the captives-第88节
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what some one else has got。 Let's be happy； Paulplease。〃
She was shivering。 She looked back with a terrified； reluctant glance to the drawer where Mr。 Magnus' letter was； then she went downstairs。
Soon after they started for Little Harben。 The last days in Skeaton had scarcely been happy ones。 Grace had erected an elaborate scaffolding of offended dignity and bitter misery。 She was not bitterly miserable； indeed she enjoyed her game； but it was depressing to watch Paul give way to her。 He was determined to leave her in a happy mind。 Any one could have told him that the way to do that was to leave her alone altogether。 Instead he petted her； persuading her to eat her favourite pudding； buying her a new work… box that she needed； dismissing a boy from the choir （the only treble who was a treble） because he was supposed to have made a long…nose at Grace during choir…practice。
Ht adopted also a pleading line with her。 〃Now； Grace dear； don't you think you could manage a little bit more？〃
〃Do you think you ought to go out in all this rain； Grace dear？〃
〃Grace； you look tired to death。 Shall I read to you a little？〃
He listened to her stories with a new elaborate attention。 He laughed heartily at the very faintest glimmer of a joke。 Through it all Grace maintained an unreleased solemnity； a mournful superiority； a grim forbearance。
Maggie； watching； felt with a sinking heart that she was beginning to despise Paul。
His very movement as he hurried to place a cushion for Grace sent a little shiver down her back。 〃Oh； don't do it； Paul！〃 she heard herself cry internally； but she could say nothing。 She had won her victory about Harben。 She could only now be silent。 Still； she bore no grudge at all against Grace。 She even liked her。
Grace made many sinister allusions to her fancied departure。 〃Ah； in November 。 。 。 Oh！ of course I shall not be here then！〃 or； 〃That will be in the autumn then； won't it？ You'd better give it to some one who will be here at the time。〃 With every allusion she scored a victory。 It was evident that Paul was terrified by the thought that she should leave him。 He did not see what he would do without her。 His world would tumble to pieces。
〃But she hasn't the remotest intention of going；〃 said Maggie。 〃She'll never go。〃
〃Well； I don't know。 It would be strange without her； Maggie； I must confess。 You see； all our lives we've been togetherall our lives。〃
Nevertheless he felt perhaps some relief； in spite of himself； when they were safely in a train for Little Harben。 It was rather a relief； just for a day or two； not to see Grace's reproachful face。 Yes； it was。 He was quite gay； almost like the boy he used to be。 Little Harben was one of the smallest villages in Wiltshire and its Rectory one of the most dilapidated。 The Rectory was sunk into the very bottom of a green well。 Green hills rose on every side above it； green woods pressed in all around it； a wild； deserted green garden crept up to the windows and clambered about the old walls。 There was hardly any furniture in the house； and many many windows all without curtains。 Long looking…glasses reflected the green garden at every possible angle so that all the lights and shadows in the house were green。 There was a cat with green eyes； and the old servant was so aged and infirm that she was； spiritually if not physically； covered with green moss。
From their bedroom they could see the long green slope of the hill。 Everywhere there was a noise of birds nestling amongst the leaves； of invisible streams running through the grass； of branches mysteriously cracking； and； always； in the distance some one seemed to be chopping with an axe。 If you pushed a window open multitudes of little insects fell in showers about you。 All the roses were eaten with green flies。
〃What a place！〃 said Maggie； nevertheless it was rather agreeable after the sand of Skeaton。
During the first three days they preserved their attitude of friendly distance。 On the fourth evening Maggie desperately flung down her challenge。 They were sitting； after supper； in the wild deserted garden。 It was a wonderful evening； faintly blue and dim crocus with flickering silver stars。 The last birds twittered in the woods； the green arc of the hill against the evening sky had a great majesty of repose and rest。 〃Now； Paul！〃 said Maggie。
〃What is it； dear？〃 but he slowly changed colour and looked away from her； out into the wood。
〃We've got to face it some time；〃 she said。 〃The sooner； then； the better〃
〃Face what？〃 he asked； dropping his voice as though he were afraid that some one would overhear。
〃You and me。〃 Maggie gathered her resources together。 〃Before we were married we were great friends。 You were the greatest friend I ever had except Uncle Mathew。 And now I don't know what we are。〃
〃Whose fault is that？〃 he asked huskily。 〃You know what the matter is。 You don't love me。 You never have 。 。 。 Have you？〃 He suddenly ended； turning towards her。
She saw his new eagerness and she was frightened； but she looked at a little bunch of stars that twinkled at her above the dark elms and took courage。
〃I'm very bad at explaining my feelings；〃 she said。 〃And you're not very good either； Paul。 I know I am very fond of you； and I feel as though it ought to be so simple if I were wiser or kinder。 I've been thinking for weeks about this； and I want to say that I'm ready to do anything that will make you happy。〃
〃You'll love me？〃 he asked。
〃I'm very fond of you； and I always will be。〃
〃No； but love。〃
〃A word like that isn't important。 Affection〃
〃No。 It's love I want。〃
She turned away from him； pressing her hands together； staring into the wood that was sinking into avenues of dark。 She couldn't answer him。 He came over to her。 He knelt on the dry grass； took her head between his hands； and kissed her again and again and again。
She heard him murmur： 〃Maggie 。 。 。 Maggie 。 。 。 Maggie。 You must love me。 You must。 I've waited so long。 I didn't know what love was。 God in His Mercy forgive me for the thoughts I've had this year。 You've tormented me。 Tantalised me。 You're a witch。 A witch。 You're so strange； so odd； so unlike any one。 You've enchanted me。 Love me。 Maggie 。 。 。 Love me 。 。 。 Love me。〃
She caught his words all broken and scattered。 She felt his heart beating against her body； and his hands were hot to the touch of her cold cheek。 She felt that he was desperate and ashamed and pitiful。 She felt； above all else； that she must respondand she could not。 She strove to give him what he needed。 She caught his hands； and then； because she knew that she was acting falsely and the whole of her nature was in rebellion； she drew back。 He felt her withdraw。 His hands dropped。
She burst into tears； suddenly hiding her face in her hands as she used to do when she was a little girl。
〃Oh； Paul；〃 she wept。 〃I'm so sorry。 I'm so sorry。 I'm wicked。 I can't〃
He got up and stood with his back to her； looking towards the night sky that flashed now with stars。
She controlled herself； feeling desperately that their whole future together hung on the approaching minutes。 She went up to him。 standing at first timidly behind him； then putting her hand through his arm。
〃Paul。 It isn't so hopeless。 If I can't give you that I can give you everything else。 I told you from the first that I couldn't help loving Martin。 All that kind of love I gave to him； but we can be friends。 I want a friend so badly。 If we're both lonely we can come together closer and closer； and perhaps； later on〃
But she could not go on。 She knew that she would never forget Martin； that she would never love Paul。 These two things were so clear to her that she could not pretend。 As the darkness gathered the wood into its arms and the last twitter of the birds sank into silence； she felt that she too was being caught into some silent blackness。 The sky was pale green； the stars so bright that the rest of the world seemed to lie in dim shadow。 She could scarcely see Paul now； when he spoke his voice came； disembodied； out of the dusk。
〃You'll never forget him； then？〃 at last he asked。
〃No。〃
〃You're strange。 You don't belong to us。 I should have seen that at the beginning。 I knew nothing about women and thought that all that I wantedoh God； why should I be so tempted？ I've been a good man 。 。 。〃 Then he came close to her and put his hand on her shoulder and even drew her to him。 〃I won't bother you any more； Maggie。 I'll conquer this。 We'll be friends as you want。 It isn't fair to you〃
She felt the control that he was keeping on himself and she admired him。 Nevertheless she knew； young though she was； that if she let him go now she was losing him for ever。 The strangest pang of loneliness and isolation seized her。 If Paul left her and Martin wasn't there； she was lonely indeed。 She saw quite clearly how his laziness would come to his aid。 He would summon first his virtue and his religion； and twenty years of abstinence would soon reassert their sway； then he would slip back into the old； lazy； self… complacent being that he had been before。 Staring into the dark wood she saw it all。 She could completely capture him by responding to his passion。 Without that she was too
