the captives-第41节

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；　so　make　yourself　busy　until　seven；　dear。　If　I　want　anything　I'll　ring。〃

When　she　was　left　alone　in　the　darkening　room　she　stood　there　thinking。　Why　should　she　not　go　out　and　find　Martin？　She　did　not　care　what　any　one　thought。　She　would　go　to　his　house　and　ask　for　him。　She　had　waited　and　waited　。　。　。　She　wanted　him　so；　she　wanted　him　so　desperately！

Then　Martha　opened　the　door　and　announced　him；　yes；　really　announced　him；　saying：　〃It's　young　Mr。　Warlock；　Miss；　and　he　says　if　your　aunts　isn't　in　you'll　do。〃

〃Ask　him　to　come　up；　Martha；〃　said　Maggie；　and　then　held　herself　there；　rooted；　where　she　stood　so　that　she　should　not　run　to　him　and　fling　her　arms　round　his　neck。　She　felt　at　once　with　that　quick　perception　that　was　hers；　in　spite　of　her　ignorance　of　life；　that　this　was　no　moment　for　love…making；　and　that　he　wanted　something　quite　other　from　her。

He　closed　the　door　behind　him；　looked　round　the　room；　didn't　come　to　her；　but　stayed　where　he　was。

〃I've　been　trying　to　see　you　all　day；〃　he　said。　〃How　long　have　we　got　alone　do　you　think？〃　She　never　took　her　eyes　from　his　face。　〃Until　seven　probably。　Aunt　Elizabeth's　in　Lambeth　and　Aunt　Anne's　in　bed。〃

〃That's　luck。〃　He　drew　a　breath　of　relief；　then　moved　over　to　the　fireplace。　〃Maggie；　I've　come　to　say　we　mustn't　see　one　another　any　more。〃

Some　one；　some　vast　figure　shadowy　behind　her；　moved　suddenly　forward　and　caught　her　in　his　arms　and　his　embrace　was　deadly　cold。　She　stood　where　she　was；　her　hands　at　her　side；　looking　steadfastly　at　him。

〃Why？〃　she　said。　〃Becausebecausethe　fact　is；　I've　been　wrong　altogether。　Maggie；　I'm　not　the　sort　of　man　for　you　to　have　anything　to　do　with。　You　don't　know　much　about　life　yet；　do　you？　I'm　about　the　first　man　you've　ever　met；　aren't　I？　If　you'd　met　another　man　before　me；　you'd　have　cared　for　him　as　much。〃

She　said　nothing　and　he　seemed　to　be　confused　by　her　steady　gaze；　because　he　looked　down　and　continued　to　speak　as　though　to　himself：

〃I　knew　at　once　that　there　was　danger　in　our　meeting。　With　other　girls　they　can　look　after　themselves。　One　hasn't　any　responsibility　to　them。　It's　their　own　affair；　but　you　believe　every　word　a　fellow　says。　And　if　we'd　been　friends　it　wouldn't　have　mattered；　but　from　the　very　first　we　weren't　thatwe　were　something　more。〃

〃You　were　so　different　from　any　other　girl。　I've　wanted　to　be　good　to　you　from　the　beginning；　but　now　I　see　that　if　we　go　on　I　shall　only　be　bad。　It　all　comes　in　the　end　to　my　being　badreally　bad　and　I　want　you　to　know　it。〃　〃I　don't　know；〃　said　Maggie；　〃that　I've　thought　very　much　whether　you're　good　or　bad。　And　it　doesn't　matter。　I　can　look　after　myself。〃

〃No；　you　can't；〃　he　said　vehemently；　making　a　step　towards　her　and　then　suddenly　stopping。　〃That's　just　ityou　can't。　I've　been　thinking　all　the　time　since　the　other　evening　when　we　were　together；　and　I've　seen　that　you　believe　every　word　I　say　and　you　trust　me。　I　don't　mean　to　tell　liesI　don't　know　that　I'm　worse　than　most　other　menbut　I'm　not　good　enough　for　you　to　trust　in　all　the　same。　I've　been　knocking　about　for　years；　and　I　suppose　I've　had　most　of　my　idealism　knocked　out　of　me。　Anyway　I　don't　believe　in　most　people；　and　you　still　do。　I'm　not　going　to　be　the　one　to　change　you。〃

〃Perhaps　I　know　more　about　life　than　you　think；〃　said　Maggie。

〃No；　how　can　you？　You've　never　had　a　chance　of　seeing　any　of　it。　You'd　get　sick　of　me　in　no　time。　I'm　moody　and　selfish　and　bad…　tempered。　I　used　to　drink　a　bit　too。　And　I　can't　be　faithful　to　women。　I　might　think　I　was　going　to　be　faithful　to　you　and　swear　I　would　beand　then　suddenly　some　one　would　come　along。　I　thought　for　a　bit　I'd　just　go　on　with　you　and　see　what　came　of　it。　You're　so　unusual；　you　make　me　want　to　be　straight　with　you；　but　I've　seen　it　wouldn't　be　fair。　I　must　just　slip　out　of　your　path　and　you'll　forget　me；　and　then　you'll　meet　a　much　better　man　than　I　and　be　happy。　I'm　queerI　have　funny　moods　that　last　for　days　and　days　sometimes。　I　seem　to　do　every　one　harm　I　come　in　touch　with。　There's　my　father　now。　I　love　him　more　than　any　one　in　the　world；　and　yet　I　make　him　unhappy　all　the　time。　I'm　a　bad　fellow　to　be　with〃

He　stopped　suddenly；　looked　at　her　and　laughed。　〃It　isn't　any　good；　Maggie　。　。　。　You　haven't　any　idea　what　a　sweep　I　am。　You'd　hate　me　if　you　really　knew。〃

She　looked　steadily　back　at　him。　〃We　haven't　much　time；〃　she　said；　speaking　with　steady；　calm　conviction　as　though　she　had；　for　years；　been　expecting　just　such　a　conversation　as　this；　and　had　thought　out　what　she　would　say。　〃Aunt　Elizabeth　can　come　back　earlier　than　she　said。　Perhaps　I　shall　say　something　I　oughtn't　to。　I　don't　care。　The　whole　thing　is　that　I　love　you。　I　suppose　it's　true　that　I　don't　know　anything　about　men；　but　I'd　be　poor　enough　if　my　love　for　you　just　depended　on　your　loving　me　back；　and　on　your　being　good　to　me　and　all　the　rest　of　it。　I've　never　had　any　one　I　could　love　until　you　came；　but　now　that　you　have　come　it　can't　be　anything　that　you　can　do　that　can　alter　it。　If　you　were　to　go　away　I'd　still　love　you；　because　it's　the　love　in　me　that　matters；　not　what　I　get　for　it。　Perhaps　you'll　make　me　unhappy；　but　anyway　one　will　be　unhappy　some　of　the　time。〃

She　went　up　to　him　and　kissed　him。　〃I　know　Caroline　Smith　or　some　one　would　be　very　shocked　if　they　thought　I'd　said　such　things　to　you；　but　I　can't　help　what　they　say。〃

He　had　a　movement　to　catch　her　and　hold　her；　but　he　kept　himself　off；　moved　away　from　her；　turning　his　back　to　her。

〃You　don't　understand　。　。　。　　you　don't　understand；〃　he　repeated。　〃You　know　nothing　about　men；　Maggie；　and　you　know　nothing　about　me。　I　tell　you　I　wouldn't　be　faithful　to　you；　and　I'd　be　drunk　sometimes；　and　I'd　have　moods　for　days；　when　I'd　just　sulk　and　not　speak　to　a　soul。　I　think　those　moods　some　damned　sort　of　religion　when　I'm　in　them；　but　what　they　really　are　is　bad　temper。　You've　got　to　know　it；　Maggie。　I'd　be　rotten　to　you；　however　much　I　wanted　not　to　be。〃

〃That's　my　own　affair；〃　she　answered。　〃I　can　look　after　myself。　And　for　all　the　rest；　I'm　independent　and　I'll　always　be　independent。　I'll　love　you　whether　you're　good　to　me　or　bad。〃

〃Well；　then；〃　he　suddenly　wheeled　round　to　her；　〃you'd　better　have　it　。　。　。　I'm　married　already。〃

She　took　that　with　a　little　startled　cry。　Her　eyes　searched　his　face　in　a　puzzled　fashion　as　though　she　were　pursuing　the　truth。　Then　she　said　like　a　child　who　sees　some　toy　broken　before　its　eyes：

〃Oh；　Martin！〃

〃Yes。　Nobody　knowsnot　a　soul。　It　was　a　mad　thingfour　years　ago　in　Marseille　I　met　a　girl；　a　little　dressmaker　there。　I　went　off　my　head　and　married　her；　and　then　a　month　later　she　ran　off　with　a　merchant　chap；　a　Greek。　I　didn't　care；　we　got　on　as　badly　as　anything　。　。　。　　but　there　you　are。　No　one　knows。　That's　the　whole　thing；　Maggie。　I　thought　at　first　I　wouldn't　tell　you。　I　was　beginning　to　care　for　you　too　much；　as　a　matter　of　fact；　and　then　when　your　uncle　asked　me　to　dinner；　I　told　myself　I　was　a　fool　to　go。　Then　when　I　saw　how　you　trusted　me；　I　thought　I'd　be　a　cad　and　let　it　continue；　but　somehow　。　。　。　　you've　got　an　influence　over　me　。　。　。　You've　made　me　ashamed　of　things　I　wouldn't　have　hesitated　about　a　year　ago。　And　the　funny　thing　is　it　isn't　your　looks。　I　can　say　things　to　you　I　couldn't　to　other　women；　and　I'll　tell　you　right　away　that　there　are　lots　of　women　attract　me　more。　And　yet　I've　never　felt　about　any　woman　as　I　do　about　you；　that　I　wanted　to　be　good　to　her　and　care　for　her　and　love　her。　It's　always　whether　they　loved　me　that　I've　thought　about　。　。　。　Well；　now　I've　told　you；　you　see　that　I'd　better　go；　hadn't　I？　You　see　。　。　。　you　see。〃

She　looked　up　at　him。

〃I've　got　to　think。　It　makes　a　difference；　of　course。　Can　we　meet　after　a　week　and　talk　again？〃

〃Much　better　if　I　don't　see　you　any　more。　I'll　go　away　altogether　abroad　again。〃

〃Noafter　a　week〃

〃Much　better　not。〃

〃Yes。　Come　here　after　a　week。　And　if　we　can't　be　alone　I'll　give　you　a　letter　somehow　。　。　。　Please；　Martinyou　must。〃

〃Maggie；　just　think〃

〃Noafter　a　week。〃

〃Very　well；　then；〃　he　turned　on　her　fiercely。　〃I've　been　honest。　I've　told　you。　I've　done　all　I　can。　If　I　love　you　now　it　isn't　my　fault。〃

He　left　the　room；　not　looking　at　her　again。　And　she　stood　there；　staring　in　front　of　her。




CHAPTER　VI

THE　PROPHET　IN　HIS　OWN　HOME


Martin　walked　into　the　street　with　a　confused　sense　of　triumph　and　defeat；　that　confusion　that　comes　to　all　sensitive　men　at　the　moment　when　they　are　stepping；　against　their　will；　from　one　set　of　conditions　into　another。　He　had　gone　into　that　house；　only　half　an　hour　ago；　determined　to　leave　Maggie　for　everfor　his　good　and　hers。　He　came　back　into　the　street　realising　that　he　was　now；　perhaps　for　the　first　time；　quite　definitely　involved　in　some　relation　with　hergood；　bad；　safe；　dangerous　he　did　not　knowbut　involved。　He　had　intended　to　tell　her　nothing　of　his　marriageand　he　had　told　her。　He　had　intended　to　treat　their　whole　meeting　as　something　light；　passing；　inconsiderablehe　had　instead　treated　it　as　something　of　the　utmost　gravity。　He　had　intended；　above　all；　to　prove　to　himself　that　he　could　do　what　he　wishedhe　had　found　that　he　had　no　power。

And　so；　as　he　stepped　through　the　dim　gold…dust　of　the　evening　light