a personal record-第10节

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snow…laden　woods；　when；　in　a　sheltering　hollow；　a　fire　had　been



lit　by　the　party；　the　condition　of　the　quarry　was　discovered　to



be　distinctly　unsatisfactory。　　It　was　not　thinon　the　contrary；



it　seemed　unhealthily　obese；　its　skin　showed　bare　patches　of　an



unpleasant　character。　　However；　they　had　not　killed　that　dog　for



the　sake　of　the　pelt。　He　was　large。　。　。　。　　He　was　eaten。　。　。　。



The　rest　is　silence。　。　。　。







A　silence　in　which　a　small　boy　shudders　and　says　firmly：







〃I　could　not　have　eaten　that　dog。〃







And　his　grandmother　remarks　with　a　smile：







〃Perhaps　you　don't　know　what　it　is　to　be　hungry。〃







I　have　learned　something　of　it　since。　　Not　that　I　have　been



reduced　to　eat　dog。　　I　have　fed　on　the　emblematical　animal；



which；　in　the　language　of　the　volatile　Gauls；　is　called　la　vache



enragee；　I　have　lived　on　ancient　salt　junk；　I　know　the　taste　of



shark；　of　trepang；　of　snake；　of　nondescript　dishes　containing



things　without　a　namebut　of　the　Lithuanian　village　dognever！　



I　wish　it　to　be　distinctly　understood　that　it　is　not　I；　but　my



granduncle　Nicholas；　of　the　Polish　landed　gentry；　Chevalier　de　la



Legion　d'Honneur；　etc。；　who　in　his　young　days；　had　eaten　the



Lithuanian　dog。







I　wish　he　had　not。　　The　childish　horror　of　the　deed　clings



absurdly　to　the　grizzled　man。　　I　am　perfectly　helpless　against



it。　　Still；　if　he　really　had　to；　let　us　charitably　remember　that



he　had　eaten　him　on　active　service；　while　bearing　up　bravely



against　the　greatest　military　disaster　of　modern　history；　and；　in



a　manner；　for　the　sake　of　his　country。　　He　had　eaten　him　to



appease　his　hunger；　no　doubt；　but　also　for　the　sake　of　an



unappeasable　and　patriotic　desire；　in　the　glow　of　a　great　faith



that　lives　still；　and　in　the　pursuit　of　a　great　illusion　kindled



like　a　false　beacon　by　a　great　man　to　lead　astray　the　effort　of　a



brave　nation。







Pro　patria！







Looked　at　in　that　light；　it　appears　a　sweet　and　decorous　meal。







And　looked　at　in　the　same　light；　my　own　diet　of　la　vache　enragee



appears　a　fatuous　and　extravagant　form　of　self…indulgence；　for



why　should　I；　the　son　of　a　land　which　such　men　as　these　have



turned　up　with　their　plowshares　and　bedewed　with　their　blood；



undertake　the　pursuit　of　fantastic　meals　of　salt　junk　and



hardtack　upon　the　wide　seas？　　On　the　kindest　view　it　seems　an



unanswerable　question。　　Alas！　　I　have　the　conviction　that　there



are　men　of　unstained　rectitude　who　are　ready　to　murmur　scornfully



the　word　desertion。　　Thus　the　taste　of　innocent　adventure　may　be



made　bitter　to　the　palate。　　The　part　of　the　inexplicable　should



be　al　lowed　for　in　appraising　the　conduct　of　men　in　a　world　where



no　explanation　is　final。　　No　charge　of　faithlessness　ought　to　be



lightly　uttered。　　The　appearances　of　this　perishable　life　are



deceptive；　like　everything　that　falls　under　the　judgment　of　our



imperfect　senses。　　The　inner　voice　may　remain　true　enough　in　its



secret　counsel。　　The　fidelity　to　a　special　tradition　may　last



through　the　events　of　an　unrelated　existence；　following



faithfully；　too；　the　traced　way　of　an　inexplicable　impulse。







It　would　take　too　long　to　explain　the　intimate　alliance　of



contradictions　in　human　nature　which　makes　love　itself　wear　at



times　the　desperate　shape　of　betrayal。　　And　perhaps　there　is　no



possible　explanation。　　Indulgenceas　somebody　saidis　the　most



intelligent　of　all　the　virtues。　　I　venture　to　think　that　it　is



one　of　the　least　common；　if　not　the　most　uncommon　of　all。　　I



would　not　imply　by　this　that　men　are　foolishor　even　most　men。　



Far　from　it。　　The　barber　and　the　priest；　backed　by　the　whole



opinion　of　the　village；　condemned　justly　the　conduct　of　the



ingenious　hidalgo；　who；　sallying　forth　from　his　native　place；



broke　the　head　of　the　muleteer；　put　to　death　a　flock　of



inoffensive　sheep；　and　went　through　very　doleful　experiences　in　a



certain　stable。　　God　forbid　that　an　unworthy　churl　should　escape



merited　censure　by　hanging　on　to　the　stirrup…leather　of　the



sublime　caballero。　　His　was　a　very　noble；　a　very　unselfish



fantasy；　fit　for　nothing　except　to　raise　the　envy　of　baser



mortals。　　But　there　is　more　than　one　aspect　to　the　charm　of　that



exalted　and　dangerous　figure。　　He；　too；　had　his　frailties。　　After



reading　so　many　romances　he　desired　naively　to　escape　with　his



very　body　from　the　intolerable　reality　of　things。　　He　wished　to



meet；　eye　to　eye；　the　valorous　giant　Brandabarbaran；　Lord　of



Arabia；　whose　armour　is　made　of　the　skin　of　a　dragon；　and　whose



shield；　strapped　to　his　arm；　is　the　gate　of　a　fortified　city。　



Oh；　amiable　and　natural　weakness！　　Oh；　blessed　simplicity　of　a



gentle　heart　without　guile！　　Who　would　not　succumb　to　such　a



consoling　temptation？　　Nevertheless；　it　was　a　form　of



self…indulgence；　and　the　ingenious　hidalgo　of　La　Mancha　was　not　a



good　citizen。　　The　priest　and　the　barber　were　not　unreasonable　in



their　strictures。　　Without　going　so　far　as　the　old　King



Louis…Philippe；　who　used　to　say　in　his　exile；　〃The　people　are



never　in　fault〃one　may　admit　that　there　must　be　some



righteousness　in　the　assent　of　a　whole　village。　　Mad！　　Mad！　　He



who　kept　in　pious　meditation　the　ritual　vigil…of…arms　by　the　well



of　an　inn　and　knelt　reverently　to　be　knighted　at　daybreak　by　the



fat；　sly　rogue　of　a　landlord　has　come　very　near　perfection。　　He



rides　forth；　his　head　encircled　by　a　halothe　patron　saint　of



all　lives　spoiled　or　saved　by　the　irresistible　grace　of



imagination。　　But　he　was　not　a　good　citizen。







Perhaps　that　and　nothing　else　was　meant　by　the　well…remembered



exclamation　of　my　tutor。







It　was　in　the　jolly　year　1873；　the　very　last　year　in　which　I　have



had　a　jolly　holiday。　　There　have　been　idle　years　afterward；　jolly



enough　in　a　way　and　not　altogether　without　their　lesson；　but　this



year　of　which　I　speak　was　the　year　of　my　last　school…boy　holiday。



There　are　other　reasons　why　I　should　remember　that　year；　but　they



are　too　long　to　state　formally　in　this　place。　　Moreover；　they



have　nothing　to　do　with　that　holiday。　　What　has　to　do　with　the



holiday　is　that　before　the　day　on　which　the　remark　was　made　we



had　seen　Vienna；　the　Upper　Danube；　Munich；　the　Falls　of　the



Rhine；　the　Lake　of　Constance；in　fact；　it　was　a　memorable



holiday　of　travel。　　Of　late　we　had　been　tramping　slowly　up　the



Valley　of　the　Reuss。　　It　was　a　delightful　time。　　It　was　much　more



like　a　stroll　than　a　tramp。　　Landing　from　a　Lake　of　Lucerne



steamer　in　Fluelen；　we　found　ourselves　at　the　end　of　the　second



day；　with　the　dusk　overtaking　our　leisurely　footsteps；　a　little



way　beyond　Hospenthal。　　This　is　not　the　day　on　which　the　remark



was　made：　in　the　shadows　of　the　deep　valley　and　with　the



habitations　of　men　left　some　way　behind；　our　thoughts　ran　not



upon　the　ethics　of　conduct；　but　upon　the　simpler　human　problem　of



shelter　and　food。　　There　did　not　seem　anything　of　the　kind　in



sight；　and　we　were　thinking　of　turning　back　when　suddenly；　at　a



bend　of　the　road；　we　came　upon　a　building；　ghostly　in　the



twilight。







At　that　time　the　work　on　the　St。　Gothard　Tunnel　was　going　on；　and



that　magnificent　enterprise　of　burrowing　was　directly　responsible



for　the　unexpected　building；　standing　all　alone　upon　the　very



roots　of　the　mountains。　　It　was　long；　though　not　big　at　all；　it



was　low；　it　was　built　of　boards；　without　ornamentation；　in



barrack…hut　style；　with　the　white　window…frames　quite　flush　with



the　yellow　face　of　its　plain　front。　　And　yet　it　was　a　hotel；　it



had　even　a　name；　which　I　have　forgotten。　　But　there　was　no　gold



laced　doorkeeper　at　its　humble　door。　　A　plain　but　vigorous



servant…girl　answered　our　inquiries；　then　a　man　and　woman　who



owned　the　place　appeared。　　It　was　clear　that　no　travellers　were



expected；　or　perhaps　even　desired；　in　this　strange　hostelry；



which　in　its　severe　style　resembled　the　house　which　sur　mounts



the　unseaworthy…looking　hulls　of　the　toy　Noah's　Arks；　the



universal　possession　of　European　childhood。　　However；　its　roof



was　not　hinged　and　it　was　not　full　to　the　brim　of　slab…sided　and



painted　animals　of　wood。　　Even　the　live　tourist　animal　was



nowhere　in　evidence。　　We　had　something　to　eat　in　a　long；　narrow



room　at　one　end　of　a　long；　narrow　table；　which；　to　my　tired



perception　and　to　my　sleepy　eyes；　seemed　as　if　it　would　tilt　up



like　a　see　saw　plank；　since　there　was　no　one　at　the　other　end　to



balance　it　against　our　two　dusty　and　travel…stained　figures。　



Then　we　hastened　up　stairs　to　bed　in