the captives-第93节
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ack over her old skull； she was wearing black mittens。
〃Miss Maggie！〃 and there was a real welcome in her voice。 Maggie was drawn into the dark little hall that smelt of cracknel biscuits and lamp oil； there was the green baize door； and then suddenly the shrill cry of the parrot； and then； out of the dark； the fiery eyes of Thomas the cat。
〃Oh； Miss Maggie！〃 said Martha。 〃Or I suppose I should say 'Mrs。' now。 It's a long； long time 。 。 。〃
〃Yes； it is；〃 said Maggie。 〃How is my aunt？〃
〃If she lives through the night they'll be surprised；〃 Martha answered； wheezing and sighing。 〃Yes； the doctor says' If Miss Cardinal sees morning；' he says〃 Then as Maggie hesitated at the bottom of the staircase。 〃If you'd go straight to the drawing…room； Miss； Mum； Mr。 Magnus is waiting tea for you there。〃
Maggie went up； past the Armed Men into the old room。 She could have kissed all the things for their old remembered intimacy and friendliness； the pictures； the books； the old faded carpet； the fire…screen； the chairs and wall…papers。 There； too； was Mr。 Magnus； looking just as he used to look； with his spectacles and his projecting ears； his timid smile and apologetic voice。 He did seem for a moment afraid of her； then her boyish air； her unfeigned pleasure and happiness at being back there again； and a certain childish awkwardness with which she shook hands and sat herself behind the little tea…table reassured him：
〃You're not changed at all；〃 he told her。 〃Isn't that dreadful？〃 she said； 〃when all the way in the cab I've been telling myself how utterly different I am。〃
〃I suppose you feel older？〃 he asked her。
〃Older！ Why； centuries！〃
〃You don't look a day；〃 he said； smiling at her。
〃That's my short hair；〃 she answered； smiling back at him； 〃and not being able to wear my clothes like a grown woman。 It's a fact that I can't get used to long skirts； and in Skeaton it's bad form to cross your knees。 I try and remember〃 she sighed。 〃The truth is I forget everything just as I used to。〃
〃How is Aunt？〃 she asked him。 He looked very grave； and behind his smiles and welcome to her she saw that he was a tired and even exhausted man。
〃They don't think she can live through the night；〃 he answered her； 〃but； thank God； she's out of all pain and will never suffer any more。 She's tranquil in her mind too； and the one thing she wanted to put her quiet was to see you。 She's been worrying about you for months。 Why didn't you come up to see us all this time； Maggie？ That wasn't kind of you。〃
〃No； it wasn't；〃 said Maggie。 〃But I didn't dare。〃
〃Didn't dare？〃 he asked； astonished。
〃No； there were things all this would have reminded me of too badly。 It wasn't safe to be reminded of them。〃
〃Haven't you been happy； then； there？〃 he asked her almost in a whisper。
〃Oh； I don't know；〃 she didn't look up at him。 〃I made a mistake in doing it。 It was my fault； not theirs。 No； I haven't been happy if you want to know。 And I shan't be。 There's no chance。 It's all wrong； they all hate me。 I seem to them odd； mad； like a witch they used to burn in the old days。 And I can't alter myself。 And I don't want to。〃
It was amazing what good it did her to bring all this out。 She had said none of it to any one before。
〃Oh dear； oh dear；〃 sighed Mr。 Magnus。 〃I hadn't known。 I thought it was all going so well。 But don't tell your aunt this。 When she asks you； say you're very； very happy and it's all going perfectly。 She must die at peace。 Will you； my dear； will you？〃
His almost trembling anxiety touched her。
〃Why； dear Mr。 Magnus； of course I will。 And I am happy now that I'm back with all of you。 All I want is for people to be fond of me； you know； but there's something in me〃 She jumped up and stood in front of him。 〃Mr。 Magnus！ You're wise； you write books； you know all about things； tell metell me the absolute truth。 Am I odd； am I queer； am I like a witch that ought to be burnt at the stake？〃
He was deeply touched。 He put his hands on her shoulders； then suddenly drew her to him and kissed her。
〃I don't find you odd； my dear； but then； God forgive me； I'm odd myself。 We're all rather odd in this house； I'm afraid。 But don't you worry； Maggie。 You're worth a wagon…load of ordinary people。〃
She drew slowly away。 She sighed。
〃I wish Paul and Grace only thought so；〃 she said。
They had a quiet little tea together； Maggie was longing to ask Mr。 Magnus questions about himself； but she didn't dare to do so。 He wrapped himself in a reserved friendly melancholy which she could not penetrate。 He looked so much older； so much more faded； as though the heat and fire had gradually stolen away from him and left him only the grey ghost of what he had been。
〃Are you writing any books； Mr。 Magnus ？〃 she asked him。
〃Any books？〃 he answered smiling。 〃Surely one would be enough； my dear。 I have one half…finished as a matter of fact； but it's not satisfactory。 If it weren't for the bread and butter I don't think I'd ever tackle it again。 Or rather the bread； I should say。 It's precious little butter it brings in。〃
〃What's it called？〃 she asked。
〃'The Toad in the Hole；'〃 he said。
〃What a funny name！ What does it mean？〃
〃I don't know。〃 He shook his head。 〃It meant something when I began it； but the meaning doesn't seem important now。〃
In a little while he left her； saying： 〃Now if I were you I'd take a little nap； and later on I'll wake you and we'll go and see your aunt。〃
She slept； lying back in the blue armchair in front of the fire； with only the leaping flames as light to the room。 Strange and dim but unspeakably sweet were her dreams。 It seemed that she had escaped for ever from Paul and Grace and Skeaton； and that in some strange way Martin was back with her again； the same old Martin； with his laugh and the light in his eyes and his rough red face。 He had come into the roomhe was standing by the door looking at her； she ran to him； her hands stretched out； cries of joy on her lips； but oven as she reached him there was a cry through the house： 〃Your Aunt Anne is dead！ Your Aunt Anne is dead！〃 and all the bells began to toll； and she was in the Chapel again and great crowds surged past her。 Aunt Anne's bier borne on high above them all。 She cried aloud； and woke to find Mr。 Magnus standing at her side； one glance at him told her that he was in terrible distress。
〃You must come at once；〃 he said。 〃Your aunt may have only a few minutes to live。〃
She followed him； still only half…awake； rubbing her eyes with her knuckles； and feeling as though she were continuing that episode when Martha had led her at the dead of night into her aunt's bedroom。
The chill of the passages however woke her fully； and then her one longing and desire was that Aunt Anne should be conscious enough to recognise her and be aware of her love for her。
The close room； with its smell of medicines and eau…de…Cologne and its strange breathless hush； frightened her just as it had done once before。 She saw again the religious picture； the bleeding Christ and the crucifix； the high white bed； the dim windows and the little table with the bottles and the glasses。 It was all as it had been before。 Her terror grew。 She felt as though no power could drag her to that bed。 Something lurked there； something horrible and unclean； that would spring upon her and hold her down with its claws 。 。 。
〃Maggie！〃 said the clear faint voice that she knew so well。 Her terror left her。 She did not notice Aunt Elizabeth； who was seated close to the bed； nor Mr。 Magnus； nor the nurse； nor the doctor。 She went forward unafraid。
〃Doctor； would you mind 。 。 。〃 the voice went on。 〃Three minutes alone with my niece 。 。 。〃 The doctor； a stout red…faced man； said something； the figures； all shadowy in the dim light； withdrew。
Maggie was aware of nothing except that there was something of the utmost urgency that she must say。 She came close to the bed； found a chair there； sat down and bent forward。 There her aunt was lying； the black hair in a dark shadow across the pillow； the face white and sharp； and the eyes burning with a fierce far…seeing light。
They had the intense gaze of a blind man to whom sight has suddenly been given： he cries 〃I see！ I see！〃 stretching out his arms towards the sun； the trees； the rich green fields。 She turned her head and put both her hands about Maggie's； she smiled。
Maggie said； 〃Oh； Aunt Anne； do you feel bad？〃
〃No dear。 I'm in no pain at all。 Now that you've come I'm quite happy。 It was my one anxiety。〃 Her voice was very faint； so that Maggie had to lean forward to catch the words。
〃You'll have thought me unkind all this time；〃 said Maggie； 〃not to have come； but it hasn't been unkindness。 Many times I've wanted； but there seemed to be so much to do that it wasn't RIGHT to come away。〃
〃Are you happy； dear？〃 Aunt Anne said in her ghostly whisper。
〃Very； very happy；〃 said Maggie； remembering what Mr。 Magnus had said to her。
Aunt Anne sighed。 〃Ah； that's good。 It was my one worry that you mightn't be happy。 I was all wrong about you； Maggie； trying to push you my way instead of letting you go your own。 I should have waited for God to show His direction。 But I was impatientand if you were unhappy〃 She
