　my　subjection

was　the　children。　　I　should　have　liked　to　free　myself；　but　I

could　not。　　Bringing　up　the　children；　and　resting　upon　them；　my

wife　ruled。　　I　did　not　then　realize　that　she　could　not　help

ruling；　especially　because；　in　marrying；　she　was　morally　superior

to　me；　as　every　young　girl　is　incomparably　superior　to　the　man；

since　she　is　incomparably　purer。　　Strange　thing！　　The　ordinary

wife　in　our　society　is　a　very　commonplace　person　or　worse；

selfish；　gossiping；　whimsical；　whereas　the　ordinary　young　girl；

until　the　age　of　twenty；　is　a　charming　being；　ready　for

everything　that　is　beautiful　and　lofty。　　Why　is　this　so？　

Evidently　because　husbands　pervert　them；　and　lower　them　to　their

own　level。



〃In　truth；　if　boys　and　girls　are　born　equal；　the　little　girls

find　themselves　in　a　better　situation。　　In　the　first　place；　the

young　girl　is　not　subjected　to　the　perverting　conditions　to　which

we　are　subjected。　　She　has　neither　cigarettes；　nor　wine；　nor

cards；　nor　comrades；　nor　public　houses；　nor　public　functions。　

And　then　the　chief　thing　is　that　she　is　physically　pure；　and　that

is　why；　in　marrying；　she　is　superior　to　her　husband。　　She　is

superior　to　man　as　a　young　girl；　and　when　she　becomes　a　wife　in

our　society；　where　there　is　no　need　to　work　in　order　to　live；　she

becomes　superior；　also；　by　the　gravity　of　the　acts　of　generation；

birth；　and　nursing。



〃Woman；　in　bringing　a　child　into　the　world；　and　giving　it　her

bosom；　sees　clearly　that　her　affair　is　more　serious　than　the

affair　of　man；　who　sits　in　the　Zemstvo；　in　the　court。　　She　knows

that　in　these　functions　the　main　thing　is　money；　and　money　can　be

made　in　different　ways；　and　for　that　very　reason　money　is　not

inevitably　necessary；　like　nursing　a　child。　　Consequently　woman

is　necessarily　superior　to　man；　and　must　rule。　　But　man；　in　our

society；　not　only　does　not　recognize　this；　but；　on　the　contrary；

always　looks　upon　her　from　the　height　of　his　grandeur；　despising

what　she　does。



〃Thus　my　wife　despised　me　for　my　work　at　the　Zemstvo；　because　she

gave　birth　to　children　and　nursed　them。　　I；　in　turn；　thought　that

woman's　labor　was　most　contemptible；　which　one　might　and　should

laugh　at。



〃Apart　from　the　other　motives；　we　were　also　separated　by　a　mutual

contempt。　　Our　relations　grew　ever　more　hostile；　and　we　arrived

at　that　period　when；　not　only　did　dissent　provoke　hostility；　but

hostility　provoked　dissent。　　Whatever　she　might　say；　I　was　sure

in　advance　to　hold　a　contrary　opinion；　and　she　the　same。　　Toward

the　fourth　year　of　our　marriage　it　was　tacitly　decided　between　us

that　no　intellectual　community　was　possible；　and　we　made　no

further　attempts　at　it。　　As　to　the　simplest　objects；　we　each　held

obstinately　to　our　own　opinions。　　With　strangers　we　talked　upon

the　most　varied　and　most　intimate　matters；　but　not　with　each

other。　　Sometimes；　in　listening　to　my　wife　talk　with　others　in　my

presence；　I　said　to　myself：　'What　a　woman！　Everything　that　she

says　is　a　lie！'　　And　I　was　astonished　that　the　person　with　whom

she　was　conversing　did　not　see　that　she　was　lying。　　When　we　were

together；　we　were　condemned　to　silence；　or　to　conversations

which；　I　am　sure；　might　have　been　carried　on　by　animals。



〃'What　time　is　it？　　It　is　bed…time。　　What　is　there　for　dinner

to…day？　　Where　shall　we　go？　　What　is　there　in　the　newspaper？　　The

doctor　must　be　sent　for；　Lise　has　a　sore　throat。'



〃Unless　we　kept　within　the　extremely　narrow　limits　of　such

conversation；　irritation　was　sure　to　ensue。　　The　presence　of　a

third　person　relieved　us；　for　through　an　intermediary　we　could

still　communicate。　　She　probably　believed　that　she　was　always

right。　　As　for　me；　in　my　own　eyes；　I　was　a　saint　beside　her。



〃The　periods　of　what　we　call　love　arrived　as　often　as　formerly。　

They　were　more　brutal；　without　refinement；　without　ornament；　but

they　were　short；　and　generally　followed　by　periods　of　irritation

without　cause；　irritation　fed　by　the　most　trivial　pretexts。　　We

had　spats　about　the　coffee；　the　table…cloth；　the　carriage；　games

of　cards；trifles；　in　short；　which　could　not　be　of　the　least

importance　to　either　of　us。　　As　for　me；　a　terrible　execration　was

continually　boiling　up　within　me。　　I　watched　her　pour　the　tea；

swing　her　foot；　lift　her　spoon　to　her　mouth；　and　blow　upon　hot

liquids　or　sip　them；　and　I　detested　her　as　if　these　had　been　so

many　crimes。



〃I　did　not　notice　that　these　periods　of　irritation　depended　very

regularly　upon　the　periods　of　love。　　Each　of　the　latter　was

followed　by　one　of　the　former。　　A　period　of　intense　love　was

followed　by　a　long　period　of　anger；　a　period　of　mild　love　induced

a　mild　irritation。　　We　did　not　understand　that　this　love　and　this

hatred　were　two　opposite　faces　of　the　same　animal　feeling。　　To

live　thus　would　be　terrible；　if　one　understood　the　philosophy　of

it。　　But　we　did　not　perceive　this；　we　did　not　analyze　it。　　It　is

at　once　the　torture　and　the　relief　of　man　that；　when　he　lives

irregularly；　he　can　cherish　illusions　as　to　the　miseries　of　his

situation。　　So　did　we。　　She　tried　to　forget　herself　in　sudden　and

absorbing　occupations；　in　household　duties；　the　care　of　the

furniture；　her　dress　and　that　of　her　children；　in　the　education

of　the　latter；　and　in　looking　after　their　health。　　These　were

occupations　that　did　not　arise　from　any　immediate　necessity；　but

she　accomplished　them　as　if　her　life　and　that　of　her　children

depended　on　whether　the　pastry　was　allowed　to　burn；　whether　a

curtain　was　hanging　properly；　whether　a　dress　was　a　success；

whether　a　lesson　was　well　learned；　or　whether　a　medicine　was

swallowed。



〃I　saw　clearly　that　to　her　all　this　was；　more　than　anything　else；

a　means　of　forgetting；　an　intoxication；　just　as　hunting；

card…playing；　and　my　functions　at　the　Zemstvo　served　the　same

purpose　for　me。　　It　is　true　that　in　addition　I　had　an

intoxication　literally　speaking；tobacco；　which　I　smoked　in

large　quantities；　and　wine；　upon　which　I　did　not　get　drunk；　but

of　which　I　took　too　much。　　Vodka　before　meals；　and　during　meals

two　glasses　of　wine；　so　that　a　perpetual　mist　concealed　the

turmoil　of　existence。



〃These　new　theories　of　hypnotism；　of　mental　maladies；　of　hysteria

are　not　simple　stupidities；　but　dangerous　or　evil　stupidities。　

Charcot；　I　am　sure；　would　have　said　that　my　wife　was　hysterical；

and　of　me　he　would　have　said　that　I　was　an　abnormal　being；　and　he

would　have　wanted　to　treat　me。　　But　in　us　there　was　nothing

requiring　treatment。　　All　this　mental　malady　was　the　simple

result　of　the　fact　that　we　were　living　immorally。　　Thanks　to　this

immoral　life；　we　suffered；　and；　to　stifle　our　sufferings；　we

tried　abnormal　means；　which　the　doctors　call　the　'symptoms'　of　a

mental　malady；hysteria。



〃There　was　no　occasion　in　all　this　to　apply　for　treatment　to

Charcot　or　to　anybody　else。　Neither　suggestion　nor　bromide　would

have　been　effective　in　working　our　cure。　　The　needful　thing　was

an　examination　of　the　origin　of　the　evil。　　It　is　as　when　one　is

sitting　on　a　nail；　if　you　see　the　nail；　you　see　that　which　is

irregular　in　your　life；　and　you　avoid　it。　　Then　the　pain　stops；

without　any　necessity　of　stifling　it。　　Our　pain　arose　from　the

irregularity　of　our　life；　and　also　my　jealousy；　my　irritability；

and　the　necessity　of　keeping　myself　in　a　state　of　perpetual

semi…intoxication　by　hunting；　card…playing；　and；　above　all；　the

use　of　wine　and　tobacco。　　It　was　because　of　this　irregularity

that　my　wife　so　passionately　pursued　her　occupations。　　The　sudden

changes　of　her　disposition；　from　extreme　sadness　to　extreme

gayety；　and　her　babble；　arose　from　the　need　of　forgetting

herself；　of　forgetting　her　life；　in　the　continual　intoxication　of

varied　and　very　brief　occupations。