the captives-第45节

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　I'm　sometimes　terribly　afraid；　than　God　Himself。　I　can't　help　myself。　I　love　you；　Martin；　so　that　it's　like　hunger　or　thirst　。　。　。　It's　the　only　earthly　passion　that　I've　ever　had。　And　I'll　tell　you　another　thing。　It's　the　one　terror　of　my　earthly　life　that　you'll　leave　me。　Now　that　I've　got　you　back　I'm　afraid　every　time　you　go　out　of　the　house　that　you'll　run　away；　round　the　corner；　and　never　come　back　again。　I　love　you　and　I'm　not　going　to　let　you　go　again。Not　untiluntilthe　Time　has　come　。　。　。　What　does　it　matter　to　you　and　me　what　Thurston　and　Amy　do？　God　will　come　and　He　will　find　us　both　togetheryou　and　Iand　He　will　take　us　up　and　keep　us　together　and　we　shall　never　be　separated　any　more　。　。　。　I　love　your　strength；　Martin；　your　happiness；　your　youthall　the　things　I've　never　had。　And　you're　not　going　to　leave　me；　not　though　Amy　married　a　hundred　Thurstons　。　。　。〃

Mr。　Warlock's　grip　on　his　son's　shoulder　was　iron。

Martin　bent　down　and　sat　on　the　arm　of　his　dusty　leather　chair　to　bring　himself　on　to　the　same　level。　He　put　his　arm　round　his　father　and　drew　him　close　to　him。　Maggie；　Life；　Money；　Adventure　everything　seemed　to　draw　away　from　him　and　he　saw　himself；　a　little　boy；　pattering　on　bare　feet　down　the　aisle　towards　the　fontjust　as　though　a　spell　had　been　cast　over　him。

They　sat　close　together　in　silence。　Then　slowly　the　thought　of　Thurston　came　back　again。　Martin　drew　away　a　little。

〃All　the　same；　father；〃　he　said；　〃Thurston　mustn't　marry　Amy。〃

〃They're　only　engaged。　There's　no　question　of　marriage　yet。〃

〃Then　they　are　engaged？〃　Martin　drew　right　away；　standing　up　again。

〃Oh；　yes；　they're　engaged。〃

〃Then　I'm　not　going　to　stand　it。　I　tell　you　I　won't　stay　here　if　Thurston　marries　Amy。〃

Mr。　Warlock　sighed。　〃Well　then；　let's　leave　it；　my　boy。　I　daresay　they'll　never　marry。〃

〃No。　I　won't　have　it。　It's　too　serious　to　leave。〃

His　father's　voice　was　sharper　suddenly。

〃Well；　we　won't　talk　about　it　just　now；　Martin；　if　you　don't　mind。〃

〃But　I　must。　You　can't　leave　a　thing　like　that。　Thurston　will　simply　own　the　place　。　。　。〃

〃I　tell　you；　Martin；　to　leave　it　alone。〃　They　were　both　angry　now。

〃And　I　tell　you；　father；　that　if　you　let　Thurston　marry　Amy　I　leave　the　house　and　never　come　back　again。〃

〃Isn't　that　rather　selfish　of　you？　You've　been　away　all　these　years。　You've　left　us　to　ourselves。　You　come　back　suddenly　without　seeing　how　we　live　or　caring　and　then　you　dictate　to　us　what　we're　to　do。　How　can　you　expect　us　to　listen？〃

〃And　how　can　you　expect　me　to　stay？〃　Martin　broke　into　a　torrent　of　words：　〃I'm　miserable　here　and　you　know　that　I　am。　Mother　and　Amy　hate　me　and　you're　always　wrapped　up　in　your　religion。　What　kind　of　a　place　is　it　for　a　fellow？　I　came　back　meaning　that　you　and　I　should　be　the　best　pals　father　and　son　have　ever　been；　but　you　wouldn't　come　out　with　meyou　only　wanted　to　drag　me　in。　You　tell　me　always　to　wait　for　something。　To　wait　for　what？　I　don't　know。　And　nobody　here　does　seem　to　know。　And　I　can't　wait　for　ever。　I've　got　to　lead　my　own　life　and　if　you　won't　come　with　me　I　must　go　off　by　myself〃

He　was　following　his　own　ideas　nownot　looking　at　his　father　at　all。　〃I've　discovered　since　I've　been　home　that　I'm　not　the　sort　of　fellow　to　settle　down。　I　suppose　I　shall　go　on　wandering　about　all　my　days。　I'm　not　proud　of　myself；　you　know；　father。　I　don't　seem　to　be　much　good　to　any　one；　but　the　trouble　is　I　don't　want　to　be　much　better。　I　feel　as　though　it　wouldn't　be　much　good　if　I　did　try。　I　can't　give　up　my　own　lifefor　nobodynot　even　for　youand　however　rotten　my　own　life　is　I'd　rather　lead　it　than　some　one　else's。〃

He　stopped　and　then　went　on　quietly；　as　though　he　were　arguing　something　out　with　himself：　〃The　strange　thing　is　that　I　do　feel　this　place　has　got　a　kind　of　a　hold　on　me。　When　you　remind　me　of　what　I　was　like　as　a　kid　I　go　right　back　and　feel　helpless　as　though　you　could　do　anything　with　me　you　like。　All　the　same　I　don't　believe　in　this　business；　fatherall　this　Second　Coming　and　the　rest　of　it。　We're　in　the　Twentieth　Century　now；　you　know；　and　everybody　knows　that　that　kind　of　thing　is　simply　impossible。　Only　an　old　maid　or　two　。　。　。　Why；　I　don't　believe　you　believe　in　it　really；　father。　That's　why　you're　so　keen　on　making　me　believe。　But　I　don't；　it's　no　use。　You　can't　make　me。　I　don't　believe　there's　any　God　at　all。　If　there　were　a　God　he'd　let　a　fellow　have　more　free　will　。　。　。〃

He　was　interrupted　by　an　extraordinary　cry。　He　turned　to　see　his　father　standing；　one　hand　pressed　back　on　the　chair；　his　face　white；　his　eyes　black　and　empty；　like　sightless　eyes。

〃Martin！　That's　blasphemy！　。　。　。　Take　care！　Take　care！　。　。　。　Oh；　my　son；　my　son！　。　。　。〃

Then　he　suddenly　collapsed　backwards；　crouching　on　to　the　chair　as　though　he　were　trying　to　flee　from　some　danger。　Martin　sprang　towards　him。　He　caught　him　round　the　body；　holding　him　to　him　something　was　leaping　like　a　furious　animal　inside　his　father's　breast。

〃What　is　it？〃　he　cried；　desperately　frightened。

〃It's　my　heart；〃　Warlock　answered　in　a　voice　very　soft　and　distant。　〃Bad　。　。　。　Excitement　。　。　。　Ring　that　bell　。　。　。　Amy　。　。　。〃

A　moment　later　Amy　entered。　She　came　quickly　into　the　room；　she　said　nothingonly　gave　Martin　one　look。

She　gave　her　father　something　from　a　little　bottle；　kneeling　in　front　of　him。

At　last　she　turned　to　her　brother。　〃You'd　better　go；〃　she　said。　〃You　can　do　nothing　here。〃

Miserable；　repentant；　feeling　as　though　he　had　no　place　in　the　world　and　yet　eager　too　to　defend　himself；　he　left　the　room。




CHAPTER　VII

THE　OUTSIDE　WORLD


Maggie　had　a　week。

She　did　not　need　it。　From　the　first　half…hour　after　Martin's　leaving　her　her　mind　was　made　up。　This　question　of　marriage　did　not；　on　further　reflection；　very　greatly　disturb　her。　She　had　known；　in　her　time；　a　number　of　married　people　and　they　had　been　invariably　unhappy　and　quarrelsome。　The　point　seemed　to　be　that　you　should　be；　in　some　way；　near　the　person　whom　you　loved；　and　she　had　only　loved　one　person　in　all　her　life；　and　intended　never　to　love　another。　Even　this　question　of　love　was　not　nearly　so　tangled　for　her　as　it　would　be　for　any　more　civilised　person。　She　knew　very　little　about　marriage　and　only　in　the　most　sordid　fashion　about　sexual　relations　which　were　definitely　connected　in　her　mind　with　drunken　peasants　and　her　father's　cook。　They　had　nothing　at　all　to　do　with　Martin。

The　opinion　of　the　world　was　an　unknown　factor　in　her　vision；　she　only　knew　of　the　opinion　of　her　aunts　and　Miss　Warlock　and　with　these　she　was　already　in　rebellion。

She　would　have　been　in　great　trouble　had　she　supposed　that　this　woman　still　loved　Martin　and　needed　him；　but　that；　from　what　Martin　had　said；　was　obviously　not　so。　No；　it　was　all　quite　clear。　They　would　escape　together；　out　of　this　tangle　of　unnatural　mysteries　and　warnings；　and　live　happily　for　ever　after　in　the　country。

As　to　Martin's　self…portrait；　that　did　not　greatly　distress　her。　She　had　never　supposed　that　he　or　any　one　else　was　〃good。〃　She　had　never　known　a　〃good〃　person。　Nor　did　it　occur　to　her；　in　her　pristine　state　of　savagery；　that　you　loved　any　one　the　less　for　their　drawbacks。　She　would　rather　be　with　Martin　at　his　worst　than　with　any　one　else　at　their　bestthat　was　all。

Half…an…hour　was　enough　time　to　settle　the　whole　affair。　She　then　waited　patiently　until　the　end　of　the　week。　She　did　not　quite　know　how　she　would　arrange　a　meeting；　but　that　would；　she　expected；　arrange　itself。

Two　events　occurred　that　filled　her　mind　and　made　the　week　pass　quickly。　One　was　that　she　received　an　answer　to　her　adventurous　letter；　the　other　was　a　remarkable　conversation　with　Miss　Caroline　Smith。　The　answer　to　her　letter　was　lying　on　her　plate　when　she　came　down　to　breakfast；　and　Aunt　Elizabeth　was　watching　it　with　an　excited　stare。

It　read　as　follows：

14　BRYANSTON　SQUARE。

Dear　Miss　CARDINAL；

Of　course　I　remember　you　perfectly。　I　wondered　whether　you　would　write　to　me　one　day。　I　am　married　now　and　live　most　of　the　year　in　London。　Would　you　come　and　see　me　at　Bryanston　Square？　I　am　nearly　always　at　home　at　tea…time。　If　you　are　free　would　you　perhaps　come　next　Friday？

It　will　be　so　nice　to　see　you　again。

Yours　sincerely；

KATHERINE　MARK。　〃You've　got　a　letter；　dear。　Your　aunt　isn't　quite　so　well　this　morning；　I'm　afraid。　Scrambled　eggs。〃

〃Yes；〃　she　looked　her　aunt　in　the　face　without　any　confusion。　How　strangely　her　decision　about　Martin　had　altered　her　relationship　now　to　every　one！　What　did　it　matter　whether　any　one　were　angry？　〃I　ought　to　have　told　you；　Aunt　Elizabeth。　I　wrote　about　a　fortnight　ago　to　a　lady　who　came　once　to　see　us　at　home。　She　was　a　Miss　Trenchard　then。　She　said　that　if　ever　I　wanted　any　help　I　was　to　write　to　her。　So　I　have　writtento　ask　her　whether　she　can　find　me　any　work　to　do；　and　she　has　asked　me　to　go　and　see　her。〃

〃Work；〃　said　Aunt　Elizabeth。　〃But　you　won't　go　away　while　your　aunt's　so　ill。〃

Wouldn't　she？　Maggie　didn't　know　so　much　about　that。

〃I　want　to　be　independent；〃　said　Maggie；　trying　to　fix　Aunt　Elizabeth's　eyes。　〃It　isn't　fair　that　I　should　be　a　burden　to　you。〃

〃You're　no　burden；　dear。〃　Aunt　Elizabeth　looked　uneasily　round　the　room。　〃Your　aunt　depends　on　you。〃

〃Depends　on　me