a personal record-第4节

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T。　C。　　It　flourished　no　longer　than　roses　live；　and　unlike　the



roses　it　blossomed　in　the　dead　of　winter；　emitted　a　sort　of　faint



perfume　of　adventure；　and　died　before　spring　set　in。　　But



indubitably　it　was　a　company；　it　had　even　a　house…flag；　all　white



with　the　letters　F。　C。　T。　C。　artfully　tangled　up　in　a　complicated



monogram。　　We　flew　it　at　our　mainmast　head；　and　now　I　have　come



to　the　conclusion　that　it　was　the　only　flag　of　its　kind　in



existence。　　All　the　same　we　on　board；　for　many　days；　had　the



impression　of　being　a　unit　of　a　large　fleet　with　fortnightly



departures　for　Montreal　and　Quebec　as　advertised　in　pamphlets　and



prospectuses　which　came　aboard　in　a　large　package　in　Victoria



Dock；　London；　just　before　we　started　for　Rouen；　France。　　And　in



the　shadowy　life　of　the　F。　C。　T。　C。　lies　the　secret　of　that；　my



last　employment　in　my　calling；　which　in　a　remote　sense



interrupted　the　rhythmical　development　of　Nina　Almayer's　story。







The　then　secretary　of　the　London　Shipmasters'　Society；　with　its



modest　rooms　in　Fenchurch　Street；　was　a　man　of　indefatigable



activity　and　the　greatest　devotion　to　his　task。　　He　is



responsible　for　what　was　my　last　association　with　a　ship。　　I　call



it　that　be　cause　it　can　hardly　be　called　a　sea…going　experience。　



Dear　Captain　Froudit　is　impossible　not　to　pay　him　the　tribute



of　affectionate　familiarity　at　this　distance　of　yearshad　very



sound　views　as　to　the　advancement　of　knowledge　and　status　for　the



whole　body　of　the　officers　of　the　mercantile　marine。　He　organized



for　us　courses　of　professional　lectures；　St。　John　ambulance



classes；　corresponded　industriously　with　public　bodies　and



members　of　Parliament　on　subjects　touching　the　interests　of　the



service；　and　as　to　the　oncoming　of　some　inquiry　or　commission



relating　to　matters　of　the　sea　and　to　the　work　of　seamen；　it　was



a　perfect　godsend　to　his　need　of　exerting　himself　on　our



corporate　behalf。　　Together　with　this　high　sense　of　his　official



duties　he　had　in　him　a　vein　of　personal　kindness；　a　strong



disposition　to　do　what　good　he　could　to　the　individual　members　of



that　craft　of　which　in　his　time　he　had　been　a　very　excellent



master。　　And　what　greater　kindness　can　one　do　to　a　seaman　than　to



put　him　in　the　way　of　employment？　　Captain　Froud　did　not　see　why



the　Shipmasters'　Society；　besides　its　general　guardianship　of　our



interests；　should　not　be　unofficially　an　employment　agency　of　the



very　highest　class。







〃I　am　trying　to　persuade　all　our　great　ship…owning　firms　to　come



to　us　for　their　men。　There　is　nothing　of　a　trade…union　spirit



about　our　society；　and　I　really　don't　see　why　they　should　not；〃



he　said　once　to　me。　　〃I　am　always　telling　the　captains；　too；



that；　all　things　being　equal；　they　ought　to　give　preference　to



the　members　of　the　society。　　In　my　position　I　can　generally　find



for　them　what　they　want　among　our　members　or　our　associate



members。〃







In　my　wanderings　about　London　from　west　to　east　and　back　again　（I



was　very　idle　then）　the　two　little　rooms　in　Fenchurch　Street　were



a　sort　of　resting…place　where　my　spirit；　hankering　after　the　sea；



could　feel　itself　nearer　to　the　ships；　the　men；　and　the　life　of



its　choicenearer　there　than　on　any　other　spot　of　the　solid



earth。　　This　resting…place　used　to　be；　at　about　five　o'clock　in



the　afternoon；　full　of　men　and　tobacco　smoke；　but　Captain　Froud



had　the　smaller　room　to　himself　and　there　he　granted　private



interviews；　whose　principal　motive　was　to　render　service。　　Thus；



one　murky　November　afternoon　he　beckoned　me　in　with　a　crooked



finger　and　that　peculiar　glance　above　his　spectacles　which　is



perhaps　my　strongest　physical　recollection　of　the　man。







〃I　have　had　in　here　a　shipmaster；　this　morning；〃　he　said；　getting



back　to　his　desk　and　motioning　me　to　a　chair；　〃who　is　in　want　of



an　officer。　　It's　for　a　steamship。　　You　know；　nothing　pleases　me



more　than　to　be　asked；　but；　unfortunately；　I　do　not　quite　see　my



way　。　。　。〃







As　the　outer　room　was　full　of　men　I　cast　a　wondering　glance　at



the　closed　door；　but　he　shook　his　head。







〃Oh；　yes；　I　should　be　only　too　glad　to　get　that　berth　for　one　of



them。　　But　the　fact　of　the　matter　is；　the　captain　of　that　ship



wants　an　officer　who　can　speak　French　fluently；　and　that's　not　so



easy　to　find。　　I　do　not　know　anybody　myself　but　you。　　It's　a



second　officer's　berth　and；　of　course；　you　would　not　care　。　。　。



would　you　now？　　I　know　that　it　isn't　what　you　are　looking　for。〃







It　was　not。　　I　had　given　myself　up　to　the　idleness　of　a　haunted



man　who　looks　for　nothing　but　words　wherein　to　capture　his



visions。　　But　I　admit　that　outwardly　I　resembled　sufficiently　a



man　who　could　make　a　second　officer　for　a　steamer　chartered　by　a



French　company。　　I　showed　no　sign　of　being　haunted　by　the　fate　of



Nina　and　by　the　murmurs　of　tropical　forests；　and　even　my　intimate



intercourse　with　Almayer　（a　person　of　weak　character）　had　not　put



a　visible　mark　upon　my　features。　　For　many　years　he　and　the　world



of　his　story　had　been　the　companions　of　my　imagination　without；　I



hope；　impairing　my　ability　to　deal　with　the　realities　of　sea



life。　　I　had　had　the　man　and　his　surroundings　with　me　ever　since



my　return　from　the　eastern　waterssome　four　years　before　the　day



of　which　I　speak。







It　was　in　the　front　sitting…room　of　furnished　apartments　in　a



Pimlico　square　that　they　first　began　to　live　again　with　a



vividness　and　poignancy　quite　foreign　to　our　former　real



intercourse。　　I　had　been　treating　myself　to　a　long　stay　on　shore；



and　in　the　necessity　of　occupying　my　mornings　Almayer　（that　old



acquaintance）　came　nobly　to　the　rescue。







Before　long；　as　was　only　proper；　his　wife　and　daughter　joined　him



round　my　table；　and　then　the　rest　of　that　Pantai　band　came　full



of　words　and　gestures。　　Unknown　to　my　respectable　landlady；　it



was　my　practice　directly　after　my　breakfast　to　hold　animated



receptions　of　Malays；　Arabs；　and　half…castes。　　They　did　not



clamour　aloud　for　my　attention。　They　came　with　a　silent　and



irresistible　appealand　the　appeal；　I　affirm　here；　was　not　to　my



self…love　or　my　vanity。　　It　seems　now　to　have　had　a　moral



character；　for　why　should　the　memory　of　these　beings；　seen　in



their　obscure；　sun…bathed　existence；　demand　to　express　itself　in



the　shape　of　a　novel；　except　on　the　ground　of　that　mysterious



fellowship　which　unites　in　a　community　of　hopes　and　fears　all　the



dwellers　on　this　earth？







I　did　not　receive　my　visitors　with　boisterous　rapture　as　the



bearers　of　any　gifts　of　profit　or　fame。　　There　was　no　vision　of　a



printed　book　before　me　as　I　sat　writing　at　that　table；　situated



in　a　decayed　part　of　Belgravia。　　After　all　these　years；　each



leaving　its　evidence　of　slowly　blackened　pages；　I　can　honestly



say　that　it　is　a　sentiment　akin　to　pity　which　prompted　me　to



render　in　words　assembled　with　conscientious　care　the　memory　of



things　far　distant　and　of　men　who　had　lived。







But；　coming　back　to　Captain　Froud　and　his　fixed　idea　of　never



disappointing　ship　owners　or　ship…captains；　it　was　not　likely



that　I　should　fail　him　in　his　ambitionto　satisfy　at　a　few



hours'　notice　the　unusual　demand　for　a　French…speaking　officer。　



He　explained　to　me　that　the　ship　was　chartered　by　a　French



company　intending　to　establish　a　regular　monthly　line　of　sailings



from　Rouen；　for　the　transport　of　French　emigrants　to　Canada。　



But；　frankly；　this　sort　of　thing　did　not　interest　me　very　much。　



I　said　gravely　that　if　it　were　really　a　matter　of　keeping　up　the



reputation　of　the　Shipmasters'　Society　I　would　consider　it。　　But



the　consideration　was　just　for　form's　sake。　　The　next　day　I



interviewed　the　captain；　and　I　believe　we　were　impressed



favourably　with　each　other。　　He　explained　that　his　chief　mate　was



an　excellent　man　in　every　respect　and　that　he　could　not　think　of



dismissing　him　so　as　to　give　me　the　higher　position；　but　that　if



I　consented　to　come　as　second　officer　I　would　be　given　certain



special　advantagesand　so　on。







I　told　him　that　if　I　came　at　all　the　rank　really　did　not　matter。







〃I　am　sure；〃　he　insisted；　〃you　will　get　on　first　rate　with　Mr。



Paramor。〃







I　promised　faithfully　to　stay　for　two　trips　at　least；　and　it　was



in　those　circumstances　that　what　was　to　be　my　last　connection



with　a　ship　began。　　And　after　all　there　was　not　even　one　single



trip。　　It　may　be　that　it　was　simply　the　fulfilment　of　a　fate；　of



that　written　word　on　my　forehead　which　apparently　fo