the captives-第43节

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hy　I　like　you　and　will　be　a　friend　to　you　too。〃

〃I　tell　you　I　don't　want　your　damned　friendship；〃　Martin　cried。　〃I　don't　want　to　have　anything　to　do　with　you　or　your　opinion　or　your　plans　or　anything　else。〃

〃That's　all　right；〃　said　Thurston。　〃I　quite　understand。　It's　natural　enough　to　feel　as　you　do。　But　I'm　afraid　you'll　'ave　to　'ave　something　to　do　with　me。　I'm　not　quite　what　you　think　me；　and　you're　not　quite　what　you　think　yourself。　There's　two　of　each　of　us；　that's　the　truth　of　it。　I　may　be　a　sham　and　a　charlatan；　one　part　of　me；　I　don't　know　I'm　sure。　I　certainly　don't　believe　all　your　governor　does。　I　don't　believe　all　I　say　and　I　don't　say　all　I　think。　But　then　'oo　does？　You　don't　yourself。　I'll　even　tell　you　straight　out　that　when　I　just　came　into　the　business　I　laughed　at　the　lot　of　'em；　your　father　and　all。　'A　silly　lot　o'　softs　they　are；'　I　said　to　myself；　'to　believe　all　that　nonsense。'　But　nowI　don't　know。　When　you've　been　at　this　game　a　bit　you　scarcely　know　what　you　do　believe；　that's　the　truth　of　it。　There　may　be　something　in　it　after　all。　Sometimes　。　。　。　　well；　it　'ud　surprise　you　if　you'd　seen　all　the　things　I　have。　Oh；　I　don't　mean　ghosts　and　spirits　and　all　that　kind　of　nonsense。　No；　but　the　kind　of　thing　that　'appens　to　people　you'd　never　expect。　You're　getting　caught　into　it　yourself；　I've　watched　you　all　along。　But　that　isn't　the　point。　The　point　is　that　I'm　not　so　bad　as　you　think；　nor　so　simple　neither。　And　life　isn't　so　simple；　nor　religion；　nor　love；　nor　anything　as　you　think　it。　You're　young　yet；　you　know。　Very　young。〃

Martin　turned　back　to　the　door。

〃All　very　interesting；　Thurston；〃　he　said。　〃You　can　think　what　you　like；　of　course。　All　the　same；　the　less　we　see　of　one　another〃

〃Well；〃　said　Thurston　slowly；　smiling。　〃That'll　be　a　bit　difficult　to　avoid　one　another；　I　mean。　You　see；　I'm　going　to　marry　your　sister。〃

Martin　laughed。　Inside　him　something　was　saying：　〃Now；　look　out。　This　is　all　a　trap。　He　doesn't　mean　what　he　says。　He's　trying　to　catch　you。〃

〃Going　to　marry　Amy？　Oh　no；　you're　not。〃

Thurston　did　not　appear　to　be　interested　in　anything　that　Martin　had　to　say。　He　continued　as　though　he　were　pursuing　his　own　thoughts。　〃Yes　。　。　。　　so　it'll　be　difficult。　I　didn't　think　you'd　like　it　when　you　heard。　I　said　to　Amy；　'E　won't　like　it；'　I　said。　She　said　you'd　been　too　long　away　from　the　family　to　judge。　And　so　you　have；　you　know。　Oh！　Amy　and　I'll　be　right　enough。　She's　a　fine　woman；　your　sister。〃

Martin　burst　out：

〃Well；　then；　that　settles　it。　It　simply　settles　it。　That　finishes　it。〃

〃Finishes　what　？〃　asked　Thurston；　smiling　in　a　friendly　way。

〃Never　you　mind。　It's　nothing　to　do　with　you。　Has　my　father　consented？〃

〃Yes　。　。　。　　said　all　'e　wanted　was　for　Amy　to　be　'appy。　And　so　she　will　be。　I'll　look　after　her。　You'll　come　round　to　it　in　time。〃

〃Father　agrees　。　。　。　My　God！　But　it's　impossible！　Don't　you　see？　Don't　you　see？　I　。　。　。〃

The　sudden　sense　of　his　impotence　called　back　his　words。　He　felt　nothing　but　rage　and　indignation　against　the　whole　set　of　them；　against　the　house　they　were　in；　the　very　table　with　the　papers　blowing　upon　it　and　the　candle　shining　。　。　。　Well；　it　made　his　own　affair　more　simplethat　was　certain。　He　must　be　offright　away　from　them　all。　Stay　in　the　house　with　that　fellow　for　a　brother…in…　law？　Stay　when　。　。　。

〃It's　all　right；〃　said　Thurston；　moistening　his　pale　dry　lips　with　his　tongue。　〃You'll　see　it　in　time。　It's　the　best　thing　that　could　'appen。　And　we've　got　more　in　common　than　you'd　ever　suppose。　We　'ave；　really。　You're　a　religious　man；　reallycan't　escape　your　destiny；　you　know。　There's　religious　and　non…religious　and　it　doesn't　matter　what　your　creed　is；　whether　you're　a　Christian　or　a　'Ottentot；　there　it　is。　And　if　you're　religious；　you're　religious。　I　may　be　the　greatest　humbug　on　the　market；　but　I'm　religious。　It's　like　'aving　a　'are　lipyou'll　be　bothered　with　it　all　your　life。〃

But　what　more　Thurston　may　have　said　Martin　did　not　hear：　he　had　left　the　room；　banging　the　door　behind　him。　On　what　was　his　indignation　based？　Injured　pride。　And　was　he　really　indignant？　Was　not　something　within　him　elated；　because　by　this　he　had　been　offered　his　freedom？　Thurston　marry　his　sister？　。　。　。　　He　could　go　his　own　way　now。　Even　his　father　could　not　expect　him　to　remain。

And　he　wanted　Maggieurgently；　passionately。　Standing　for　a　moment　there　in　the　dark　passage　he　wanted　her。　He　was　lonely；　disregarded；　despised。

They　did　not　care　for　him　here；　no　one　cared　for　him　anywhereonly　Maggie　who　was　clear…eyed　and　truthful　and　sure　beyond　any　human　being　whom　he　had　ever　known。　Then；　with　a　very　youthful　sense　of　challenging　this　world　that　had　so　grossly　insulted　him　by　admitting　Thurston　into　the　heart　of　it；　he　joined　the　tea…party。　There　in　the　pink；　close；　sugar…smelling；　soft　atmosphere　sat　his　mother；　Amy；　Mrs。　Alweed　and　little　Miss　Pyncheon。　His　mother；　with　her　lace　cap　and　white　hair　and　soft　plump　hands；　was　pouring　tea　through　a　strainer　as　though　it　were　a　rite。　On　her　plate　were　three　little　frilly　papers　that　had　held　sugary　cakes；　on　her　lips　were　fragments　of　sugar。　Amy；　in　an　ugly　grey　dress；　sat　severely　straight　upon　a　hard　chair　and　was　apparently　listening　to　Miss　Pyncheon；　but　her　eyes；　suspicious　and　restless；　moved　like　the　eyes　of　a　newly　captured　animal。　Mrs。　Alweed；　stout　in　pink　with　a　large　hat　full　of　roses；　smiled　and　smiled；　waiting　only　for　a　moment　when　she　could　amble　off　once　again　into　space　safe　on　the　old　broad　back　of　her　family　experiences；　the　only　conversational　steed　to　whose　care　she　ever　entrusted　herself。　She　had　a　son　Hector；　a　husband；　Mr。　Alweed；　and　a　sister…in…law；　Miss　Alweed；　she　had　the　greatest　confidence　in　the　absorbed　attention　of　the　slightest　of　her　acquaintances。　〃Hector；　he's　my　boy；　you　knowalthough　why　I　call　him　a　boy　I　can't　thinkbecause　he's　twenty…two　and　a　halfhe's　at　Cambridge；　Christs　Collegewell；　this　morning　I　had　a　letter　。　。　。〃　she　would　begin。　She　began　now　upon　Martin。　His　mind　wandered。　He　looked　about　the　little　room　and　thought　of　Thurston。　Why　was　he　not　more　angry　about　it　all？　He　had　pretended　to　be　indignant；　he　had　hated　Thurston　as　he　stood　there　。　。　。　But　had　he？　Half　of　him　hated　him。　Then　with　a　jerk　Thurston's　words　came　back　to　him：　〃There's　two　of　each　of　us；　that's　the　truth　of　it。〃　〃Two　of　each　of　us　。　。　。〃　Sitting　there；　listening　to　Mrs。　Alweed's　voice　that　flowed　like　a　river　behind　him；　he　saw　the　two　figures；　saw　them　quite　clearly　and　distinctly；　flesh　and　blood；　even　clothes　and　voices　and　smile。　And　he　knew　that　all　his　life　these　two　figures　had　been　growing；　waiting　for　the　moment　when　he　would　recognise　them。　One　figure　was　the　Martin　whom　he　knewbrown；　healthy；　strong　and　sane；　a　figure　wearing　his　clothes；　his　own　clothes；　the　tweeds　and　the　cloths；　the　brogues　and　the　heavy　boots；　the　soft　untidy　hats；　the　figure　was　hard；　definite；　resolute；　quarrelling；　arguing；　loving；　joking；　swearing　all　in　the　sensible　way。　It　was　a　figure　that　all　the　world　had　understood；　that　had　been　drunk　often　enough；　lent　other　men　money；　been　hard…up　and　extravagant　and　thoughtless。　〃A　good　chap。〃　〃A　sensible　fellow。〃　〃A　pal。〃　〃No　flies　on　Warlock。〃　That　was　the　kind　of　figure。　And　the　life　had　been　physical；　had　never　asked　questions；　had　never　known　morbidity；　had　lived　on　what　it　saw　and　could　touch　and　could　break　。　。　。　And　the　other　figure！　That　was；　physically；　less　plainly　seen。　No；　there　it　was；　standing　a　little　away　from　the　other；　standing　away；　contemptuously；　despising　it；　deriding　it。　Fat；　soft；　white　hanging　cheeks；　wearing　anything　to　cover　its　body；　but　shining　in　some　way　through　the　clothes；　so　that　it　was　body　that　you　saw。　A　soft　body；　hands　soft　and　the　colour　of　the　flesh　pale　and　unhealthy。　But　it　was　the　eyes　that　spoke：　the　mouth　trembled　and　was　weak；　the　chin　was　fat　and　feeble；　but　the　eyes　lived；　livedwere　eager；　fighting；　beseeching；　longing；　captive　eyes！

And　this　figure；　Martin　knew；　was　a　prey　to　every　morbid　desire；　rushed　to　sensual　excess　and　then　crept　back　miserably　to　search　for　some　spiritual　flagellation。　Above　all；　it　was　restless；　as　some　one　presses　round　a　dark　room　searching　for　the　lock　of　the　door；　restless　and　lonely；　cowardly　and　selfish；　but　searching　and　sensitive　and　even　faithful；　faithful　to　something　or　to　some　one　。　。　。　pursued　also　by　something　or　some　one。　A　figure　to　whom　this　world　offered　only　opportunities　for　sin　and　failure　and　defeat；　but　a　figure　to　whom　this　world　was　the　merest　shadow　hiding；　as　a　shade　hides　a　lamp；　the　life　within。　Wretched　enough　with　its　bad　health；　its　growing　corpulence；　its　weak　mouth；　its　furtive　desires；　but　despising；　nevertheless；　the　strong；　healthy　figure　beside　it。　Thurston　was　right。　Men　are　not　born　to　be　free；　but　to　fight；　to　the　very　death；　for　the　imprisonment　and　destruction　of　all　that　is　easiest　and　most　physically　active　and　most　pleasant　to　the　sight　and　touch　。　。　。

〃And　so　Hector　really　hopes　that　he'll　be　able　to　get　down　to　us　for　Christmas；　although　he's　been　asked　to　go　on　this　reading　party。　Of　course；　it's　simply　a　question　as　to　whether　he　works　better　at　home　or　with　his　friends。　If　he　were　a　weak　character；　I　think　Mr。　Alweed　wou